AMONG THE RUINS...part 3
He heard beeping.
Beeping and soft voices and the sound of his name and that made John open his eyes and instantly shut them when the light was too bright. He moaned, the sound surprising him and making his head ache worse and suddenly Beckett was there with his soft brogue and firm hands, instructing him to relax and take easy breaths. After an endless moment, John felt the pain ease and he made another attempt to open his eyes.
"How are you feeling, Colonel?" Carson asked, his eyes bright with concern.
"Teyla...Ronon?" John's throat felt tight and talking now made him cough which made everything hurt and throughout the process of Beckett easing him through it, offering a sip of water and settling him back against the pillows, John realized he had a heart monitor attached, an IV in his left hand and a catheter. He hated catheters for several reasons, not the least of which was it meant he had been in the infirmary for a long time.
Carson patted his shoulder. "They're fine, as am I…thanks to you. Now rest, son. Just rest."
John did as he was told, letting his heavy eyelids slide closed.
The next two days passed in somewhat of a haze, but John did manage to ditch the heart monitor and the catheter and eventually he came to enough of an awareness to demand a shower. Beckett argued with him for a bit, John remained adamant and determined and Beckett finally caved.
"All right, Colonel." Carson heaved a put upon sigh. "I'll take out the IV for now, but you need to start eating better."
"Fine." John didn't inform Beckett that he didn't remember eating at all. Not since before they had gone on the rescue mission. But he pushed aside that thought to focus on staying upright when his feet hit the floor. Because he was wearing a hospital gown, John accepted the robe Beckett draped over his shoulders. He also found himself accepting the strong arm that wrapped around his waist and guided him over to a nearby wheel chair. That was the point when John balked and started protesting, until his knees buckled and he nearly hit the floor, despite Beckett's support. At which point it was accept the chair or go back to bed. John sat down in the chair.
The shower wasn't fun. Beckett refused to let him take it alone, which meant John had help stripping off the gown and support while getting into the shower and he cursed his weakness all the while, silently of course. He wasn't particularly embarrassed being naked in front of the doc, he was in the military after all and Beckett was a professional, but he hated being so damn weak.
Beyond weak, John amended, five minutes later when he had no choice but to let Beckett help him out, dry him off and get him dressed. But he did balk when he said he had to pee and Beckett seemed to think that was an invitation to stay and hold him up. "I'll sit on the damn toilet and pee if I have too!" John shot back, crossly. "Just give me a minute, doc!"
"One minute," Carson conceded, then he slipped out but didn't close the door all the way.
"Dammit!" John finally cursed out loud as he ended up having to lean forward enough to press a hand to the wall in front of him while he emptied his bladder. He couldn't remember ever feeling this weak before. He made it to the sink to wash his hands and splash water on his face, hoping it would revive him a bit. No such luck. John's vision started graying out and the last thing he remembered was Beckett shouting his name.
It was two days later when Beckett allowed them to have a briefing around John's bed. He was feeling better. Still sore, still had a headache and his day pretty much consisted of bathroom trips, trying to force down food and napping. But John felt as if he were making progress.
But the moment he saw Weir and the others looking at him, John wondered if maybe he wasn't doing so hot. They eyed him with varying degrees of worry in their gazes. "I'm okay," John blurted out, wondering if he was trying to reassure them or himself.
"Are you sure you're feeling up to this, Colonel?" Elizabeth queried. "We can put it off for another day."
"I'm good." John wanted her to believe him, mainly because he was ready to be back to normal. He wanted to stop feeling so weak so Beckett would let him the hell out of the infirmary. The scary thing being that he wasn't pushing for it too hard. John knew his own limitations and he knew he wasn't ready to get back to business. His body didn't feel right and he had said as much to Beckett who had explained his condition by analogy, stating that what had happened to him was kind of like a circuit board being zapped and the conduits and wiring being blown in some places and reconfigured in others. John had figured that Rodney had been the one to come up with that particular analogy only to learn that Zelenka had mentioned it. Bottom line being, he had messed himself up big-time.
Elizabeth looked at Carson who shrugged, then she looked back at John and nodded. "All right, we start and if you feel tired just let me know."
John could accept that. He smiled at Elizabeth then glanced over at Rodney who was sitting on his other side. Ronon and Teyla were absent but Elizabeth had already informed him that they were on the mainland. "Where do you want me to start?" John asked. He knew everyone was dying of curiosity about what had happened in the cave. John hadn't been willing to talk about it until now. Until he'd felt up to working it through in his own head before trying to explain it to someone else.
"Well...Carson told me what he remembered," Elizabeth began. "He said that you talked about...twins?"
"Deyenne and Dahvi," John replied, without hesitation. "They were blond and about 15."
Rodney looked skeptical. "Carson said he didn't see them."
John remembered that all too well. "I can't explain that," he allowed, as he held Rodney's sharp gaze. "But they were there. If it wasn't for them we would have died...all of us."
"Do you remembering healing the others?" Elizabeth prompted. She was leaning forward in her chair, a neutral expression on her face.
"Vaguely," John allowed. "The twins turned into this mist."
Rodney huffed impatiently. "Yes yes...a red mist, so Carson said. But do you really expect us to believe that invisible twins turned into a red mist and gave you the ability to heal."
John glared at Rodney. "I didn't heal anyone!" he snapped. "They did! I was just...I guess I was kind of their conduit. I don't know!" John broke off as frustration rippled through him. Frustration and anger and it was just enough to kick start his headache back into action. He lifted one hand to rub his temples."
Carson noticed. "Headache, Colonel?"
"It's fine." John waved him away, not wanting to be fussed over right now. He dropped his hand and focused on Elizabeth. "Look...I'm not sure how it happened or why, but I do believe it has something to do with the ATA gene."
"I think you're right," Carson interjected. "Lorne survived and was able to return and you and I were the last to be stricken by...whatever it was that killed the others."
John nodded, grateful for Beckett's support. "Look...this is going to sound strange but..." John broke off, hesitant to continue because what he was about to say was going to sound crazy and he knew it.
Elizabeth reached out and patted his arm. "Go ahead, John. What were you going to say?"
"Well...I've been having these dreams and I think they might actually be memories." There, it was out and John felt a sense of relief. Because the dreams had been haunting him ever since he had come back to conscious awareness and he wanted to share them, but he wasn't too keen on everything thinking he was losing it. Glancing over at Rodney, John could sense that the other man was ready to poke holes in whatever John might say.
"Memories of what?" Elizabeth prompted.
John focused on her as he continued. "I think the ruins were a lab of some sort. I think the twins are still connected to me somehow and they're showing these memories in my dreams. I think they want me to go back there."
Carson looked shocked, then he shook his head. "No chance in hell!" he practically shouted. "No one is going back there, Colonel! Not ever! It's a death trap!"
"This is going to sound nuts," John began, and he almost broke off but decided he might as well just go for it. "I think we're immune now. All of us. You, me, Ronon and Teyla." And, yep...he sounded nuts.
"And you know this from your dreams?" Rodney interjected.
John turned his head to look at McKay and was surprised to see that Rodney looked intrigued. "Yes," he replied. "Look...I can't explain what happened back there. I don't know how I was able to see the twins when no one else could or why I was able to heal everyone. But I'm still connected to them."
Elizabeth touched his arm to draw his attention. "Do they talk to you?" She looked worried.
"You mean like, do I see dead people?" John almost laughed at that but she looked serious, so he shook his head. "No. It's like I can feel them and they show me things...in my dreams."
"You had a very high fever for a time, Colonel," Carson stated. "You were probably hallucinating?"
John shook his head, more carefully this time, because the pain in his temples was increasing. "No...I wasn't. I didn't have the dreams until a few days ago when I started feeling better." He was almost pleased when Beckett blanched in reaction. He didn't want to be the only one shaken up by what was happening. Truth be told, John was starting to get a little freaked out by it all.
Rodney looked thoughtful. "Stranger things have happened," he mused.
"You can say that again," John said, agreeably. "I really think going back is important."
"I don't think that's an option, John," Elizabeth interjected, her voice soft but her tone firm. She was telling him no as gently as she possibly could.
John could not accept that. He would not accept it, any more than he would accept the look on her face. She was patronizing him. She didn't believe him about the twins. "I'm not crazy!" John snapped, his tone sharper than he had intended.
Elizabeth looked surprised. "I didn't say you were."
"You didn't have to say it," John shot back. "I can practically hear you thinking it."
"You have to admit, Colonel...you sound nuts," Rodney interjected.
John glared at him. "You weren't there. You don't understand what happened." Anger gave John a boost of adrenaline, easing his pain and his weakness and he was just about ready go come off the bed.
Carson forestalled him by gripping John's shoulder and keeping him back against the pillows. "This meeting is over," he announced, eyes locked on John's face and sending the message to relax.
"You were there, doc," John countered, with an edge of desperation that he couldn't hide. Even from himself. "You saw what I did...what happened."
"Aye." Carson nodded then he focused on taking John's vitals. "I saw. You healed us all at great risk to yourself, Colonel."
John shook his head. "It wasn't me. It was them...the twins. They just used me to do it." At least that was what John kept telling himself because he sure wasn't going to believe that he was able to go around bringing people back from near death with a touch.
Carson was taking John's pulse and he made a face, obviously not happy with his findings. He ignored John for the moment and turned to the others. "Time to clear out, Colonel Sheppard needs to rest."
"Colonel Sheppard needs to go back to the ruins!" John snarled. He focused on Elizabeth. "I'm telling you we have to do this."
"John...you know you're in no condition to go anywhere," Elizabeth countered, using his condition to get her own way.
But he wasn't letting this go. "You're right...I'm not up to going right this minute. But in a few days.."
She shook her head. "I don't think so."
Before John could argue further, Beckett ushered everyone out. John glared at the man when he returned. "You were there but you don't believe me, do you?" he accused.
"I know what I saw and what I didn't see," Carson replied. He grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the bed, then he sat down. "Colonel...we need to talk."
"We've been talking, but you have not been listening," John complained and he realized he was coming very close to pouting. Lifting one hand, the one without the IV line, John rubbed at his face. He was so damn tired and so damn frustrated, and he hated not being in control of things. Because of his physical condition he was out of the loop at the moment. Weir and Beckett were in control and John hated that.
Carson was watching John, as if trying to figure out what he was thinking. After a moment he shook his head and said, "I've made you an appointment to see Dr. Heightmeyer. She'll be in tomorrow morning."
John dropped his hand and glared at Beckett. "I'm not talking to her!" He couldn't believe Beckett had done this. John knew he wasn't crazy.
"Colonel." Carson spoke softly, waiting for John to focus on him. Then he continued. "I know you believe in what you're telling us. I don't doubt that for one minute. But you have to realize that all I have to go on is what I saw. I didn't see any twins."
"Doesn't mean they weren't there," John shot back, but with little force behind it. He was too tired to argue about it, given it was going to be a moot point anyway.
Carson nodded. "Aye...it's kind of a case of my word against yours. I'm asking you to talk to Heightmeyer. Maybe you'll be able to convince her since she's an outside party. We'll decide what to do from there."
John realized that Beckett was trying to be fair to them both in the only way he knew how. The down side being that the odds weren't in John's favor. He stood to lose everything. But he found himself nodding. "Fine...I'll talk to her. But it won't change the truth, doc...no matter how much you want it too." John knew that from experience. All the denial in the world wouldn't change the truth, but the brick wall in that scenario is that you couldn't always change a person's perceptions. If no one would believe him, John was sunk.
"I just want you to rest and get better, Colonel," Carson countered. He stood up and pushed the chair away. "Get some sleep, it's the best thing for you right now."
"Yeah...okay." John closed his eyes, wanting to drift into oblivion.
He had dreamed again, waking up in excitement and wanting to talk to Rodney only to learn that McKay was off world with Lorne's team. That disgruntled John for a bit but he shrugged it off. Maybe he would talk to Zelenka about what he'd dreamed. Maybe the Czech scientist would be more open to believing him.
But John was thwarted in his attempts to contact anyone. The moment he woke up the nurse was all over him taking vitals. She offered him the chance to shower and he took her up on it. When he was showered and changed and ready to face the day, John found Beckett waiting at his bed. Another exam then a tray of food was set before him with orders to eat up. Beckett also dangled the hope that John might be released to his room the next day if he did as he was told. So he ate what he could, ignoring the scowl on the nurse's face because he'd barely eaten half of what was on his plate. John aimed a charming smile her way and asked for a radio. He had the nurse, Carly, half convinced to get him one when Heightmeyer showed up.
John scowled at her, then looked past her to watch Carly scamper away. He needed the radio, dammit.
"How are you feeling, Colonel?" Kate asked, as she moved to his side, a warm smile on her face.
"Just peachy," John shot back, then he made a face and apologized. "Sorry...that was rude. Don't take my bad attitude personally, doc. I just...I really don't want to talk to you."
Kate nodded. "I know. You've managed to avoid me so far. Why is that?"
John shrugged then looked down at his fingers that were pulling on the edge of the blanket. "I don't like letting people get inside my head."
"Scary place?" Kate guessed.
"Pretty dark," John allowed, knowing what she was trying to do. "Look...I had to talk to shrinks in the past. You go on a bad mission and they won't let you fly again until they're sure you won't go Kamikaze on them. You've read my file...so you know that."
Kate turned and found the chair, pulling it over and sitting down. Taking a moment to make herself comfortable. "I've read your file a few times," she stated. "Interesting reading. You've been through a lot in your rather short career."
John almost smiled. "Seems like a rather long career to me."
"I'll bet." Kate shifted forward in her chair, locking eyes with John. "We can do this the easy way if you like. Get right to the point of why I'm here."
"Works for me." John just wanted to get this over with.
Kate looked relieved. "What happened in the ruins?"
John sighed, shifting a bit against the pillows to ease the ache in his side. His ribs were still sore. "I'm sure you've heard about the twins?" he began. Might as well know what she knew so he could deal with it.
"Deyenne and Dahvi, correct?"
"Right." John shifted again then brought a hand up to the back of his neck and rubbed hard. Another headache was forming. "They were real. They told me they were the Keepers of the ruins, only they didn't get a chance to tell me what they were the keepers of. But I've had these dreams and I think there's a lab there. I know it's important somehow and we need to go there and check it." John realized he was rambling about but he couldn't stop himself. He had to get someone to understand. To believe him.
Kate reached out and touched his arm. "Let's back up a bit," she requested. "Describe the twins to me and tell me exactly what happened from the moment you saw them, in as much detail as possible."
John nodded then did as she requested, ending with how they had turned into mist that had allowed him to heal the others. "So that's what happened," John finished, watching Heightmeyer's closely. She had a good poker face. John couldn't read her expression. She remained silent, looking contemplative and after a moment John blurted out, "You think I made it up!" It was an accusation. He knew she wouldn't believe him.
"No...I think it happened," Kate replied.
"You do?" John could not hide his shock. But there was something in the tone of her voice that kept him from being hopeful.
Kate nodded. "You did heal your team members, Colonel. And Dr. Beckett saw the red mist. Something helped you, or used you, as a means to heal everyone. That's a fact that no one can deny."
John caught on and he interrupted her. "But you still think I imagined the twins. Right?"
"I think you were very sick at that point, Colonel," Kate said gently.
"We're done." John's tone left no doubt but that he was finished with this. He even shifted onto his side, back facing Heightmeyer. He would apologize for his rudeness some other time. Maybe.
There was movement as Kate left the chair, then she touched his shoulder. "You're only hurting yourself if you don't deal with this, Colonel. I'll be in touch." With that she was gone, footsteps echoing softly away.
John rolled onto his back, wincing against the pull to his side. He was pissed off and frustrated and it sucked not to have an outlet for any of it. Tomorrow he would be released, so John decided to focus on that. Once he was out of here he could take matters into his own hands. The first thing he would do would be to contact Zelenka. John had a feeling the little guy might be the one person who would believe him. Zelenka was a scientist, but he was broadminded about all things, a trait that John had come to admire about him.
Having formed a plan, John let his eyes close. His headache was throbbing and his side ached and he was still tired. He needed to rest and to be strong for tomorrow. So he drifted off to sleep.
John didn't dream this time. He floated in a warm dark sea where shadows washed over him, brushing him with their whispers. Promising everything and embraced them, letting them wrap around him, cocooning him in their vibrant presence. But they shattered and scattered suddenly, screaming in protested as they slithered away and John ached for their loss. Without thinking he reacted, lashing out at the enemy that had chased away his friends.
A scream made John's eyes fly open and he stared at the terrified visage of Carly. She was trying to pull away from him and John blinked and looked down at his fingers, where they curled tightly over her wrist.