Byron Pike was so incredibly tired. He could easily say that the last two months had been the longest of his life, and that was even considering the decade that had been his tenth year. Byron was the oldest brother, and had taken that role very seriously his whole life, especially after Mallory went away to boarding school. As a result of this, he had always felt an overwhelming responsibility to his family. This was a responsibility that he both enjoyed and cherished; he had always felt a sense of pride in being there for his siblings and parents. He loved being a part of the Pike family. That's how it had been until about two months ago, anyway, when his parents had announced that they were separating, and would be obtaining an official divorce shortly thereafter.
He hadn't ever dared to say it out loud, but this had kind of hurt himself personally. Actually, it had hurt him in ways that he couldn't explain. Even though his parents had repeatedly stressed that the kids had nothing to do with their relationship or this decision, he couldn't help feeling like he hadn't tried hard enough. When he had finally gotten over the fact that he couldn't save his parents relationship, he had instead vowed that he would do everything in his power to help his siblings into the new stage of their family life. However, it didn't seem like he was doing a very good job at this either. The more he tried to be there for his siblings, the less they seemed to need him. Except for Nicky, of course, who was constantly at his side, clamoring for attention. It pained Byron in ways that he couldn't explain to watch Margo and Claire escape deeper into themselves and their own problems, rebuffing his efforts to help.
Right now, Byron felt more discouraged than anything. It seemed like nothing he could do could help his family. This was further reinforced when his mom had asked if he had any opinion on what the family would do for Christmas. He suspected that not being together with all of his siblings and both of his parents for the holiday would be worse than the initial weeks of the separation; holidays were made for families to spend time together.
The way he saw it, even in the best possible scenario, both of his parents would be spending some time alone on Christmas, even if he himself was always with one of his parents and his siblings. In the worst scenario, he and his siblings would split up. He hated the thought of that; it was bad enough that he hardly ever saw Mallory. Forget, presents, the only thing that he wanted this Christmas was for his family to be together.
Sometimes he would close his eyes and pretend that his family was the way it always used to be. Except that wasn't ideal either, as it hurt him to think that his parents had been unhappy together for any amount of time. Byron just wanted everyone in his family to be happy. Just being with his family was what made him happy, and he didn't understand why everyone else didn't feel that way. Mallory and Jordan just wanted to get out of Stoneybrook as fast as they can, and never look back. He could never do that. He had even thought about staying at home and going to Stoneybrook University for a few years, so he could help his mom with the younger kids. He didn't know what he wanted to study in college yet, so he figured it would be a good idea to explore his options. Also, it would be cheaper, which was something to consider. He knew his parents hardly had the money to send eight kids through college.
Still, it was hard to think that far into the future when he was so unsure about the present. How could he think about college when he didn't even know what they were doing at Christmas? He wanted to spend as much time with both of his parents, as to not hurt them, or to make them think that he preferred one over the other. He tried to spend at least two nights a week at his father's new apartment, and he was certainly over there more than any of his siblings. Well, except for Nicky, who came with him most nights. As much as he tried to feel at home there, he didn't really. His dad worked late most nights, and there was something really impersonal about sleeping on a futon in your father's guest room. He mostly went there to keep his dad company. He preferred to be at home with everyone else, though he would never tell that to his father.
Right now was one of those times where he really had no idea of what to do. He couldn't go back into the past and prevent anything, nor was he too sure of his ability to make a difference in the current situation. Sometimes he felt so discouraged that he just wanted to remove himself from the situation completely, to do anything so that he could stop thinking about what a mess everything had become. Only his underlying and unwavering love for his family kept him from doing this. Besides, the Pike family stuck together, end of story. And Byron knew that despite everything that had happened in the past two months, and the different directions that he and his parents and siblings would take in the future, this would prove true above all else. The way he saw things, they really didn't have a choice.