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Chapter Four:

How To Save A Life

Yuki

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

It's strange that I'm sitting here, within my living room, upon the floor with a bottle of Vodka sulking about my sudden lost. Hell, I even thought this was a perfect moment to pop in a CD I got from America, The Fray 'How To Save A Life'. Everything just felt unsettling without him here. It's been two weeks since he left and our relationship ended. I've tried everything, calling, begging, but he refuse to forgive me. Each time, he asked me for my excuse, my reasons for betraying him. With each time, I couldn't find the right words to say. It's like my heart refuse to hurt him or me anymore with this lie. I knew somewhere, along the lines of like and love, I always love Shuichi. He changed me, made me the man I am today. He's like the shining light through my dark tunnel. He's the missing piece of my withering soul that kept me from killing myself. I will always love Shuichi and he knows that. Yet, with that love, comes another confusion that I'm not ready to deal with. The incident I've done with Seguchi and how my heart returned to that need. I knew it was a mistake, the first night we performed that sinful act. But I didn't stop and control my urges. Maybe the reason it lead to all of this was because...

"Eiri...I know we've been friends since the day we finally were potty trained, but seriously are you going to talk to me?" The sweet, irritated voice of my shadow spoke. Behind me, she stretched out on the couch, her glass of orange juice balancing on her protruding belly. I knew she was reading my newest novel, she always came to get her own additional copy.

I felt my body shudder with the sudden thought of talking about it with her. Sure, we've been friends since childhood. We told each other everything and stuff. She never judged me, she always stood by my side. Still, I wonder why I didn't marry her when I had the chance. Besides Ayaka, she would have made a perfect bride if arranged, but she lived in America by time the arrangement was made. Taking a deep breath, I brought my other friend towards my lips, the strong smell of cheap Vodka killed my nostrils. With one gulp, the liquid burned my throat and finally reached my stomach in an upsetting drop. Still, this was the only way to numb the pain and misery I was feeling. Something I wasn't use to feeling again since I was sixteen years old. Reaching for the bottle, I'd poured myself another glass, while going through a list of possible conversation starters before stating the real issue. I didn't feel comfortable yet with just getting to the point and the alcohol finally started to buzz after the ninth glass.

Pressing my body against the frame of the couch, I threw my head back, resting it against her legs. With closed eyes and a fogged conscious, this would be the first time I talked to anyone else, besides Shuichi in two weeks. "How's everything at home with your family?"

She shift slightly in her position as I heard her close the book. Even with my eyes shut, I knew the look she was given me, annoyance, but she didn't show it in her tone. "We're doing fine, Dietrich told me to tell you to visit soon and little Daemon want to see uncle Eiri too. My mom finally divorced my father and now she lives in America with her new fiancee and his two kids. My siblings are doing fine. Kassandra told me to tell you to ask Mika to call her and Amelia said she was going to kill that player of a brother of yours. Out of that, everyone is alive and well."

I just nodded, my hair bushed against the smoothness of her bare legs. A small moan escaped from my lips, glad to hear everyone is alright. "That's nice, I'm glad that all are alright and happy. Tell your husband and Daemon I'll visit soon. I haven't been to England in awhile. I heard the winters are very nice...I'll come sometimes in December." I knew I was babbling, my words dropping into a mumble.

"Eiri..." She was getting testy now.

"What?" I answered as innocently as possible.

Her fingers brushed against my forehead, knocking away the lose strands of blonde that concealed the hurt like a curtain. Against my skin, they felt feathery and soft, just like his touches. Only her's were more in a sibling way than a lover. She brought her fingers down more, tracing the lines that made up my eyes. Sometimes I wondered why she always does this, it's like she knows something that I don't. "Eiri...you're dying aren't you?" She whispered softly when she withdrawed her hand back.

I didn't say anything, my words froze within my throat. What is she talking about? I'm not dying, the doctor's said my ulcer was alright and as long as I don't stress, I'll be fine. "I'm not dying, Blu. I'm alright..." I tried to sound convincing, but I knew in the back of my mind, something with her words didn't settle right.

"I don't mean physcially dying, I meant emotionally and mentally. Remember, I know more about you than you know about yourself. Hell, even Seguchi can't top my knowledge of the infamous Eiri Yuki. Now, please talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

The moment of truth. My heart couldn't beat any faster now that the anxiety had died. Slowly my intakes of air became ragged, why was it suddenly hard for me to breath. Calm down Eiri, she'll understand. "It started two years ago..."

(Two Years Ago)

"So, you really did come, I'm shocked. I thought Shindou-san would be following you like a lost puppy or something."

It was the first time in years that I've been anywhere outside the country without Shuichi, but since I had a book signing and stuff, I took the opportunity. However, they had a few minor setback upon this arrival to New York. "I would prefer Shuichi than you tagging along anyday, Seguchi."

That evil minion that spawned from hell stood in front of me, his ceaulean eyes twinkling with mischief as he threw me one of his twisted smiles. Yes, Tohma Seguchi might as well be the devil himself, with all the mind games he plays on innocent people. "That's not nice, I thought you love me, Eiri-san?"

"Drop dead, Seguchi! Exactly why the hell are you here?" I didn't want to lolly-gag around any longer. I'm tired, the flight was horrible and all I wanted to do was go to my hotel room, call Shuichi and work on my other novel.

Seguchi just shrugged his shoulders, his eyes turned away from me for a second as he looked around the crowd streets of Time Square. This was the place of our meeting, in New York City. Sure, I'm one who like to go out for some fun, hit the latest nightclubs and bring some chick home to fulfill my sexual needs, but that was all in the past. I'm someone new, different, committed. Then the reason Seguchi brought my out here just made my temper rise. It's not like I don't like him, he's been there for me. However, the things he did in the past still left a wound that refuse to heal. So we're not on 'best buds' levels, but we're still somewhat close.

"Eiri...did you hear what I just said?" His persuasive voice returned and my thoughts disappeared. Reality started to become real once I saw his eyes back on me.

"Apparently not if I didn't answer you. Tell me what the hell you seriously want so I could go back to the hotel."

That twinkle returned as he grabbed my hand and without a word lead me down the opposite way we came. Whatever he had in mind, I had a bad feeling.

"That's when he brought you to his cabin, the place you hate more than anything, am I correct?" Blu asked me, trying to understand while analysing everything I've told her.

By now our positions had change. She was sitting up and I was on the couch, my head placed on her lap. Nodding, I gave her a sad look while continuing. "Yeah and if it wasn't for my tendency for alcohol and sweets, none of this would have happened. It's like, when we did what we did, it just felt so right. Isn't that wrong, to get excited by the man who married your sister and almost tried to destroy your lover?"

This time, her look changed from compassion and anger. I hoped it wasn't her mood swings, but I doubt she's one to let pregnancy win so easily with the sideaffects. "You know something, Eiri...you are a dumbass. How the hell could you sleep with Seguchi! I can't believe you, out of any fine and sexy guy in the world, it had to be him. Hell, you could have slept with Dietrich and I wouldn't even care as long as I get a tape or something in return." She snapped.

Ignoring that part with the live viewing of my sexual encounter with her husband, this was serious times. "I don't know what came over me, it's like the first time brought out this longing of need out. Since then, I couldn't control this urge and I hid it from Shuichi."

"How could you do this to poor Shindou-san? Why did you lie or at least tried to control your fucking horniness?"

I could see her anger boiling because her cheeks turned red to match her apple brown eyes. I didn't know who her anger was for, me or Seguchi. "How could I tell him that I've been sleeping with the enemy for two years?"

"TWO YEARS!" She screeched this time, right in my ear.

"Yes two years and I feel bad for doing it for that long. That night was suppose to be the only night, the mistake of our lives and we said we were going to stop."

She took a deep breath, trying to calm down before she do something that she'll regret. Her red face returned back to that olive color as she flashed her dangerous eyes down at me. "You know something, Shindou-san was right to leave your sorry ass."

"Blu..."

"No, I'm serious. You gone too far and now you have to suffer because of it. This is something you have to do, you need to figure out a way to get him to forgive you. If it was me, I wouldn't forgive your sorry ass, but I know Shindou-san and he's that kind of character."

"He won't forgive me."

"Well, then you are in shit creek."

"I really didn't mean to do any of that to him, you know I love him."

"If you love me so much, why the hell did you lie to me for two years, Eiri?" Another voice intervene with the conversation and both of us turned to the door. Standing there, with a pissed off look on his face and sad eyes was Shuichi. I didn't even hear the door unlock or open. I wonder how much of it he heard?

TBC