Chapter 36
Holy crap, a mission!
In the village of leaves, the genin were gathered in the office of the hokage. Tsunade had called together the nins for some kinda important announcement. The nins were lined up in front of the kage as such, Sakura, Neji, Tenten, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Shikamaru, Lee, Gaara, Kimimaru and Itachi (don't ask).
"Listen up you little bastards, I've got missions to hand out to you punks"
Wow, missions, that's never happened before.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?" yelled everyone at once
"that's right you little brats, I'm handing out some assignments. Now build a bridge and get over it" she said, with a real sour attitude
"Uh, whys is it that you haven't given us any missions for so long now?" asked Sakura
"whats with the blind guy?" asked Neji
"More importantly, why are Gaara and Kimi here? Aren't they from different villages?" asked Shika
"ohhsss nooosssss" wailed Kiba "Itachisssss here, thissssss isssss not good. Ahh, come on me, its important to make new friends. Willsssss you jussst ssssshut up and let me posssseessssss you already? No, remember the sharing song? We need to share my body"
Everyone started to bicker and argue, except for Shino. He was standing next to Itachi, and decided to pay him a compliment.
"Those are some seriously nice sun glasses Itachi"
"thanks" Itachi responded "Kisame got em for me, he stole them from Tobi"
"SHUT UP!!!!!" yelled Tsunade, going into that pissed off form of hers.
Everyone stopped talking and snapped to attention (Itachi was facing the wrong way). Tsuande pulled out a bottle of tequila and downed half of it in one gulp. When she was done, she continued.
"your assignments, are, uhhh, oh! Theres two assignments, and there will be two teams, team one, your assignment is to locate and bring back out AWOL teacher, Iruka"
Everyone groaned, they knew that if they brought Iruka back, school would resume as usual.
"the second assignment, hic, is the second team has to find, and dispose of Naruto"
"don't you mean Return Naruto?" asked Shino
"no, im pretty sure, hic, I said dispose"
"excuse me, Tsunade?" asked Sakura "why is Itachi here?"
"oh, hic, him. He has to serve community service, he shot three people in a movie theater. We'd put him in jail, but he also shot Ino, so hes getting a his sentence reduced to community service"
Rock Lee yelped at this news, he was going to be teamed up with the guy who shot him, talk about bad luck.
At the end of the line, Gaara was silently giggling. He knew that him and Lee would have to be on the same team, he just knew it. They would depart, and have to share a tent, all alone in the middle of the woods, and then they would (Yaoi, censored for the innocent) and (censored, god, this is the most overused joke ever) and then (censored, seriously, this joke needs to die) and then (censored, oh god, the pain) and then things would get kinky when (censored maybe next time I should just stop censoring this) what the whip was for, you don't wanna know.
"your teams are, on team one, the Iruka search team, is going to be lead by Shino, and is going to be Kimimaru, Tenten, Hinata, Kiba, and Lee. Team two is going to be lead by Sakura, and is going to have Gaara, Neji, Itachi, and Shikamaru"
Upon hearing the teams, Neji and Gaara both started to cringe. They were both not on the same team as their slightly unnatural love interest.
"you may, hic, notice that your teams have been made so that certain pairings can't happen. I made this so no one here will have inbred kids…" she said, looking at Neji "and that no one here will sand rape any taijutsu specialists" she said, looking at Gaara
Lee, as usual, didn't get what she meant.
"uh, sensei? If you don't want Gaara to do anything with this taijutsu specialist, than why did you put him on the same team as Neji?"
Everyone sighed, Lee was incredibly slow at picking these kinds of things up.
"anyway, you little bastards have only 1 hour to prepare anything before you leave. Team one will be heading to the land of stones, and team two will be heading to the land of clouds."
"why the hell would Naruto go to the freakin land of clouds?" asked Neji
"I don't know, just get the F!!! Out of here before you spoil my drink!!!" she angrily yelled, finishing off the bottle of tequila
Everyone filed out of the room, with the exception of Itachi, who shuffled off in the wrong direction and fell out an open window.
1 hour later
Team 1
Shinos team was at the north exit out of Konoha, everyone on his team had showed up so far except for Kiba and Kimimaru.
"Shino" Hinata said, turning red "why isn't Zelos participating with these missions? Hes a Konoha ninja too, right?"
"Quite honestly Hinata" Shino said, not looking, "I hate that Carrot top. I don't care what happens to him"
"oh" said Hinata, looking crestfallen "I was just hoping he'd be here, hes pretty nice to talk to"
"Doncha worry Hinata!" yelled Tenten, giving Hinata a hug from behind "I'm here for you! We can spend lots of time together, doing lots of things that I wrote about in my new novel!"
"You wrote a novel Tenten?" asked Lee "that's great, how many copies have you sold?"
"only four so far, but I'm hoping for more!"
Suddenly Kimimaru showed up, he was all packed, but for some reason, was carrying a cooler.
"hey everybody! Are we ready to go?"
"not quite" said Shino "were still missing Kiba"
"whats in the case?" asked Lee, pointing to the cooler
"ohh, this? it's a super medicine I just found out about. I can take it during battle and it can increase the strength of my body and bones!" Kimi said excitedly "I just learned about it from the nice lady at the grocery store (the one from chapter 5, you know…) it deposits minerals into my bones and makes them super strong!"
"wow, sounds like its pretty powerful stuff, can I see it?" asked Lee, interested in this mystery medicine
Kimimaru opened the cooler, and revealed that his 'super mystery medicine' was actually milk.
"isn't it the coolest? It even comes in 3 different medicine strengths, 2 percent, 1 percent, and Skim!"
Everyone there sighed and wondered if Kimimaru had started taking drugs. This was soon distracted by the arrival of Kiba.
"whooo, I think we ssssssssshould sssssssshare a tent with Kimi and Lee! Then we'll have ssssssssome young boy yaoi fun! Noooooo! I don't wanna! Sssssssshut up! We will have yaoi ssssssome fun, and then crussssssssh these foolssssssssss and desssssssstroy konoha! They will all tasssssssste Chaosssssssss!!! What does that taste like? It tasssssstessssss like Mountain dew, which is dissssgusssssssting. No, mountain dew tastes great! All it does is stunt your growth, buts its worth it for all that caffeine you get! Sssshut up you fool!! Oh come on! It does stunt your growth! I know this one girl who took it, and now shes a midget! Ssshut up!"
Oddly, no one on the team found Kibas little conversation with himself the slightest bit odd. What they DID find odd, was that the moogle was gone.
"hey Kiba, what happened to your fluffy friend?" asked Hinata "The little one with the wings that like to show the finger at everyone?"
"yeah! I talked to him, and he gave me the bird too! All I asked him was how his sex life was like!" said Tenten "he is so rude…"
Everyone decided to ignore that last bit.
"Listen everyone, now that were all here, lets go now and get our teacher" Shino said
Everyone listened to their fearless, kickass leader, but Hinata dragged behind, she couldn't help but wonder what happened to Zelos…
Meanwhile, At Zeloses pad…
As it turns out, Zelos was entertaining some guests at his house. He had invited over some of his friends from his homeland of Tehella. (forgot how to spell that)
"Hey Zelos, this town you live in, whats with all the funky buildings around here? Its like the guy who designed them was blind or something" said Sheena
"not a clue, I only came here because the hunnies are plentiful and easy" he said, making himself a drink
"I think the designs are absolutely fantastic!" said Raine, going into her usual 'knowledge' overdrive personality "I must find out more about the culture of this land and its history!"
"you know professor sage" said Zelos, sipping some root beer "I think your sexy teacher aura is hot and all, but it really creeps me out how you can get orgasmic about buildings…"
"Zelos, where did Kratos and Regal go? I could've sworn they came with us" said Sheena, looking around
"the big guy into bondage (aka, Regal) got attacked by some nude guy yelling 'root beer!' on the way over here, and Kratos, ummm, not a blinking clue. I think he might have gone to the wrong country."
"which one?" asked Raine "theres the land of wind, the land of fire, the land of rocks, the land of lightning, and the land of water, he could be in any one of them"
"yeah, you got that right" said Sheena
"hmm, you know the shinobi who founded those countries? They REALLY weren't thinking outside the box when they named their countries, seriously, LAME!" said Zelos
Team 2
In Sakuras team, everyone had already arrived at the south entrance of the village hidden in leaves. Gaara and Neji were upset they weren't in the same squad with their less-than-natural love interests. Shikamaru was glad for this assignment, because his manipulative crazy girlfriend had become more overbearing than ever, and had gotten back to cooking (her new specialty is burnt soup). Itachi was also there, which was amazing, because he had to stop at twenty three different houses to tell him where to go.
Once everyone got settled, Sakura took charge.
"Listen up everyone! I am the leader of this expedition, got that?" she said, in that bossy, mean tone of hers
Shikamaru sighed, there was just no escape, all woman were psycho like that. He started to understand why Hakus gay.
"Our goal is to rescue Naruto! Now remember, I really don't give a moogles pom pom if we get that little fox back! But its our assignment so don't complain! And remember, if we do find him, the person who finds him gets to break one of his body parts as incentive. Its only fair"
Hmm, beat the crap out of Naruto, that was some pretty good motivation for the nins.
"I have a list of things I will not tolerate on our mission, and here they are"
Sakura promptly pulled out a list and started to read from it.
"Number 1, I will NOT tolerate anyone who sings rascal flats on this trip"
Upon hearing this, Gaara cursed his bad luck.
"Number 2, anyone who says a 'your momma' joke will promptly get shot"
upon hearing that, Neji cursed.
"Number 3, anyone that likes country music, will promptly get shot"
While she was talking, Itachi questioned Shikamaru.
"excuse me lad, the mean girl whose talking, how big is the list shes reading off of?"
"mehhhhh, its pretty bothersome, but don't worry, it cant be that long"
Three hours, twenty two minutes, and twelve seconds later
"Number five hundred twenty six, saying that your feet are bleeding is NOT a legitimate excuse to stop working"
At this point, everyone in the party had ethier fallen asleep, or had started to drift off, Itachi held his gun, and pondered the benefits of shooting the loud girl.
"And that's it crew, any questions?"
"uh, yeah, I have one" said Itachi "which one of us is the warrior?"
"excuse me?"
"this is just like final fantasy, you know, theres the warrior, the thief, the black mage, the white mage, monk, and red mage"
Gaara and Neji woke up, and started to listen to Itachi.
"that's the most retarded Idea ever, its like something the moron were rescuing would say"
"nuh huh, seriously, the lazy one could be the white mage, the kid with the emo problem can be the black mage, the pervy guy could be the thief, and the mean girl can be the monk"
upon being called 'mean girl' Sakura hit Itachi in the bells, causing him to crumple.
"see what I mean?" he gasped out, rolling in pain.
"well, what would you be?" asked Shika, bending down next to him
"I, owwwie, would be the blind gun toting ninja"
"can we get going?" asked Neji, getting up "the other group left hours ago"
"yeah, lets go!" said Sakura, motioning them to leave
And thus, group two departed, leaving Itachi alone on the ground, in much pain.
"owwwww, guys? Could you get me an Ice pack? Oowwwww"
Well, its been a little while, sorry bout that.
Anyways, I'm on 'winter break' as the schools would call it (stupid democrats). Things in the southwest are super, except that its been freakin raining in the freakin desert (what the crap). but besides that, super duper. My decemberween gifts were pretty cool. I got some shirts, a new game (final fantasy III) and some dvds (the producers, robot chicken, and the fullmetal movie). I havent seen any of the movies yet, i've been kinda busy. oh, and I got an imaginary nintendo wii (its imaginary, because since there sold out, my folks havent been ablt to get one yet).
Anyway, the next 2 chapters will be about the thrilling adventures of groups one and two (not imaginative names) and thier respective goals on thier quests. I'll start working on that as soooooooooooon as my vacations done (not till january something or nother).
Oh, on a side note, I just recently learned how to download Naruto chapters on the web (not easy with dial up, but possible). And I've gotta say, Ive totally butchered the personalities of akatsuki. Seriously, its like I ran over thier personalility with a semi. But besides that, I have a new favorite character, my top three are Haku (he still rocks, hes my favorite crossdresser of all time). Rock Lee (sorry bout making you go through all that yaoi). And the new kid, Tobi (he totally kicks ass, he hasnt even really fought anything, and he still kicks ass).
Thankupo!