1"Oh yeah baby! WOOOOHOOO!" screamed Anakin sticking his hands above him in the "fight the power" sign. Padme clenched the seat of the open cockpit yellow speeder they were in. he veered left and right and did loops around all the other drivers.
"Don't you think we should slow down?" she asked. He fell down across her lap.
"Astalavista, baby!"
"Anakin!" she screamed leaning forward to the steering wheel.
"I got it. I GOT IT!" he yelled sitting up. "Gosh, you're cramping my style."
"So honey,"
"Don't call me honey, call me, Goldie Locks!"
"Well, Goldie Locks, where are we going to eat?"
Anakin leaned back, closed his eyes, and rubbed his chin. Suddenly he shot forward against the wheel.
"That one!" he yelled in a crazed voice. The pod jolted forward and landed on the pavement screeching and burning. "FIRE!" he yelled in excitement. Padme pulled him out of the pod my the ear and pulled out a needle.
"I told you to take your medicine!" she scolded pulling out his arm and injecting the needle.
He howled like a wolf being destroyed in a blender. Everyone stopped and stared at him as he cried and sucked his thumb on the ground.
"Anakin, this is a bar!" yelled Padme as they entered the place he had chosen to eat in.
"And?" he walked forward and stood before a booth full of people. He smiled at them and they smiled back. Suddenly a blue lightsabor ignited at his side. They all ran away screaming as they entered the booth.
"Here it is." said Mace Windu. They turned the corner into a bar. Obi-Wan shifted uneasily where he stood. Yoda virtually exploded.
"ALCOHOL!" he exclaimed. He bolted forward but Mace grabbed onto his head.
"Drink responsibly my little friend." he preached.
"Get your paws off my shiny head!" he roared leaping to the bar.
"Are you okay Obi-Wan?"
"No, not really," he answered still shifting.
"You look constipated."
"No! It's not that. You see, I'm a reckless drunk."
"Aren't we all?" Mace pulled Obi-Wan into the crowded bar while Obi-Wan tried to persuade him. They sat down.
"What can I get for you?" asked the waiter.
"We'll take a couple martinis. Make my friends a double." Answered Mace.
"No really," persisted Obi-Wan. The people next to them got up to reveal Yoda sitting at the end. His green hands were wrapped around a foot high glass with about a centimeter left of scotch in it. He smacked his lips wildly and turned to them.
"Hello boys." He said. "Waiter!"
"Yes?" he asked.
"A red crested cougar, I want." The entire bar silenced. Everyone stared at him.
"But sir, that is the biggest and most alcoholic drink we serve!"
"Do it!" The bar tender reluctantly pushed forward an even bigger mug of red liquid. Yoda had to stand on the counter to get his head above it. He stared at it contemplating. Obi-Wan sat transfixed. Suddenly he plunged his head into it and began slurping wildly. With in seconds he sat at the bottom of the empty mug.
Silence filled the bar. Suddenly Anakin and Padme in the back realized it was Yoda at the bar. Yoda pulled out his lightsabor and severed the glass. He stared at everybody and fell onto the bar table and did the worm. A disco ball came down from the ceiling and mad music played. Everyone hovered around the little green break dancer.
"Yoda I am!" he yelled. "Roar hear me!" he tore off his shirt and began to do a head spin.
"Go Yoda! Go Yoda!" chanted the crowd. Mace leapt up near Yoda and tore off his shirt also. He did the disco point.
"Wow!" cried Anakin. "Master Windu is pretty hot!"
But Anakin's joy was soon killed as Obi-Wan joined them, also shirtless, and did Michael Jackson moves.
Anakin's eyes were about to pop. They were burning bright red and were extremely painful to him. Obi-Wan had a huge hairy chest. There was even hair over his six pack. He even had a six pack! Anakin didn't even have one that big. Obi-Wan caught site of Anakin trying to pull Padme to the door. He jumped down and slipped in front of them.
"Fancy meeting you here!" yelled Obi-Wan squinting and shifting his back.
"Hello Obi-Wan." said Padme quite amused.
"AHHHHHH! You look like a freakin' gorilla!" screamed Anakin trying to avert his gaze. Obi-Wan slumped over to Anakin's side and slipped his arm around him.
"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.
"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. Padme pulled out her cell phone and took pictures.
"Mom will love these!" she exclaimed. Anakin was wincing and pushing on Obi-Wan's face as he moved closer and through his arms around him.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" shrieked Anakin.
"Oh look, mistletoe!" said Obi-Wan pursing his lips.
"IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YOU FAG!" Obi-Wan came closer and closer. Anakin struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong. Padme laughed and pointed from the side lines. Just as Obi-Wan was about to reach his destination, he froze.
His eyes darted from side to side. He let off a wild cry like the ones you would hear from politicians. He leapt into the air and ignited his lightsabor. He slashed at everyone severing their heads and piercing their spleens.
"Let's go." Said Anakin pushing Padme outside.
Anakin was so pissed off at Obi-Wan he had stayed up all night plotting his revenge. Padme had gone nuts listening to him whispering menacingly to himself. Bright and early in the morning he snuck to the phone. He dialed in Obi-Wan's number.
"Hello?" came his shaky voice. He obviously had a hangover.
"No! I want goat milk!" screamed Anakin in a Swedish accent.
"Excuse me?"
"No excuses! I will tell Billy!"
"Who is Billy?"
"Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk!"
"SHUT UP!" he screamed. "Now, what do you want?"
"Toenail clippings."
"What?"
"Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk!"
"DO YOU WANT GOAT MILK OR TOENAIL CLIPPINGS!?!"
"I want fruit punch. Deliver it!"
"No!"
"GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK!"
"Fine! I'll get you fruit punch! Where do you live?"
"The sixth room on the third floor of Skyline Apartments."
"Anakin! Stop prank phone calling me!"
"GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK!"
"Okay! I'll get you some freakin' fruit punch!"
He slammed down his receiver. Anakin sat down on the couch and laughed. As the sun came up he heard a crash outside. He raced to the balcony to see Obi-Wan sprawled on the garbage cans. It was time for phase two of his plan.
Obi-Wan stammered underneath the balcony. Anakin stuck his fingers far back in his mouth vomited all over Obi-Wan's head.
"ANAKIN!" he wailed.
"Ha-ha Master! You got served!" Obi-Wan stormed angrily into the building. Anakin bolted to the door and picked up a bucket that was near it.
The door creaked open. He through the bucket full of fish goo all over Obi-Wan, only it wasn't Obi-Wan. It was Mace Windu. Anakin, horror struck, dropped the bucket.
"ANAKIN SKYWALKER!" he bellowed.
"PADME!" shrieked Anakin running down the hallway. He jumped onto Padme who had still been sleeping.
"Ani! What the heck are you doing?" she asked tiredly. He rolled over her onto his side of the bed and pulled the peach covers over his head. Mace stomped into the room.
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" he cried jumping onto the bed. Padme screamed but Anakin screamed even harder. Mace fell onto his knees and continually punched Anakin. Padme got up, grabbed a cup of coffee, sat back down, and watched.
"AHHHH!" screamed Anakin. Finally after a bloody nose and several reddish bruises Mace grabbed him by the ear and threw him out in the hallway.
"The worst is yet to come." sneered Mace. Anakin curled up on the floor hugging himself and kissing his booboos. Suddenly he looked up to realize Mace had gone into the bathroom.
He jumped up and stood in horror at the doorway. Mace had taken the lids off all of his blush, piled them in the sink, and was now drenching them.
"Padme! He's drowning my babies!" he cried trying to run into the bathroom. Mace put his hand up and knocked Anakin back into the wall. He cried and screamed. He fell to the floor and threw a fit.
Mace unscrewed all of his lip glosses and rinsed them out. He smudged all of his lipsticks in the sink. He cracked all of his mascara brushes. He destroyed everything in the bathroom including his many shampoos and conditioners.
Padme got out of bed to find Anakin whimpering in the fetal position outside the bathroom where Mace was whipping his hands. The sink was full of wet make up junk. He stepped out over Anakin and turned to Padme.
"Sorry about the mess." he said. He walked to the door, Padme slipped around the corner following him.