Chapter 8 - Declaration
September 1st
I couldn't wait to see Remus! That much was a given considering my summer was beyond boring; though I did get to beat up my brothers for the teasing they did mercilessly at the beginning of my relationship with Remus. That much had been fun!
I was making my way to the barrier on Kings Crossing when I suddenly heard feet pounding against pavement as wheels of two trolleys whizzed by in a blurred vision and hearts raced faster as though this might be their last chance, their last stretch to the finish line. Having gone through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters so many times in the past it was rather easy to find as the two pairs of feet directed the trolleys past what might have been first and second years, but neither cared even as they nearly collided with an elderly woman who shouted profanities as they whirled past.
"You're never gonna beat me you git!" James shouted as he laughed, rushing past Sirius heading directly for the barrier to platform nine and three quarters.
"Yeah right you prat, I get cool points alone!" Sirius laughed tauntingly as he zipped by--- sitting on his trolley, flashing several poses as he passed through the barrier; James following suit, sitting on his own trolley passing through the barrier as the two started to sing.
I shook my head while I directed my trolley through the barrier, making sure no Muggles saw me after the exhibition the two idiots showed.
"What show off's," I mumbled, crossing in time to hear their awful singing.
"Lily I love you, Lily I do---," the two sang in awfully, silly voices. "When we're apart, my heart beats only for yoouuuuu!"
"If you don't shut up!" Lily snapped having watched them nearly collide with a family sending off what appeared to be two first years.
"We all know that you love James, Evans just give it up!" Sirius said laughing.
"Watch it Black or I send you into a month's detention start of term!" Lily said smirking.
"Oh I'm shaking in my boots," laughed Sirius. "And how do you plan to do that Evans?" he asked.
"I was made Head Girl so I can!" she said smugly.
James' jaw dropped and Sirius became wide eyed, the two started to frighten several first years passing into the Hogwarts Express for the first time when Sirius broke out into full raging laughter.
"Oh this is rich!" he shouted, pounding his knees in laughter. "James' dizziest daydreams have come true and Evans worst nightmares have come to pass!"
"Shut up!" James growled jabbing his best mate.
"What are you two going on about?" Lily demanded pushing her red hair out of her face and over her shoulder.
"James is Head Boy!" Sirius blurted out triumphantly, his black hair sweeping in front of his face as he tipped over in hilarity.
I chuckled to myself as I yanked my stuff off of the trolley, rolling my trunk with my brown and white barn owl in her cage onto the train, thinking the amount of trouble James could do with a high position like that.
"Didn't see that one coming," Remus' voice carried over Sirius' laughter as he approached. I had heard Remus through the open doors of the train as I paused to take in his form. Remus had started to shave! I could make out the scratchy stub only his chin and cheeks, making me wonder if he had sprouted a beard over the summer. I couldn't help but laugh as people past by me looking rather annoyed that I had stopped in the midst of the train.
Lily merely stared at them a gawk before she stomped off onto the train.
"Have you seen Hayden?" Remus asked looking around briefly.
He mustn't have seen me for if he had he might have come inside the train, but he continued to look around the platform. I considered waving to him, but the people piling up behind me was shouting for me to move on, stopped me from doing so. Straining to hear him over the crowd I pulled my stuff behind me and into an empty compartment near the back of the train, thankful for the empty space. Tucking my trunk up on the rack about my head, I sat my owl Rowling by the window. Leaving the compartment door open I could pretty much hear and see the three's conversation that filtered in through the open window opposite the compartment door, close to my end of the train.
James and Sirius looked at each other then turned on their friend. "Becoming attached are we?" Sirius asked.
Remus raised an eyebrow in answer.
"You're not going to tell her are you?" James asked worriedly, Sirius sharing the same worried expression.
Remus sighed and said, "As a matter of fact I am."
James sighed this time. "What do you think is going to happen? That she's going to accept it?" he asked.
"I've talked to Avril about it already," Remus confessed.
"What?" the two other boys nearly shouted.
"She had already figured it out," Remus explained. "She gave me the mixture I was telling you about at start of term she had made. She gave it to me before we left here at the station."
"What?" James mumbled. "She never told me!"
"I guess she figured she didn't need to," Remus sighed, pulling his trunk onto the train.
"Jesus Christ whose next...first we know, then Snivley…," at this James shot Sirius a glare and the teen smiled defiantly. "And now Avril and you want Hayden to know too?!"
"Yes, I want Hayden to know!" Remus snapped. "I can tell who I choose, okay?" he said leaving his friend's.
"Tell me what? What did everyone know about Remus that I didn't?" I mumbled, asking myself.
I had the feeling that this was going to bother me the whole ride back to Hogwarts.
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The compartment was silent as Remus, Lily and James had gone off to the Perfects compartment to learn of their duties and patrol the train, which left me with Morgan and Peter, who barely made it onto the train, and Avril and Sirius. Neither of the two talking to one another, the tension so thick one could cut it with a knife. As the landscape swept by, Sirius seemed to be peeking glances at Avril. I watched Sirius tear his eyes back to the window; he continued to watch the landscape whip past, when the sudden noise of the compartment door opening drew everyone's attention to our three friends finally entering to join us.
"Jeez, the tensions so thick in here, I could cut it with a knife," Remus said, looking between the small group of friend's as he took a seat between Peter and me. I pondered asking him if he had anything he wanted to tell me, but realized it probably wasn't best to ask that in front of everyone else.
"Tell me about it," Peter mumbled.
"Someone wanna tell me why Remus can cut the air with a utensil?" James asked, chuckling as he sat next to Sirius, noticing Avril on the opposite side of the compartment next to the door, farthest away from Sirius who sat next to the window. "I figured you two would be snoggin' by now."
No one laughed.
"Oh yeah this is a dead crowd, worst then Inferi!" James said.
"What happened?" asked Lily, in a whisper as she took a seat next to Avril.
"Nothing," she mumbled.
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The Great Hall was loud that evening as they all filed in for the start of term feast. Everyone seemed to be finding their friend's in different houses and talking about their summer at such quick rates it was hard for me to say anything to Remus without having to yell at the top of my lungs or press my lips against his ear. Not that I minded that. As it turned out Avril and Sirius had gotten into a row before they boarded the train and Sirius had gotten an ear full from James on the train when Sirius and her had started to yell at one another followed by her leaving. Complete silence followed after that. James instead opting to send Sirius dirty looks that threatened pain upon death. I had been tempted to do the same, but Sirius and Avril's relationship wasn't my problem.
Dumbledore went about the start of term speech of his, declaring that once again the forbidden forest was out of bounds for all students, glancing towards the Marauders down at the end of the Gryffindor table briefly before continuing on with school announcements. James sighed heavily as the announcement of the new Head Boy and Head Girl brought him and Lily to their feet, many in disbelief--- including several of the teachers not because of Lily, but because of James. No one had expected it; that was for sure.
Dinner twiddled on and before I knew it, the feast was over and Remus had to leave me to direct the Gryffindor first years to our tower to expose the password to only them; as the Fat Lady swung open to reveal the hole in the wall. Lily had taken the Ravenclaws and three other Perfects had separated to take the Slytherin's and Hufflepuffs in order to divulge the password. It didn't take long for Lily to return to the Gryffindor tower, but ignoring both James and Sirius she stocked up the stairs to the girls dorm without so much as a word to anyone, even myself, in the common room.
"Suppose she's mad at me because of what you did to Avril," James grumbled finally speaking to his friend.
"It's not my fault girl's band together to hate as one!" Sirius retorted.
"Well Hayden's still here!" Peter squeaked, pointing over to me.
Well needless to say my longing for Remus over the summer overrode my curiosity as to what he might be telling me and we sat on the couch together, snogging quite contentedly. I couldn't catch James and Sirius' expression, but their sudden cheering annoyed me.
"Go Moony!" James roared with laughter.
"Moony finally scores!" Sirius said, shooting his fist triumphantly into the air. I caught that one out of the corner of my eye. Bastard!
I threw up a rude hand gesture in response while our lips still crushed against one another's and I felt Remus' hand covered my own, intern covering the rude gesture.
"Get a room!" Peter laughed, James and Sirius joining in.
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It was already October and nearing Halloween and of course James was freaking out because of the closeness of November which meant the start of the new season. James had started to randomly attack Avril to my amusement that differed from shaking, going as far as threatening to replace her and then whining that he had no one else that good. It was rather funny!
I found myself coming into the Great Hall that day to see Remus and Avril talking so closely to one another that it appeared as though they were being rather intimate. Not to mention they ended their conversation so abruptly when I grew closer, it got under my skin. What did Avril think she was doing? Doesn't she already have a boyfriend? Why does she think she's got to steal mine as well?! I shouldn't think thoughts like that, but what is a girl going to do when she sees her boyfriend talking rather too closely, literally with her best mate? Peter followed after Morgan as they sat in next to the others, Lily finally coming to join us, sitting herself surprisingly next to James whose chest puffed out considerably.
"Hayden can I talk to you?" Remus asked softly, to keep from being over heard the other conversations going on among our friend's.
"Yeah sure," I mumbled, feigning a smile.
"Alone actually I was hoping," he replied.
"He's breaking up with me. This is it," I thought to myself glaring briefly at Avril, but nodded my head nevertheless and got up to leave with Remus whom looked back at Avril.
Remus' eyes scanned the hallway as he pulled me into a never used classroom from the look and sat me down at one of the several abandoned chairs before sitting across from me. He looked to be trying his best to think of the best way to approach me on the matter. Running his fingers through his hair, I gave him an apprehensive look as he moved his chair closer to mine, pulling it across the stone flooring with a loud scraping sounding.
"Remus what's going on?" I asked looking rather worried. "Are…are you breaking up with me? Is that why you pulled me in here, so I wouldn't make a scene?"
I wanted to cry.
Remus nearly choked trying to stifle his laughter (I almost started crying when he started to laugh) and finally regaining composure said, "No, of course not…"
I felt relief sweep over me. "So…if you're not breaking up with me, what so important that you had to drag me in here to tell me?" I asked.
"Okay, you know how sometimes there are times you can't find me or just a couple of days before I disappear sometimes I get ah…for the lack of a better word, more aggressive and rather ah…pale?" he asked slowly.
"Yeah, but I thought you weren't feeling well." I stated simply. "Is this what he wanted to tell me back in September?"
"Have you ever noticed that I disappear about once a month for three days or so?" questioned Remus.
"Not really, it's not like I keep twenty-four hour surveillance on you, Remus." I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest in annoyance. I just wanted him to spit it out. It was driving me crazy!
The teen sighed and lowered his head. "Okay then, remember when you girl's asked what our animagus forms were?" I nodded my head. "Well I don't have one…though I do change once a month…Sirius, James and Peter learned to become animagus' to keep me company and sort of in line in case anything might happen."
Realization spread threw my entire being and I stood; my chair sliding back.
"You're…you're a…," I stammered.
"Lycan…or werewolf if you'd like to call it that," Remus replied watching me carefully.
I couldn't believe this! How could he keep something like this from me?
I paced the room, looking at him before I burst out and said, "So that means you go puffy butt once a month?"
Remus seemed to have to bite his tongue to hold by his laughter. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," he answered.
"Does that mean you…I mean are you taking Wolfsbane potion then?"
"Yeah…actually Avril---," the boy was cut off.
"Avril knows too?" I demanded. How could she know and not tell me?
My anger with Avril was on the rise, and I felt my jealousy over taking me; the anger welling up inside me.
"Yeah; she figured it out end of last term," he said softly, unconsciously running his fingers through his sandy hair.
"So, why are you telling this to me now after we've been together for almost a year?" I questioned softly, trying not to sound angry that it seemed so easy for Avril to figure it out, but so impossible for an idiot like me to find out. I was the one dating him, not Avril damnit! Taking a seat back down on my chair, I moved it closer to him.
"I…well I just…I liked the time we spent together and…I just…I didn't want it to go away!" he said softly again, looking down at his trainers soundly terribly sad. "I know you probably want to break up with me---"
"What gave you that impression?" I asked indignantly, the anger that had welled up, boiling over a bit.
Remus' head shot up. "You don't…want to break up with me?" he asked, completely taken aback.
"C'mon look at me!" I said waving her hands in the air madly. "I'm stuck in the middle of six brothers, living on a secluded, nearly empty island on the off season with the exception of my grandfather that can at times go on hours without end about how he hates the Italians AND my friend is a fuckin' vampire! Not to mention heaven and hell must have traded places because James Potter is Head Boy! Do you actually think I'd get that phased by this?!"
That seemed to be not what Remus was expecting to say the least. Like I was going to give up Remus to a two timing, conniving-little-asshole, like Avrilynn Potter! I moved my chair closer to his so our legs were angled between the others.
"I surprised you're not a…an alien with how good you are at school and stuff!" I declared, getting a snort of laughter from Remus who smiled softly. "Plus considering how amazingly sexy you are...," I trailed off, and Remus' face redden a great deal and I smiled; upon which I kissed his lips firmly.
Remus kissed me back eagerly, his tongue running along my lips softly, seeking entrance upon which I granted. Parting my lips to allow his tongue to touch mine hesitantly, he felt my familiar tongue ring he had found out about in the kitchen near beginning of last term. Our first kissed shared in the kitchen after he found out I though him more attractive than the lady-killer Sirius, with whom I rather despised if not hated. As his hands came to rest on my hips, my own holding to his arms at the elbows we continued to kiss, deepening it lovingly and wantonly.
We broke away from our kiss, smiling stupidly at each other before Remus said, "Hayden I…Hayden I---," he started.
"I love you Remus!" I said, all in one rush. I hadn't meant to say it right then, but it just came out! Scanning his eyes briefly as I blushed, I felt rather sheepish as I said, "So there's no getting rid of me, now."
Remus looked more than surprised; that was for sure. "I…I wouldn't dream of it…," he stammered. I realized that the good buzz that had come over us was suddenly gone at my announcement of love for him. I felt like crying again.
I smiled feeling rather uneasy. "Well; I don't feel like a complete git for saying that," I said, sarcastically giving a weak smile as I pulled by hands from him.
Remus just gazed at me, not saying anything. That certainly didn't help me fight the tears.
"It's okay I understand that I…that I sprung it on you. It's not like you have to say it back," I said softly.
The air was suddenly stagnate and the awkward silence between us was growing worse. "Hayden I…I'm happy that you said that you…that you love me, but---," Remus was cut off.
"Don't know if you feel that way about me…right?" I said sadly, having known it was coming.
"It's not that I don't have feelings for you, because I do!" he said, quickly as though trying to reassure me. "I just don't know if I feel that way just yet."
I chuckled and stood; the sadness evident on my face.
"Hayden please you've got to understand," Remus said softly, standing up beside me quickly; his hands grabbing my own.
I sighed. "I understand Remus. I don't want you to say it just to say it."
"Exactly. I want to say it when I…," Remus looked as though he suddenly felt his words were hurting me. "…mean it."
I nodded my head and kissed Remus softly. "I'll be waiting…I mean if it ever happens."
Still; it didn't stop the slight pain in my heart.
A/N: Poor Hayden; declaring her love like that and getting no response. Well it happens in life. So on with it, huh? Hope you liked it!
I own all OC's and the plot.