Chapter 21

After Zak moved into the pilots' quarters, Kara spent another three nights in Lee's office before heading back to the bunkroom. There was a lot of stuff she had forced herself to come to terms with, and she'd both wanted and needed to do it alone. She'd grudgingly managed to accept that the cylons had tricked her, and that every moment she'd spent with Zak had not been what it seemed. She hadn't been in love; she'd been deceived. A year of her past was tainted, and no matter how much she wished she could change that, it couldn't be undone. It wasn't easy to get over, but she knew doing so wasn't optional.

Realizing everything had happened a lifetime ago made it just the slightest bit more manageable. Her life had changed so much since her days as a flight instructor on Caprica. She didn't even feel like the same person anymore.

Kara was also fairly certain she was in love with someone else. It didn't lessen her anger at the cylons for what they did, nor did it make the past any easier to think about, but it did make moving on seem more bearable.

Kara walked down the corridor, heading for bunkroom. When she reached the senior pilots' quarters she didn't stop, but simply drew one deep breath to steady her nerves before turning the wheel on the hatch and stepping through. When she first stepped in she thought the room was empty, but a more thorough look around showed her that one bunk was occupied.

She felt her heart drop into her stomach as she recognized who it was. The last person in the universe she wanted to see was the only one there; the gods had a cruel sense of humor.

Kara steeled herself and walked over to her—no, Lee's—bunk as if nothing was different. She tossed her bag onto the mattress before turning to open her locker. She heard the creak of another mattress on the far side of the room followed by footsteps heading towards her.

Her heart began to pound fast against her ribcage, but she ignored it. After stuffing her bag in with her other belongings, she turned to find Zak leaning against the next locker over.

"Hi," he said, holding out his hand. "Zak Adama."

Kara stared at him for a few seconds. He seemed… different. Maybe the cylons hadn't perfected their cloning program back when they made copies of Zak; she could immediately see a handful of small differences. She hoped it would only serve to make things easier.

After a few more seconds of hesitation, Kara shook his hand. "Kara Thrace." It was almost unsettling, meeting Zak again, but this time for real. There was no avoiding it, however; they would be living together in the same bunkroom for an untold amount of time.

Kara slipped her hand out of Zak's and he looked at her for a few moments. "I'm sorry," he said eventually.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "What the cylons did to you, to us, was horrible, and I'm sorry you had to go through it."

Kara couldn't think of anything to say, so she simply nodded.

Zak gave her a tentative smile. "Well, I'm heading to the mess for some supper. Do you want to …?"

He tilted his head toward the hatch. Kara raised her eyebrows in surprise, she certainly hadn't been expecting an invitation. She opened her mouth to say no, but thought better of it. If she wanted to get over this whole thing, and she did, more than anything, she had to face everything, including Zak Adama. "Sure."

Zak had been more than a little surprised that Kara had agreed to eat dinner with him, but pleasantly so. He needed a chance to talk to her. He'd come to the conclusion that if he wanted to give his brother and Kara a nudge in the right direction, he'd have to go through Kara. His brother was stubborn as hell, and Zak knew that no matter what reasoning or logic he used, he would never be able to convince Lee to tell Kara how he felt. From what Zak had seen, Lee cherished Kara's friendship more than anything, and he wouldn't be willing to jeopardize it. Zak just hoped Kara was more of a risk taker.

Zak stepped into the short line behind Kara and began dishing out some kind of supper onto his plate. There wasn't much left, as they'd come after the dinner rush, but there was enough. He followed Kara to a table near the back corner of the mess; it was the same one Lee always sat at.

Without any preamble Kara took a seat and began to dig in. The look on her face turned to disgust as she tasted her dinner, but she forced it down anyway. Zak tasted his own and found it wasn't too bad. Not great by any means, but certainly bearable.

"You actually like this stuff?" Kara asked around a mouthful of food.

Zak shrugged. "It's a hell of a lot better than the slop I was forced to eat when I was a prisoner of the cylons."

Kara snorted, but didn't say anything.

They ate in silence. If Kara was uncomfortable, which Zak suspected she was, she wasn't showing it. When she was finished she pushed her tray away from her and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why did you invite me to eat with you?"

Zak almost choked on his mouthful of food. He swallowed and took a drink of water. "Am I not allowed?"

Kara narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't know me. If you've heard anything about me from the pilots I can guarantee you that most of it was bad. So why?"

Zak smirked. "The only person who's talked about you is Lee, and he had nothing bad to say." Zak thought he might have seen the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks, but it could also have been the light in the mess.

After a few more seconds of silence Zak said, "You're lucky."

"What?"

"Lee really cares about you."

This time there was no mistaking it; there was definitely a faint blush on her cheeks. "He's my… best friend. We've been through a lot."

Zak smiled. "You shouldn't let something that good pass you by."

"What are you talking about?"

Zak leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the table. "I mean that the two of you could be very happy together."

Kara stiffened and sat up straight in her chair. "We're just friends."

Zak nodded. "And until one of you makes a move that's how things are going to stay."

"I told you, we're just friends."

"Fine. But I know my brother. He doesn't have to say anything, I can just tell. His feelings for you go way past friendship. And I also know that he won't tell you because he's afraid to wreck what you already have. So what you have to decide is if you're satisfied with being content, or if you want to be happy."

Zak pushed back his chair and stood up. He'd definitely given her enough to think about.

Kara stared at Zak's back as he left the mess hall. Everything he'd just told her was running through her mind. Whatever she'd been expecting when she'd agreed to eat with Zak, it hadn't been this.

Their conversation had left her confused, unsettled and nervous. Could any of it be true? Did Lee really feel that way about her? If it had been anyone else telling her, she would have dismissed the information out of hand, but this was Zak, Lee's brother. He had absolutely no reason to lie to her, and the only impression she'd gotten from him was that he was trying to do what he thought was best for Lee.

There were times when she'd thought that Lee maybe wanted her. She'd always written it off as her own wishful thinking, but maybe that wasn't the case.

"So what you have to decide is if you're satisfied with being content, or if you want to be happy."

Gods, could she really be happy? She'd given up on that dream so long ago that she'd forgotten she wanted it in the first place. Just thinking about being in a relationship with Lee made her giddy, scared and hopeful all at the same time. She was quite aware that she had non-platonic feelings for Lee, but she had never considered that they could maybe turn their friendship into something more; it was terrifying. But if it worked out, it would be well worth the risk.

Lee was lying in his bunk when he heard the hatch open. He opened his eyes and angled his head to see who it was. He was shocked to see Kara.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed to touch the deck.

"I live here," she teased half-heartedly.

"I know that, I just…"

"Your couch is a piece of crap," she said, tentative smile creeping onto her face.

"So, you're…"

"Back."

Lee grinned. "Good. It's boring without you," he said lightly.

But it wasn't just that, Lee was relieved. The past few days Kara had seemed to be pulling herself together, but by deciding to move back into the bunkroom Lee knew for sure that she was going to be okay. He didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't come through this.

Kara walked over and sat down beside him. "So, does this mean you think my knee's healed enough for me to sleep up there?" She glanced above them at the top bunk.

It took Lee a few seconds to realize what she was talking about. "You can still have my bunk if you want."

He was surprised, but also glad when she didn't ask him why he was back in his bunk. Honestly, he didn't know what his response would have been. He knew the reason was that it made him feel closer to her, but he couldn't tell her that.

Kara shrugged and looked down at her knees. "It doesn't matter," she said quietly. Suddenly she seemed different, like she was preoccupied about something.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern lacing his voice as he turned his head to look at her.

"Fine."

Except she wasn't fine. Her voice was tense, her shoulders were hunched, she wasn't meeting his gaze, and she was biting the corner of her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous. Lee felt like an idiot as he realized that she was obviously still worried about sharing a bunkroom with Zak. Of course she was nervous.

Not sure what else he could do, Lee wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side in a semi-awkward one-armed hug. She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. He rubbed her arm lightly and had to fight the urge to kiss her forehead. It seemed like every day it was becoming harder to resist such temptations. There were times he wished he could just come up with enough courage to tell her, but the thought of ruining their friendship always held him back.

"Listen," he said quietly, "I know it's not going to be easy, especially with Zak in our bunkroom, but you're the strongest person I know. You'll get through this."

She smiled weakly. "I know."

He squeezed her arm reassuringly and Kara shifted so that her head was resting more comfortably on his shoulder. She seemed content to stay like she was, and Lee was content to let her. It was comfortable, probably too comfortable, but Lee couldn't bring himself to break the contact.

A few minutes later she let out a huge yawn and Lee chuckled. "Tired?"

"Apparently," she replied as she pulled away, stretching her arms over her head.

"Me too." Lee stood up and moved toward the ladder, letting her keep his bunk for however long she wanted it.

"Lee?"

He turned to look back at Kara. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to go running in the morning?"

He found himself smiling widely. It had been ages since they'd ran together, and he missed it. "I'd love to."

Kara spent the better part of the night thinking about what Zak had said to her. She just couldn't shake the feeling he was right. But what did that mean? Was she supposed to make a move, tell Lee how she felt? The thought made her insides churn.

She had no problem charming men, but this was different, this was something much more. The only real relationship she'd been in had been with Zak, and that had ended horribly even when she thought he was human.

It felt like she was only just falling asleep when Lee pulled back her curtain and shook her shoulder gently. She groaned and pushed herself upright in bed. "Give me two minutes," she said groggily.

Lee nodded and went to wait in the hall. Less than two minutes later she exited the bunkroom, still tired, but dressed for a run. After double-checking that her brace was on correctly, she took off at a moderate pace. Lee immediately fell in step behind her.

After ten minutes or so they stopped for a quick stretch. As Kara was loosening up her quads, Lee asked, "Are you okay?" He seemed to genuinely care, and it made Kara give more credence to the conversation that had originally made her feel so uneasy.

She nodded and gave him a small smile. "Just tired. You know how much I love early mornings."

Lee grinned. "I can sing if you want."

Kara laughed and switched so she was stretching her other leg. "No. That's fine." Lee enjoyed pissing her off by singing the perky and annoying academy songs when they ran. He hadn't in a long time, and she was grateful. No one should be that chipper early in the morning.

When they started running again Kara tried to remember the last time they'd done this. It seemed like forever. Thinking back she realized that it practically was. At one time it had been a habit for them to run together, but then things had gotten crazy and never let up. The last time had been the morning after Colonial Day.

She shuddered as she thought of that day and what had happened. She'd never seen Lee so pissed before, and it was the first time he'd ever been angry enough to hit her. It suddenly dawned on her—he'd been jealous. She'd been so caught up in her own embarrassment that she hadn't realized. Previously she'd thought he was just mad because she was stupid enough to get drunk and sleep with someone so repulsive and vile, but that wasn't it at all. It wouldn't have mattered who she went home with, it was the fact that it hadn't been him.

The revelation shocked Kara, and she realized she'd made up her mind. She was going to tell him how she felt.

TBC