Chapter 40
Names Axel, got it memorized?
Naruto, the main character of the series is ironically not the main character of this fanfic. The main character is, ummmmm, mehhhhhh, Lee, yeah, why not.
Sasuke, this evil emo kidnapped kiba for a perilous plot. His hobbies include gardening, and watching desperate housewives.
Sakura, the bitchy pink haired girl. Shes Rock Lee's girlfriend, but is still rather shy around him. Leader of team 2, she decided getting a tan was more important than finding Naruto. She gets the award for being the third most useless person in Naruto. With first going to Tenten and second going to Iruka.
Lee, our beloved Spandex wearing hero. Thanks to the potion Gaara drank, he is in love with Gaara, and has completly forgotten who Sakura is.
Neji, the second biggest perv in this fic. Almost had his area frozen off due to an incredibly stupid prank. Also has a unnatural crush on his cousin.
Tenten, the biggest, nicest, and most contagious slut in this fanfic. Her porn series has become a bestseller across konoha. She also currently has over a dozen STDs and even more fetishes. Currently tracking Sasuke with Shino. The achievement shes most proud of is that shes discovered how to use scrolls to summon sex toys.
Hinata, has become slightly more perverted thanks to Hinata. Thanks to Tentens perv guidance, she has attainend the title of creepy girl.
Kiba, his body is currently possessed by Orchimaru. No one but Kiba knows this, and hes trying to turn evil orchi good with the magical powers of Yoga. As expected, its failing miserabley.
Shino, leader of group one, he was in charge of finding Iruka, but is now in a Kiba rescue operation. He is the biggest ladies man ever, and has more fangirls than Itachi. Shino has created a ninjutsu that is the only known thing in the universe that is more powerful than Chuck Norris, called the Chidori-rasengan.
Ino, a real bitch, not much else to say
Choji, wide load disappeared recently. He was last seen with a gender confused foreigner
Shikamaru, Chicken wuss. He cheated on Temari with Tayuya and now plans to get married to her. Tayuya did something to him with her flute which is worthy of being in the movie 'American pie'
Gaara, had a little sex change operation care of Zelos. Is he pregnant? Is he insane? Or is he even a he anymore?
Temari, the insane girlfriend from hell. Chasing after her cheating boyfriend.
Kankuro, has been phased out of this fanfic. His obsession with dolls got so creepy, the author wrote him out because Kankuro gave him nightmares.
Jiraya, the perv nin. Arrested for selling black market Viagra.
Orchimaru, The creepy snake pedofile thing has become kinda over played for him. He is currently inside of Kiba, and a struggle for dominance inside the body has been happening. His favorite things to do are spy on boys and putting curse seals on Sasuke
Tsunade, the alcoholic Kage of Konoha. Besides her drunken surgery style, she is also known for having hormonal mood swings that have destroyed entire city blocks.
Kakashi, lost all of his sanity due to an overdose of Final Fantasy. He now thinks that he is cloud strife and has left to stop the SHINRA company. To accomplish this, he stole Zabuzas sword.
Anko, the current distance that Anko must stay from Kakashi because of his restraining order aganist her? 150 ft, which means if she yells loud enough, she can still make him uncomfortable.
Iruka, currently in root beer rehab. As part of his 28 days program, he needs to apologize to everyone for his actions while suger high. Its going to take him a while…
Konohamaru, who the hell is Konohamaru?
Hayate, has died 254 times. The reason why hes still alive? He eats subway. Its that good for you.
Haku, Left with Tobi for another Fanfic, might be back soon…
Asuma, got lung Cancer, empazema, and cancer of the trachea. That's what smoking does for you. Remember kids, Butt out! Smoking kills, and I'm totally not getting paid to say this.
Kurenai, is pregnant. The father is unknown, but shes narrowed down the suspected father to 31 people (ironically, the exact number of Men in this fanfic, excluding Haku)
Obito, from the side story. His favorite thing to do is piss off Tobi and to be a perv.
Rin, her favorite things include the color pink, reading people magazine, buying clothes from American eagle, and being mean to girls until they develop an eating disorder. If you haven't noticed, shes a prep.
The Sound four
Tayuya, Shikamarus mistress. This foul mouthed girl is almost as bad as Tenten when it comes to doing things of a 'bow chica bow wow' nature
Kidomaru, commited suicide when he realized his whole character was ripped off a American comic book hero. Oh just kidding, hes just a waiter at the resort.
Jirobu, died before he could get any lines. No one cares, he really was only existent so Choji could have ten seconds of coolness
Sakon, The guy who works at the bar. His best customer is Kisame. Not much else to say about him. Uhhhh, yeah, nothing.
Ukon, technically, if Sakon and Ukon count as two people right? And that would make them the sound five, right? Then theres Kimi, whos the next guy, which would make it the sound six, right? WTF is going on with this group?
Kimimaru, hes on konohas side. You wanna know why hes with Konoha and not his friends from the sound four? So do I.
Akatsuki
Tobi, the akatsuki wannabe that's on a wild goose chase. Hes been missing for a long time now, but he might be back soon….
On a side note, Tobi is a good boy
Itachi, Sasukes blind older brother. Even though he lacks the ability to see, he still owns a gun (named Broken Butterfly). Current number of people shot by Itachi, 18……..and still rising.
Kisame, still not cool enough to have an underlined name. An alcoholic fish that tries to fend off Deidras yaoi attacks
Deidra, the prettiest member of Akatsuki. Orchimaru is his ex-lover, but recently, hes began to develop a Crush on Kisame. He chose the robes that Akatsuki wears
Hidan, The least popular member of Akatsuki. No one likes him, so he hates them all. He also has an odd obsession of Guitar Hero.
Zetsu, The dandelion of Akatsuki. He has incredibly bad hearing. Also the official flower of Akatsuki
Sasori, the member of Akatsuki that's got wood. Literally. He also has developed an unhealthy addiction to drinking wood polisher.
Kakuzu, The Akatsuki member. A little known fact about him is that he created the 'tentacle rape' genre of anime (you know why). He is on the run from ANBU for doing so.
Akatsuki leader, (INFORMATION UNAVALIBLE). The only info that the general public is allowed to know is that the Akatsuki leaders personal hero is Oprah Winnifry.
Crossovers
Zelos, the horniest angel you ever met. Also the proud creator of Perv no Jutsu, which allows him to 'see' through womans clothing and see their bra size. His life goal is to establish a secret task force and compile the bra sizes of all the girls in Konoha. Originally from tales of Symphonia
Sheena, Zeloses crazy ninja friend. Shes an incredibly bossy broad, who teamed up with Temari, another bossy broad. She has a secret crush on Zelos, but has no intention of telling nim. Originally from tales of Symphonia.
Maes, The brigadier General from FullMetal Alchemist. He went with Boner boy to help Shino. Maes's favorite activitites include talking about his daughter, showing pictures of his daughter, and playing with his daughter. Originally from FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST
Moogles, the coolest little creatures ever. The only one currently in this Fanfic is Mog, who is the most foulmouthed little moogle you ever met. Mog is capable of speaking human speech, but doesn't. His reasoning is that pretending to be a deaf mute is much more fun. Originally from Final Fantasy.
Roxas, The semi main character of Kingdom Hearts II. Roxas is a youth of Twilight town enjoying his summer vacation with his best friends. Unforunately, this vacation is getting weird, as he beguins having the dreams of another person, and the mysterious nobodies are infiltrating his town, looking for him. Upon learning from Axel that Roxas was a past member of the evil Organization XIII, and learning that he is the nobody of Sora, who has lost his memories and he………wait, what does this have to do with Naruto?
Sweet Naruto in a birchbark canoe that was hard to type. Anyway, once again, be sure to send a review or e-mail thingie for your favorite description
Oh, and Roxas kicks ass.
Far North of Mt. Baku, Shinos group was camping out on one of the f-ing huge trees of Konoha. His group had been camped out there for the past couple days, observing a strange fortress like building ahead in a clearing of trees. Shino tracked Sasuke and saw the tracks led inside the fortress. What worried Shino was that this building was heavily guarded by what looked like jonin leveled Sound ninjas. Shinos instincts told him that there were many more inside the building. This made him worried, it seemed like this reminded him of the invasion of before.
"hmmm" Shino thought "This is not good, if Konoha gets invaded again, I might not have time to pick up chicks, this is not good at all"
Shino's thoughts were interrupted by slut nin.
"heyyyyyyy Shinoooooooo" said Tenten, jumping behind him "come onnnnnnnnn, lets do it" she said, trying to put her hand down his pants
"Listen Tenten" said Shino, grabbing her hand "I've told you before, I'm not going to have sex with you, I do not want to have a three way with you and Hinata, and there is no chance that I'm going to do that thing you suggested with the moogle"
"boooooo, you no fun" said Tenten, pouting "how about you in a moogle suit"
"When hell freezes over"
"Ummmm, Shino?" said Hinata, jumping behind him "there are some people coming this way….."
"Yeah?" asked Shino "who are they?"
"ummmmmmm, it's the guy who likes to go topless, the guy who likes his daughter, and Kiba's foul mouthed pet"
"hmmm, Kimimarus coming?" said Shino "that might be good…He was a sound ninja, he might know something about this fortress"
"I have another question about that Shino" said Hinata, blushing a bit "if hes a sound ninja, why is he working with Konoha?"
"Because you touch yourself at night" said Shino
"oh, sorry" said Hinata, turing really red
"Don't worry Hinata" said Tenten smiling "your finally learning! You did your homework!"
"Tenten, What did I tell you about talking?" Yelled Shino
Somewhere between the fortress and the sounds four
"dude, admit it, were f---king lost" said Tobi, looking around Konohas foliage "this whole place is freaking trees and nothing else"
"every time you swear, a kitten dies" said Haku cheerily "besides don't consider it being lost, consider it not knowing where you are"
"you're f---ing stupid" said Obito, landing next to Haku "wheres that damn map?"
"well" said Rin, landing next to Obito "I, like, totally lost it somewhere, cause I, like, had to kill a bug with it, and then, I like, totally threw it away"
That's right, Tobi's motely crew was back in konoha, and picked up two others (if you didn't read the side story).
"Okay morons, circle up" said Tobi. The group got onto one branch in the tree "we've just finished my quest to Join Akatsuki, and I have only one last task to complete, once I do that, I am an official member of Akatsuki. I would just like for you guys to know, that I couldn't have gotten this far without your guys help. I mean it. And once I become Akatsuki, I promise I will misuse my power, and personally kill all of you. Seriously, I f---king hate all of you, and I'll make sure that I'll kill you all in ways that are so sick and twisted, their worthy of that crappy movie 'Saw'…"
Haku started to cry "that….." he said with a sniffle "was beautiful, I love you too Tobi!"
"what? No, you don't understand" said Tobi pissed off "I hate you guys and I wanna kill you all!!!"
"Lets, like, totally Glomp him!" yelled Rin
"Yeah!" said haku and Obito "Its glomping time!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Tobi as they all glomped him
Meanwhile, 20 feet away
The members of team two that were sent to help Shinos group were watching as Tobi was getting glomped to death. The group consisited of the leader guy, Hidan (carrying Itachi), Itachi (now with a fine for killing Jirobu), Zelos (Sakura wanted him out of there), Lee (he's forgotten who Sakura is), and Gaara (with double D's). They had heard somebody up ahead screaming with Pain and decided to investigate. To the groups surprise, they saw Tobi getting mauled by the others in his group.
"holy Crap" said Hidan, watching the scene from a nearby branch "Tobi's alive, I thought you guys killed him"
"no" said Itachi "we sent him on an impossible quest, why?" he said, trying to listen to the screams "is he getting shoved into a wood chipper? It sounds like hes in pain. Lets wait a few minutes to see if he can save him self"
"uh" said Zelos, squinting to see "looks like they're giving him that killer hug fangirls give people, the uhhhh" said Zelos, thinking… "what do you call that unpleasant hug again?"
"A glomp?" asked Itachi
"yeah, that's it" said Zelos
"should we help him my cherry blossom?" asked Lee to his sweetheart
"no wuv muffin" Gaara giggled "lets watch them kill that son of a bitch"
"oh, your so feminine" Lee laughed, giving Gaara an Eskimo kiss
"maybe we should ask them where the hell were supposed to go" said Zelos, jumping down
Hidan Sighed and followed suit. Gaara and Lee totally ignored the others and started to snog right on the branch.
"get a room you little bastards!" yelled Hidan as he went to investigate
Hidan and Zelos landed on the same large branch the glomping was on. As soon as they landed, they broke off the glomp, giving Tobi time to breathe.
"Hey guys" said Haku smiling "long time no see"
"Some longer than others" mumbled Itachi depressingly
"Hey, I recognize you" said Zelos, pointing at Haku "your wuv hunnie, what the hell are you doing out here? I heard you got shafted"
"oh!" said Haku, fanning himself a bit "Mr. Zelos" he said, moving in on him, getting a little to close for comfort "are you here to play the big strong handsome hero rescueing the lost princess in the woods"
"no, I'm not" said Zelos pushing him away "Gaara and Lee are playing that" he said, Motioning behind him
"oh!" said Haku cheerily "so Gaara finally confessed his feelings to Lee? And now their in love?"
"nope" said Zelos "Gaara got a sex change, and Lee thinks hes hooking up with a foxy redhead hes never seen before"
Haku was puzzled by what Zelos just said, but all of a sudden, a girly scream filled the air.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
"oh no!" yelled Obito "Rins in trouble!!!"
"I'm like, right next to you dumbass" said Rin angrily
"I Know, I was just saying that so I could distract you and feel your boobie" Obito grinned, copping a feel of Rins chest
As Rin proceeded to beat Obito within an inch of death, Gaara and Lee came tree jumping and landed right next to the others.
"Who screamed?" asked Hidan to the two "was it her?" he asked, pointing to Gaara
"No, that was me" said Lee, panting "theres some kind of monstor out there" Lee said Shaking "its horrible…."
"what does it look like?"
"I can't describe it" said Lee, quivering with fear "but…..It was the most ugly thing I've ever seen before! I felt my eyes burn as I saw it. Just being in its presence was like hearing the wailing of thousands of souls, screaming in agony…." At this point Lee started to cry like a girl
"oh, hold me wuv muffin" said She-Gaara
As soon as the two held each other, they started to make out, which totally grossed out everyone there.
"what should we do?" asked Zelos to Hidan and Tobi
"Kill the f—king thing" said Tobi
"play guitar hero" suggested Hidan
"ask my fangirls?" asked Itachi
"Make her stop punching me!!!" wailed Obito, between punches to the face
"Oh Zelos!" said Haku "protect me!" Haku yelled, glomping Zelos
"If your hands go below the belt I'm going to beat you into next Tuesday" said Zelos angrily
Da Duh Duh DA DAA!
Zelos obtained the title of, Glompaphobe
"just ignore that" shrugged Zelos, as everyone looked around
"oh my god, there it is!" yelled Obito, between getting punched by Rin "up there!"
Everyone in the group turned around and viewed the most vile, disgusting, and monstrous thing in existence. Ino
"hey guys, I'm here to help you!" She said Cheerily
"OH GOD!!!" yelled Zelos, falling to the ground "THE BLOODY SIRENS WORKING ITS EVIL MELODY!!!" He wailed, clutching his head "IT'S LIKE MY HEADS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!"
Haku Screamed like a girl and past out from fright. Obito goggles cracked from the sight, and he started to vomit profusely. The sight caused Lee and Gaara to hug each other closely, saying that if that had to die, they'd do it together. Hidan had fallen into the fetal position, realizing his immortality thing finally worked against him. The only ninja in the group left standing was Tobi, who was shaking uncontrollably.
"stay back succubus!" yelled Tobi, trying to stay brave, but his courage was slowly failing him "get no closer!"
"guys, I'm here to help you out!" yelled Ino, jumping down onto the same branch as the others. "I've got something to tell you…"
"AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" yelled Tobi, starting to spazz "The harpies dark magic is burning my skin!!!"
Haku started to convulse on the ground and foam at the mouth, and Rin started to scream 'OMFG!' as loud as she could.
"uhhhhh, guys?" said Ino, unsure of why everyone was screaming "I'm here to help you! I know what Sasuke is planning, and why he took Kiba!"
Her words were lost on them. Tobi started to wail on the ground 'Tobi is a good boy' as he started to lose control. Hidan started to start coughing up blood, and screaming in pain.
"what the heck is wrong with everyone?" asked Ino, getting mad that everyone around her was dying. "I come to help you and everyone is dying just from my presence? I have news for you! Sasuke has created an army of sound ninjas and plans to destroy konoha! And the invasions going to start any day now! See? I'm useful for something and……"
BAM!!!!!!!!
AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
A shot was fired, and Ino screamed and fell backwards off the branch. Everyone suddenly stopped dying and looked up. Itachi was standing up, pointing the broken butterfly at where Ino had just been. Smoke was still coming from the barrel as Itachi blew it away.
"Did I kill the wildabeast?" asked Itachi "its horrible goring noise seemed to have stopped"
Everyone got up and started to recover from their death symptoms, they recovered slowly thanks to the added shock that Itachi had done something useful for once.
"Holy crap!" said Tobi "you killed the evil monster! You're my hero!"
"I didn't shoot someone again, did I?" asked Itachi, remembering his bad track record with his gun.
Lee went over to the edge of the branch to see where the evil sea cow had landed. He leaned over and squinted below.
"I think I see something down there" he said "its not the monster though…"
The others ignored his observation, as Rin and Haku were busy asking Itachi if they could become his fangirls. Gaara was the only person to take heed of Lee. And remembering something from before, he walked over to his wuv muffin, and pinched his fanny. Lee, just like the last time that happened, fell off the ledge.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (gasps for air) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Lee Screamed
THUD!
"Are you okay?" asked Hidan as he looked over the edge
"well, sorta!" said Lee, from far below "I think I'm okay, but for some reason, the bone is poking out of my leg, is that good or bad?"
"Are you okay my wuv muffin?" asked Gaara, yelling down there
"I'm okay my cherry bollusom" said Lee, "luckily, this orange thing I spotted broke my fall…"
When everyone heard Lee say 'orange thing' they knew they had to check it out…
Shinos group
Back outside the super evil sound fortress, Shinos group was watching and waiting to see what was going to happen. Shino, Maes, and the moogle went inside to do some reconisence, while Hinata stayed on guard. Tenten was getting Kimimaru up to speed.
"…And that's the story of how I saved Hannukah!" Said Tenten
"wha?" said Kimimaru confused "I didn't know that Hannukah was in July"
"it is, you just didn't know" said Tenten
"How is that even closely related to why were here?" Asked Kimi looking around "whats going on here? And wheres Sasuke"
"Oh come on, you didn't even let me get to the part in the story where the Jonins show up" said Tenten, thinking slutty thoughts
Suddenly, Shino came back, with Mog trailing him.
"We know their plot" said Shino, out of breath
Everyone gathered around Shino and Mog as he disclosed the perilous plot.
"I was right about one thing" said Shino, looking around at his group "Theres definetly a large force in there"
"How many?" asked Kimimaru
"There were too many to count" said Shino "but the size looks at least three times as big as the sounds last invasion of Konoha"
"kupopo kupopo!" said Mog (translation, you guys are totally boned)
"Whats more" said Shino "the mastermind behind this whole attack is none other than Sasuke"
"What?" asked Kimi, Tenten, and Hinata at once
"Kupo kupopo ku ku po kupo kupopo!" went Mog (translation, yeah, the emo loser with Glompaphobia is going to kill every single last one of you)
"Hes not the only one" continued Shino "for some reason, Him and Kiba were addressing the troops, and Kiba was saying some pretty weird things"
"Like what?" asked Hinata, shocked that her teammate betrayed them
"Something about sparing the tender young boys" said Shino "anyway, for some reason, Choji was there too"
That part was more shocking than the invasion army.
"What the f—k is that fat f—k doing with them?" asked Kimi
"I don't know" muttered Shino "its all just weird. He was dressed in this really weird outfit. And he was standing next to some gender confused guy with the tattoo of the ouroburos on his thigh"
"Kupo ku ku po popoppoo kupo ku ku kupopopo kupopkupo kupopo kupopokupo ku popo" said Mog (translation, yeah)
"sounds like trouble…" said Kimi "but where did Maes go?"
"he's right behind us…." Said Shino looking around
Everyone turned around and started to look, and Maes was no where to be seen.
"oh f—kberries" said Shino
Suddenly, a loud noise could be heard coming from the fortress. All the nins (and the moogle) jumped over to see what was making the noise.
"Hinata, what's going on?" asked Shino
Hinata used her evil eye to see what was the commotion.
"I see" she said "Maes is running right out of the center of the fortress, waving his arms and yelling something…."
"what else?" asked Kimi
"well, now all the sound ninjas are running out of the place and throwing stuff at him. It looks like there's over a thousand of them"
"this can mean only one of two things" said Shino, thinking "it means that either the invasion has begun, and Maes tried to get moving before getting discovered. Or it could mean Maes got discovered and now he's running like hell"
"Kupo kupo ku" said Mog (translation, it's the second one bugtard)
"what are we going to do?" asked Hinata, growing scared "we don't stand a chance against this army!"
"lets have sex!" yelled Tenten, glomping Shino "I don't wanna die a virgin!"
"no ones falling for that twice Tenten" said Shino "what we need to do is separate into two groups, one group needs to go back to konoha and warn the 5th, the second group needs to distract the sound army or slow it down"
"I call not it for the second one" said Hinata
Tenten and Kimi called not it at the same time, leaving Shino with the task.
"dammit, who told Hinata about the not it rule?"
"That would be me!" said Tenten "ciao!"
Hinata, Tenten, and Kimi all ran towards the direction of mt. Baku, leaving Shino and the moogle to take on an army of Jonins.
"This just sucks, but why did you stay?" asked Shino, looking at the moogle
"Kupo ku kupopo ku kupo ku kupopoku!" said Mog (translation, Maes owes me a milkshake, and that sonovabitch Kiba still owes me a PS3)
"Whatever" said Shino, making some Ninjutsu handsigns
After Shino finished the signs, suddenly, a swirly ball of electric energy started to appear on his left hand. The mere presence of the Chidori-rasengan cause the bark to strip from the trees, the wind to blow at 70 mph, and the fur to start to blow off of Mog.
"Kupo kupo kupo! Kupopopo ku! Ku ku popo!" said Mog (translation, Holy f—k on a f—cking sandwich!!! What the hell?!?!)
"time to take out the trash" said Shino, lunging at the invading army chasing Maes.
The other group
The other group had gathered around the thing Rock Lee had found. The figure was a strange dead animal wearing an orange jumpsuit, with Blond hair, and a konoha headband.
"That is ONE ugly animal" said Obito, kicking the limp form "lets put it in the microwave!"
"Yeah, that things like, totally unfashionable" said Rin, being her usually preppy self "he needs some ugs, and pink, pink is totally in right now, right Zelos?" she said Looking around
While the group had gathered around the orange object, Zelos hung around the edge. His face was oddly looking of extreme fear, guilt, and wonder.
"Something wrong?" asked Hidan, suspiscous of Zelos "you look guilty…."
"Me?" said Zelos, turning red "I'm fine, really! Super" he said, trying to laugh it off "I have nothing to do with this narutard"
"I thought this lump looked familiar" said Tobi, poking Naruto with a stick "it smells just like Mountain dew flavored Ramen"
Haku was looking at the body real close, and making noises like 'hmmm' and 'I see'.
"Watcha doing?" asked Rin "are you trying to be like doctor Mcdreamy?"
"I've had some training as a nurse before" said Haku "I mostly did it cause the outfit totally showed off my child bearing Hips"
No one wanted to question that.
"Anyway" said Haku, cutting through the uncomfortable silence "I think I know what's wrong with him"
"What is it?" asked Hidan
"It's this disease I've heard about" said Haku "It looks like his badenglishdubious syndrome has gotten worse, and he's digressed into a whole new disease"
"Herpes?" asked Itachi
"What the f—k Is wrong with you" asked Hidan to Itachi
"Just trying to be helpful"
"He's got Fillerous syndrome" said Haku "it's a syndrome that happens when a series starts to spew out pointless repetitive crap in order to make sure their series doesn't tank. Some of the symptoms are a total lack of plot, a total lack of character development, and introducing characters that only appear for about ten minutes and are never seen or mentioned again."
"much like this fanfic" said Itachi
"exactly" said Haku "and it looks like Naruto here has suffered the worst case I've ever seen"
"how many of these have you seen?" asked Tobi
"I saw it in One piece and Yu-gi-oh" said Haku "not nearly as bad as this though"
"Yu-gi-oh sucks" said Zelos "so does One piece. The 4Kids company ruined them"
"what about Shaman king?" asked Obito "they did a good job with that"
"No!" said Everyone at once
"uh guys?" said Rock Lee lying on the ground "I do not mean to be rude, but my femur is poking through my skin, and I think I've lost a lot of blood"
"nahh, you'll be fine, just drink some orange juice" said Zelos
"ewwwwww, blood" said Rin disgusted "that is like, soooooooo nasty"
"shut up prep" said Gaara, pissed off "or I'll sand slap you to next Tuesday"
Suddenly, Lee had a flashback. Sand, why had his cherry blossom mentioned sand? He could only think of one person that had anything to do with sand. But before he could come to any conclusions, he passed out due to blood loss. No one really seemed to care.
Back to the army part
Shino's ridiculously powerful attack slammed into the forward part of the army, taking them completely by surprise. In the confusion caused by the explosion, Shino grabbed Maes and ran back to the branch that Mog was waiting on.
"wake up!" said Shino, slapping Maes "wake up you creepy old man!"
"ow! Crap!" yelled Maes, waking up "you didn't need to slap so hard"
Upon Maes waking up, Mog slapped him in the face also.
"Ow! I'm already conscious Mog!"
"kupo kupopo ku kupo" said Mog (translation, I know, but you still owe me that milkshake dammit)
"Shino!" said Maes, totally ignoring the moogle "We don't stand a chance against them! They have a homunculi!"
"a what?"
"a homunculi!"
"is that supposed to be scary or something?"
"yes!" Maes yelled "Homunculi are evil creatures that were conceived by a dark ritual"
"like how Ino was born"
"not quite, Homunculi are created by alchemy. And the one I saw was the worse of the worst, its name is Envy"
"the movie?"
"No! Envy is a homunculi! He has the frightening ability to change shape into any person!"
"uhhhhh" said Shino "so can every ninja that isn't a retard"
"and Envy's immortal!"
"so is Hidan"
"and Envys incredibly evil and cruel!"
"so is every girl in konoha"
"and Envy is gender confused! No one knows if it's a he or a she"
"same for Haku"
"damn it!" said Maes "I just realized I almost got killed by one of the most unoriginal characters ever!"
"well, we all go through that at some point" said Shino "now lets get going before they regroup and attack"
Shino started to tree jump, leaving Maes to climb down the trunk of the tree, mumbling something about not having tree jumping skills. Mog remained on the branch, looking out at the fortress, and the armies of the land of sound, re-organizing, preparing to invade his homeland.
"mog!" yelled Maes, half way down the tree "are you coming"
"kupo kupopo ku ku popopp kupo!" said Mog (translation, I have this feeling that I'm never going to get that PS3)
Special segment, PSA time
With hosts Tobi and Haku
Tobi "hey whats up guys? This is Tobi, and its great to be back"
Haku "its great to be back also, I love this fanfic"
Tobi "who said you can talk?"
Haku "the prompter, that's who"
Tobi "stupid prompter, remind me to kill him after I become an akatsuki"
Haku "anyway, today were having a segment to talk about a very series issue"
Tobi "I think that lazy Bastard MoogleBaku touched on something like this a whiles ago"
Haku "that is correct, a little while back, the author talked about Badenglishdubious syndrome, a terrible pox upon anime and fans"
Tobi "what the hell is a pox?"
Haku "in this chapter, we made fun of two other conditions, one is called Glompaphobia, and Fillerous syndrome, both series problems in their own right"
Tobi "no seriously, what's a pox?"
Haku "glomping, for those who don't know, is when fangirls or fanboys hug other fans"
Tobi "glomping is the crapiest invention ever, it makes the rubics cube look like the Wii"
Haku "While Glomping is the greatest thing ever invented, there are some people that dislike Glomping. Those people are called Glompaphobes"
Tobi "its not called Glompaphobia, its called being normal, you bloody fangirl"
Haku "people who suffer from this terrible fear of hugs include my co-host Tobi"
Tobi "f—k you"
Haku "Zelos, as shown earlier"
Tobi "he didn't want a hug from a shemale, big whup"
Haku "Sasuke"
Tobi "he doesn't like that since he's a waterhead inbred Uchia whose daddy never loved him"
Haku "the author of this fanfic"
Tobi "f—k him"
Haku "and Tobi"
Tobi "you already said me you limey pansy"
Haku "indeed, anyway, the next disease was explained already, but we would like to list a number of Animes that suffer this same thing"
Tobi "Actually, at some point or another, every anime goes through that"
Haku "yes, actually, that's true, and for the fans, here's a list of the symptoms"
An incredibly ridiculous amount of flashbacks
Characters stop in the middle of a battle to explain every detail about their technique
Really bad dialogue, leading to cheesy catch phrases like 'believe it' or 'Dattebayo'
More flashbacks
Drawing out emotional scenes until you just wanna kill the characters
A lack of character development
Even More Flashbacks
No plot
A focus on characters that no one gives a damn about
The characters promising to see the aforementioned characters again, but never seeing them
Japanese puns that make NO sense in English, but are still really crappy puns in Japanese
Flashbacks Flashbacks Flashbacks
Tobi "what is it with Anime and Flashbacks?"
Haku "this syndrome is very serious, and many series suffers from this horrible disease. Notably, Naruto recently had the worst case of this in history"
Tobi "the character or the series"
Haku "both, its been dragging out pretty bad"
Tobi "yeah, I can't wait till I show up, it'll be awesome, I was such a good boy"
Haku "your digressing from the point of this PSA"
Tobi "whatever, to all you fans out there, remember, Glompaphobia apparently is a serious mental disorder, and the cure for it is…………………glomping? What the f—k kind of cure is that?"
Haku "whats wrong with that cure?"
Tobi "you can't cure the fear of hugs with more hugs! That's like trying to cure hydrophobia by drowning someone"
Haku "what do you know? Were out of time, save your complaints for the next chapter"
Tobi "wait, don't cut me of! Tobi is a good boy!"
Remember Kids, the more you know about Glompaphobia and Fillerous Syndrome, the more you can do to fight it. Oh, and Roxas kicks ass, and so does the rest of Organization XIII.
Oh! and other news. My humble (yet crappy) fanfic has over 200 reviews, and over 30000 hits (I finally figured out how to use some of the features!). In addition, I also have a fangirl now, and as for who it is, you know who you are...
Oh, and on my profile page, theres a link to a forum thats made for Naruto. Yours truely is part of the forum. So please go there, its new and needs more members.
Oh, and opening day for the Cubs is in four days. GO CUBS!
Until next time, Tobi is a good boy!