Warning: Extreme OOC (there's a reason for this and it will be explained as chapter progresses), weirdness, sexual references and foul language. Any misspellings or wrong grammar is unintentional. I am my own beta. I could have missed some stuff.
I do not own Naruto.
ROOM-MATE
Iruka was not the type to hold grudges against anyone for a very long time. A week passed since Kakashi's obnoxious actions with the rolling pin and the voodoo doll. Just as Iruka thought, he didn't die the next day of dismemberment (or in any other way for that matter). However, he did reach a conclusion that Kakashi was officially insane.
Kakashi still hammered the lights off; Iruka actually once over heard Kakashi's conversation over the cell phone that the bulbs were quite pricey and was taking its toll on his wallet. Once, Iruka came home after a group discussion in one of his classes to find Kakashi racing a bunch of turtles down the hallway, the turtles' backs numbered with a black marker. Iruka remembered that he was stunned beyond belief at watching Kakashi on his knees in the middle of the hallway, with people behind him hooting and cheering for turtle number six to win the race; the finish line was a good ten feet ahead. The race ended by eleven thirty and it turned out that turtle number eleven won.
Four days ago, Iruka woke up to the sound of the television playing a rather annoying jingle for a candy ad. He sat up, bleary and tired from last night's review just to see Kakashi flipping the channel to find another bunch of commercials. Iruka watched the grown up man memorize every jingle for fifteen minutes before Kakashi got up and left, all the while singing the annoying toothpaste jingle that involved shiny teeth, no cavities or plaque. It continued on the whole day, with Kakashi humming out every single commercial he watched earlier in the morning in verbatim. Iruka resorted to borrowing Izumo's earplugs (Gai can get quite loud with his speeches) just so he can block out Kakashi's voice.
That evening, while Iruka snuggled deep under his covers, he heard the window crash to pieces and bolted up to see just what happened. There was a hole in the window and Kakashi was lying back down, folding his arms under his head. Iruka stared at him wide eyed, knowing that it was Kakashi that was responsible for the broken window. What baffled Iruka more was when Kakashi stood up and opened the broken window properly.
"What're you lookin' at? I was hot." Kakashi said before lying back down in bed and falling asleep.
Two days ago, Iruka went through the toughest afternoon of his life. People kept coming and asking around for him. He ended up donating blood for the needy - it left him with a pounding headache for the rest of the day - and helping in restoring old library books by rebinding an entire section with other volunteers. When he asked who signed him up, all the answer he got was that it was a tall young lad with silver hair.
Iruka had to resist beating Kakashi to death while the guy was napping when he got home that day.
That morning, Iruka woke up and screamed, backing up against the wall when he found a knife sticking out from under the blanket where Kakashi was supposed to be sleeping in. In his panic, he got up and quickly pulled the covers away just to find a cantaloupe on the pillow with the knife sticking out of it. Kakashi re-entered the room just then, holding a bigger knife. Iruka watched in stupefied silence as Kakashi jerked the smaller knife off the cantaloupe and hacked the fruit in half with the bigger knife, tossing one half in to the bin and leaving the room with his backpack.
It was the last straw; Iruka felt distraught and quickly dialed a number in to his cell phone.
"Hey, Izumo! I can't stand this guy anymore! Can you guys come over?" Iruka asked, voice trembling.
XXX
Iruka spat everything he went through for the past week and a half at Izumo and Kotetsu.
"He had a voodoo doll of me! He ripped the limbs apart! He stomped on me! The doll-me!" Iruka said and quickly pointed at the chicken posters that Izumo and Kotetsu gawked at for a good minute when they entered the room. They still kept throwing glances at it from their position on the floor rug. "Look at those chickens! Who the hell puts chickens on their wall?"
Izumo and Kotetsu gave the posters another look and shivered.
"Okay, calm down." Izumo pushed Iruka's finger aside and patted his hand. "It's all right. It's not as bad as it seems."
"Not as bad as it seems?" Iruka screeched the question out. "Didn't you hear me when I said that he has a hammer -"
"A hammer collection. Yes we heard. You mentioned that part fifteen times already." Kotetsu patted Iruka's shoulders. "Iruka, it's all right. It's just for three months remember?"
"Exactly." Izumo nodded. "We will back in our own rooms, in our own bathrooms without any weird signs and we won't have to put up with -"
The lock turned as voices sounded out from the other side. Iruka hushed Kotetsu and Izumo just as the door swung open and a stranger Iruka didn't recognize step in. Kakashi followed in and gestured to the room.
"As you can see, the room is quite in order, you're on one side and the other is mine. You can have a look at the bathroom, only cleaned with Clorox and Detol." Kakashi said, gesturing towards the bathroom door.
"May I -"
"Please. Go ahead." Kakashi nodded, paying no attention to the trio on the floor, acting as if they weren't even present.
"It seems pretty clean and orderly." The visitor said, turning to look at Iruka. "Uhm, isn't he -"
"Oh him? Don't worry. He won't be here for long." Kakashi said, smiling and pulling the door open again. "Let's discuss more of this matter downstairs, shall we?"
The young man grinned, dipped his head at the trio and followed Kakashi out the door.
When the door clicked shut, Iruka pointed at said door and glared at Izumo and Kotetsu.
"You're right. He's one rude and crazy motherfucker." Kotetsu nodded, patting Iruka's shoulder once again as Izumo dug out beer and chips from his backpack.
XXX
When Iruka woke up that Saturday morning, he had a throbbing headache and was lying face down on his pillow. His shirt was gone and his hair was unbound. He turned to his side and found a bleary blob of black and blue in front of him.
"Wha -"
"You were so drunk last night."
Iruka stared at the blob again, trying to blink awake and to shake the dizziness away, feeling a little more relaxed as Genma threaded his fingers through his unbound hair. "Kakashi?"
"It's Genma actually."
Iruka's vision cleared then and he all but shoved Genma from his seating position on the side of his own bed. "What the fuck are you doing on my bed?"
Genma grunted from the floor. "After I took the liberty of taking your friends home and tucking you in, this is how -"
Iruka peered under his pants just to make sure nothing was missing. "Get out!"
"Hey now -" Genma got back to his feet.
"Get out, now!" Iruka pointed at the door. "And if you dare do anything to -"
"Shut your mouth." Kakashi said, stepping out from the bathroom.
"You! Don't you dare tell me to -" Iruka pointed and glared at Kakashi, headache pounding.
"I would have expected more from you. Do I treat you or your petty little friends the same way you're treating mine?" Kakashi said, moving to examine one of his jars.
"Don't lecture me on politeness! This man - this person - this - this -"
"Would you like some water?" Genma leered.
Iruka kicked out to keep Genma away and a good five feet from his bed.
Kakashi frowned and stared with a wide eye at one of his jars. "You! You touched this, didn't you?"
"Wha - I didn't touch your bloody jars!" Iruka struggled to get up and clutched his head in his hands. The room was suddenly spinning.
"Shit." Kakashi covered his nose with his hand and grabbed Genma by the collar, throwing Iruka a glare before leaving the room with a loud door slam.
Iruka groaned just as bile rose up to his throat, his feet not fast enough to carry him towards the bathroom.
He spent that entire morning scrubbing every inch of carpet in the room, just in case his roommate points out that he missed spot and throws a tantrum.
XXX
"You missed a spot here." Kakashi pointed beside his bed.
Iruka continued typing his paper.
"The room smells."
Iruka typed faster.
"Did you forget to use Detol?"
Iruka gritted his teeth and pressed the keys harder than he should.
"You can't clean to save your ass, you poor loser."
Iruka sucked in a breath and counted one to ten mentally, trying to ignore Kakashi's words.
Kakashi on the other hand, continued dishing out comments from how smelly Iruka's bed sheets were (not true, because Iruka changed them that day and his sheets smelled like the lavender scented fabric softener he used) to how ugly, primitive and slow his current laptop was (Iruka was not a very rich person). Iruka was ready to throw his room slippers at Kakashi's head when his cell phone rang.
"You have no taste. Absolutely none. What kind of ring tone -"
Iruka pressed the answer key. "Yah?" Izumo was speaking excitedly on the other phone, which in turn made Iruka shut his mouth and completely forget his temper. Without thinking, Iruka got up and started packing his laptop and study notes, grabbing a change of clothes, his toothbrush and shampoo and stuffing them all in a small bag. "This has got to be the best news ever!" Iruka said, happiness glowing in his face.
Kakashi was staring at him blankly as he rushed about the room.
"See ya!" Iruka closed his cell phone, stuffed it in his back pocket and grabbed his bags. "See you in three days. Oh and I didn't miss a spot. Maybe you need glasses. Or a better nose." Iruka grinned and slammed the door shut behind him, completely basking in the happiness of seeing Kakashi looking at him blankly.
When he got to Izumo's place that was free from any presence of Gai (who had a soccer tournament to attend to in another city), there was a basket full of chocolate, sodas, chips and pizza waiting for him in the middle of the room. Kotetsu was already dishing out the pizza.
"What took you so long?" Izumo said.
"Kakashi." Iruka grinned and dropped his bags in the corner of the room and joined his two friends for dinner and a whole evening of fun.
XXX
Iruka returned back to his room the evening Gai was supposed to return to come face to face with a hamburger smelling room. The smell of grilled burgers was so strong that Iruka couldn't blame it on his hunger. When he looked around, he found the paper bag of the popular burger joint sitting on Kakashi's bed. The sound of water running sounded off from the slightly ajar bathroom door. Iruka was just pulling off his shirt when Kakashi stepped in, drying his hand with a towel and slowly sitting on his bed.
Iruka kept his back turned to Kakashi and he could feel the other's stare; no doubt it was because of the large scar in the center of his back. Iruka felt fidgety and quickly pulled on an old sleeveless shirt before taking a tentative sniff of the air. He could hear the rustle of paper bags as he emptied his backpack of dirty clothes and tossed them in to his laundry basket. He could hear the burger wrapper being peeled and he could most definitely smell the grilled burger patties; it was not his imagination.
It couldn't be a vegetable burger. Iruka knew that for a fact because he hated the smell of vegetable burgers and can spot them amidst anything.
He heard the popping of the soda can lid and then more burger wrapper rustling. Iruka damned his curiosity to hell when he turned to eye Kakashi with an almost accusing stare.
"Is that a hamburger?" Iruka asked slowly, disbelieving.
TBC
Heh. This chapter was actually too long. Had to hack it in half and just keep it within my page-limit update.
Detol - A disinfectant brand. Should be a world-wide brand.
I must thank you all once again. My goodness. I can't believe the amount of reviews I keep getting. And the reactions are priceless. Demonrubberducky never ceases to amuse me to giggle fits with her reviews. Thank you all again!