INSIDE THE MIND OF TIGERCLAW
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Oh. My. Tigerclaw.
Bluestar must be thinking about Oakheart again.
Yeah, we all acted like it was a huge shock but we all knew.
Old Blue picked Lionheart as her deputy.
Him, instead of me?
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I AM YOUR STARCLAN!
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"The wonderful thing about Tiggy, is Tiggy's a wonderful thing!"
"Tiggy?"
"What, kittypet?"
"You're bouncing up and down on your tail again."
"..." (runs away)
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"I CAN'T MAKE IT ON MY OWN. BECAUSE MY HEART IS IN O-HIIIIIII-OOOOOO!"
"What's an Ohio?"
"Some emo place where pleasantly plump murders sing and cry together."
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense."
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Oh. My. Me.
Lionheart is dead.
Old Blue picked me as deputy.
You know what that means?
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IT PEANUT BUTTER JELLYTIME.
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"Dottedsmeef?"
"It's Spottedleaf.
"Just so you know, the kittypet that knows I killed Reddy, I think he's got the hots."
"OMG 4 MEH!oneone"
"No, for Graypaw. Or Grewpaw as seen on page 141 of the first epic novel of our adventures."
"..."
"How do you say, '...'?"
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Runningwind told me to stop trying to eat him.
I'm a growing cat.
Around the midsection.
I think I'll kill him next greenleaf.
One more year.
Your days are numbered, pal.
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Great Balls Of Fire isn't digging my black fur.
I wonder what he'll think about the fishnets.
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"SANDPAW! I SUMMON THEE!"
"Oh my Tigerclaw, what now?"
"I AM YOUR FATHER."
"Oh sick. Goldenflower...you...? Oh my father."
"That makes you Jesus!"
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I am your StarClan!
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"Sandpaw is your Jesus!"
"Tiggy, she's a chick! She can't be Jesus!"
"Chick? OH!" (eats)
"...well there goes the new prophecy."
"Lardo."
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It's hard to be an angsty emo StarClan.
Maybe I'll lose weight.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
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More for Goldenflower to love.
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More mmmm in the middle.
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Great Balls Of Fire got his warriro name.
He's cute when he second-guesses his roots.
No one cares that he was a kittypet.
But now, his new nickname is 'kittypet'."
So I can see the angst.
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Today I saw Brackenpaw eating a plant.
Licking sap off of trees.
It was weird.
He must be one of those vegetarians like Kittypet's Twolegs were.
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Just...effing weird.
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He's going to fall in love with some cat who is years younger than him.
Tis StarClan's intuition.
I need a life.