In her dorm room at Riverbend, Mallory hung up the phone and climbed the ladder up into her loft, which was basically the only place that she had any privacy. She had just spent the last half hour on the phone with her mom, trying to figure out Christmas arrangements, which had been both a saddening and frustrating experience. They had never really had to figure out Christmas arrangements before.
Once secure in the semi safe seclusion of her loft, Mallory allowed herself to let her guard down. She had avoided coming home since her parents had separated; continually offering flimsy excuses that she was sure her mom saw right through. She had even spent Thanksgiving in Boston with her roommate's family. She knew that she was acting like a child in trying to avoid her family and the reality of the situation, but at the same time that was better than facing everything that was going on. She had always been the type of person who was apt to run away or avoid her problems. This was not something that she was proud of.
It was just that she had ceased to be a real member of her family since she had began to attend Riverbend. Prior to this, she had been an integral and essential part of the family, but as the years went on the physical distance had also become an emotional one. Mallory acknowledged that this was largely her own fault. Knowing this, it had become harder to come home for visits as the years went on, and that was when her family had been the same as it always had been. Sure, she had always felt slightly uncomfortable, but at least it was familiar. She had no idea what to expect of her home and family now, and frankly, she really didn't want to find out.
Mallory mostly wondered how her brothers and sisters were dealing with everything. Byron called her about once a week to fill her in on things at home. He had stepped up to fill her role when she had left for boarding school, and she had to admit that he had done a great job. He took care of the family as best he could, and he was the only one of her siblings that hadn't let her escape. Try as she might, and there were some times that she had, she couldn't escape his calls. She was probably the closest to Byron out of all her siblings, and that was mainly due to persistence on his part. Her heart went out to him; she knew from personal experience that it was almost impossible to be the mature and responsible child. He didn't tell her much, but she could tell that he was taking the separation really hard. He blamed himself, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone. She knew exactly how he felt, it was a large part of the reason that she had left. Even so, there wasn't anything that she could think of to say to him to make him feel any better.
It had been such a long time since she had felt at home in Stoneybrook. Mallory had spent her whole life looking for somewhere that she belonged. The closest she had come was when she was a member of the Babysitter's Club, which had been what had made her eleventh year bearable. Now she hadn't spoken to most of those girls in years, and she really had no desire to. She was comfortable, for the most part, at Riverbend, but even so, there was a distance between her and most of the other students. Everyone knew that she was here on a scholarship, and while most people didn't acknowledge this fact, it still made a difference and everyone knew it. The fact that her family had eight kids and a modest income prevented her from truly fitting in at Riverbend. That, and the wall that Mallory had erected around herself. However, it was easier for her to blame her family than her self, so she often did just that.
Sometimes she dreamed that everything would be better next year, when she went off to college. If everything went according to plan, she would be studying creative writing at New York University. Mallory imagined college to be the great equalizer: no one would care where she came from, how big her family was, or how much money her parents made. They wouldn't even care that her parents were divorced.
Ever since her parents had broken the news to all of the Pike siblings, Mallory had tried with great effort to convince herself that the separation and eventual divorce would not be a big deal. That's what she had told anyone who had asked how she was doing, and what she reminded herself of whenever the thought came to her mind. In fact, she had said it so much and so often, with such confidence, that she had almost started to believe it.
Then her mom called to talk about Christmas arrangements, and everything had fallen to pieces. If there was a need to make Christmas arrangements, then there would be a need to make similar arrangements for subsequent future events, like graduations, birthdays, holidays, and weddings. Mallory's mind was racing as she the many possible arrangements that would have to be made throughout the course of her life.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
Mallory really had been kidding herself to believe that nothing would change with the divorce. Everything was changing, and it hurt so much. It would be so easy to withdraw and distance herself from it, like she had been doing with everything that hurt over the past years. However, in the back of her mind, Mallory knew if she continued that pattern, eventually she wouldn't really have a family to come back to. At this point, Mallory had a promise to herself that she would reconnect, at least on some level, with each of her siblings while she was home for Christmas.