A/N: Hello, vacation was short lived...I think I suffered withdraw symptoms while away anyhow. LOL I'm going to answer a question that glowie put in my chapter when beta-ing it. Yes there is a different in hard liquor and wine. I'm taking this from personal experience too. I can handle my liquor a lot better than I can my wine. I guess it's how it enters the body. Oh and with that said...the chapter is a "recovery" chapter. Unfortunately I'm making Shizuru's past...not a good one. Yes, this is a tragic story...just as it is suggested in this chapter.
Remember the story is written in first-person-limited.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mai Hime.
Warped beta-ed by glowie
I watched as the door of my apartment closed. I waited patiently. Shizuru is asleep in my bedroom recovering from her injuries and short-lived death experience. The ups and downs of this relationship are definitely playing games with my head. I looked at the ground and spotted the bottles of liquor I purchased earlier. I grabbed a bottle of scotch and sat back down on my couch opening it. I never thought of consoling myself in alcohol before. Shizuru, does it help? I'm not sure if you really did all those things that Tomoe said. The Karis government is a warped bunch. They justify rape because they had to make sure their spies perform avidly. I thought my superiors were bad, but this is a load of shit. I held the opening of the bottle under my nose and breathed in the strong scent. I want to become lost, too, Shizuru. I want to be lost so I can find you. I put the rim of the bottle's mouth to mine, and started drinking it slowly. I pulled it away coughing. I guess Shizuru has an incredible tolerance for this stuff. I smiled to myself thinking about the one thing she didn't have tolerance for; wine. Me too. I took about three more swigs and put the bottle down on my table.
I walked to the doorway of my bedroom and leaned against its frame as I watched Shizuru's body move from her breathing. As I watched, her arm shot out as if she was reaching for something or someone. I moved forward slowly. The closer I came the more I realized she was having a nightmare. Her mouth is opening.
"NATSUKI! Noooo!" Shizuru initially screamed holding her hands out in front of her. What am I to do?
"Natsuki! Don't leave me to them! I don't like it when they touch me. Please…Natsuki!" Shizuru's voice sounded desperate and her hand is falling. I got up, on the bed, beside her and placed one hand on the side of her body as I leaned closer.
"Shizuru…" I whispered gently. "I'm here. I won't let them touch you." Our faces are so close and I'm aching to touch her. "Do you want me to kiss you?" I noticed fear washed from her face as I said that. I will save her from this nightmare and make it a pleasant dream if possible. Her breathing is steadying. Good.
"Natsuki, you won't leave me? Would you?" Shizuru asked, still deep in her sleep, making me a part of her sleeping world.
"No, I will never leave you, Shizuru." I said narrowing my eyes as I stared at her lips. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but that's just warped after all the things I've done today. I shut my eyes tightly and slowly pushed away from her. "Now, sleep well." I sighed as I sat down beside her restraining myself. I looked at my right hand which is covered in dried blood.
"Natsuki, you can kiss me if you want…" Shizuru whispered beside me making me wonder if she could read thoughts. I looked down at her and smiled and kissed her forehead.
"Sleep well, love." I got off the bed and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. The steam rolled around me as I stood there allowing the water to beat against my back. I held myself against the wall and trained my gaze downward. My mind was in a furious battle as I breathed heavily in and out through my mouth. Shizuru and I don't have much time left before we have to run. I slammed my fist against the shower wall over and over. Why can't our lives be normal? I do not believe in fate. I believe in what I feel. What I feel in my heart. And now it is telling me to push forward no matter the consequences. I finished my shower and I put my bathrobe on and rested against the door frame closing my eyes. I opened them seeing Shizuru's eyes opening at the same time.
"Welcome back, my lost lamb." I said quietly staring at Shizuru who turned her head away from me. I walked towards her slowly. "Listen Shizuru, yes, I heard everything that girl said. It does not matter to me." I said softly. Shizuru looked back at me with the same lonesome eyes she had the previous night. I sighed for her and myself. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." I gently took hold of the arm that she had driven the knife into earlier. I was surprised when I failed to find any trace of the wound on her hand. Shizuru winced a bit when my thumb grazes over her wrist.
"The wounds are gone." Shizuru said with astonishment as if to avoid talking about her past. "It feels sore though." I nodded as I soften my grip. Shizuru walked with me to into the bathroom wearing her still torn clothes. I wished we could be in a fairytale. I smirked to myself while I watched Shizuru undress. What a warped fairytale it is? I would play the role of the hero, but in this case it would be a fallen hero. Shizuru would be my princess; my broken raped princess. A kiss would set us both free. My smirk diminished into a cold expression as I shut my eyes trying to banish the images of Shizuru being taken advantage of by her military peers. My eyes opened as I heard the shower go on and the silhouette of Shizuru's body moved under the shower spray. I walked over to the bed pulling the sheets off thinking about my demented fairytale. In fairytales like that the hero dies while the princess goes insane, or they die together. I can't have either of that.
I went to my washer machine and threw the sheets in there and hoped for a fast wash. I sat on my mattress holding a folded towel in hands. I gritted my teeth together I couldn't stop thinking about what that girl said. It does not matter, does it? My face flushed red as I placed my hands on either side of my temples and squeezed. If I do this perhaps I can force the images out my head. The shower stopped. I composed myself and grabbed the towel from my lap. I walked through the open doorway to the shower and watched Shizuru pulled the shower curtains back. The sadness was deeply set in her eyes. Don't be sad Shizuru. Are my eyes making you feel this way? I looked away as I opened the towel to wrap her in. I heard her walk over to me and sensed pressure against the towel. Shizuru kissed me softly on my cheek as I wrapped the towel around her naked body pulling her closer to me. I can't bring myself to look at her. What's the matter with me? The images are flashing through my mind again. My lips trembled and I tightened my grip on her still keeping my gaze averted.
"I can make the pain go away, Natsuki." Shizuru said strangely. The way she said it made my skin crawl. I pushed her away.
"No!" I screamed and my eyes widened realizing what I said. I backed out and walked away leaving the bathroom and my room. I left Shizuru standing there in the bathroom by herself. I found my way to my washing machine which started beeping at me letting me know my sheets needed to be dried. I opened the door, removed the wet linens, and placed them in the drier. The image of that girl touching Shizuru flashed into my head. I slammed my fists down on the poor appliance over and over screaming no until I cradled my head in my hands resting my elbows on the washer's edge. I'm a vicious killer and yet things like this bothered me. What a sad killer I am. I heard footsteps. I glanced up from my hands and saw Shizuru.
"Stay away, Shizuru. Stay away." I said in my cold voice. "I just can't get these images out of my head. I can't…" I started to rant. Shizuru came closer. "I don't think I can touch you anymore. Knowing what I do now…" Shizuru stopped and I heard her take a deep breath.
"Natsuki, there is nothing you could have done." Shizuru said quietly. "Tomoe is right though, I guess. I'm nothing more than a filthy whore…" Her voice got even softer. I lifted my head and turned to her.
"You're not a whore!" I shouted. "I cannot condone such use of your body." My voice hardened. I looked at my hands and then at her. "Are you telling me that you whored yourself with me when we made love" I cried walking towards her. "This isn't all for nothing Shizuru. Is it?!"
"No, Natsuki, I'm not saying that…I don't know." Shizuru said desperately as I closed the distance between us. My heart was beating wildly as I got closer. I felt sick.
"Damn it Shizuru. What in the hell am I doing? I can't proceed with anything." My voice was getting hoarse. My body was against hers as I looked up to her eyes. She tried to look away and I grabbed her face with one hand and pulled her into a kiss. I'm aching inside. How about you Shizuru? Doesn't this feel wrong after what had happened today? I'm becoming violent. I pushed Shizuru to my couch and pushed her down against it. I'm lost. I think I understand why Shizuru did what she did yesterday. There is so much pain in seeing your loved one in the arms of another, and it makes it worse when you know it's against their will. The pain is so raw. I stood in front of Shizuru staring at her fearful expression with very cold eyes.
"Go ahead. Do it. Be like them and take me." Shizuru said coldly looking away. It felt like a piece of ice pierced through my heart as she said that. I knelt down in front of her placing myself between her legs. I hugged her at the waist tightly and began to cry.
"Forgive me Shizuru. I don't know what got into me. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. You know I accept you for who you are and not what you've done." I sobbed on. "I will never leave you, my love. Never." I cried feeling Shizuru touch my shoulders. I looked up at her as I leaned back tears rolling down my face. Shizuru ran her hand down the side of my face and pulled at her towel letting it fall to her waist.
"Shhh. Its okay, Natsuki. Now take what you need of me." Shizuru said softly.
"But…" I was about to say something when she placed a finger against my lips.
"Shhh…it's alright. I want my body to be for you only and I offer it willingly." Shizuru said maintaining that soft tone. I slowly stood up pulling off my bathrobe and lowered Shizuru against the couch.
I lowered my body against hers as I kissed her very passionately gently massaging one her breasts in my hand. I broke our kiss and took her other breast into my mouth making Shizuru gasp for more air. I moved down planting kisses where ever I could. I sat up and sighed, looking at Shizuru. Her head was turned to the side and her face flushed with blood. Do I make you feel dirty? I leaned back down and kissed her neck running my hand down along her waist before resting on her hip. I whispered in her ear.
"Shizuru, do I make you feel dirty? Please, I don't want to make you feel that way. I'll stop, okay" I whispered. Shizuru wrapped her arms around me. I could feel her smile.
"No, you make me feel beautiful. Don't stop, Natsuki." Shizuru whispered.
So I continued to lowered myself to her hips and licked her thigh to the back of her knee. Shizuru moaned sweetly as I traced my way back before tasting her there. I felt her grabbing my head and caress it as I laved that heat from her. I want to satisfy her completely. I leaned back and I lustfully looked at her now sweat drenched body and smiled. I continued my ministrations until Shizuru screamed my name out and pulled me to her. We kissed and held each other. I smiled as I felt Shizuru regain her steady breathing.
"Natsuki, please, let me…." I silenced Shizuru with a kiss and shook my head after we broke our kiss.
"Listen, pleasing you was enough for me. You don't have to do anything." I soothingly said. "You and I need our rest to go shopping tomorrow anyways." I sighed. The gala is tomorrow and the day after that will be the start of our escape.
Mini Feed
-opens with Shizuru sitting on Kara's lap with Kara's arms around Shizuru's waist while she types-
Shizuru: Ara, that's not like me to leave Natsuki unsatisfied.
Chuckabutt: Okay the entire point is Natsuki is the "fallen hero", right.
Natsuki: WHat?! -stares into room-
Chuckabutt: Oh god...I'm dead. -hands slowly drop from Shizuru's waist- She made me! Natsuki...really!
Shizuru: -grabs Kara's head and presses her chest against it- Ara, Kara-san, don't be like that. -obviously teasing Natsuki-
Natsuki: Mou, Shizuru, stop that already. I need to kill her.
Chuckabutt: - having bad nosebleed -
Shizuru: Kara-san needed help writing her story. -release...Kara grabs bleeding nose-
Natsuki: DIE! - gun appears out of nowhere -
- Mini feed author has left the building-
So the ending is a bit off...but remember this somethign they've been planning for awhile. I hope you enjoy the story. There is obviously a problem with me and smex. -sigh- Don't ask a single girl to write these things. MY LIFE IS BAD ENOUGH...you should see... - voice trails off-