Chapter 4

She wrapped the blanket tighter around her tiny frame, trying her best to fight the uneasy chill that was always there. Her body was at war against itself and it was losing the battle. She knew this and she accepted it. It's easier to feel at peace with what fate has in store when it is just accepted. The dust inside of the hourglass was just about settled and there would be no turn over. She didn't welcome the thought of death. She was never one to want to end her life in times of crises or when she was at her lowest point; but this death sentence had awakened the spirit within her that had lain dormant for many years; the spirit that opened up her heart and allowed her to love again. The years she lived with Greg were some of the best and worst times of her life. She walked away with memories that either made her smile or cut her like a knife. It was through all of this pain, she learned to close off all emotions to protect herself from the hurt. It was through the void of emotions that she was able to live in her own little world where everything was great. No matter how hard life got, it was never as bad as the elderly neighbor down the hall's life was or the homeless man who live behind the apartment complex. No, her life was never that bad. So she went through life with no emotion. She was essentially a robot; only reacting to the emotions of others. Someone else would laugh and it would make her smile but she wasn't smiling inside. This smile wasn't able to touch her heart and give her a feeling of joy. She felt that no emotion was her best weapon against the hardships life had to offer. Because of this, her daughter suffered. She remembered the day she was born as if it were only days ago. She had looked down at the newborn placed in her arms and felt nothing. She tried to conjure up some sort of feeling for her own flesh and blood but there was nothing there. She was empty inside and Molly knew this. Maybe that's why her little girl smothered her with hugs and kisses all the time. Maybe that's why she was such a well behaved and independent little lady. She yearned for the love her own mother could not give her. Then suddenly, the strangest thing happened when Greg would yell at their daughter. Deep down inside, she would start to feel the strangest feeling. She couldn't quite describe it but she knew it was there. It slowly built with each passing day. This emotion was anger and she was gradually a force to be reckoned with. She realized at that point in her life that she liked the anger. She liked it because it made her brave. She needed to protect her child from that deadbeat husband of hers and that is when the spirit within her started to stir and she got up the nerve to leave him. Then came her diagnosis and with each passing day, she felt the spirit within her gain strength. Her body may have been weak but her spirit was continuously growing. She started to hug Molly more often. She actually cried when she watched sad movies and for the first time in a long time she actually began to laugh inside also. So here she was this strong spirit with the weakened outer shell and she had yet again broken her sister's heart into a million pieces. The Abigail she was years ago would have felt nothing while her sister pleaded and begged but now, it was tearing her apart. She had known that Addison would try to talk her out of it. She didn't think it would be this hard though. For the first time in her life, Abigail felt like she was doing the right thing. Her daughter needed her to be strong and she refused to die in a cold hospital room with tubes sticking out of her body. She was going to spend the last few months of her life, living. She was going to get to know her sister all over again and she was going to give her daughter back all that she had withheld from her. The only way she could do this was to refuse all treatment and live out the time she had left… trying to right her wrongs.