Well, I'm baaack! Yeppers. To finish this. RL has been part of the reason this took so long for me to finish. That and the fact that I just dropped it because it basically SUCKS! But it drives me nuts not to finish things, so...I've finished it. Thanks for hanging in there. In the future I'll probably just do ep tags or one shots. Any long/epic fics will probably be with a co-author like Kodiak or Titan!
Welcome to the end.

AMONG THE RUINS...part 14

A tickling sensation in his head brought John abruptly into consciousness. It took a moment for him to realize that what he felt was Deyenne. It creeped him out to the point where goose bumps broke out on his skin, so John pushed her out of his head and erected a mental shield to keep her out. He felt her disapproval, but ignored it. He wasn't going to let anyone play around in his head without his permission. Still, he didn't want to piss her off either, so as he sat up he forced a smile and whispered, "Head hurts."

In that moment, Deyenne took solid form and knelt beside him, her eyes aglow with concern.

Unfortunately, Carson was right next to John and his hearing appeared quite acute, since he started hovering immediately. "How much pain are you in, Colonel?" Carson asked, brusquely.

"Doable," John replied, trying not to have to tell the truth. He hadn't been lying that his head hurt, just that Deyenne had caused it. Although, keeping the mental shields that locked her out into place, were adding to the throbbing pain in his temples. At the same time, he didn't want to be totally honest about how much he hurt, because then Carson would become too much of a mother hen. John's only concern right now was getting his team out of this place and safely back to Atlantis.

Right after he used the bathroom. The need had him rising to his feet, only to be stopped by Carson's hand on his arm. "Need the facilities, Doc," John drawled, jerking a thumb in the general direction of the door.

Carson made a face, and dropped his eyes, looking a bit embarrassed. "Of course you do," he harrumphed. "But first I want you to take some tylenol. At which point he handed over two tablets and a glass of water.

John considered refusing them.

"I know you're in pain, lad," Carson admonished. "Just take them already!"

"Um...thanks." John figured it wasn't a good sign if he couldn't properly hide how he was feeling at this point. So he took the pills then bit back a moan as he shambled off to the bathroom. He was fully aware of Ronon shadowing him, he just ignored it. Once inside he closed the door and took care of business. Moving around helped loosen stiff muscles, but he felt achy as he washed his hands and splashed cold water on his face. He wished he hadn't looked in the mirror when he took in his drawn and pale face.

Heaving a sigh, John hung his head. He was tired. Tired of hurting, tired of being trapped here, tired of the pegasus galaxy in general. He didn't often think of Earth as home anymore, but in this moment he rather wished he was back at McMurdo, doing nothing more than playing shuttle pilot with helicopters.

A banging on the door startled John out of his thoughts. He knew who it was. "Be right out, Carson!" he shouted, and instantly regretted doing as the throb in his temples went from banging to stabbing. Leaning against the counter, John took deep breaths until the pain eased back down to doable. Then he made his way to the door and opened it.

"Are you okay, lad?" Carson asked, reaching for John's arm and pulling him back towards the bedroom.

"I'm good," John replied, because he couldn't afford to give any other answer. He also couldn't let himself be put back to bed. He might feel like shit, and Carson might weigh more than him, but he was still the soldier and took only a bit of deft side stepping to free himself from the Scotsman's grasp.

Carson stuttered a protest." Colonel Sheppard! You need to rest!"

John gave him a smile, but said firmly, "I'll rest when you're all back safe in Atlantis." He then turned his back on Carson to focus on Deyenne, who has moved to face him and was smiling. John smiled back. It was time to pull off his making it up as he goes along plan. "Can we go now?" he asked her, because he really was ready for them to go home.

"You do not look well, John," Deyenne replied, eyeing him with concern. "I think you should stay here. I will free the others as promised."

"You're just afraid I won't stay," John challenged her, and her reaction told him he was right. Deyenne was afraid he would find a way to leave with his friends. She was right to be afraid. John would sacrifice himself for the others, if he had too. But if there was anyway at all for all of them to make it back to Atlantis. Then he was going to do everything in his power to make that happen.

Deyenne made another attempt to enter John's mind. "I must feel the truth," she replied.

So John let her in, just enough. He let her see the truth he wanted her to see. Controlling Deyenne was easier than John had expected. What he wasn't ready for was the heady rush of sensation. He felt dizzy and disoriented at first, but he soon figured out how to bend her to his will. He didn't like doing it, but he could apologize later.

Only Deyenne wasn't going to make it easy on him after all. She fought back, fury fueling her own strength, as she tried to rip control back from him. John felt her anger and her fear, then he felt something white hot and burning. He was pretty sure he cried out as pain rippled through his veins, and he hoped his friends wouldn't interfere. Not now. Not when he was so close to gaining control.

But the pain was overwhelming and it took John felt like he was dissolving into it. He saw his life flash before him and he wondered if she was going to kill him after all. But then it hit him what Deyenne was trying to make him do. She was trying to force him to ascend.

"I love you," Deyenne whispered, and the words echoed in his mind.

"I'll stay with you to save my friends," John replied, and he meant it. But he let her know the whole truth. It was only fair. "I will never love you, Deyenne. To me you are just a child. I feel for you and I know that you are lonely, but I can't fix that. I don't want to fix that."

Agony flared again and John felt himself falling. He feared that this was it, that he wasn't strong enough and Deyenne would force him to ascend. But as quickly as it had come, the pain vanished and John felt his very solid body hit the floor hard. Darkness swirled around him, but through it he heard Deyenne whisper,

"Forgive me..."

Then there was silence.

"Sheppard?"

John winced at the sound, trying to force his eyes open enough to see Ronon's face. He failed in his attempt. He wanted to tell the big guy he was fine, but he couldn't find the energy to speak. He heard the buzz of other voices and felt himself being lifted, then everything faded to black.

OoO

Shouting brought him back to awareness. Shouting and pain. Every muscle in his body ached and being jostled about wasn't helping. John managed to peel his eyelids open enough to realize he was being settled on a gurney. Then Carson was looming over him. "Wh-what..?" He managed to force out.

Carson understood. "I'm not exactly sure what happened, lad. Thought we'd lost you for a minute there, then there was a flash of bright light and Deyenne was gone. So we headed out of the ruins and nothing stopped us this time. Lorne and his team are here and we're going home."

"Good," John whispered, wincing as the sound echoed too loudly in his head. "Need Ronon."

"You need to rest," Carson protested.

John made the effort to glare at Ronon. "I'll rest...after." He knew he wouldn't have a choice, right now he felt weaker than a new born kitten.

Then suddenly the Satedan was the one looming over him. "What do you need, Sheppard?" Ronon rumbled.

"Blow...blow the place to hell," John blurted out, only it sapped whatever energy he had left and he was barely able to stay conscious long enough to hear Ronon's reply.

"Consider it done."

John managed to cling to consciousness long enough to hear a series of big booms. He was pretty sure he was smiling as darkness claimed him.

OoO

Three days passed in pretty much a blur of whispered conversations, moments of foggy awareness, ripples of hot pain followed by soothing coolness, and the sense of being safe and watched over in a good way.

It was the end of the third day when John woke up enough to smile at Rodney who was sitting beside him, head bent over his laptop. "Hey," John croaked out.

"Hey." Rodney didn't look up for a minute, then he was out of his chair, almost dropping the laptop. He looked surprised, but happy, and he set the computer down and reached for the ever present glass of water.

"Thanks," John croaked again, and took a sip. It eased his throat. He took another sip, noting that his hand was trembling a bit, but also realizing that his head no longer ached. At least not bad enough to bother him. It was more like a residual ache. The same for the rest of him. He shifted about, with a feeling of satisfaction, until he caught on to the fact that he had a catheter.

Rodney wasn't paying attention, he was bellowing for Carson.

Who showed up a moment later and began a check on John. "How are you feeling, Colonel?" he asked, as he took vitals and did a general appraisal of his patient.

"Better," John replied, handing over the water and snuggling down into he pillow. "I'll be better still when you remove certain objects. He was including the IV line that was taped to the back of his left hand.

"The catheter can go now," Carson allowed, but the IV stays in till tomorrow.

John figured that was fair enough, although he wasn't happy about the procedure, or Rodney's ramblings outside the curtain while it was being done. The moment the covers were back over him, John demanded, "Shower and scrubs."

Carson chuckled. "After you eat, if you're still awake."

"Okay." John wasn't going to argue since Carson was being so agreeable. And he was determined to be awake. "How is everyone?" John asked, including Carson into the question. They were all back, which was great, but he needed to know they were okay in every way.

"We're all doing fine," Carson assured him. "I made everyone, including myself, rest when we got back."

Rodney came back inside the curtain, scowling. "Which means he sedated us into oblivion!"

Carson quirked an eyebrow at Rodney. "You were complaining at the time," he reminded him.

"That's not the point," Rodney scoffed.

"When is it ever?" Carson teased.

Which made John happy, because this is what he liked seeing. Everything back to normal. Or what passed for normal in his world. "What's for breakfast?" he queried, because he suddenly realized he was starving.

Rodney snorted. "You mean supper, and a late supper at that."

"Oh." Which would explain why no one else was around. Usually he woke up to a roomful of people surrounding his bed. "Turkey sandwich then?"

"Soup and toast," Carson countered. "I'll have it brought to you straight away, and I'll let Elizabeth know you're awake."

Rodney moved to follow him out. "I'll tell Ronon and Teyla." He looked over his shoulder at John. "Be back in a flash."

John nodded, feeling content. Content enough to slip out of bed and head for the bathroom, snagging a pair of scrubs on the way. Content enough to listen to Carson, who was standing right outside the door, berate him when he was through. John just continued drying his hair with a towel, the other hand patting the scrubs he was so happy to have on, while he shuffled back to bed. He didn't even mind Carson hovering over him and mothering him by tucking him back in.

At which point his soup and toast arrived, followed closely by Elizabeth. A moment later Rodney arrived with Ronon and Teyla in tow. So John ignored supper for a few minutes, while he greeted his team and his boss. Then Carson made them all fall back so John could eat.

"Good to have you back, John," Elizabeth said, as she watched him down his meal.

"Good to be back," John replied, after a swallow of soup. It was chicken noodle, not his favorite, but it tasted like heaven.

Elizabeth nodded. "I think I gained a few dozen gray hairs, worrying about the lot of you. Don't do that again, okay?"

He grinned at her around a mouthful of toast. They both knew he'd get into trouble again, be it his fault or one of his team or just plain old circumstances to blame.

The other's chatted, filling him in on what he'd missed while gone and sleeping, and by then John was finished with dinner and almost ready for a nap. Almost. He knew there would be questions about what had happened to Deyenne.

Rodney didn't disappoint. "She ascended, didn't she?" he blurted out, the moment Carson took John's tray away.

"I don't think so," John replied, feeling a wash of sadness. He hadn't had to think about it since it had happened, but he knew what he'd felt. "I think...I think she obliterated herself. I don't think she could ascend on her own, or she would have done it before we came." He didn't add that she had tried to make him ascend. John figured she had planned on blending in with him if possible, which he would discuss with Rodney at a later date. A much later date.

"Why would she obliterate herself?" Rodney looked flabbergasted at the very thought.

John shrugged, because he didn't have the answer to that one.

Apparently Teyla did. "Out of love," she replied, looking at John and smiling warmly. "She loved him enough to sacrifice herself."

"That's ridiculous!" Rodney scoffed. "Besides which, why kill herself, love or not? She could have just let us go."

"She did let us go," John interjected. "The only way she could." He realized that Teyla was right. He'd known it because Deyenne had said it, he just hadn't wanted to accept the truth of it until now. A sad truth that Deyenne wouldn't have been able to let him go free any other way. "She asked for my forgiveness before she...uh...went." John felt a bit embarrassed and he was uncertain how to explain any of this. Because the bottom line was that it was his fault they had nearly been trapped in the ruins for a lifetime.

Teyla touched his arm. "It was not your fault, John."

He nodded, knowing he would believe it some day. The acceptance made easier by the fact that his friends didn't blame him. "I think she was sorry about what happened," he continued. "I could feel it." As he spoke, John stifled a yawn.

"What your'e feeling is exhausted, lad," Carson stated. "You need to rest." He waved his hand at the others. "Everyone out and to bed. You can chat with the Colonel in the morning."

John didn't even protest for once. He was that tired.

Rodney lingered for a moment. "Chess after breakfast?"

"Sounds good." John managed a grin then let his eyes close.

He drifted off gently into warm darkness, dreaming of Deyenne and Dahvi walking hand in hand through the corridors of Atlantis.

THE END