Break the habit of a life time Part 6
A few hours later, Dean could no longer sit at Sam's bedside, unable to do anything. He couldn't look at his pale face, all wires and tubes, anymore. He took a slow walk down to the main reception of the hospital and sat in the waiting room.
He let out a weary sigh of frustration and tried to wipe away the tiredness in his eyes. When he moved his hands from his eyes, he saw Maggie coming towards him, she was holding a cup in her hand and held it out to him. Dean shook his head in rejection and sat back in the chair. Maggie looked at the cup of orange juice, her tongue in cheek irritated by his refusal of the drink.
She sat down next to Dean, but he edged away slightly. This was too much for Maggie to take any longer, she couldn't hold it in; she had to confront him.
"Dean is there something bothering you?" Her tone was low and stern.
Dean sniggered and sat up, leaning forward clenching his fists. "Yeah there's something bothering me, what's bothering me is that we've been here for two hours and you haven't even attempted to heal Sam".
Maggie shuffled in her seat taken aback by Dean's statement.
"Dean, I tried before the ambulance showed up, nothing happened".
Dean shook his head and rose from his chair.
"I don't know why but I can only heal myself". Maggie continued.
"Well good for you". Dean looked at Maggie coldly.
Maggie stood up quickly, offended and shocked by Dean's remark.
"My god you really do have that low an opinion of me". Maggie frowned at Dean who just stared back.
"You know what Dean, your right, I am holding back. I want to watch Sam die, just like I wanted to watch my Mom die". Maggie defended herself, her voice wobbled as tears filled her eyes. Dean's expression softened slightly he could tell that his comments had hit a nerve. But he couldn't help but still feel angered, while Sam was fighting for his life, Maggie was standing in front of him, fit and healthy, nothing to bring her down.
"Do you honestly think, that I want this, to watch everyone I care about, die". Maggie continued her argument; the tears had now spilled over and were rolling down her face.
Dean looked at his feet then up at Maggie, he considered apologising; he could tell that what he had said hurt her, but when it came to his brother's safety, Dean held no punches. The idea of there being no way to help Sam was too much.
"I don't know what to think". He brushed past Maggie and walked out of the Hospital.
Maggie was left reeling, her face was flushed with anger and hurt. She turned on her heels and chased after Dean; she was not going to let this go.
"What do you want me to say Dean? I'm sorry… I'm sorry if you feel like I screwed up your life, but you screwed up mine. You killed the only person I had in the world. But I can look past that because I know that she's better off than she was."
Maggie shouted after Dean who was at the bottom of the stone steps leading to the hospital. Dean stopped reluctantly but kept his back to her.
"Why can't you do that, why can't you look past what your Dad did and see me". "I'm not trying to split up your family Dean I want to be a part of it. I don't want to be alone… I don't".
Dean turned round and just stared back, not knowing what to say, his emotions a tangled mess. Deep down he knew that she was right. It was John's actions that had lead them to this point. But he couldn't help but be reminded of it every time he looked at Maggie.
But he also remembered the countless times he had made bargains for his family. He remembered how lonely he felt every time he considered loosing Sam. For a second he considered the idea that he and Maggie were more alike than he would like to admit.
Maggie looked at Dean, waiting for a response. Her cheeks glistened as she flinched, swallowing fresh tears that began to fill her eyes.
The silence was too much to bear any longer. She turned and walked back towards the hospital.
Dean sighed, looking down at his feet. Partly angered by his inability to say what he felt, but also relieved to have got out of revealing his emotions yet again.
What will it take for Dean to open up...to anyone?...will he show his feelings in chapter 7?...