Chapter 28
Teh play, part 2
It was Act II in the play, and things were going badly for the actor nins. The first problem happened in scene one, when Hinata got stage fright before her entrance (it was remedied). The second problem happened in scene 2, when Kankuro burst onstage, only to find once again he wasn't up yet (bad timing, again). Things got worse when Choji began to eat more of the set, and the Techies were forced to throw Choji out (those techies hold a grudge, darn emos). The last problem happened in scene 3 when Zelos fell from the rafters while reading a dirty book up there (there are a lot of perverted nins in this fanfic). Besides those incidents, the play was coming along fine. So far in the play, Yuna Hinata and her guardians (Tidus Naruto, Zell Shika, Red Kiba, and Vivi Gaara) had traveled to the land of Ivalice on her pilgrimage. She was in the city of Murond, and was currently praying to the aeon. While she was doing that, her guardians had some down time around the city, and as they say, when the cats away, the mice will play.
They were at a local 'pub' as Final Fantasy would call it. It was the scene where they piss off everyone in the bar and start a bar fight against Sabin (the muscle head). Gaaras script called for after the fight, Lee character and Gaaras character would share an 'intimate moment'. During that scene, Vivi Gaara and Sabin Lee would (Yaoi Talk, censored for the innocent), and then they would (more Yaoi talk, and more censoring) and then they would take some whip cream and (even more censored) and then they would get Kinky, and Gaara would (Oh god I'm overusing this joke, but censored AGAIN) what the chains were for, you don't wanna know.
The inside of the pub was built rather Shabbily, there was a barkeep behind the counter and the nins were at a table. Zell Shika, Red Kiba, and Tidus Naruto were all talking in those big stage voices that you do during a play.
"OH!" shouted Tidus Naruto, doing some of the worst acting you ever saw "what are we going to do while were waiting for the lady summoner to finish praying, Dattebayo?"
"Well, you could shut the hell up" Muttered Zell Shika, wanting this lame play to be over "I hate this, its soo bothersome"
"yeah what are we going to do?" asked Red Kiba, drinking a fake liquor
"wait till Green boy shows up" Muttered Shika, sipping some fake liquor "he's supposed to come onstage, drink some of the fake liquor, start the bar fight, then we all stop fighting and break out in song"
"what song?"
"the milkshake song"
Everyone at the table shuttered, no one wanted to dance to Orchimarus theme song.
"well, you said Sabins in this scene, and here he comes, Dattebayo" Tidus Naruto pointed out
Lee stumbled onstage, blushing really funny like. He stumbled past Gaara, and fell ontop of the nins table.
"Hick hey guysss, were in a play!"
"uh, Rock Lee, whats wrong?" asked Shika "why do you smell like that Perv hermit?"
"I drank some of the (Hiccup) fake Liquor, and (hick) walked onstage"
Upon saying this Lee dropped a bottle onto the ground, it rolled over to Kiba, who was on the ground on all fours (hes a method actor).
"funny, This is supposed to be stage alcohol, but it says extra strong Sake"
Shika put his hands on his face, he didn't deserve this kinda crap.
Everyone remembered the last time Lee got drunk. He drank some of Ero-sennins Sake, thinking it was Gatorade. Rock Lee ended up wandering off and picking fights with inanimate objects (every telephone poll in Konoha was destroyed). When they found him, he was naked and handcuffed to Chocobo (you seriously don't wanna know).
Being the bad drunk Rock Lee is, he started to stumble about.
"hehehe, hey everyone! I wuvvvvvvv Sakura, I love that pink head of hers, she comes out in this play later, and she is (hiccup) hawt!" Rock Lee with a drunken giggle started to stumble to the audience
"Rock Lee, don't do it" said Kiba, running up and trying to restrain Lee "your breaking the 4th wall, do you hear me? THE FOURTH WALL!"
Rock Lee promptly swung around, and in his drunken imbalance, swung his leg while turning, effectivly kicking Kiba in the face, sending him clear into the background, completely knocking it over. The whole set collapsed revealing the back of the stage, where Zelos was "getting intimate" with Tenten. (use your freakin imagination)
Zelos and Tenten looked up to see all of konoha watching them 'in the act', they looked at each other, shrugged, and went back to what they were doing (I'm sure as hell not typing that). The crowd was rather shocked, but not as shocked as what happened next.
Iruka ran onto the stage from behind the curtain, once again, butt naked. He was carrying some root beer bottles in his arms, screaming "FREE SERBIA!" He jumped into the crowd, running through. Everyone in the crowd parted and allowed Iruka to pass (no one wants to get close to that). Following him were some ANBU ninjas chasing him, yelling for him to cease and desist.
As if things couldn't get worse, they did.
The set was destroyed, the crowd was horrified, pieces of the stage were breaking down, and Gaara decided that the play was completely hosed, and if he wanted that love scene to happen, he'd have to do it himself. Gaara ran towards Lee as fast as he could. His plan was simple, he'd tackle Lee, and start making passionate Yaoi love onstage (Zelos and Tenten were doing it, so why not?). Something Gaara didn't foresee is the fact that he had the legs of a sickly British boy. While running towards Lee, he tripped on a part of the broken set. He fell forward, his hands grabbing out for something to catch himself on. Unfortunately, it was Naruto. He fell forward, and pulled a Keitaro (he accidentally depants someone). Then, Shock and Awe happened. Naruto stood there, onstage, with everyone in Konoha staring at him without anything covering his lower half. Needless to say, something in him snapped.
"DATTE-BELIEVE IT!" He said, falling to the ground, in the fetal position, crying like a baby.
Kakashi was smashing his face against awall. Those little bastards had almost ruined Final Fantasy for him. Unfortunately, that was about to happen.
Rock Lee had noticed that Naruto was now not wearing anything, and decided to copy him. Rock Lee took off his Sabin outfit and faced the crowd. As horrifying as that was, he started giggle and began to run off the front of the stage and did a flying belly flop into the crowd. This caused Mass panic in the crowd. Needless to say, everyone in the crowd parted, except for one Particular Ninja…
"I hate myself" Said Sasuke, seconds before he was tackled by the flying naked Ninja.
WHAM!
Kakashi had started to hit his head against the wall harder. At least the audience hadn't fled the building yet. Unfortunately, he learned how lowwwww things could go.
Onstage, Shikamaru sat on the remains of the stage, drinking some stage Alcohol, thinking he should move to Hyrule. Suddenly, Hinata came onstage, not noticing the rubble.
"my guardians, I have finished praying to the aeon of this village, now we must part for…What the hell happened here?"
Absolutely all chaos in the theater stopped, and everyone looked onstage at Hinata. Had they heard correctly? Was it possible? Yes, it was…
A GIRL SWORE!
Suddenly, Every single persons ears started to bleed at the same exact time. Complete anarchy broke out and fires started as the audience started to flee/mob the place.
Hinata had no clue what was going on. And neither did Kankuro.
"hey Hinata" he said, walking onstage "am I up yet?"
ONE BLOODY MOB SCENCE LATER
It was a few hours later. The whole theater was abandoned. The whole crowd had started to mob the theater, and the ANBU squad was called in to disperse the crowd. The result was the whole theater had been ruined. The fires had been put out, but the seats and the stage were completely wasted. And In the darkness, a lone voice could be heard.
"Hello? Anybody? Hellllllloo! Its me!" yelled Sasuke, still stuck under the drunk, heavy, and very Nude Lee "Somebody? For the love of God help!"
No one was coming, He was all alone. When Lee had landed on Sasuke, he had completely destroyed his seat, and the seats around him, leaving Sasuke Trapped in the pile of Rubble, and the Nude Ninja. Sasuke sighed to himself. He was going to be there for a while, at least until Lee wakes up from his drunken Slumber. At least, Sasuke thought cheerily to himself things couldn't get worse (notice a pattern when people say that?). Suddenly, Lee shifted in his sleep and started to cuddle with him.
"Oh, Sakura, I love you" he said, grabbing hold of Sasuke and hugging him in a death grip
Wow, just wow.
In a little way, Sasuke was glad that this had happened. It was the first time in his life he could say he was suffering from mental trauma that wasn't caused by his older brother or Orchimaru. And beside, there was a Brightside to all of this now, Sasuke thought to himself. At least the author now would include him in future chapters…
Well, thats the end of that. The play fell flat on its ass, lots of people got hurt, and even more people didn't even make an appearance. I would've put them in, but i had a reason. The reason is simple, I was really to lazy to write a full play, but in the future, I might consider writing a story about that.
Oh, and since I'm running out of story ideas (maybe, maybe not...) I was figuring I could have a little fan vote. I want anybody who reads this story to vote for thier favorite 2 characters in this story. Whichever two characters get the most votes will get thier own chapter in my humble Fanfic. You can just say who you want in reviews, or email it to me (you can check my email at my fanfic homepage thingie). Just remember, votes for Choji or Ino will not be counted, they will be redirected to cooler characters like Shino or Haku.
Oh, and I don't hate Kankuro, I actually make fun of him alot because its really easy. Think about it, he uses dolls in combat, and he wears purple makeup, PURPLE MAKEUP! The only man in history that could get away with wearing makeup is Kefka, for obvious reasons. But makeup and doll aside, he actually kind of makes up for that by delivering whup ass, puppet style, so he can be cool.
Kupo!