Dun dun dun…. Chapter 3 is here! What will our brave heroine face? Will she succumb to the terror of the night? Will she be rescued before being hit by the train that is racing towards her tied up body? Oh wait, this isn't a cheesy 40's movie reel, it's Harry Potter FanFiction! Aiieeeee!!!!

Yes, I take my medication regularly.

No, the voices haven't stopped yet.

Thanks for your reviews; they're much appreciated! Mwah Mwah! (Yeah, that's kisses, that is. It's really hard to type a kiss noise, you know.)

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. That is to say, I own copies of the books written by J.K. Rowlings. Does that count? Didn't think so.

Haven't I read this somewhere before?

After the newest crop of Hogwarts students had been sorted and seated at their respective house tables, Dumbledore clapped his hands once sharply, and stood up, drawing everyone's attention.

"Welcome, dear students, to another year at Hogwarts. I'm sure this will be an enjoyable experience for all of you. I'm pleased to announce this year's Head Girl and Boy, will they please stand up after I call their name – Draco Malfoy of Slytherin House and Hermione Granger of Gryffindor House!"

Hermione blushed and stood up, smiling proudly and nodding at the students clapping. Draco, across the room, lazily stood up, a haughty proud expression on his face as he acknowledged his position. As the applause died down, they took back their seats.

Dumbledore raised a hand, calling for silence, and proceeded with his announcements.

"This year the school has decided to promote unity by having the Heads share living quarters…"

***

"Whoa… hold on there! Sharing living quarters? Are you out of your attractive little head? Although you're still totally sexy and irresistible."

"Oh Draco… Hee hee, thank you so much for the compliment! I'm totally blushing now…"

"Hey! I didn't say anything like that! Now you're making up stuff outside of your stupid plots! Cut it out!"

"Oh fine, spoil the fantasy. Yes, sharing living quarters – did you have a question about that or something?"

"I have a question about it."

"No one asked you, Granger."

"Bite me Ferret. I'm just wondering… when did Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry become Hogwarts, Dumbledore's Brothel?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. There is no way – no way at all that Professor Dumbledore would have a boy and girl sharing living quarters. I mean, think about it – the staircase to the girls dormitory changes into a slide when a boy sets one foot on it."

"Oh yeah Hermione… but, but… how am I supposed to get you guys together? Have you dance the horizontal tango? Play hide the sausage?"

"You're not supposed to. Period."

"But Draco… don't you want to get some?"

"Not from her."

"Fine! Be that way! See if I ever try to help your sex life improve again!"

***

"As Head Boy and Girl, you will have your own private rooms, with a connecting door to your respective house Common room. Visitors are restricted to daytime hours only, and none of the opposite sex." Dumbledore continued.

Next to Draco, Pansy Parkinson wriggled in her seat and pouted sexily. Her ravishing looks, although overtly slutty, had all the boys in her house captivated, as well as several from the surrounding houses. She pressed up against Draco, licking his earlobe and whispered in his ear.

"We'll find a way around that, won't we Lover?"

"Of course, Pansy. There's no way I can go without the scent of my favorite flower now, can I?"

"I know, Draco baby. And besides… If you can't find a way to entertain me in the privacy of your own room, I'll just have to go find someone else who can satisfy me…"

***

"God. Stereotype much? Why is it that almost every single HP writer makes Pansy out to be some horny whore? I'll have you know that she was brought up pretty damn strict, and there's no way she'd be playing those kind of games with anyone! She belongs to the "Save It For After The Altar" or SIFATA, as they prefer to be known, you know."

"Yeah, and besides… you really should read the books a bit more carefully. "A hard-faced Slytherin girl" "A pug-faced girl" Those don't really sound ravishingly sexy, do they?"

"Well, she wants Draco though… everyone knows that! So I can still put that in!"

"Geez… she's my friend! She sticks up for me cause she's on my side – just like Potty and Weasel do for Granger here."

"So… what you're saying is no teen slut fest?"

"Just a reader, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"But how will I get people to read my fic then?"

"You might try to find some writing talent – that usually helps."

"You're so catty sometimes Hermione."

***

After the feast, the students filed off to their respective houses to mingle, play wizard's chess, compare class schedules and to dread the morning when classes started. Hermione, feeling a bit outside of everyone there, wandered off to her separate room. Feeling rather tense, she decided to pay a visit to the Prefect's Washroom. Gathering up her toiletries, including her favorite strawberry scented shampoo…

***

"Why is it always strawberry? I hate strawberries. They give me great itching hives."

***

Gathering up her toiletries, including her favorite peach scented shampoo, Hermione made her way quietly out of the dorm and headed to the relaxing atmosphere of the Prefect's Bath. Sighing in pleasure as she sunk into the hot water, she quickly scrubbed herself clean. Piling her hair loosely on top of her head, she reached over to her bag and pulled out her well used copy of Hogwart's, A History. Nibbling on her lip, she soon was lost from the world, immersed as she was in the pages.

Suddenly a dark shadow loomed over her. She gasped in surprise and looked up.'

***

"Ooooh, suspense! I love suspense, don't you? So, who do you think it's gonna be, Mione? Come'n, take a guess. Hee hee you'll never guess in a million years!"

"…"

"Mione, aren't you even going to attempt to guess? Please?"

"Umm… Crookshanks?"

"No! Were you even paying attention to what I was typing?"

"Well, truth be told…"

"I'm hurt, Hermione. I'm crushed, I'll have you know. Now I have to go pout for a while. *Sob* I'll be in my trailer!"

"This isn't a movie set. You don't have a trailer."

"Minor detail!"

***

Oh wow, I'm sorry about how long it took to get this up. I'm only able to type this at work and I've been sooooo busy here it's not even funny. I really need to get my office suite re-installed on my home computer sometime soon. Anyway, hope you enjoy!