The Adventures of Chuck Norris and Dionysus:

"Don't Save Them"

((This story is based on the skit performed by the Acting Major at MSA. Boomba!))

Dionysus was walking around one fine morning, when he stumbled apon a theme park in the middle of Texas. He wasn't really sure what a theme park was doing there, but he decided to call up Chuck Norris on his cell phone.

"Chuck Norris!" he yelled.

"What is it, my friend?" Chuck Norris asked.

"There's a theme park in the middle of the woods! Come on, let's go ride some roller-coasters!"

"I'll be there before you can drunken someone."

"Well, I don't know about that, I--" Suddenly, Chuck Norris was standing right next to Dionysus. "Oh, hey. There you are."

Chuck Norris looked at the theme park for a short while before deciding that he had not wasted his time after all. "This appears satisfactory. Let's go on the ferris wheel," Chuck Norris said, but (in all reality) demanded--since his word is law.

Dionysus and Chuck Norris threw children out of the way and barreled over to the ferris wheel line.

"We shouldn't have to stay put in a line. Line waiting is for sissies like Tom Cruise," Chuck Norris exclaimed. Dionysus and Chuck Norris cut to the front of the line, when a sudden mysterious voice came from the Heavens.

"Chuck Norris and Dionysus, I am God," the voice boomed.

Dionysus and Chuck Norris looked to the sky and listened, "What is it that you want?" Dionysus bowed to the authority alongside Chuck Norris.

"I'll tell you later," He replied.

Chuck Norris and Dionysus shrugged it off and waited for a few more moments in line. Suddenly, the ferris wheel made a hideous noise and broke. The cars holding people on the wheel started to snap and break. At the very top, a voice was heard above all others screaming girlishly for help.

"I recognize that voice!" Chuck Norris yelled. Up at the top was Tom Cruise (somehow alive), Katie Holmes, and their many adopted children from such countries as Botswana, Bolivia, Brazil, Beru, Bengland, Bolumbia, Bunited Bates of Bamerica, Banada, Baustralia, and Switzerland. All of them were hanging onto the one cart, that was originally meant for two, and were in need of rescuing.

"Should we rescue them, Chuck Norris?" Dionysus asked.

Chuck Norris shook his head, "I'm not sure--"

Suddenly, he was cut off mid-sentance by a thunderous voice coming once again from the heavens, "Chuck Norris and Dionysus! Do not save them!"

"What my Lord?" Dionysus asked, astonished that Tom Cruise should not be saved from the ferris wheel. "Why?"

"For Tom Cruise is evil and weird! Do not save them!"

Dionysus scratched his head, "Chuck, this isn't right."

"Damned right! We have no icecream and this is a carnival!"

"No, no!" he yelled, "I mean, we should save Tom Cruise!"

"But, we were told not to, and, seriously, would you disobey this kind of authority?" Chuck instated.

"Well, it's just not right. We are superheroes. We should help those in need--even if they are Tom Cruise."

"No," Chuck Norris replied, "we should listen to authority, forget about right and wrong, and go get icecream. I'm thinking... mint chocolate chip, today."

Dionysus grabbed Chuck's arm as the ferris wheel made horrible crashing noises, "I don't care about your icecream! We have the power to save them. And then, we can do whatever."

"No," Chuck Norris stated.

All of the sudden, the ferris wheel collapsed, killing pretty much everyone. Ironicly, there was much rejoicing.

"Well," Dionysus paused.

Chuck Norris raised his eyebrow in question.

"Shall we get icecream?"

"Most certainly!"

Chuck Norris and Dionysus then went off to get icecream and enjoy what was left of the carnival (which wasn't much).

The End.