Chapter 32
Someone to love
Note from the author
Hello readers, and thank you one and all for participating in the Don't Believe it fan vote! I promised you guys the winner of the most votes would get their own chapter, and to my surprise, we had a three way tie.
Hinata-3
Tenten-2
Iruka-1
Neji-3
Naruto-3
Kankuro-2
Jiraya-1
Shikamaru-1
Kiba-1
Shino-Infinite
Haku-863 billion
Oh, by the way, there is a margin of error on the votes, don't ask how much. So due to various reasons, Haku and Shino will not be appearing in this chapter. The winners are Hinata, Neji, and Naruto.
But wow, what luck is it that the winners are involved in a love triangle? Neji likes Hinata, who likes Naruto, who has a crush on Sakura, who is going out with Lee, who is getting hit on by the sand kid. Not to mention that you also have super Kinky Anko always hitting on Kakashi, and the always quite disturbing relation between Shika and Temari……
No one said love isn't confusing sometimes
And thanks again to everyone who voted, and thanks for not voting for Choji or Ino, seriously, I hate those two….
Anyway, enjoy this fanfic for the fans, and who knows? Maybe some runner ups might join in……
Creelo!
Hinata was wandering the village of leaves with her handy notebook by her side. After much perv training from Tenten, she decided that she needed to get some more perspective on love (Tenten had tried to make out with her one to many times). Her plan was to go around the town and learn about other peoples relationships, and see if she could find a way to express her feelings to Naruto.
"I can do this" she kept saying to herself.
She looked at her list, the first person up was Temari
TEMARI
"sooo, you want to know how to get a man to like you?" asked Temari, smugly
Hinata and Temari were at a booth in the ramen shop. Temaris burn wounds on her face had finally healed, and she had a new hatred for Sasuke.
"so, um, ms. Temari" said Hinata, quite nervously "whats the best way to tell a boy how much you like him?"
"Let me tell you about me and Shika" Temari said, sipping some Root beer "we have it great, I have him so far under my thumb, he'll never escape. Life is good when your boyfriends whipped"
In retrospect, it probably wasn't a good idea to ask Temari for advice on Men
"okay, thank you ms. Temari" said Hinata "thanks for your help"
Hinata got up and started to leave, leaving Temari at the booth yelling at her
"wait! I didn't tell you about him cheating on me with the slut!"
SAKURA
"man advice? I'm the wrong person for this Hinata" said Sakura, who was shopping at the local mall
"but, but, um, Sakura, you're a very pretty person, don't you have lots of Men that like you?"
"well, the problem is, the first guy I had a crush on ran away with a creepy snake pedophile, and the boy I currently like turned me down, so he could run around Konoha nude with the sand boy chasing after him"
"oh, umm, sorry"
ANKO
Hinata was on the side of Kakashis house. Anko was up in a tree, with binoculars, trying to spy on Kakashi in the shower.
"hehe, my cute little Kakashi, you thought you could play hard to get with that little love story, eh?" Anko giggled out "to bad for you that Anko doesn't give up so easily"
"uh, excuse me, ms. Anko?" Hinata said, looking up "could you help me with a few questions?"
"what the.." Anko said, looking down "hey, it's the girl with the freaky cousin"
Anko jumped down next to Hinata, slightly loosing her balance as she landed.
"whatcha need?" she asked as she fell over
"umm, I need, umm advice on, m-m-m-men" she stuttered out
"Men? Sure, Men love to play hard to get, you gotta keep trying. Even if they say they don't like you, even if they tell you to go away, even if they get a restraining order against you, you gotta persevere."
Okay, Hinata realized she made another mistake in choosing people to interview.
"now if you excuse me, I gotta go back to peeping"
And with that, Anko jumped back into the tree, and continued stalking Kakashi.
Hinata sighed and started to walk away. Her interviews with the village girls was getting no where, none of them had given her any useful information, so she decided to go ask the one man in the village that she knew that was great with woman that she could talk to.
"hey, you came to the dead sexiest person to interview today!" said Zelos
Hinata had gone to Zeloes manor. His estate was huge, it had a 4 car garage, indoor swimming pool, personal movie theater, State-of-the-art sound system, he also had the largest porn collection you've ever seen before (all yuri).
"uh, mr. Zelos, thank you for agreeing to help me" Hinata said, turning a bit red
"hey, no prob kid! You need to know whats attractive to men, and I can tell you what that Narutard likes" Zelos said cheerily, while looking through his porn collection
"t-t-thank you very much" she replied
"first up Hinata, you need to dress sexy" He said, while choosing a couple of choice DVD's
"uh, alright, sexy"
"you know, Nosebleed inducing" he continued, putting the DVD's in the player "secondly, you gotta be more confident in yourself"
Zelos really didn't know Hinata very well, If you didn't notice
"u-m-m-m, really?" Hinata stammered out
"uh uh uh, YEAH!" said Zelos.
Zelos strolled over into his kitchen and started to make chocolate flavored puppy chow, while still giving Hinata instructions.
"If you don't get right to the point, your only going to look silly, now, I know that you like to talk a lot, and you always like to be the center of attention, but you can't screw around"
Zelos REALLY didn't know Hinata that well.
"uh, I, um, don't think I can" she said, looking depressed, "I don't really have any confidence, I just, um, cant get it, no matter how hard I try"
"hmmm" Said Zelos, eating the puppy chow. While he was eating, he looked like he was in deep thought, then suddenly, it looked like he had the solution "I think I might have the thing to help you…."
"really?" said Hinata, looking up "you have something?"
"yes, I do" He said "Its something I picked up from Tethe'alla (still cant spell that), If you use it, I guarantee that you will get a date with Narutard in the first 15 seconds of the conversation"
"wow, what it is?" Hinata said, Cheering up that someone could finally help her
"its in the basement, come on, lets go" he said, throwing out the puppy chow, and heading to the stairs to the basement.
"by the way" said Hinata, as she followed Zelos "you have a very nice house"
"Thanks hunnie, with the massive fortune ive got, this kind of thing is easy to buy. Being rich and popular can be sooooo stressful sometimes…"
Da duh duh Da DAA!
Zelos obtained the title of Idiot Chosen
Suddenly, Hinata and Zelos stopped, and started to look around.
"uh, Zelos, where did that sound come from?"
"I have no clue, when I was in Tethe'alla, it keep going off whenever I said something like that" Said Zelos, looking around "never figured out why…"
Meanwhile, outside…
Neji was up in a tree outside of Zeloses house. He not only saw the whole conversation (evil eye), he read their lips, and read about Zeloses idea to help Hinata.
This was not good for Neji…
He hadn't expressed true feelings with Hinata yet, and if she and Naruto got together, it would be doomed before it even started. Neji cursed to himself, whatever Zelos had, it probably would really help Hinata out, but what was it?
Neji thought to himself what his plan of action would be. He couldn't take Naruto out of the picture, he just couldn't. And he couldn't force Hinata to not see him, it would make him look bad. So Neji came up with an Idea, if Zelos was helping Hinata gain confidence, and if he got rid of him, than she would be unconfident again, allowing him to sweep in unopposed. It was final….
Neji would kill Zelos…..
How hard could it be?
The guy wears pink for crying out loud…
Inside Zeloses house
"yo, It should be around here, I think…" Zelos said, looking around "when I moved here, I didn't really pay attention where I put some of this crap"
While the upper levels of Zeloses house could've been shown on MTV's 'Cribs', Zeloses basement was a tragedy. The whole place was full of cardboard boxes, with things written on the sides like 'Orange gels' and 'Professor Sage's Underware'.
"uh, Zelos? Where exactly did you live before you moved here?" asked Hinata, looking at a box that said 'nudie pics of Sheena'
"Tethe'alla" said Zelos, shifting through some boxes "where the hell did I put it?" He said picking up a box that said fragile, looked at it, than threw it away. "I know its around here somewhere….."
"uh, Zelos, is that it" said Hinata, pointing at the box in the corner
Zelos walked over, and opened up the box. Suddenly, he smiled, and jumped up in the air.
"BOOYA! Haha! Damn, I must be a genius! FOUND IT!" he said, doing a back flip
Zelos turned around, and rummaged through it, muttering phrases like 'if only Genis was here' and 'stupid Lloyd mislabeled this'. After a few minutes of searching, he grabbed an odd redish vial. It was an odd looking thing. It was shaped like a hexagon, and made out of glass. The substance inside was a redish liquid, which gave off a strange light. The potion looked dangerous, but Zelos seemed very sure of it…
"this…" he said, holding it between him and Hinata "…is whats going to get you that Narutard"
"what is it?" said Hinata, looking at the vial a bit fearfully "are you sure its not poison"
"this is no poison, it's a special potion combining magi technology, mizuho ninjutsu, and dwarven smith work. It's a special perfume, that's guaranteed to make you absolutely sexy to any man on earth"
Hinata couldn't believe it. She could finally make Naruto notice her. It seemed almost to good to be true. All of a sudden, Hinata realized just that. It was too good to be true, why would Zelos, the narcissistic Gigalo guy be helping her? Hinata decided to ask.
"uh, e-e-excuse me Zelos" she stammered out "I'm, ve-e-ery grateful for you helping me, but, why are you doing all of this?"
"huh?" Zelos was quite taken back by this, and looked pretty shocked that Hinata asked that "you wanna know why?"
"I-i-i-ts not to offend you, its just…" Hinata struggled for words, turning red "you have this reputation of being a lecherous jerk"
"wow, aren't you honest" Zelos said with a big grin "well, I'll tell you why I'm helping you" he said turning around
"why?"
"you very much remind me of someone" he said, turning back around "her names Collette, shes a chosen, just like me. You two act pretty similar, and are the same relationship problems….you like these guys who are absolutely clueless about it"
Hinata couldn't help but wonder who this other girl was. She sounded like someone Hinata would be friends with.
"anyway" Zelos continued "I cant just let that happen again, its honestly too painful for my vast intelligence, so, please take this, and take action" he said, handing the vial to Hinata
"T-thank you" Hinata was almost lost for words at Zeloses kindness "thank you very much, I'm going to find Naruto right now. Thank you very much"
DA Duh da duh DUHH!
Zelos obtained the Title of Nice Guy
Hinata started to run towards the stairs, but stopped at them, she had one final question for Zelos.
"uh, excuse me Zelos, but, what exactly is in this perfume?"
"the essence of the sexist things to a man in the world" he said following her "It only requires 4 key ingredients, essence of cheery, essence of Fruit loops, essence of Mountain dew, and essence of Nintendo"
"uh, Zelos, that doesn't sound like a real potion" said Hinata, stopping dead in her tracks
"Believe me, Hinata baby, it'll work" said Zelos, putting a hand on her shoulder "lets go find Narutard, I think hes at the Ramen place"
"Okay, if you say so Zelos, lets go"
And thus, our unlikely pair set forth, to find the orange protagonist, but little did they know, their movements were being constantly monitored, by a certain pale ninja…..
Even though Neji could read lips, he couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but they seemed to be on the move. Neji had already thought of the ultimate plan to take down Zelos. Neji slowly followed them, remaining in the shadows.
About 15 minutes later, Zelos and Hinata were out side the ramen shop. Hinata was getting extremely nervous, and started fidgeting around.
"uh, is he in there?" asked Hinata, turning redish
Zelos looked through the front windows, and took a look around. Inside, he could see Naruto talking to Jiraya in a booth.
"hey, I see Narutard, hes talking to the horny toad guy" said Zelos
"uh, uh, okay, thank you Zelos, I'm, I'm, I'm, going in"
Hinata walked inside, leaving Zelos outside. Zelos was supposed to make sure she didn't chicken out. He was hangin around outside, then noticed something to the side of the shop. Zelos walked over, and noticed a questionable magazine on the ground about 50 feet away from the shop.
"oh boy! Porn!" said Zelos, running over. Feet away from the magazine, he stopped and thought. Couldn't this be a trap? It was rather suspicious, but than again, it was porn, so he risked it.
As soon as Zelos grabbed the magazine. There was a little snaping noise, and suddenly, 30 kunai knifes and Ninja stars flew out of nowhere and directly hit Zelos.
"AAAAAA! NOOO! Not the face!!!" He yelled as he hit the ground.
Suddenly, Neji jumped out of Hiding, and stood over the body of Zelos. A smile slowly spread across his pale face. Zelos was down, and wasn't moving. Neji knew that there was no chance of him surviving that attack. ZELOS WAS DEAD!
"HA HA! it was as fate decided, you were never meant to be with Hinata, I love her, she will be mine!"
Neji turned around, and started to walk towards the Ramen shop. As he was walking, he heard some noises coming from Zelos. Neji turned around, and to his surprise, Zelos was still alive!"
Zelos
1709/2400 HP
500/500 TP
"God damn it that hurts" said Zelos as he pulled the weapons out of his body "what the hell was that for?"
Neji was flabbergasted, when he versed Kidomaru, 6 kunai practically killed him, and Zelos got nailed 30 times.
"why the hell are you still alive?"
"hey, for the last time, I'm the fricken Chosen! I'm an Angel! Do you honestly expect me to die easy?" responded Zelos, giving Neji the finger
Like all the other ninjas in Konoha, Neji believed everything that came out of Zeloses mouth was bull crap. The fact that he survived an attack like that proved that he was only 25 bull crap.
Duh duh duh da DUH!
Zelos obtained the title of Gilgamesh
Neji looked around, wondering where that sound came from.
"Just ignore that" say Zelos
"Really? Well, I guess its time to take this up a nock" said Neji, going in his battle stance
"As you wish" said Zelos, pulling out his sword and shield "This is for hurting my hot body!"
And without further a do, the fight to the death commenced.
Inside the Ramen Shop
Hinata walked over to the booth that Jiraya and Naruto were in. Apparently, Jiraya was trying to get Naruto out of his English dub.
"listen kid, I'm only doing this cause your other teacher has become addicted to Final Fantasy XII, and no one else cares about you enough to do it. You can at least meet me half way, stop speaking in your freakin Spanish dub!" he said
"No puedo!" said Naruto, slurping some ramen "estoy hablando espanol, que esta la problema? Creelo!"
"uggg" Jiraya sighed slumping his head "this has been a huge waste of time, maybe I should just throw you off a cliff….."
Suddenly, Hinata showed up, and Jiraya seized this to his advantage.
"hey, your that chick that hangs out with the slutty girl, right?" he said, getting up
"uh, yes..eeep!"
Jiraya put his arm around her and motioned torwards Naruto, not giving her a chance to explain anything.
"you know Naruto here right?"
"uh yes….."
"than talk to him" he said, lightly shoving her into the booth, and making a speedy getaway..
"ow!" Hinata said as she was knocked into the seat
"esta bien?" asked Naruto, concerned for Hinata
"uh im fine…eeep!" Hinata squealed
Hinata couldn't believe it, Naruto was concerned for her, it was like a dream come true for her. She realized it mustve been the affects of the potion. Wait, she hadn't used it yet. She pulled out the vial of the shiney red liquid.
"que esta?" asked Naruto, looking at the shiney liquid
"oh! Um, this?" said Hinata, shocked, clutching it in both hands. She couldn't let Spanish Naruto know what it was, she decided to say a little white lie.
"this is, ummmm, its, ummmm, a, ummm, puppy, I mean, Akamaru, darn, its Mountain dew!" she said, very unconvincingly
"aaaa, Me gusta mucho Moutain dew!" said Naruto, snatching the vial from her
"no, wait, Naruto!" she said, but it was too late, Naruto had downed the whole vial in one gulp.
"que curioso, este no es Mountain dew…."
Hinata was about to explain what the substance really was, but something interrupted her. Jiraya suddenly had burst into the Ramen shop, out of breath, and really excited about something..
"EVERYONE! Come Quick! Pretty boy and the creepy eye kid are fighting to the death! Hurry up and Place bets now!"
Everyone in the bar (sans Hinata) ran outside to see the fight. Hinata was left in the booth, shocked that the person she loved could be so stupid. The words of Zelos echoed through her mind. 'Hinata' he warned 'this potion is meant to be used as a perfume, under NO circumstances, may anyone drink it. Cause its drunk, the results afterwords would result in oblivion…'. Hinata briefly wondered what oblivion exactly meant, than ran out of the shop, hoping to get Naruto to medical care.
Saturday night Pervert fight
The fight had begun, and already, a ring of spectators had gathered. So far, Zelos had used Healing wind to heal himself from Nejis earlier ambush, than used Wind blade on Neji. Neji used his super whirly ball defense thingie to defend himself, and started to go on the offense. Meanwhile in the crowd, Jiraya was starting to take bets on who the winner would be.
Neji had noticed the crowd, and decided he better finish this off quick. He had to wait for Zelos to give him an opening, and soon, he got it. Zelos had stopped to focus for a spell, and that's when he attacked…
"prepare to taste the wrath of the fingerbang!" yelled Neji, running towards Zelos
"uh oh, running time!" yelled Zelos
Too late, Neji started to do his ultimate strike attack.
"eight trigrams, sixty four palms!" Yelled Neji
BAM!!! Two Strikes!
BAM!!! Four Strikes!
BAM!!! Eight Strikes!
BAM!!! Sixteen Strikes!
BAM!!! Thirty two Strikes!
BAM!!! Sixty Four Strikes!
BAM! He sent Zelos flying through the air, crashing in the guy in the audience who was selling popcorn and cotton candy.
Neji stood there, in his battle stance, analyzing Zelos. He had already underestimated him once, he really didn't want to go for twice. Neji was right. Shortly after, Zelos got up, looking completely unfazed by the attack.
Zelos
2334/2400 HP
478/500 TP
"god that was weak" he said shrugging "how the hell does poking someone qualify as an attack?"
Neji was flabbergasted. This complete moron just couldn't die, but why?
"whats with you? Are you a monstor? Your Chakra should be completely sealed off, your should be dead by rights!"
Zelos looked angry upon hearing that, he promptly gave Neji the finger, and responded "Get this through your friggin head, I DON'T USE CHAKRA, I USE TP!!!"
No one in the whole crowd knew what TP was, but is was very clear that Nejis most powerful attack was useless, in short terms, NEJI WAS SCREWED.
"uh oh, this isn't good" said Neji "Uh, hey, Zelos? Why don't we talk this one out?"
"uhhhh, nope, too late" Zelos said. Zelos suddenly started to charge an attack, he spun around raised his sword up in the air and yelled "BOOYAH! Lighting Blade!"
A giant sword made of electricity suddenly appeared over Neji, and than slammed into the ground, badly hurting Neji.
"ARRGH, NOOOOO! WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME FATE?!?" Yelled Neji as he hit the ground. Neji was knocked out cold.
Everyone in the crowd was silent. Even Zelos wasn't bragging, he sheathed his sword and just stood there, staring at Nejis unconscious form. This tension was in the audience for a few minutes (interrupted by a few 'creelos') from Naruto. This Tension was soon broken by a scream in the distance….
"AAAAAA GAI SENSEI! WHEREVER YOU ARE, SAVE ME!!!"
It was Lee. Apparently, Gaara was chasing him again. For some odd reason, once again, Lee was nude. Lee ran by the crowd commando style, breaking the tension and scarring them for life at the same time.
"come back to me wuv muffin! I know you love meeeeeee!" Gaara yelled, chasing after him.
That last comment from Gaara made a few people in the audience throw up. Hinata suddenly ran up to Zelos, out of breath, and looking nervous.
"puff, puff, Zelos, Puff, theres a problem" She said, panting
"what is it babe? Hey, wheres Narutard? He should be fawning all over you right now"
"well, its just that, he…"
"drank the potion?"
"yes!" said Hinata, shocked that Zelos knew that right away
"hmph, I see"
"isn't this bad?" said Hinata frantically "you said something horrible will happen!"
"no, nothing will" He said, looking uncaring
"huh? What are you talking about?"
"you see Hinata, that wasn't an actual love potion, that was just really flat Code red Mountain Dew"
"What?"
"I guessed that if you thought it worked, it would raise your confidence, and you would be able to get your gentleman caller, without being forced to use an artifical substance to do so"
Hinata completely understood what Zelos was saying. It was amazing how much Zelos believed in her and cared for her.
"you really mean all that Zelos? It really was a fake?"
"hell no, I was just joking around" he said "That thing was real, and we better get the hell out of here before it activates, come on!"
Zelos grabbed Hinatas hand and ran, forcing Hinata to flee the scene.
Suddenly in the crowd, Naruto seized up and passed out. The only person who noticed/cared was Jiraya, who promptly took his wallet and left.
A few Hours Later
It was night time. Everyone in konoha was at home and asleep, except for 2 ninjas in particular. The crowd had left the shop, leaving the loser of the fight for dead, and Naruto. But, as everyone whos ever known Neji, he doesn't go down easy.
"ugh" moaned Neji as he got up. His whole body ached all over, and he had a terrible headache. He looked around, it was night, probably around midnight, and Zelos was gone. Neji cursed himself for his weakness, Zelos was probably doing who knows what with his cousin right now. Neji got mad, but he suddenly sensed something weird. Neji turned around and saw the body of Naruto, which for some odd reason, was glowing in a strange red color.
"Kyuubi?" asked Neji as he walked over.
As neji got close, he noticed something was wrong. Naruto wasn't turning into the nine tails, he was turning into a completely different person. The person was a man, wearing some blue outfit, and was odd about it was that Neji couldn't sense Naruto at all, even though he saw Naruto turn into this guy. Neji was freaked out, most horror films he saw were like this, and the fact he was so badly injured he could fight started to freak him out. Suddenly, this other Person got up, and started to move towards Neji. Neji turned to run, but tripped and fell over. The form moved towards Neji, and reached into his coat to pull out something. It had to be a weapon, it just had to. Neji lifted his arms to defend himself, and to his surprise, the person talked.
"yo! Wanna see some pictures of my daughter?"
I havent had much oppertunities to type due to a massive amount of homework (it just wont die!) and the release of Final fantasy XII (I heart Moogles!). I also released the side story i mentioned.n So lotsa stuff been going on.
Theres the fanfic for fans, it was the longest chapter yet, and involved the killing off of a certain spanish ninja. Dont worry, I'm pretty sure some of you can guess who this new guys is...
Believe it! Kupo! and Dattebayo!