Warning: OOC, weirdness, sexual references and foul language. Now with added fluff, angst and sexual content. Any misspellings or wrong grammar is unintentional. I am my own beta. I could have missed some stuff.
I do not own Naruto.
ROOM-MATE
Iruka did manage to pull clothes out of the closet and pull it on just as Kakashi poked his head from the bedroom door to see if he was done. He was pulling on a shirt over his towel-dried head when he felt arms snake around his waist, smiling lips pressing a kiss on his temple. He stiffened at first but subconsciously started to relax as the curves and dips of his body seemed to fit just right with Kakashi's own. He pushed the thoughts and nervousness of his little discovery and released the breath he was holding slowly.
"You know, I never said it before, but I love it when you're in my clothes." Kakashi whispered, rocking them both gently from side to side.
"Surprisingly, they are very comfortable." Iruka said, leaning further against the broad back behind him, enjoying the feel of Kakashi's heat warming him.
"Sore?"
"I'm limping." Iruka chuckled.
Kakashi dipped his head, hiding his face in to the old fading black shirt Iruka took out of his drawer. Judging from the tensed posture Kakashi had, Iruka guessed that the man was feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."
Iruka bumped his head playfully against Kakashi's, chuckling some more. "Silly man. I asked for this, remember? And unless my memory is wrong, I even begged for it."
"Still. I don't ever want to hurt you, even in sex. But you just make me lose control." The hands around Iruka's waist snuck in to the waistband of the loose sweatpants, tugging at the boxers' waistband as Iruka cocked an eyebrow. Kakashi peered over Iruka's shoulders, eyeing the label. "Oh, my favorite pair."
Iruka glanced at the hand tugging at the boxers' waistband, cheeks heating up that he could feel his ears burning against Kakashi's cool ear; he pulled Kakashi's hands away from its hold on the waistband. "You did tell me to sift through the drawer. I picked the first one I caught hand of."
Kakashi threw his head back and laughed at Iruka's embarrassment, nuzzling his neck with his nose as his arms tightened around Iruka's middle, lifting him off the ground a bit in his affectionate hold. Iruka completely forgot what he discovered then, laughing along with Kakashi as the guy threw them both against the beanbag chair in the corner of the room, Iruka landing in a heap over Kakashi's lap.
A snuggle session ensued, with Kakashi tucking Iruka's head under his chin and sitting him in between his legs, fingers reaching up to idly stroke the long dark locks. "You know, after all that's happened and taken place, I don't think I'd want you to move out of the room anymore."
Iruka turned his head so that he was looking up at Kakashi's jaw. He reached up and tugged the pale chin down so that Kakashi would meet his curious gaze. "Really?"
"I wouldn't want to leave you out of my sight right now." Kakashi leaned down and touched their noses together, eyes crossing a bit at their close proximity.
"Stop being silly. Do you know what would happen if I remained in the room?
"I know I'd be doing you every night." Kakashi teased, sucking on Iruka's jaw line.
"Exactly. Unlike your house, sweetheart, our room has paper thin walls. And I know I'm far from being quiet."
Kakashi laughed and kissed him then. "Gods, I love you so much." Iruka stiffened, falling deathly silent. He could feel Kakashi hold his breath as the weight of the words settled over them.
Iruka started to grow uncomfortable, shifting in his reclined position and hiding his face into the fabric of Kakashi's shirt, hands fisting on the ripped jeans over Kakashi's knee. "I still don't think it's going to work out."
Kakashi shifted underneath him, pushing to stand; Iruka got on his feet and shakily run his fingers through his hair, heart beating wildly against his ribcage. "I hope you don't mind ready-made breakfast. I'd cook if I can but I woke up late."
Iruka glanced at him from the corner of his eye, watching as Kakashi moved towards the closet and pull off his jeans, tossing it over the bed. Pale hands grabbed at the first pair of dark colored sweatpants in the folded stack and quickly pulled it on.
"Kakashi -"
"I made coffee and tea. You can take your pick." Kakashi said, smiling up at him and tilting his head towards the door. "We should go eat. I'm kinda' starving." He rubbed the back of his silver head sheepishly and it broke Iruka's heart to see the slightly taller man trying to maintain a cheery facade even after his previous slip up.
"You don't have to do this." Iruka sighed.
"No, I do. It's personal. I fucked you last night and now I have to be the perfect gentleman and take good care of you." reined
Iruka felt his hands fist up as he reined his temper in. Kakashi was a coward that much he can tell. "Is that your cowardice doing the talking or your ego or just your pigheadedness?"
"Excuse me?"
"What was that just now?"
"Iruka-"
"I'm terrified. You scare me but I am trying. And I know I am falling in love with you. But at least I wouldn't pretend like I didn't say anything after I said something as - as -" Iruka swallowed and looked away, giving Kakashi his back as he shook. "You're a coward."
"Hey!" Kakashi's voice was quiet but so loud at the same time. It pierced through Iruka like a harpoon. "I am everything but a coward. You don't even know shit about me; you don't even know what I've been through or what I'm going through! Don't go throwing fucking accusations like that without thinking!"
"You don't know anything about me either! What gives you the right to say things like that and not mean it? What?" Iruka yelled, face flushing red from anger.
"That's just the thing!" Kakashi fired back, voice still quiet yet so loud as his hands fisting on his side. "I did mean it, goddamn it! What made you think that I didn't? I do love you, you idiot! You're the one acting like it's a crime or sin to love you. What the hell was I supposed to do? I sure as hell didn't know what then! I sure as hell don't know now!"
A resounding crack rang out through the room as Kakashi's fist connected with the wall, the plaster cracking. Iruka stared wide eyed at the cracked wall, holding the breath in his chest as he paled and completely forgot his anger then and there. Kakashi's brute strength and loss of his temper - which was rather uncharacteristic of him since Iruka did think that he was the quiet sort of person and didn't allow raging emotions to show unless he really wanted to or in this case, he couldn't control it - shook Iruka and made him take an involuntary step back, body tensing and bracing itself. Kakashi was reminding him of Mizuki - eyes blazing, muscles clenched and neck flushing red from his temper - whenever their fight got too heated. Without thinking, Iruka got ready to fight back should the need arise.
Kakashi blinked when he saw Iruka raise his arm slightly in an attempt to defend himself. The change was almost immediate; Iruka watched as Kakashi started to look extremely guilty and worried, the hand on the wall dropping down to his side. Iruka swallowed thickly as he watched Kakashi take a step towards him cautiously. His legs automatically moved back and at this, Kakashi moved in two large strides to hold him. Without thinking, Iruka raised an arm over his head in a defensive position and started to struggle when Kakashi wrapped his arms around him tightly and possessively.
He whimpered, fingers digging in to Kakashi's arm with such force that it broke through the skin.
Kakashi pinned him against the wall, using his large frame to his advantage and pressing himself flat against Iruka's smaller frame, lips pressed firmly against his neck. "What are you afraid of? What's holding you back? Is it someone else?" Kakashi asked, the hands pressed firmly against Iruka's back pushed further so that Iruka was flush against Kakashi; if bodies could merge, Iruka doubted he and Kakashi would be separable. "Was it someone else? The one who marked you so deeply?" Iruka stopped breathing when Kakashi moved to press his hand right over the jagged scar on his back. The hot touch made him swallow dryly. Iruka turned his face away, looking off to one side of the wall. He didn't want Kakashi to see his face and hoped that his loose hair hid his pained expression well. "Because I am going to wait and prove to you that only cowards would dare leave a mark so deep on someone else."
"Please let go, Kakashi." Iruka said quietly, closing his eyes. "Please."
"No." Kakashi forced Iruka to look up in to his mismatched eyes; Iruka knew he must've looked absolutely pitiful because Kakashi's face looked heartbroken. "I can't do that."
"Kakashi ..."
"Because only a fucking coward would let go of you now. And I am no coward."
Iruka didn't know why he was hurting at the moment. He looked up at Kakashi's expression and watched as the heartbroken face turned to that of a worried and almost alert one. He knew that his face must've looked absolutely shattered. Iruka thought it wise to not say anything anymore and instead, he looked down, eyes staring at a spot on Kakashi's shirt. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Kakashi's waist, forehead resting on one of Kakashi's shoulders. In a possessive manner, Kakashi held him again.
How much time passed by with him tucked safely in Kakashi's arms, he didn't know. But when Kakashi did pull back and entwined their fingers together, gently tugging him towards the small kitchen, Iruka knew then and there that he was getting himself in to something far too big for his own good. Kakashi was a mysterious man (it boggled him at how Kakashi could switch moods so fast) and as they sat down quietly beside each other to have some of the breakfast Kakashi bought earlier - with the dogs napping under the small kitchen table - Iruka couldn't help but feel like he was in the wrong place and the wrong time. He didn't want to say that he was regretting coming to sleep with the man, but watching Kakashi eat his breakfast like he was all alone in the world, Iruka really had to wonder if Kakashi had any place in his heart for him.
Iruka hoped it was just him jumping to conclusions.
XXX
Kakashi left Iruka alone in the living room to answer what seemed to be like an important phone call. Iruka could hear Kakashi's muffled yet irritated tone coming from the bedroom as he lay on his side on the comfortable long couch. The dogs were scattered around him, Pakkun and Ishi lying curled by his foot while Manju remained lying belly-up on the floor, pawing playfully at Iruka's dangling hand. Every once in a while, Iruka would tickle the exposed belly playfully, earning him happy pants of appreciation and a good whine or two. Megane, Miira and Chibi were watching Iruka play with Manju, ears twitching and tails wagging.
Somewhere in the middle of Iruka's playful tickles, Koushi decided to leap out from behind the bunch of potted plants in the corner of Kakashi's corner and tackle Iruka, landing on Iruka's belly and nearly knocking the wind out of the thin man. Iruka started to laugh heartily when Koushi sat on his hind legs right over his belly and raised both paws up, tail wagging. The other quiet trio sat up in the same manner, Pakkun and Ishi turning a lazy eye towards them as Manju tugged Iruka down to the floor. Iruka rolled over, landing on the floor on his side as he was suddenly swamped with dogs. Chibi's large paws rested themselves over his knees, his large head pillowed over them. Miira and Megane took the spot on his hips while Koushi dropped his head over Iruka's shoulder. Pakkun and Ishi came to join him, using his forearm as a cuddling object.
Iruka was officially the dogs' pillow.
He stared up at the ceiling, a sad smile on his lips as he remembered how Goro would pretty much curl up against him like how Kakashi's dogs were at the moment. Being in the midst of the dogs' display of affection, Iruka started to feel a wave of weakness drown him. His eyes started to water as he realized just how alone he really was, having lost the few things he could really go home to and call family.
Iruka pushed himself to a sitting position, wincing at the pain on his backside as he dipped his head forward; the dogs seemed startled at the change of attitude and looked up at him with curious eyes. Iruka stared in to each and every beady pair, eyes glossing over as he smiled at all of them weakly.
"It must be nice being part of someone's life, huh?" Iruka blinked and rubbed at his eyes with the back of his head as the dogs peered at him even closer; Manju and Ishi started to nuzzle Iruka's arm with their noses. "His life and all? It's nice, ne? Family and stuff? You guys must be so grateful."
How the dogs understood, Iruka wasn't sure. But Goro had been the same during the days he still breathed life; Goro would know when Iruka was upset or happy or when he was about to cry and on such occasions, Goro would either cuddle on his lap, or press his chin over Iruka's shoulder in a shoulder-to-cry-on offer. Iruka never cried much back then, but he did have his moments. Seeing Chibi just flop his big head in the middle of Iruka's crossed legs and Megane and Koushi place their chins over his shoulders, Iruka bit his lower lip and found himself viciously fighting the tears down.
It was a million things at once; the loss of his best friend, the loss of his family, the loss of his lover and loveable dog and his pitiful current state. What he cried for the most was that no matter how much affection he held for Kakashi (even though the amount was yet to be admitted to himself), his instincts were already warning him that this relationship might be the end of him. That whatever 'relationship' he had with Kakashi was going to be a dream and will always remain as one. What he hated the most was that he could feel it like a silent ticking bomb in the back of his head but was too lost in his 'feelings' for the man to even fight him.
He hated his weakness and he hated the amount of control (surprisingly) Kakashi had over him.
Iruka knew he lost (he just couldn't pin down what and when he lost exactly, but the feeling was there).
Ishi moved to steal a cuddle but Iruka had his face buried over Chibi's large head, arms looped loosely around Megane and Koushi's neck as Miira remained snuggled against his back. Iruka lost all sense around him as he bore his weakness (gritting his teeth and screwing his eyelids shut so tight that they started to hurt) to the loyal and almost empathic pack giving the best comfort a pet could offer.
Ishi and Pakkun climbed over Chibi's large back and started to nuzzle Iruka's head, pained whines filling the room. Warm paws patted at Iruka's hair in a gesture that was meant to comforting and heartfelt; it only worsened Iruka's emotional state. Iruka had to bite down his lower lip to keep himself grounded and not drift away with his storming feelings. It wasn't until he felt arms circle him from his side did he startle out of his torrential spinning thoughts and forgot momentarily that he was just about to cry. He stared wide eyed at Kakashi, who looked like he was about to wet his pants from worry.
"Tell me what I did this time. What did I do to make you like this?" Kakashi asked, the dogs backing away and scampering off their room to give their master some privacy.
"Nothing!" Iruka said immediately, rubbing at his eyes and worming his way out of Kakashi hold, stiffly climbing to sit on the couch with a wince. "Something in my eyes."
"Iruka, please." Kakashi asked in a begging manner, moving to sit on the couch as well.
"You know that dog I told you about? The one I lost?" Iruka said, swallowing and narrowing his eyes in an attempt to look serious and to fight down the erupting tear glands. "His name was Goro. He was shot twice. Once in the head and once in the chest by my old boyfriend."
Kakashi's eyes went wide. "Iruka -"
"And I've never had a pet since. You know the scar on my back? That large one?"
"You don't have to do -"
"I got that because I chose my student over my boyfriend. My lover. After that mess-up, I vowed to never get in to a relationship again." Iruka gritted out, pressing his eye against the heels of his palms. "What is this, Kakashi? This thing we have? Am I your boyfriend? Are you mine? How am I supposed to go around this? I don't understand it. I don't want to understand it because I'm afraid. I don't even know why I'm telling you this but - but your dogs. And your home and you - just you. I don't know what to think. We've fucked once but that can't mean anything, can it? A-And -"
Kakashi pulled Iruka's trembling hands away and kissed him, silencing the mindless emotional babble and pushing Iruka down against the couch cushions. Iruka found himself relaxing in to the kiss, the tight knots in his back loosening as Kakashi started raining kisses all over his face, drying the to-be-shed-tears in the corners of Iruka's eyes with his lips.
"You're mine. I'm yours. I'm your boyfriend, your lover, your everything and anything you want me to be." Kakashi kissed his chin and gave him a wide grin. "If you want me to be your bathroom cleaner, I can be that too." Iruka sniffed and nearly smiled at the lame attempt at a joke (but it was appreciated). "I am going to take care of you and I am going to do everything to protect you and keep you happy. Understand?"
"Kashi -"
Kakashi kissed him again, making Iruka breathless. "And if you want me to burn my Icha-Icha books, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Iruka blinked almost comically then, before Kakashi's frowned. "Well, maybe not that. But you get what I mean." Iruka turned to look off to one side, torn between feeling affectionate and doubting. Kakashi's fingers gently grasped his chin and kissed him again. "Please, please don't cry. Don't look like that. You break me that way."
Iruka looked up to stare at the pleading eyes above him and managed to nod, swallowing and giving Kakashi an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's just that -"
"You don't need to explain. I understand." Kakashi said and moved to stand up, pulling Iruka up with him. "Let me do something to get your mind off things. Want to head over to the beach and walk the dogs? It's still kinda' early and your appointment today isn't till the evening."
Iruka found himself sagging tiredly in Kakashi's arm, arms moving to wrap around Kakashi's waist. "Hmm. Yeah, sure."
"And then later we can cook something. I always wanted to bake. Did you know I bought a conventional oven but never got the chance to use it?"
Iruka found himself forgetting his previous emotional turmoil and blinked slowly up at Kakashi, curious. "Why would you do that?"
"You see, one day, I was watching TV and there was this funky cook show where this couple made this fantastic looking pie. All kindsa' berries and stuff. It got really interesting and I decided that I wanted to bake."
"Do you even cook?" Iruka asked, blinking and still not understanding the situation.
"I can make salads and rice. I can grill stuff and make lentil soup. That's roughly about it. Though I can't fry an egg. I always get one side too brown and the other side half-cooked." Kakashi looked sheepish, grinning down at Iruka. "But my salad is good."
"What's this got to do with you getting a conventional oven?" Iruka asked finally, cocking an eyebrow.
"This is me trying to tell you indirectly that I want to do you over the kitchen counter with berries, syrup and maybe pie base as well. This is also me trying to tell you stuff about me because this lil' thing I just told you is one of the things nobody outside knows."
Iruka got the message and took his time to reply. Kakashi tucked Iruka's head under his chin, swaying them both side to side in a little dance. "I don't know how to bake anything. I usually rely on the bakery for that. But we can go take the dogs out and maybe get some pie later. I-If you still want to do me by then, that is."
Kakashi held Iruka away at arm's length with an incredulous look on his face. "Don't say that!"
"Uh -"
"I always want to do you! Iruka, just because you've been in a bad relationship doesn't mean everything after that is going to be just as bad. I'm going to everything I can to make this somewhere near perfect and I told you before that no doubt, I'm going to fuck things up but I am going to do my best. And I want you to do your best too."
"This is isn't some marathon, Kakashi. I - It's not easy."
"And we have all the time in the world." Kakashi kissed Iruka again. "Trust me."
Iruka looked up at him, searching his eyes. "You wouldn't lie to me would you?"
When Kakashi answered, Iruka was relieved to see that there wasn't any hesitation. "Never."
XXX
The moment they set foot on the empty and deserted side of the beach, the dogs went mad. They started running around in circles, digging holes and chasing crabs and poking at starfish by the shore. Iruka - who was clad in Kakashi's clothes once more at the man's insistent whining - was sitting cross-legged in the sand, watching Koushi paw at a crab curiously. He was aware of how Kakashi was quite literally fucking him with his eye (the other one remained hidden behind his drooping hair) and it took all of his will power to keep looking ahead and not shift uncomfortably under the heated gaze. Kakashi had his hand over Iruka's tanned one, thumb suggestively stroking the wrist in slow and gentle touches. Iruka was aware of how close they were sitting to each other and he didn't mind.
What he did mind was the gaze. Koushi must have pushed the crab he was curious about too far because a pained howl echoed through out the beach and Iruka was immediately on his feet, running towards the dog licking the hurting paw (he didn't want to say he was glad the dog got hurt but he was glad for the distraction).
"Oh, oh, oh. Slowly now, let me see." Iruka kneeled beside the pained dog, while Ishi came scampering towards them and started kicking sand with his hind legs to bury the crab-perpetrator. Iruka chuckled fondly as he held the injured paw, blowing at it gently. The crab's pincers didn't get through the flesh but the fine dog hair was folded and the skin beneath it was a bit too red for comfort. "You know, you should have stopped poking the crab."
Kakashi was beside his dog in a heartbeat, carrying a bottle of cold mineral water in hand. "Here, here. Give me your paw, silly. How many times have I told you to leave crabs alone whenever we come here?"
Iruka watched with amusement as Koushi's ears drooped and a pained whine escaped the poor scolded dog's throat. Kakashi tipped the cold water of over Koushi's painful paw, later on rubbing it dry with a small handkerchief that Iruka always carried. When Iruka tied the knot securely over the paw (just to make Koushi feel better and not depressed), Iruka beamed at the dog, rubbing behind the ears fondly.
"No more crabs. Play with something else, okay?"
Koushi gave a happy bark and trotted off with the rest of his brothers, Ishi hot on his heals and giving chase. Iruka watched them resume their play, hands in the jacket pocket he was wearing while Kakashi continued to stare at him. It wasn't until Kakashi wrapped his arms around his waist and started kissing his neck did Iruka wiggle out of his grasp, smacking him up the head lightly.
"What the hell was that for?" Kakashi asked, rubbing the spot Iruka just hit.
"If you want to do me so bad, can't you at least wait till we're home before resuming whatever fuckfest you have in mind? Let those dogs have their fun!"
Kakashi grinned, stepping closer as he hooked his thumbs over Iruka's pant waist line. "This dog wants his fun too."
Iruka reached out, gave Kakashi's crotch a hard and loving squeeze before licking his nose. He managed to get a groan out of Kakashi before he took off down the shore, the dogs coming to run beside him as Kakashi gave chase. The dogs kept barking and running around Iruka's feet as Iruka laughed when he looked back. Kakashi did manage to catch up and tackled them both in to the wet sand, landing with a huff as Iruka started laughing hard at Kakashi's rather silly and childish behavior. They rolled in the sand till Kakashi had Iruka pinned down underneath him, the light bubbly waves caressing the top of their heads and soaking their clothes.
"Doggy wants a biscuit?"
"Doggy wants milk." Kakashi corrected, making Iruka laugh out loud heartily as he touched their noses together. The dogs were beside them, valiantly guarding their master's public display of affection; Iruka craned his neck to find the dogs backs to them, their tails wagging. It made him grin. "What?"
Iruka laughed once more. "Your dogs. They're like people."
"They're the only ones who keep me from going insane. They're my salvation." Kakashi mumbled, leaning over to bury his face in to Iruka's shoulders. "But now you're here. And I can't ask for anything more."
Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi's middle, kissing his temple in understanding. "We should head back. It's getting a bit chilly."
Kakashi pulled back and looked down at him. "Okay."
The walk back home was rather quick. Iruka helped Kakashi rinse and dry the dogs clean from the beach sand before letting them wander around in the apartment. Iruka was clearing up the dog hygiene products and placing them back on the basket when Kakashi kicked the door close with and started filling his bathtub with warm water. Iruka watched curiously as Kakashi dropped some of the scented bath salts in to the tub and started pulling his shirt off. Deftly, Iruka placed the dog brush in to the basket and pushed it off to one side. He was about to leave Kakashi to his bath when he felt warm hands circle him from behind that started undoing the belt buckle.
"I was going to leave you to relax a bit."
"What good would it be if you're not with me?" Kakashi asked, lips pressed against Iruka's ear as he unbuttoned the loose fitting jeans and pushed it passed Iruka's thighs. "Soak with me."
Iruka nodded, reaching for his shirt and tugging it off. Kakashi backed off then to get rid off his own clothes and stepped in to the bath, leaning his back against one side of the tub, parting his knees open. A simple glance was enough to tell Iruka on how things were going to work. He slowly and wordlessly stepped in to the tub as well, settling himself between Kakashi's knees, sighing in to the warm water. Kakashi's arms came around his shoulders and pulled him back so that Kakashi's broad chest became a substitute pillow of sorts. Iruka shifted a few more times till he was tilted a bit to his side and was facing the wall, head nestled comfortably on Kakashi's shoulder with Kakashi's cheek pressed against his forehead.
"You don't intend to stay here till we both go pruney, do you?" Iruka mumbled, smiling a bit.
"Maybe? I really don't care. You here and like this is more than enough for me." Kakashi replied, pressing a kiss in between Iruka's eyebrows.
A moment of silence passed by between them before Iruka decided to start up a conversation. "I'm assuming you're doing your masters."
Kakashi chuckled. "No. Actually, I'm here just taking up extra courses to butter up my CV."
"Oh." Iruka shrugged. "Well, that's nice. More job opportunities that way, don't you think?"
"Pretty much. Job markets these days are tough. I figured the more skills I have, the more likely I'll be able to afford the many luxuries I now enjoy."
Iruka blinked up at him curiously. "Such as?"
"My apartment for one. My dogs, my cable and high speed internet. My bike, credit cards and benefits of dining in the finest places and going on vacation in equally fine places. Stuff like that."
"I suppose." Iruka replied, thinking about it. "Well, in the end, we all want to make a little extra."
"And you?"
"I want a better job. Teachers aren't paid that well and I'm hoping to be able to teach high school instead of elementary. It's a tad bit higher in payment. Not as good as any other profession, I'm sure. But it will do. I don't really have a family to support."
Kakashi's fingers started rubbing at Iruka's shoulders. "Mom and dad?"
"Died. Nine tails shoot out."
There was a brief silence. "I'm sorry."
"It was a long time ago." Iruka shook his head, another thick silence falling upon them.
"Ever thought of starting a family?" Kakashi asked slowly, almost hesitant.
"No. I thought I had one in my previous relationship. I guess I thought wrong. Or went wrong somewhere in the middle." Iruka closed his eyes. "But no, I don't think I really sat down and thought of having my own kids or something."
"Would you like to? Have kids I mean?"
Iruka looked up at Kakashi. "I suppose I'd like to have a son one day. My mother always imagined being a grandmother and I suppose that would honor her wishes. Somehow." Kakashi remained silent, staring at the shower knobs on the wall in front of them. "Kakashi?"
"So what do you want to name the lil' kid?"
Iruka shrugged. "I don't know. Something short and easy, that's for sure. Maybe something like Aki or along that line of shortness."
"Just one kid?"
"I think I'd like two. But Kakashi, why are you asking?"
Kakashi shrugged a bit, still looking ahead. "No reason."
Iruka lifted his hand out of the water and tugged Kakashi's head down, looking up in to worried and almost alarmed eyes. "Those were just thoughts. Yeah, I like kids but I don't think I can handle my own. Understand?" Kakashi shrugged in reply. "Don't you want kids of your own?"
"I just want to be in a relationship where my partner would love me for what I am and not what I was or do." Kakashi said, making Iruka blink at the weird reply. "Make sense?"
"You're not some drug lord in disguise are you?" Iruka asked after a minute of silence passed. The sad look in Kakashi's eyes made something in his chest clench. "Hey, 'Kashi, I was just kidding. What do you do anyway?"
"Security manager. You know, networking, databases, analyzer and stuff? I used to that is. But I quit my previous company back in the Water Capital."
Iruka blinked. "Why?"
"Stuff got dirty, someone wanted me out so I just resigned and decided to start over and stuff." Kakashi shrugged.
Iruka nodded in understanding. "Well, I'm sure that when you're done here, classes that is, you'll do great."
Kakashi looked doubtful. "I don't know, but I hope I don't lose anything important."
Iruka cocked an eyebrow at him. "What can you possibly lose? You just have to work hard for what you want and protect what you have."
"It's easier said than done, really." Kakashi mumbled, lifting a hand up to rub at his temple.
"Nothing is hard in life if you want it bad enough, you know?" Iruka smiled, shifting so that his arms were around Kakashi's waist. "Besides, you talk like you're going to die the next day or something. What can possibly go wrong?" Iruka got no reply but silence and it started to worry him. "Kakashi, I don't know what you're worried about but I'm here you know? I will try to do anything to help you."
Kakashi closed his eyes and merely nodded, wrapping his arms around Iruka even more; it was almost like he was clinging to him. "I hope so."
"Hope so?" Iruka pulled back. "Know so. Not hope so." He only got an apologetic look in return. "Cheer up. Please. For me? Don't look like - like this." Iruka pressed his open palms over Kakashi's cheeks, watching as rivulets of water trickled down in mimicry of tears. "Please, 'Kashi?" Kakashi gave him a sad smile. Iruka pulled away and shifted, pushing his thighs tightly together so that he was kneeling right in front of Kakashi, hands pressed on the wall tile behind Kakashi's head. "Wider."
The confused look on Kakashi's face somehow relieved Iruka. "Wider what?"
"Smile. Like this." Iruka flashed Kakashi a toothy grin and reached out for the bar of soap on the soap dish. "Smile and I'll give you a bath."
There was a bit of amusement creeping in to Kakashi's eyes, the corner of his lips twitching in to a ghost of a smile. "Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah." Iruka dipped the soap in to the water and started lathering Kakashi's chest, spreading the foamy cool mint scented soap up the fine muscle lines of Kakashi's shoulders and sliding the bar down his arms. "Not going any lower." Iruka sing-songed.
The reaction was pleasant; Kakashi threw his head back and laughed heartily, the previous display of 'depression' winking out as Iruka chuckled. "You have no idea what you do to me."
"True. Won't you show me then?" Iruka chuckled, lifting one both Kakashi's hands and placing it on his shoulder, lathering the soap bar from the pale wrist to the hard shoulder. "I know for one thing that your arms are just a turn on for me."
"Are they?" Kakashi raised both his eyebrows.
"They intimidate me sometimes but I really, really like being held by you." Iruka laughed and pushed the arms back into the water, gently rinsing the soap away with his hands. He lifted both hands to his lips, kissing the long digits and watching Kakashi hold his breath. Iruka found himself admiring the firm and wonderfully shaped muscles on Kakashi's arm; it wasn't bulky and balloon like when Kakashi flexed his arm but they weren't small and wiry like his either. Iruka knew he had a stupid smile on his lips as he pressed another kiss over Kakashi's wrists. He was rubbing the fine arms, admiring it like one would to art when he noticed a dark mark on them. "Is that a tattoo?"
Kakashi blinked and glanced down at his arms. "Oh, you didn't notice?"
Iruka frowned, looking at the swirl like marks on both his arms. "I never noticed it before."
"Got them when I was about fourteen I think. Was part of a 'gang' back in my days when tattoos were 'cool'. It's no wonder you never noticed it before. I use special concealer to hide them. Some companies don't like their employees with obvious tattoos or piercing." Kakashi looked at both his arms. "Do they make me look sexy?"
The cosmetics under Kakashi's sink made a little more sense and whatever phantom worry and fear he felt earlier disappeared, the small explanation relaxing him (Kakashi didn't look like he was lying); Iruka rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You're sexy without the tattoo."
Kakashi laughed again and pulled Iruka close once more, the cool navel-ring pressed firmly just below Kakashi's broad chest. Iruka had to brace himself on the wall as Kakashi trailed a hot wet tongue up his torso, taking the nipple-ring into his mouth and sucking it hard like a starving baby. Iruka slid down the wall as his muscles went weak and Kakashi captured his mouth in a kiss, sucking on the lower lip and kneading Iruka's backside with his long fingers.
"You know, if we stay here any longer, you might not want to think of standing for a few days." Kakashi whispered hotly against Iruka's ear, nibbling on the outer shell of the flushed ears.
"Do I look like I give a flying fuck?" Iruka gritted out, pulling back and jerking the tub-stopper, hand dropping to give Kakashi's limp manhood a slow and hard squeeze. He watched with a smirk as Kakashi titled his head back and his face pinch in to a pleasured wince. Iruka continued to alternate his squeeze till all the water was gone before he leaned down and took Kakashi in his mouth, closing his eyes and focusing on making Kakashi come hard and begging for more.
When he looked up to peek in the middle of his mouth administrations, he found Kakashi panting and head craned back all the way, fingers gripping the sides of the bathtub and knuckles almost as white as the tub itself. Iruka had to hum in appreciation of the sight before him, smirking as he rubbed the tip of the hard length on the roof of his mouth, his tongue pushing the remnants of Kakashi's control; Iruka had to use his will power to remain as he was as the hot release hit the roof of his mouth and sour taste slid down his throat. He pulled back quietly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and relishing at the sight of Kakashi's lower lip glowing a bright red from how he bit down on it hard to prevent himself from shouting out during orgasm.
"Gods, 'Ruka. W-What -"
"You taste okay." Iruka swallowed, licking his bottom lip and making Kakashi flush a bright red. "I think I like it."
"Really?"
Iruka continued sucking on his own lips before he nodded. "Yeah. I think I like it very much."
Kakashi grabbed him and started laughing, kissing him and tickling his sides. Iruka felt genuinely happy and pleased and could do nothing but laugh along honestly with Kakashi in the little bathtub.
He was actually quite surprised that neither of them sprained anything.
XXX
When they walked in to the hospital that night, Iruka allowed Kakashi to hold him by the shoulders, the both of them smiling pleasantly. Part of the reason why Iruka even allowed Kakashi to hold him was because his limp was too obvious. Iruka was quite aware of how people seemed to stare at how close they were standing together (and how the interns and nurses giggled and whispered about their arrival). Upon reaching the desk, he barely managed to bite down the wince (the pain in his backside was so sharp, any sudden movement would send him wincing - Kakashi fretted about it, but he would just grin up at the worried man and rub his thumb over the pale wrist for reassurance).
"Doctor Ryuuken, please." Iruka said to the nurse who had a cute blush on her cheeks and staring at the both of them in adoration.
She glanced down at the computer, tapped a few keys and smiled back up at Iruka. "Umino-san?"
"Yes."
"He's expecting you." She handed him a tag from one the basket under her desk. "Re-check with the desk upstairs."
Iruka thanked the nurse and allowed Kakashi to walk him up to the elevator. "I'm going to wait for you here."
"You don't have to, you know. I'm fine." Iruka whispered, shifting his weight to his other leg and wincing a bit.
"Yes. I can see the wince." Kakashi quietly pressed a light kiss over Iruka's temple just as the elevator dinged and the door slid open. "I think I'll walk you to the place."
"Kakashi -"
"In we go." Kakashi singsong as he pushed Iruka in to the empty elevator. Iruka pressed the floor button where Ryuuken's office was located and doors slid close. As soon as it did, Kakashi pinned Iruka against the wall and started kissing him breathless, hand snaking under the jacket (Kakashi gave him one of his hoodies, insisting that he looked adorable in it and was a turn on for him) to hook his pinky finger in to Iruka's navel ring. "You're my baby." Kakashi whispered against Iruka's ear, making Iruka shiver and tighten his grip on Kakashi's firm bicep, a shaky breath escaping him.
"We're in a hospital's elevator! What the hell -"
"My baby." Kakashi sang out, making Iruka laugh a bit at the silly mood Kakashi was in as the elevator continued to ascend. Iruka tilted his neck to one side and allowed Kakashi to leave him a mark right under his ear, not minding the fact that he was owned by the strong and handsome man holding him captive.
"We just had sex before we left your place and now you want more again?" Iruka chuckled, biting his lower lip as Kakashi bit down the sensitive skin under his ear, sucked for a second before pulling back with a popping noise.
"Yes, well, I can't forget how you rode me on my couch. You're so, so exciting, sensei." Kakashi breathed out, kissing Iruka's cheek before pulling back and straightening them both.
"Silly man." Iruka mumbled, trying to hide his smile as the elevator halted to a stop with another ding and the doors slid open.
"I'll be in the lobby." Kakashi mumbled as Iruka waved a hand and tried to walk steadily towards the desk.
Iruka spoke to the nurse and handed her the tag he received from the main lobby. Within a minute, one of the nurses escorted him towards Ryuuken's office, throwing him a concerned look before she couldn't take it anymore and asked if he was okay. Iruka beamed at her, telling the petite concerned lady that he was fine as she pushed the door to announce his arrival. Another minute later, Iruka found himself slowly lowering himself over the chezlong, trying to keep the wince off his face as he found a comfortable position to sit on.
Ryuuken looked amused and worried at the same time. "Despite looking tired and looking like you fell from a building, you seem quite happy."
Iruka didn't think he was glowing with happiness - at least not the point that it'd be that obvious. "It's that obvious?" He blinked, cheeks coloring a bit.
"Any person can sense you're happy aura just by looking at you." Ryuuken smiled, crossing his leg over the other and leaning back on his chair.
"Things have been different. Kakashi and I are official now."
"Really?"
"Yes. We were semi-official at the start of the week, but now it's - it's final. It's been weird." Iruka mumbled; whatever happy aura he had started to diminish by the passing second only to be replaced by confusion and uncertainty. "I don't really know what to make of it. I can't help but think that I'm jumping in to this whole situation too fast."
"It's been a while since you were in a relationship. You said so yourself." Ryuuken offered, studying him.
"I know. But there's just something holding me back."
There was a moment of silence as Iruka pondered his words. "Do you know what it is?"
Iruka took a whole fifteen minutes to answer; in his mind, his relationship with Mizuki mapped itself out, from start to end and to the current standing they both were at the moment (which was close to nothing because the last time Iruka went to visit Mizuki in prison, he nearly got his wrist broken from when Mizuki touched him through the bars). With Mizuki in mind, his relationship with Kakashi mapped itself out as well. The more he stared at the mental comparison, the more he started to shift in discomfort. "I don't know. It's just - just there." Iruka answered, another ten minutes flying by as he stared at the mental statistics in his mind. "Today, after we took the dogs out for a walk in the beach, Kakashi asked me if I wanted to start a family."
Ryuuken's eyes narrowed a bit, as if understanding and knowing what was coming next. "What did you say?"
"I wasn't angry. And I answered honestly." Iruka nodded to himself, thumbs twirling around each other again. The pain in his backside was the only thing keeping him in one steady sitting position; otherwise, he'd be shifting and fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair. His mind was racing now, thoughts and reasons and doubts spinning like a hurricane storm, washing away all logic in its path. "I don't mind children. I don't mind getting married and settling down later when I've made a steady career for myself and maybe find the right person. But I don't mind not being married to a woman either." Iruka spoke, more like he was convincing himself rather than speaking to Ryuuken.
"If that's the case, what are you worried about?"
Iruka thought of Kakashi's words and how honest he was the whole day. He looked off to one side, thinking hard and trying to pull the one doubt inside him that he knew was holding him back and maintaining the invisible wall that stood between him and Kakashi. "When I was with Mizuki, he'd never ask if I wanted children even though he knew I adore children. He understood that by being with him, that little desire, no matter how dormant, will never come true. That's why he got us a dog. That's why our relationship lasted for so long; there was acceptance and understanding and the want to be together without little things like - like having children getting in the way." Iruka swallowed thickly, heart slowing down as the next words left his mouth. "Kakashi is not stupid. He's been with other men before, I know that much. Being bi, it becomes obvious. There are certain lines that are not to be crossed when being in a same-sex relationship and every bi person or homo knows that. But Kakashi ..."
Ryuuken was quiet, the tapping of his finger on his knee ceasing its rhythm. Iruka got sudden silence till the last five minutes of their session; he couldn't hear his heart or his breathing. His thoughts went quiet as he looked up at Ryuuken, the only thought in his mind flashing like a diner's neon sign in a dark desert road. The look he saw on Ryuuken's face somehow broke him and robbed him of hope - Ryuuken understood and there was almost a pitiful and sorry look glazing his features just underneath his stern glasses.
Iruka could quite literally hear his heart break as he managed to choke out the thought in his head. "It's like he already know that - that we're never going to be together. That this is just ..." Iruka couldn't bring himself to continue it.
He didn't want to, even if they were just thoughts, suspicions and him jumping to conclusions.
XXX
Whatever happy mood he had that day was gone as he stepped out of the elevator and into the hospital's main lobby. He was huddled in Kakashi's jacket, hands in the large pockets and shoulders slumped tiredly. His limp was just as noticeable as it was when he first came in. He was just about to head towards the seating area when he found a shock of silver hair outside the hospital's main entrance. A quick glance at the seating area told him that Kakashi was nowhere to be found; he made his way to the sliding doors, noticing that it was indeed Kakashi as he suspected. The doors parted as he approached them and he found himself seeing Kakashi looking very put out while a man (Iruka recognized the back) was speaking to him in a hushed manner.
They were standing towards the shadowed area of the building, speaking quietly yet looking like they were ready to go for each other's throats. Iruka took a step closer and recognized the person who was speaking to Kakashi; it was Genma.
Kakashi mumbled a few words (that he couldn't hear) and the reaction triggered by it nearly made Iruka jump out of his skin. In a flash, Genma grabbed Kakashi by the collar of his jacket and roughly pinned him against the wall, shoving at him upwards and pressing against him with his body and grinning up at Kakashi's face. Possessiveness that he didn't know he had boiled in his blood as he took a step towards the pair, ready to rip Genma in to shreds if he needed to; Kakashi's actions stopped him and rooted him on the spot.
Kakashi grabbed Genma by the collar, reversed their positions so he had Genma up against the wall and pressing him back in a manner that made the green monster in Iruka reel its ugly head. Despite everything that was taking place but twelve feet across from him and how his temper and jealousy fueled his strength, he found himself staring helplessly. His hands fisted at his side and his lips gone dry, he tried to croak out something but found all words leave him when Genma started to laugh at Kakashi's face and make kissy lips at him.
Iruka started walking towards them, catching a few of Kakashi's hushed words. Everything around him was amplified and he could hear Kakashi's voice over the rapid beating of his heart.
"Stay the fuck away from this." Kakashi warned.
"Kakashi's in love." Genma grinned and mocked before he grabbed Kakashi by the collar and shoved Kakashi back, throwing the man off balance. "Fuck you, Hatake. Wake the fuck up! We have no time for this shit!"
Iruka had to muster up all his courage to approach them; the murderous look on Kakashi's face made him look primal, an animal ready to attack. His eyes darkened and his muscles flexed languidly, ready to lash out when he needed to. Iruka never thought he'd find himself face to face with a man who looked so beautiful yet so frighteningly scary.
"K-Kakashi?" He called out and almost immediately, the primal look disappeared. Kakashi looked up at him from his semi-kneeling position like a deer caught in headlights.
Kakashi stood up and quickly came to stand beside Iruka. "It's nothing. Just a little misunderstanding. I owe him a large amount of money and he's in a bit of a financial problem." Iruka looked towards Genma who looked less than amused. "Did you know Genma? 'Ruka and I are dating now."
"Well," Genma said bitterly, sneering at Iruka. "I suppose it just suits you then. You always did like the weak, pathetic and tasteless looking women."
If hell could freeze over, it would have done then with Kakashi's cold and piercing gaze. Genma raised both his hands in a surrendering manner (Iruka caught sight of the bandages on his arms, just underneath the sleeve of his loose sweater) before he started walking away, throwing Kakashi one last disgusted and irritated look.
The insult was childish; Iruka didn't think that Genma would stoop that low. In fact, Iruka actually thought that Genma could do better if he really wanted to insult someone. The insult itself went over his head, but Genma's closeness to Kakashi did not - especially when Kakashi didn't really fight back when being pinned (only did when Genma started talking).
"Are you okay?" Iruka asked as Kakashi tore his angry gaze away from the direction Genma disappeared to. "You're not hurt are you?"
"I'm fine. Are you?" Kakashi asked, looking at him with concern that it warmed his heart somehow.
He figured it was only right to be honest. Iruka was surprised that it flowed out of him naturally. "Depends. In what way exactly?"
Kakashi looked extremely guilty then. "I swear to you, 'Ruka that it was not what it seems! I'd never -"
Iruka pressed his fingers to Kakashi's lips, shaking his head. "Let's just go get dinner. Okay?"
Kakashi didn't look happy but he nodded anyway and wrapped his arm around Iruka's waist, walking him towards his bike in the parking lot.
XXX
That night, Kakashi wordlessly pulled at Iruka's blankets, slipping in to the small space and spooning against Iruka's back. Iruka was already half asleep when Kakashi came out of his nightly showers and nearly jumped at the slow and gentle contact.
"Go to sleep, baby." Kakashi whispered, kissing the top of his head, making him sigh and fall back against the pillow. "Sorry I woke you."
"Mmm. No problem." Iruka mumbled sleepily, pulling his cuddle pillow closer to his chest and inhaling deeply, eyes closing as he tried to fall back to the familiar arms of sleep.
Kakashi's hand was rubbing circles against the back of his own hand. Somehow, the small gesture was of great comfort to Iruka. As minutes ticked by, he felt Kakashi's breath slowly even out, the thumb circling his hand lolling to a slow stop, until it was only brief strokes. Whatever sleep Iruka had vanished completely at the moment when Kakashi's breath evened out its beating against the back of his neck. He remained still, staring at his wall as Kakashi slept on beside him, his thumb completely stopping its stroking movements.
For some strange reason, Iruka couldn't sleep. He was wide awake as Kakashi slept on beside him, the arm that was looped loosely around his waist feeling heavier than normal in its lax state. Iruka started counting sheep and gave up after he reached a thousand when sleep wouldn't come to him. He was starting to feel restless, his nerves twitching in agitation. It's been a long while since he fell asleep with someone on his bed (that was not under the category of a 'one night stand') and having Kakashi snuggled up comfortably against his back as driving him up the wall.
The familiar yet strange sensation was grating at his nerves (not in discomfort but because it was 'new').
He was just about to give up and get out of bed when he felt Kakashi's arms tighten around him. The next thing that happened surprised him; Kakashi's soft voice filled the air as he picked a cheesy and almost heartbreaking song that Iruka knew - it spoke of giving up so much just to feel that 'special' person and wanting to be known for real. On normal circumstances, Iruka would have thrown his head back and laughed himself silly at the pathetic and definitely feminine choice of song lyrics.
But he didn't.
Instead of mirth and humor, Iruka felt himself tensing at the soft and deep, almost hushed voice Kakashi was whisper-singing the song. It wasn't that Iruka didn't know the song (he knew it quite well since it was very popular at some point a few years back) but rather somewhere in his heart, he could feel a few invisible strings tugging at the beating muscle, leaving phantom pain behind. He turned to face Kakashi, who looked like he was putting up a good fight to keep humming as opposed to falling asleep.
"Of all the songs to sings, you had to pick that one?" Iruka mumbled, Kakashi's hand moving to rest on the small of his back as his humming stopped.
"That song is so me." Kakashi yawned, eyes remaining closed. "Besides, you weren't sleeping."
Iruka wondered why, of all the times, Kakashi chose that moment to sing something so 'heartbreaking' (for the lack of a better word). "You can't be that bad."
"Can't be that good either." Kakashi yawned again, peering from underneath his lashes. "Am I the reason you can't sleep?"
Iruka hesitated in answering. "Last time I fell asleep next to someone without knowing that he or she would be gone an hour or two later was years ago."
"I can -"
"No, no. Please." Iruka shook his head and sank deeper on the pillow, turning so that he was facing the wall. He pulled Kakashi's hands and held them close to his heart, closing his eyes. "Stay. I - I want this."
"But sleep won't -"
"Kakashi?"
Kakashi yawned briefly before answering. "Yeah?"
"Shut up and go to sleep." Iruka mumbled in a teasing manner, kissing one of the knuckles of the pale hand resting contently on his chest and sucking in a deep breath.
"Hmm. You too."
As Kakashi's breath evened out and he fell asleep once more, Iruka remained awake and staring at the wall, the song lyrics pulsing and haunting his mind, along with Genma's words and actions. What scared him the most was Kakashi's murderous intent; it was the look on Kakashi's face that kept him awake till the wee hours of the morning.
He was only able to sleep at sunrise.
XXX
Whatever doubts Iruka had with Kakashi's behavior, personality or life in general quickly dissolved in the next two weeks.
In the first week, Iruka spent it alone and friendless. Izumo had to travel to the Wind Capital to attend a week and half long seminar and research. Kotetsu was swamped with so much work that the only time Iruka saw him was twice in the mess hall (and even then, Kotetsu was running around like he had his ass on fire, grabbing whatever pre-packed food was available and dashing out to return to his work). Not that Iruka himself wasn't swamped - he was quite literally drowning in his stack of research paper and material in the corner of the shared dorm room. He and his two close friends managed to keep in contact through their cell phones.
Kotetsu was the only person Iruka knew who would willingly waste cell phone credit by sending useless and funny-as-hell text messages to his contacts; it kept him sane in the middle of his quick-sand like work. Iruka appreciated those moments when his cell phone would beep and he was in the middle of turning the text book on his lap in to industrial combustion fuel. He would laugh, shake his head and resume his work feeling a tad bit fresher than the previous few seconds.
During those friendless days, Kakashi, quite literally, was a doll and sweetheart.
There were times when Iruka lost track of time and would fall asleep on his desk with the text book and writing pad as his pillow (he couldn't forget the time when he fell asleep on his laptop keyboard and nearly caused the sensitive mouse-pad to malfunction from his drooling). During those times, Iruka would wake up in his bed with Kakashi cuddled up beside him, arms loosely looped around his waist (or chest), the both of them slumbering under the warm single duvet (to this day, he still wondered how they managed to fit under it).
Of course, whenever that happened, Iruka would wake up in panic having not completed his work only to be pinned down to the bed, kissed breathless (sometimes they had a few rounds of sex both on the bed and later on in the shower) and told later that everything was printed/completed/filed and sent to the instructor (Iruka always left little post-it notes on every cover of his assignment with footnotes on where and who to send it to so that he wouldn't forget). Unlike the previous semester when Iruka had to make up excuses to his (pissed off) instructors, Kakashi changed all that by picking up where he left off and handing everything pretty much in the same manner Iruka himself normally would.
Then there were the little things. Kakashi would bring him lunch or dinner whenever he forgot to feed himself being too absorbed with his work. When he'd be swamped with chapters and chapters to read and his neck would start to ache too much that it'd distract him, Kakashi would be right beside him with his own work, book on his crossed legs as he read, hands kneading the tight knots on Iruka's neck and shoulders. Sometimes whenever Iruka would sulk to himself and start getting irritated and frustrated with his work load, Kakashi would crawl over him, kiss him slowly and touch him in all the right places, relaxing him in an instant and gently reminding him that his grades could be at stake and that waging war with paper and books will bring no results - except maybe a few paper cuts (to which Kakashi promptly noted that he wouldn't mind sucking off the small cuts just to make him feel better - poor guy had to dodge the flying paper-puncher that left quite a good mark on the door).
His sessions with Ryuuken were quieter than ever; Ryuuken didn't mind. He reminded Iruka of the journal and its use and with that in mind, Iruka vowed to get everything written down once he kicked half his workload out of the way. Ryuuken seemed quite pleased with the fact that Iruka was getting good sleep (that is no nightmares, no black-tainted-memories plaguing him whether during waking or sleeping hours etcetera) and said that perhaps Kakashi was good for him.
Iruka found himself agreeing when two weeks passed (he was doubting Ryuuken's words at first).
There was a very subtle change in him. He was cheerier, more fun and enthusiastic during his class debates and study groups and most of all, he looked like a man in love. Kotetsu and Izumo looked completely suspicious during their friends-get-together at Izumo's room (Gai was gone for a friendly match with Suna University).
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Umino Iruka?" Izumo asked, holding the pizza boxes away from Iruka's hungry hands, refusing to share the food unless Iruka spilled the beans.
Iruka didn't get why his friends was making such a big deal. "Nothing has changed! Now give me the pizza!"
"No really, 'Ru." Kotetsu quickly grabbed the paper bag of onion rings and wedges and held it away from Iruka as well. "What is going on?"
"Nothing. I - I don't really get you guys. I mean, if I recall, you guys were exactly like me - maybe even happier - when you two got together!" Iruka reasoned, waving his hand back and forth between his two friends (who by now had dawning wide eyes).
"Oh! You're with someone!" Izumo blinked, pointing at Iruka. "You never told us that -"
"Please tell me it isn't Kakashi." Kotetsu said slowly. When Iruka didn't reply, Kotetsu picked up the nearest hard cover book and started hitting his head on it. "What did I tell you? What did I tell you?"
Izumo looked like a fish out of water but quickly closed his mouth and swallowed. "Is - Is he good for you?" He asked slowly, hesitantly as if he was walking on glass.
Iruka chewed on his lower lip.
"Of course he isn't good for him! Heck, 'Zumo, you know that guy's reputation!"
"Shut up and let him talk!" Izumo shoved at Kotetsu, placing the pizza boxes beside him and scooting over closer to Iruka. "'Ru?"
"I hope so." Iruka mumbled, telling them everything Kakashi has done to him during the times when he couldn't even pick himself up from work, their dates and all the little things and gestures that cheered him up. "I - I'm kinda' worried because everything came so fast. I mean, you of all people know how my luck functions. One minute, I'm blessed. Next, I'm cursed.
"It's not that bad." Izumo scooted over and wrapped his arms around Iruka.
"I'm just worried that all this will be ripped off my hands and - and things will just go bad."
"It's Kakashi. Of course things will go bad. Terrible. Horrible. Blasphemy even!" Kotetsu reasoned, crossing his arms and earning himself a good kick on the shins from Izumo (Iruka started chewing his lower lip again, worry filling him).
"Hey, just because you don't like the guy doesn't mean all of us have to hate him too!" Izumo grumbled, glaring at Kotetsu to keep quiet. "Besides, you said so yourself. 'Ru looks great!"
Iruka blinked at both his friends before staring widely at Kotetsu. Kotetsu frowned. "Did you guys have sex yet?"
Iruka felt his cheeks heat up, remembering their first time in Kakashi's apartment. "Couple of times."
Izumo was grinning. "Well, that explains why you've got the I-got-laid-good aura radiating out of you."
Kotetsu snorted. "Did he hurt you?"
Iruka shook his head, smiling a bit. "No. He - He wouldn't."
"Wouldn't?" Kotetsu looked suspicious. Izumo was frowning.
Iruka thought of how Kakashi didn't look like he was lying when he vowed to make the relationship work (then again, it could have been him being smitten over the guy to notice anything else). "He promised." Iruka mumbled.
Izumo let out a tired sigh while Kotetsu threw up his arms. "Oho, promised. He promised. Of course, Kakashi promised. 'Ruka, that guy is a liar! He's a snake!"
"Hey!" Iruka frowned. "Look, just because you hate him -"
"I don't really hate him!" Kotetsu reasoned, moving to rub his temple. "He just wants to get in to your pants! And that's disgusting!"
"Speak for yourself!" Iruka growled, pointing an accusing finger at Kotetsu. "You wanted to fuck Izumo so bad at the start that you -"
Kotetsu tackled Iruka to the ground, knocking a few closed beer and soda cans and raised his fist to punch the hell out of Iruka. "Wake up, Iruka! He's no good for you!" Izumo managed to haul Kotetsu off Iruka, putting himself between the two of them.
"All right, stop fighting! Both of you are being complete babies!" Izumo hissed, glaring at Kotetsu. "Put that shoe down, Kotetsu!"
The shoe fell on the ground with a thump. Iruka looked away, frowning and feeling his eyes sting with angry tears. "I'm the one who'll get hurt in the end. What is it to you anyway?" He said quietly.
A resounding clap echoed in the small room; Iruka found himself looking off to one side, face stinging from the sharp backhanded slap. He looked up to find Izumo looking down at him murderously, eyes flashing with liquid anger that somehow made a shiver slide up Iruka's spine.
"What is it to us?" Izumo asked, disbelieving. "We're your friends, Iruka! Before you have your lover or boyfriend or fucktoy, you have us! No matter what happens, we're always going to be here! What do you mean, what is it to us? Fuck you! Mizuki left you! We didn't! Fuck you!"
Kotetsu pulled Izumo away, glaring at Iruka. "Relationship isn't even a month old and you're already talking like this?"
Iruka chewed his lower lip in punishment, looking up helplessly at his two best friends. "I'm sorry."
Izumo looked at him with a sharp glare, eyes too glossy for comfort. "You want to be with him, fine. But you don't ever - ever - ask what is it to us! Because if anything ever happens to you, we are the ones who suffer in watching you break and piece together whatever that's left of you! Did you ever consider what it'd be like for us too?"
Izumo's voice had a hysterical edge to it; it took more than a few words and punches to make Izumo as panicked as he was at the moment. Seeing his best friend's eyes blazing with so much anger and suppressed hate and worry, Iruka knew he crossed the line.
"I'm so sorry." Iruka said sincerely, looking up in a begging manner at his two friends. "You're right. It's wrong of me and I am so sorry."
"You better fucking be!" Izumo glowered, rubbing at his eyes in an irritated manner. "Now, will the both of you forget this whole thing and can we just eat?"
Kotetsu and Iruka exchanged quiet looks before nodding and sitting down on the floor, silently opening their take-out food and handing each other paper plates. Their meal was tense and Iruka found it hard to eat; he envied Izumo's fervor in wolfing down pizza slice after pizza slice (he was an impulsive eater when angry). Kotetsu was too busy watching Izumo eat admiringly (because again, Izumo never displayed such 'impulsive' acts openly). When Izumo saw Kotetsu staring, he was glared at and Kotetsu had no choice but to look away and quietly eat his food like a kicked puppy.
Iruka knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling widely like a loon.
Izumo didn't notice.
When the silence reached choking-level, Kotetsu casually popped a soda can open and cleared his throat. "So is he any good?"
Izumo glared at him.
Iruka blinked. "Good in what?"
"Sex." Kotetsu shrugged. "And I know you're bottom."
Izumo's glare went up about ten levels more.
"Oh." Iruka thought about it and how Kakashi could make him have one hell of an orgasm just by licking his inner thighs. "He's good."
"Good as in yeah, sure, he's good? Or good as in oh I can come in pants with him just staring at me good?" Kotetsu was torn between frowning and grinning like an idiot.
"Second one." Iruka mumbled, cheeks coloring.
"Stop discussing sex while we're eating." Izumo warned, glaring at both his friends. "We know he's that good, Iruka. You're practically glowing like ten-thousand-mega-watt light bulb."
Iruka swallowed and chuckled. "That obvious?"
"We covered that already." Izumo sighed, reaching for another pizza slice.
"I'm scared and unsure but I think I'm definitely in love with him." Iruka mumbled quietly, staring at his plate.
The silence this time was way beyond choking.
When the silence broke, it was Izumo reaching up to squeeze Iruka's knee-cap and speaking. "That's good, Iruka. You're finally moving on."
Iruka looked up to find Izumo looking at him with a sincere expression (the type that meant he was giving Iruka and his new lover his blessings and joy) and Kotetsu looking away defiantly, while trying to hide the soft look in his eyes.
XXX
Iruka went home that evening (smelling like booze and cheese dip from the potato wedges toppings - he and Kotetsu got a bit too rough while playing poker) to find Kakashi arguing on the phone again. Iruka frowned, wondering why Kakashi was always arguing on the phone (more like frowning as the other person on the other line said things that made him look close to murderous). Iruka silently closed the door behind him, trying not to make any sound as he toed his shoes off by the bed, quietly heading for the bathroom and shutting the door. It was either he left Kakashi alone till he was done (the angry look on his pale face was enough to make graves turn) or Kakashi left the room to continue somewhere else.
He shut the toilet-seat cover and sat on top of it, taking his time in brushing his teeth, counting the tiles on the floor. He didn't have to wait long. Just as he was brushing the top-left part of his teeth for the fifth time, Kakashi knocked on the door.
"'Ruka?" Kakashi said from beyond making Iruka hum a reply, standing up from the closed toilet seat to rinse his mouth just as Kakashi stuck his head in from the doorway. Iruka spat out the last of the gargled water and smiled at him. Kakashi approached him, kissing his neck. Kakashi backed away, wrinkling his noise. "You've been drinking?"
"Get together with friends." Iruka replied. "We usually smash ourselves stupid."
Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. "So why aren't you drunk so that I can take advantage of you?"
Iruka actually laughed (because Kakashi actually looked serious. "Because I'd like to be taken advantage of while I'm sober and not when I'm seeing polar bears in bikinis."
Kakashi blinked. "That's not pretty."
"Not meant to be." Iruka shrugged and smiled up at him. "So are you going to take advantage of me or not?"
"Can we fuck in the shower? You really, really reek of beer. Is that beer on your hair?" Kakashi pulled Iruka's head down to sniff at the clumpy strands. "Why do you have beer on your hair?"
Iruka blinked, not moving as Kakashi untied the hair tie and frowned at the sight of the sticky and smelly strands. "Things got a bit rolling-ish."
"What the hell is rolling-ish?" Kakashi didn't look amused; he looked jealous.
"Kotetsu and I were playing poker and he tackled me cause' he thought I was cheating." Iruka shrugged, not seeing the need to lie.
"Oh so he was on top of you?"
Iruka thought back. "Sorta, yeah. Fell right in to a beer puddle."
Kakashi's frown deepened. "You hurt?"
"My best friends would never hurt me, Kakashi. Besides," Iruka stepped back and pulled his shirt off, tossing it over the closed lid of the toilet seat. "What are you so jealous about?"
"I am not jealous."
Iruka rolled his eyes at Kakashi and stripped off his pants, stepping in to the shower stall. "Right. Of course not. You're also not very slow in undressing either."
Iruka didn't have to wait long. He was just dousing himself with the warm water when Kakashi pressed up behind him, long fingers massaging his scalp. Iruka found himself tilting his head back and sighing contently, completely leaning against Kakashi's broad chest. Everything that took place in the span of five minutes was slow, quiet and gentle; Kakashi lathered him with shampoo and soap, rinsing away the smell of beer and dip along with the stickiness it left behind. When Iruka rinsed the remnants of the suds off himself, he leaned back against the wall, pulling Kakashi close to him.
No words was said as they kissed and Kakashi lifted Iruka up against the wall, effortlessly preparing him before Iruka started seeing stars and whimpering his name out, the only thing holding him in place was Kakashi's arms and thrusts. It was over almost as soon as it started, the orgasm leaving them both breathless under the shower that was already cold. Iruka found himself sliding down, Kakashi holding him on his lap while the droopy silver strands remained resting on his tanned shoulders.
How long they remained that way, Iruka couldn't bring himself to care. He reached out tiredly to his side, turning the knobs off. The cool air against the cold water on his skin made him shiver and wrap his arms around Kakashi's neck, fingers threading through the cool wet strands of silver hair.
"Baby?" Kakashi mumbled, breath evening out and shifting slightly to pull out of Iruka.
Iruka couldn't stop the wince. "Yes?"
Kakashi pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, directly looking in to Iruka's chocolate brown eyes. "Do I scare you?"
Iruka could literally feel the tense silence weigh down on his shoulders. "Sometimes."
"Why?" Kakashi asked, his expression reminding Iruka of his curious students.
"I don't know. You just do. When you're angry or when you're arguing with someone or when - when someone tells you something you don't like." Iruka remembered how he looked like when Genma grabbed him by the collar.
"You know I'd never hurt you right? That I don't mean to scare you?"
Iruka looked unsure. "I don't know, Kakashi. We've only been together for what? Two weeks?"
"Three weeks." Kakashi corrected, kissing his neck and wrapping his arms around Iruka in a possessive manner, pulling him even closer.
"Why do you ask if you scare me?"
"I just felt it. Wanted to make sure."
"Oh." Iruka mumbled, sniffing from the cold. Kakashi stood up, pulling Iruka along with him and reached out for the towel outside the shower stall, wrapping Iruka up before taking another one to dry himself off. "Kakashi?" Iruka asked out hesitantly, feeling genuinely curious as he wrapped the towel around his waist and followed Kakashi out of the stall.
"Hmm?" Kakashi hummed as he towel dried his hair
"Why are you always arguing on the phone? You look like you want to kill someone for even saying a single word." Iruka asked, the last part meant to be a joke. Ever since he and Kakashi got together, Iruka took note of how many times he found Kakashi arguing and looking like he wanted to slit the other person's throat at the end of the line. Iruka knew it wasn't his business but it disturbed him.
Kakashi looked up at him, blinking confusedly. "Did I tell you that I'm technically still working while studying?"
Iruka raised an eyebrow, a tad bit confused. "No. But didn't you quite your job at the Water Capital or something?"
"Well, we're what you can call out-of-the-building-employees. I do research, case studies and analysis of systems while studying. And this is a new company, here within Fire itself. They're the ones actually funding my study expenses because I need these courses for later. And it butters up my CV in the process."
Iruka never knew there could be such an arrangement; he dismissed it as a part of a big company or corporate's way of handling what he guessed was good employees. "Well, that's flexible. You must be a really valued employee."
"Beneficial. And yes, you can say I am." Kakashi nodded, tapping his temple with an index finger (a sign to know that his mind was worth the trouble) and went back to towel drying his hair. "So I'm doing this research and analyzing thing for them right now. Me and my team. We're three together. Well, four actually but the other dude is busy doing a different sort of analyzing so he's technically not really part of my team, but somehow still is. Make sense?"
Iruka had no clue what he was talking about but nodded anyway. "Yeah."
"So, one of my teammates, that sonofabitch, thinks I'm relaxing and letting my 'social life' get in the way of my job." Kakashi grumbled, facing the mirror and running his fingers through his hair, towel hanging over is head, making it look like a weird looking white wig.
Iruka didn't know if it was his place to speak but he gave a helpless little shrug. "Maybe if you showed him your progress so that he can somehow stop bugging you?"
"Oh he knows my progress. So does the other one. But he - this bastard - is really, really starting to piss me off. Says I'm not doing my job properly, that I'm stalling, that I'm being slow and that I'm a distracted person. I'm a likeable person on campus. What can I do?"
Iruka was starting to feel a tad bit uncomfortable. "I don't think I'm in any position to say anything."
"True." Kakashi nodded. "Even if I wanted to say what's really going on, I can't. Company gets a tad bit to touchy with the little details." Kakashi gave Iruka an apologetic smile through the mirror and handed him his comb.
"Don't worry about it." Iruka took the comb and slowly started to run it through his hair. "Try explaining things to your teammates then."
"Oh I've tried. Thing is, I'm kinda' lost myself with this project I'm doing. They know I'm lost and I'm getting pressure. If one of us goes down, the rest does too. Know what I mean? Company policy, no way around it." Kakashi grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed a generous amount of toothpaste and started brushing his teeth. "Thing is, I've never failed a project before. I always get it done, top notch, best of the best and then I get paid."
"There shouldn't be a problem then." Iruka mumbled, wondering just what the hell the project was about. He could only guess somewhere around data gathering on technology or some sort of study to improve an existing technology. The Fire Capital was all about technology anyway.
"I told them that. But they seem to think that there is a problem." Kakashi bent over the sink and rinsed his mouth, drying his mouth with the corner of the towel hanging over his head. "And I'm sick of it. If I get one more accusation or bad mouthing, I am going to put a fucking bullet hole through that asshole's head."
The comb running through Iruka's hair dropped to the floor with an audible clank as he stared at Kakashi's serious face, hidden by the shadows the hanging towel caused; the pale man looked like a caged wild animal, ready to lash out at the smallest provoking action, hiding in the darkness, brewing hate. The look on Kakashi's face showed that he meant it and he would do it; it made Iruka's blood run cold with icy fear, the breath catching in his throat as he stared at a reflection on the mirror that he's never seen before.
"K-Kakashi?"
Kakashi blinked and smiled at Iruka as he tugged the towel to hang over his shoulders, all traces of his previous expression winking out in a instant to be replaced by the loving and gentle look (mixed with a tad bit of I-got-laid happiness) that made Iruka's heart and insides melt in to puddle of mush.
"Just kidding." Kakashi winked and kissed the frightened expression off Iruka's face without another word.
TBC
Notes and credits:
This chapter was a pain to write. I hope that by now it would be obvious that Iruka is one fucked up individual who has no clue what he wants or what he's feeling. So, this story is just going to be a few more chapters longer because my muses are stalling and ... never mind.
I've also posted the 1st Author's Cut (go to profile, you'll find the link there). It's a large chunk of unwanted text (that was a waste to throw away) that could have altered this entire story if I decided to continue along that story line.
Also, there's a new fanart that was drawn by the wonderful Kakashi2000. Check it out (profile page link).
So...
- Been watching too much Prison Break and I'm hooked. There's a line there that I took from the show itself and edited to my use (we all love Sucre! We all love Sucre!).
- Song Kakashi whisper-sung would be Iris by The GooGooDolls. It sounds weird if you translate it in Jap (or think in Jap), but it's just as cheesy and 'heartbreaking'.
- I do not own Ryuuken. He belongs to the Bleach-guy and Shounen Jump.
I gave quite a number of people a scare with that April Fool's stunt. It is not part of the plot. If I wanted Iruka to die by getting hit by a car, I wouldn't pick a boring SUV. I'd pick something cooler like a ... Ferrari or a Hummer.
I welcome feedback, thoughts and ponderings and curious questions, love, treats, fanart and marriage proposals with open arms.