Chapter 10
Abigail winced and held her breath, willing the pain in her back to go away. It was everywhere now. The ache radiated deep in her bones and often felt like an uncomfortable pressure wherever it chose to strike. The uncomfortable pressure seemed to send out signals to her nerves and in return, they would burn throughout her body. The burning would then creep along tormenting her and just when the pain was so raw, just when she felt she couldn't take it anymore, it would subside ever so slightly, granting her mercy. In her own twisted way, she felt like the suffering was cleansing her of the past hurt she caused. The pain was her penance for all the years of heartache she caused her sister and the lack of emotion she showed her daughter when she was a baby. It was her way of secretly punishing herself for putting her own needs first and not realizing what was truly the most important things in life. The past was the past and there was nothing she could change. If she hadn't left with Greg, she would have never had Molly. That was the only reason she would refuse to do anything different. And now she was experiencing a rebirth in spirit as her body slowly faded away.
It was tough watching her sister and her daughter get along so well. She was jealous, she wasn't afraid to admit to it. It was the knowledge that Addison would be the one to watch Molly get on the school bus for the first time, graduate from high school and walk down the aisle. All the biggest events that she was never going witness, at least not in a physical sense. She believed in God and she believed in Heaven and she knew that she'd be watching over her little girl from above. She was grateful that Addison gave her the opportunity to right her wrongs and that she was capable of loving Molly as her own.
She anxiously set up video camera on the coffee table and double checked all the settings. Addison had taken Molly shopping for the day so there was plenty of time but she had so much to say. She was afraid she'd be interrupted and it was so much easier to do this alone. She pressed the record button and took a seat in front of the camera. She smiled into the camera, imagining her sister and Molly watching this after she was gone. There was no way she could say these things to their face and not falling apart.
She wiped away the tears that were already starting to make their way to the surface and took a deep breath, "So I decided that you guys needed more than just pictures to remember me by. I don't have to say the typical, if you are watching this than I am gone, because we all know that that is inevitable." She looked up, hoping it would prevent the tears from falling, and then exhaled slowly, "There are going to be a few letters and audio tapes of me hidden through the house. You'll find them all after I'm gone. It'll be like a treasure hunt for the two of you. I even plan on singing lullaby's on a few of the audio tapes for Molly and my future grandchildren." She grinned at the thought of Molly all grown up with kids of her own. "I want you two to know that my life was complete because I had the two of you in it. Some people grow old waiting for something special to happen to them. They wait for something or someone to come along and make them feel complete or content. My advice to the both of you is to stop waiting and start looking. Don't wait until it takes impending death to open your eyes to the amazing miracles that happen to us every day. You wake up every morning, that's a miracle that you should be thankful for. When you notice the odd shapes of the clouds against the beauty of a blue sky, be thankful that you have been able to see it. When you start to feel sorry for yourselves, stop subtracting and start counting your blessings. Look around you and learn to enjoy your lives. When Molly is getting on that school bus for the first time and she turns to wave, I'll be standing right next to you Addie. When she's walking down the aisle and she wishes that I was there to experience the happiest day of her life with her, just close your eyes and you'll be able to feel my presence there. I know you know what I mean Addison. I feel mom and dad around me at all the time. Lately I have been dreaming of them and they are waiting for me. They look so proud and just like I remembered them except mom doesn't have that wall built up around her," she laughed, "Apparently when you get where I'm going, you have to leave all the negative baggage at the gate. Addison, I want you to break down those walls before it's too late. You are a beautiful, caring person and you deserve to have someone treat you like their queen. Let yourself be loved and let yourself love in return. As scary as it may seem, it is even worse when you don't give yourself the chance;" She closed her eyes and imagined Molly sitting right in front of her, "Baby, I want you to be a little girl. You weren't able to do that much when I was raising you because mommy didn't know how to reach out to you but Aunt Addie is going to take such good care of you. I want you to take care of each other and love each other like I love the both of you. Moaning Myrtle, I want you to take care of my girls. They sure could use a third presence in their lives to help them get through the tough times. Mommy wants you to know that no matter how hard life gets, you are stronger than you think. You can make it through anything baby. Its okay to cry and it's okay to be angry. Just be sure to talk to someone and don't hold it all in. Don't be afraid to take chances because that's how we learn life's best lessons. Promise me that you'll pray to me every night and listen for me. Truly listen, not with your ears but with your heart because that's where I will always be. I'll be watching you and cheering as you make your way through life. You make me so proud, not just because you are so well behaved but because you have a heart of gold. You are the light of my life, my sunshine, my heart and my little star. I love you both." She got up and walked over to the camera. The little light faded as she pushed the power button. She softly smiled at the irony of the light and her own life. It was slowly fading and she knew deep inside it wouldn't be long before the light was out completely.