Chapter 23
E.R, Ninja style
Rock Lee awoke to find himself in a hospital bed. His head hurt like heck, and he couldn't move. The last thing he remembered was Gaara doing something to his butt, and then Lee fell off the roof of his Dojo. Did Gaara push him? Did he try to kill him again? Lee didn't know. Suddenly, a well endowed Nurse came into the room.
"Excuse me, is this a dirty dream, like, a naughty nurse or something?" asked Lee hopefully
"No you green prick" said the Nurse with huge kittens "your not dreaming, your really in the hospital"
"wait" Rock Lee focused a little harder on the nurse, it wasn't a nurse at all, it was Tsunade
"ohh shoot" Said Lee nervously, "your not going to kill me about that naughty nurse comment, are you?"
"I'm going to ignore it, and I need to tell you about your condition" said Tsunade, all serious like "You fell off the roof of a building, and Landed badly"
"Uh-huh"
"And according to Hinata and Sakura, who dragged you and dog boy here, they said Gaara pushed you, is that right"
"Sounds right"
"Well, I've got bad news, Lee, I'm afra….."
Tsunade trailed off, like she was too afraid to tell Lee something.
"What is it doc? Whats wrong" Lee said Nervously, rembering the last time he was in the hospital
"Lee, I'm afraid due to the injuries Gaara gave you, your Left arm and Left leg has been shattered, you'll never be well enough to be a Ninja again" she sobbed out (hmm, this part sounds familiar)
Lee was so shocked and scared by this news he past out from fright.
"GOTCHA!" yelled Tsunade, laughing her ass off "you stupid kid! I totally got you, seriously, aww, jeez, you are so lame!"
Rock Lee, being unconscious, was in no condition to argue.
"Haha, you are so gullible" Tsunade was laughing so hard, she could barely stand up "hehe, jeez, I cant believe you didn't see through that, Gaara already crippled you once, and now he wouldn't cripple you twice, hehehe"
Sakura suddenly walked in the room, as soon as she did, Tsunade straightened up.
"is Lee going to be alright?" asked Sakura sincerely
"He'll be fine, all he got was some minor bruises, he can go home tomorrow"
"thank you, sensei" Sakura bowed and left. As soon as she did, Tsunade went right back to laughing.
"Hehe, stupid ninja"
In the hospital waiting room, Kiba's guinea pig (named Will), Kiba's Cat (named Garfield), Kiba's raccoon (named Buddy), and the moogle (named Mog) were all playing cards.
Tsunade walked over to the table of furry animals playing poker. Surprisingly, she was unfazed that a group of animals were playing cards together.
"okay, which one of you Is here to see that furry kid?"
All of the little animals raised their paws at the same time.
"uhh, I can't let all of you in at the same time, just the moogle"
The other animals looked sad, but went back to the card game.
"kupo kupo! Kupo kupopo!" the moogle said and flew off to visit Kiba (Translation, guys, I'll be back, and if you look at my cards, I'll kick you in the ass so hard, your nose will bleed)
Next to Kiba's room, Naruto was in an intensive care room. Next to him was Jiraya, Kakashi, and Haku, all waiting to figure out what was wrong with Naruto. Naruto was unconscious, but was making strange noises that sounded awfully close to 'believe it'
"Jeez, I hate hospitals" said Kakashi, reading Final Fantasy, Yuri Heaven (coming soon to a bookstore near you) "the smell here is awful"
"I hate hospitals" said Jiraya, obviously pissed off that he had to be here "the nurses are much hotter in the pornos"
"I love hospitals" said Haku cheerily "maybe a big strong nurse man will give me a sponge bath"
Upon hearing this, Kakashi and Jiraya slowly started to scoot away from Haku. Suddenly, a nurse (unfortunately for Haku, a girl) came in the room, carrying a chart.
"ohh" said Jiraya, finally glad a hot nurse came "are you going to give me an injection of love?"
"No" she responded, obviously irked by Jiraya "I'm here to tell you that doctor Tsunade and her assistant will be coming soon" and then the nurse left
"Okay, soon, that's good" said Haku cheerily
"No, it's a trick" said Jiraya, with a look of fear on his face "doctors have a code when it comes to treating patients, when they say 'coming soon', its code for 'yeah, like that's going to happen', the doctor wont be here for hours"
"You're probably exaggerating" Haku replied
(Four hours later)
Tsunade finally came in the room. Jiraya and Kakashi were incredibly pissed at her timing, but Haku didn't seem to mind.
"What the (censored) took you so long?" said Jiraya, mad as hell
"Well, I needed to get me some beer, hiccup and then I needed lunch, then I decided hic I don't give a crap about Naruto, hic went to catch a movie, then came back" Tsunade said, barely able to stand straight
"Umm, okay, is it a good idea to do your job drunk?" asked Haku
"hick probably, that's why I got my assistant" Said Tsunade, pointing to the door (in her drunken state, she couldn't point straight)
Suddenly, a small, furry, four legged, fox-eyed dog came into the room, and jumped onto Hakus head.
"Akamaru?" asked Haku, shocked that a dog was a doctor
"Bark bark bark!" Akamaru said
"ohhh, he's quite capable" said Tsunade "He hick! transferred here from dental school, he had too much potential to be hick a dentist (aka, fake doctor) anyway, time to get down to the retarded Ninja"
Jiraya was shaking with rage, but he knew what happens when you piss off Tsunade. "whats wrong with him?" he said, pointing to Naruto
"Bark! Bark Bark Bark Bark, Bark Bark, Bark, grr!" went Akamaru
"And that's pretty much it" said Tsuande with a drunken, silly smile
"uhh, what the hell did he say?" asked Kakashi
"Well" said Haku "he said that Naruto suffers from a common disease in a place called America, its called BadEnglishdubious syndrome"
"Bark Bark Bark Bark! Bark Bark, Bark!"
"He also says that this disease causes him to say a bad catch phrase so much that its painful to himself and others, and that's caused him to loose control of his central nervous system"
"ohh, sounds bad" said Kakashi "is there a cure for it? Not that loosing Naruto is a bad thing…"
"Bark bark, Bark grrrr Bark wolf!"
"He says that there is a cure, and they've injected him with 50 cc's of Dattebayo, and he should make a full recovery in a few days"
"ohh, Okay, fine, sounds good"
Suddenly, Tsunade passed out on the floor, snoring like a sailor.
"uhh, I guess its time to go home"
Haku and Kakashi left the room. Akamaru went over and sniffed Tsunade, knowing that she would be like this for hours, Akamaru left. Jiraya was the only person who didn't leave, he looked left and right. It was clear. He did that perverted giggle of his and went over and started to try to try to peek into Tsunades cleavage. He kept giggling, he was about to see the magnificent kittens of the great Lesbian of the sky (hmm, I might get in trouble for using that term….). Suddenly, Tsunades right hand shot out and grabbed Jirayas throat.
"arrgh!" Jiraya spat out as Tsuande began to throttle him while she was still unconscious.
Meanwhile, outside, Gaara was sitting on a park bench alone. He was very sad; he had hurt his wuv muffin again. He had boughten Lee some flowers, but he didn't know how to give them to him. He had hurt his precious spandex wearing love, and didn't know how to make him fell better. This was awful, what could he do? Gaara racked his crazy red head for an answer, trying to think of what he could do. Suddenly, it struck Gaara like a thunderbolt, another great plan! The plan was so great, it was worthy of becoming a Yaoi. In fact, it was so great, it would make all yaoi's before it look like childs play.
Gaara started to giggle and set about to put his plan into action….
You know everyone, I make a ton of Jokes here, but Time to be serious. Today, I made fun of a disease, while it was funny, I must have you know, not in real life. BadEnglishdubious syndrome is a real disease, and a serious one at that. Its a disease that is suffered by many, most notibly in Animes. In Animes, bad english dubs are rampant, and as many as 70 of characters in Animes suffer from it. Naruto is no exception. Such Sufferers of this disease are Naruto, Shino, Iruka, and and Rock Lee. This is not a laughing matter. The more you know, that more you can do to stop the spread of this horrible disease.
Anyway, the next chapter was a bit hard to write. As you can guess from this chapter, Gaara pulls another one of his Yaoi stunts. I won't ruin if for you, but It's even worse (or better) than before. I got the idea from some friends of mine (Yaoi lovers). The idea first almost made me throw up, but after some pepto, and some thought, I figured I could write it in.
Kupo!