A Sardonic Liaison

An Extra Drabble for Grimmjow and Ichigo

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Chapter Title: Privacy

Tie-in Chapter(s):

Investigation (highly recommended)

Exposed

Author: gogodgene

Pairing: Grimmjow x Ichigo

Rating: PG-13 [C'mon, these two curse a lot

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. Alas, everything belongs to Kubo Tite.

Notes: So, you guys seem to love the Isshin and Grimmjow interaction because you asked for yet another chapter. As always, I am never one to deny so here you go. Hot off the press. More crack.

Also, I update whenever I get 10+ reviews on a chapter, so the faster you guys review, the faster I update.

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"You threatened him with a baseball bat?" It was another one of those lazy afternoons. The Kurosaki clinic was slow, and the kids weren't home. So, what was Isshin to do? Go have lunch with his bestest-friend Urahara, that's what. Besides, it's not like the store owner was doing much these days anyway. He always had hi own store hands helping to inventory and then the Bount Detectors were always being put to some kind of work. Kisuke was mostly a figure-head by now.

"Yeah."

"You threatened an Espada with a BASEBALL. BAT."

"He looked kind of worried there for a minute."

"Isshin..." Urahara sighed, exhasperated by his friend's stupidity.

"Of course, the little ass managed to escape using that stupid portal thing. You know, the one where they rip apart time itself."

"Is there a reason for this lame idea?"

"Hey! The bastard has to know that I'm gonna protect my son!"

"Isshin. Ichigo isn't a little boy. He can obviously take care of himself."

"At least Ichigo didn't learn I was a shinigami. Point for me." Kisuke drank from his tea, cursing the older Kurosaki's ability to ramble on about something and not be perturbed by the fact that the store owner was ignoring him. Isshin was much like a toddler who craved attention; he was always doing stupid shit to get you to look at him. The store owner figured that if he ignored the elder shinigami from time to time, he might stop being so stupid.

It has been to no avail.

"Hey! Are you listening to me?" Kisuke snapped out of his mental ramble, looking to the bearded man across the table.

"No," it was useless to lie around the older Kurosaki.

"Figured. What I was saying was, we need to keep on eye on this Grimmjow."

"Why's that? He's not looking to murder anyone, so it really isn't our problem what he does with your son when no one's looking." Isshin growled, remembering how he first found out that they indeed were having sex with each other. He still wasn't going to forgive the hollow for taking his son's virginity.

"Well, I meant, besides that. Maybe this relationship could be a good thing for us."

"How?"

"Well, since he's in the real world most of the time, one can only conclude that he doesn't like Hueco Mundo."

"Great deduction there, Sherlock."

"Would you let me finish?" Urahara waved a hand at him, telling him to go ahead. "Well, if he hates Hueco Mundo, then he must hate Las Noches. And if hates Las Noches, then he's gotta hate Aizen. You see where I'm going with this?" Kisuke just stared. Isshin stared back. A staring contest ensued. Out of the corner of his eye, Urahara noticed Ururu came into the room to give him another cup of tea. She did hesitate some, though, seeing as the two were staring quiet heatedly at each other. She backed out slowly. "DAMMIT, KISUKE. ALLY! ALLY!" The short black-haired girl ran, almost spilling the tea kettle on the ground.

"Hey, let's not curse around the children."

"What're you, my wife?"

"I heard your wife had to say the same thing to you all the time."

"ANYWAY," Isshin growled, "we could use him as our Behind Enemy Lines guy. He could report to us what exactly is going on at Las Noches, therefore none of our guys would have to go on any suicide missions." Urahara was quiet. "...What now?"

"Shhh. I'm cherishing the moment when you finally had a good idea," Kisuke smiled.

"You're an ass."

"The only flaw, though, is how you're going to get this hollow to trust you. Obviously he fights with your son enough. What makes you think he's even going to talk to you?"

"We keep an eye on him. We'll find blackmail material."

"Or you could just set up another rousing game of 'Kick the Arrancar's Ass'. Oh wait, that would make you have to transform into a shinigami. Oops. Blackmail on you." Isshin ignored the smart-ass remark.

"I'll monitor him when he's in my near vacinity and you look after him when he's close to you."

"Fine," Kisuke sighed defeatedly, "but if I even have to watch one minute of them making-out, I'm out like a light."

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"Helloooo, lovely family! Daddy's home!" Isshin yelled as he walked through the door. He hung up his jacket (it had been raining earlier) and tossed his shoes onto the mat by the door. "Hello?" The older Kurosaki look to the shoe mat and saw three extra pairs of shoes next to his children's. One pair look a girl's shoe, but the others definetly belong to boys. He walked into the kitchen, only to find four teenagers currently seated at the table with a giant map in front of them. The ex-shinigami gave them a questioning look. "Hi, lovely son," he began. "What are you and your wonderful friends doing?"

"Nothing," Ichigo stated quite bluntly.

"Well...then...why do you have a map across our table?" The younger Kurosaki began to say something when the orange-haired girl--what was her name again? Oh, yes Orihime--finished for him.

"We're planning a trip, and we need to look at a map to find out where we're going." Clever girl.

"Oh, is that so? That's great! I remember when me and my friends used to plan camping trips! We'd always have a map with us, because none of us were great with directions. We'd always get lost in the woods. Sometimes for days. Oh, it was horrible! We were always a complete mess when we finally got out." Ichigo looked around the table, noticing that only Orihime seemed to interested his father's stupid story. Chad and he had been friends for awhile, so the giant knew when to turn off his ears. Ishida...well...he was Ishida. He never listened to idiots. "Anyway," his father finally finished, "where's Grimmjow today, Ichigo?" The shinigami substitute froze. All eyes turned to him in surprise. Of course, Ichigo tried to stay calm. None of the people at the table would know about the arrancar; only Orihime had been at the scene of the fight, but she wouldn't know who Grimmjow was. Did she know? She looked like she knew.

The Vaizard was sure he was sweating bullets.

"Who are you talking about?" Ichigo asked, trying to give his father a secret signal that he needed to shut up now. Even if the other three didn't know who Grimmjow was, he didn't need them finding out he was sleeping with a guy. Ichigo was sure his dad was doing this one purpose."Ichigo, you know who I'm talking about. Grimmjow. The one with blue-hair." God, Ichigo thought, why not just show off a picture of him?

The teen rose from his seat, taking his father by the back of shirt and dragging him away. Once he got them out of ear-shot from the kitchen, he pointed a menacing finger at this father.

"Dad. You CAN'T talk about him while my friends are here."

"Why not? He is your lover afterall. It's not very nice to not acknowledge him."

"Do you really think my friends want to hear about me sleeping around with a guy?" Isshin wagged a finger at his soon, clicking his tongue.

"Dearest son, if you didn't think your friends would approve, why would you do it in the first place?" Ichigo struggled with an answer, but setteled for growling.

"Look, I don't know. It just happened, but I'm not about to break up something that works, so just leave him out of conversation when they're around." Ichigo promptly walked away, still fuming about the fact that his dad had almost revealed his secret.

Well, at least he had one secret to himself: his dad still didn't know he was a shinigami.

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This week was turning out to be shitty, Ichigo surmised. His father was constantly bothering him about Grimmjow now, and neither of them could get some peace around the house. Isshin tended to stay in more now-a-days, hoping to catch the arrancar and him...

Well, doing what, he didn't know.

"We need to find a different place to be alone," he heard Grimmjow say. Currently, they were laying in his bed, trying to figure out how to get the shinigami's dad to leave them the fuck alone.

"Well, I don't have any other places I can go, dammit."

"We could always go outside."

"Hey, I remember the last time we did that! My back hurt for a week!" He groaned, being shot down again. There was silence again. That is, Ichigo saw that devious smirk creep on the hollow's face. "What're you thinking?"

"It's Sunday isn't it?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, you know how you like to get out more?" The shinigami suddenly didn't like where this was going. "Let's go to your school."

"What?!"

"C'mon, it'll be fun. Maybe someone will catch us..."

"My wonderful son!" Both bed occupants bolted upright in time to catch the younger shinigami's father burst through his son's door. He was smiling like the idiot he was, oblivious to the fact that both the arrancar and Vaizard were plotting sexual schemes together. "My wonderful, hollow son!" Grimmjow gave the man a look of complete confusion.

"Why does he call me that?" The Espada whispered to the shinigami.

"I don't know. Don't question him, though, he'll just call you something more embarassing."

"What are you kids doing all cooped up here? It's such a lovely day! You should get outside and enjoy the sunshine!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ichigo asked, amazed at the level of stupidity his father had just reached.

"I don't want you kids wasting your youth! Get outside, dammit!" Grimmjow waved his hand around.

"Hollow here. No more youth to waste. Plus, you're not my dad." Isshin looked shocked.

"As long as you're in this househole, and sleeping with Ichigo, you're my son! My wonderful, lovely, Arrancar son!" Ichigo shook his head as his father rambled on about Jaggerjack being his son (his arrancar son who was just so wonderful to show Ichigo the joys of adulthood), and leaned in to whisper to the other.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

"Hell yes." Grimmjow grabbed the smaller Vaizard, tucking him under his arm, and carryin him out the window.

"Bye dad!" Isshin smiled, waving very enthusiastically out the window.

"Enjoy the day!"

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