Blood Requiem Chapter 8: Breaking The Habit, a twilight fanfic

Blood Requiem

Part Seven: Breaking The Habit

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I was hauling serious ass down the streets, driving at breakneck speeds back to my current hide-away at the hole-in-the-wall motel outside of Forks. I still couldn't believe it. How I reacted back at that meadow—because of the two of them! It tore me apart to see how much they cared for each other. It reminded me too much of what Andrew and I had. The pain swept over me again, blurring my vision, but I continued to drive fiercely. I had lost him. I had lost Andrew forever.

...Oh, how foolish we were to think

That immortality never meant dying...

I pulled into the parking lot, tires screaming, as I hit the breaks. When I saw how much Bella loved that monster—so selflessly— I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't kill her. I still hated Edward more than any other being on the face of this earth, but I couldn't hate Isabella.

I should leave. I should stay away. I should hold my hate but wait for my oblivion. And purgatory. God knows I need it. I've done enough harm for one lifetime. I've lied, cheated, stolen, and murdered—all more than once. The only sin I hadn't committed was adultery. And I would never, not with the memories of Andrew I held dear. I wouldn't betray his memory like that. I laughed at the thought. All of it was beside the point.

Maybe... Maybe it would be better if I just let go of this life. End it, and have my purgatory come all the more quickly. Start over. Maybe it would be best to just... let go. I could get rid of the pain. Who knows, maybe I'll find a way to just stay in purgatory, instead of going on to a next life. I don't want to go on. All this pain, and hate, and love, it's all too much. Go figure— I'm feeling a little suicidal right now. It's happened before, the depression, of course it has, but not like this.

All it would take is some water in the lungs... even witches need oxygen to survive, and then that would be it. I couldn't slit my wrists or throat, the wounds would just seal up and I'd be fine. Short of throwing myself into a wood chipper then an incinerator (which I'm not sure how I would manage that..) drowning is the only feasible 'mode of execution' for someone like me, or being burned alive. But I'd probably be doing enough burning where I would go.

But, something was still bothering me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I got the sense it was... very important. I sighed, dragging my fingers through my hair. Something... significant was going to happen. I dropped into the armchair, sighed again, and paused a moment.

"Damn it! This all so confusing!" I protested aloud, digging my fingers into my hair furiously.

I sighed for a third time, then laced my fingers together, my head bent forward over my clasped hands in concentration.

"What is it that's going to happen?" I thought.

There is a creature after the girl—Bella. A vampire. A bad one.

"What's that supposed to mean, 'a bad one'?"

A vampire that actually eats humans.

So? What's all this to me?" I thought, although when I thought of Bella being killed, I felt a twinge of...pity? Regret? Sadness? Something like that. How hypocritical was that?

Edward won't make it in time to save her, neither will any of the other vampires in his coven. But you would be able to...

"Me? Risk my life for a human girl—the lover of the monster that killed my own love? Do you really think—" Suddenly, a strong force threw me out of the chair, slamming me against a wall, pinning me there.

You obstinate, unruly outcast! How dare you! That human is destined for great things, you will do what you can to spare that girl from the wrath of that vampire!

"Forgive me, I spoke carelessly." I apologized reluctantly, grating my teeth in frustration. "How am I to help?"

The girl will be traveling in the truck, she is going to the Indian town near the coast, La Push, to speak with a friend. On the way, the vampire will strike, and take her to the forest from the road. You need to find them and stop the vampire before she kills the girl.

"The vampire is female?" I was surprised.

Yes. She is known as Victoria, but that is not important, take this road then go down...

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(BPOV)

"Will you be alright?" Edward asked me for the thousandth time.

"Yes, Edward I'm perfectly fine, it's only a little cut."

"I'm so sorry I abandoned you—this is all my fault, if I had just stayed with you instead of try to get Victoria..." I placed a hand over his mouth to silence him.

"It's alright, Edward. That's all in the past—"

"The recent past," he sulked. He brushed his cold fingers over the bandage covering my cut.

"Edward, please don't sulk," I asked softly, placing my hands on either side of his face.

"I wonder what happened to her." Edward said, a dark look clouding his features.

"She couldn't take it," I said quietly.

"What?"

"I could see, how it was affecting her... I mean, what would you do? If I died? Put yourself in her place. You found the perfect person whom loves you, and you love them back. Then someone kills that person. What would you do? If someone took you away from me, I don't know what I'd do, but it would probably be worse than what Cassandra did. If someone took you away from me, I wouldn't hesitate to kill them." I was surprised by the frostiness in my voice.

"But, what I don't understand is why she ran away." Edward said, perplexed.

"When she saw... how much we cared about each other, I guess it reminded her of Andrew, the guy she loved." At this, Edward gave me a curious look. "She told me earlier the man she loved was named Andrew." I sighed.

Suddenly, Edward pulled out his phone. It must have been on vibrate, because he was now talking with someone on the other line.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"It's been settled. The wolves were also hunting Victoria, and my family and them got into a dispute, but it's fine now. Even if Victoria got away..." he trailed off and started again, "but the wolves went home, and everything's fine, for now. There's some business I have to attend to back home, but I'll be back soon. It's just that Alice's foresight doesn't seen to be working for some reason, something's off—but it's nothing, don't worry, this has happened before, there are just a few things for my family and I to deal with." Edward bent down to give me a kiss on the cheek and then he crossed my room over to the window and slipped silently into the coming dusk.

I sighed, and retrieved my shoes from under my bed and walked out my bedroom door. I was going to see Jacob; I needed to talk to him.

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(CPOV)

Following the directions It gave me, I was speeding down the darkening streets—dusk was fast approaching, when vampires are most dangerous: at night—trying to save the life some human girl from being slaughtered. What 'great things' would this human accomplish? What did It mean? Well I guess it's best to not question one of the most powerful forces of the Universe. I shrugged, relenting. But part of me did care what happens to Bella, and that part of me wondered, in other circumstances, if we could have been friends. It was a strange feeling. I, myself, was starting to wonder of Bella's potential as a friend.

I turned my full attention back to the dark road. Suddenly, I saw something in the gloom, something big, and red...

I fixed the beginning, the song wasn't in italics. I'm putting up part eight right after this.