1Anakin stood outside Obi-Wan's door. He had finally talked him into going to a day spa with him. He was so excited he swung open the door and barged in.
"Let's go!" he cried "Obi-Wan! Get your clothes on!"
"Anakin! You don't just barge into a room like that!" he yelled.
"Hurry up! I'm bored!"
Anakin and Obi-Wan walked hand in hand up to the counter at the day spa. A lady with three inch long red nails and bleached blonde hair turned to great them.
"I have a reservation." Said Anakin
"Under what name?" croaked the lady.
"Hot mama." Obi-Wan stared at him. They entered the spa room and Obi-Wan reluctantly got his chest waxed, his hair died, and his nails done. At the end he looked in a mirror.
"I look like you!" he shrieked in horror.
"I'm so proud of you Obi-Wan! You finally blossomed!"
Obi-Wan felt shy as they reentered the Jedi Temple. He didn't know what they would say.
"Wow Obi-Wan, you're looking good today." Remarked a passing woman.
"Why thank you." Said Obi-Wan in shock.
"Obi-Wan! You look hot!" remarked another.
"Thanks!"
"Da-yum you fine!"
"I try."
"Break me off a piece of that!" Obi-Wan was wearing a broad smile when suddenly Mace Windu turned the corner still wearing Anakin's bath robe.
"Obi-Wan, you're smokin'!" he exclaimed.
"I had them do the same thing as me." Blurted Anakin.
"DID I ASK YOU!?!"
"No sir."
"GUESS WHAT! I'M STILL A MASTER AND YOU'RE NOT! MWAHAHAHAHA! So Obi-Wan, do you want to go out some time? Just the two of us?"
"Step over shiny head!" yelled Anakin grabbing Obi-Wan's hand. "He's mine!"
"I will get my revenge." growled Mace as they walked away.
News spread like wild fire across the Jedi Temple about Anakin going out with the hottest Jedi in the galaxy. Everyone was extremely jealous. They even made power couple of the month in Jedi Monthly. Padme found it amusing. While Anakin was on dates with Obi-Wan she got some alone time with every man on the planet.
But Mace was seriously pissed off. He knew something had to be done. His chance came when Padme was sitting in his lap again during a council session.
"It is time to celebrate!" he announced jumping up. "Grevious is on Utapou!" everyone got up and cheered. They threw around confetti and popped champagne bottles for about fifty seconds and sat back down.
"Send someone there, we must." said Yoda.
"I think Yoda should go." suggested Obi-Wan.
"No way!" screamed Yoda "Going on a party cruise on Kashyyk I am!"
"Obi-Wan, you're going." Announced Mace.
"What? Me?"
"Yes you! Now go away! You may be a hunksicle but you still have to do your job!"
"Fine! I'm going!" Obi-Wan walked out the door.
Obi-Wan had arrived on Utapou. He snuck through the vents looking for the sexy figure of General Grevious. Finally he found it. He was threatening the Separatists again.
"One more wise crack," he stopped to cough "about my pink mask and I will impale your heads on toothpicks!" they all gulped in unison.
"It's time to make my grand entrance." mumbled Obi-Wan. He dove down from a hole in the vents. He landed on the table all of the Separatists were sitting at. He did a belly slide across it and crashed to the ground at the end. "That did not feel good." He said getting up.
"Obi-Wan Ke-" he once again stopped to cough "nobi! You are a, wow! You look hot!"
"Thanks!" he exclaimed "Now I must kill you!"
"Wait! Droid 234234! Get my lightsabors. Droid 32452! Get my inhaler!" two droids rushed out and back in. He grabbed the inhaler and sucked in. He snapped it on his belt and crushed the droid's head in his hand. He wheeled around making the other droid jump. He grabbed the light sabers and turned to Obi-Wan. "You are pretty hot Obi-Wan, it will be hard to kill you."
"No, I am going to kill you. Hi-yah!" he screamed bolting forward at Grevious. Grevious stuck out two of the four lightsabors blocking his attack. Obi-Wan cursed. Grevious back handed him and sent him flying.
Obi-Wan wiped the blood from his cheek and attacked again. Grevious kicked the flying Jedi back into a wall. Obi-Wan gave Grevious the finger.
"Up yours!" he yelled.
"Your mom-" he stopped to cough "Obi-wan!"
Obi-Wan leaped forward but Grevious did a full on body slam. Obi-Wan struggled to escape the medal weirdo. He had no luck. Grevious pushed down harder and harder trying to make him pop. Obi-Wan spat at him.
"That's just-" cough "gross man! Ewe! No wonder Anakin hates you so much!"
"FYI, I'm going out with him" sneered Obi-Wan. Grevious hacked a lugi that landed on Obi-Wan's thigh. "Ahh! That hurts!" Grevious clamored towards him. He held the four lightsabor above him and tightened his grip. They all crunched and flickered out.
"Oh shizzle." He said. Obi-Wan tried to leap up but Grevious stepped on him sending him back to the ground. He reached onto his belt and grabbed blaster.
"Monkey!" exclaimed Obi-Wan pointing off.
"Where?" asked Grevious looking in the direction his was pointing to. Obi-Wan waved his hand and the blaster came into his.
Grevious coughed and hacked snot all over the floor. His sudden up chuck gave Obi-Wan a chance to get a better distance away from him. Grevious grabbed Obi-Wan and tried to crunch his shoulder. Obi-Wan turned and pried open his chest plate.
"If you wanted me to take off my clothes you could have just asked!" yelled Grevious.
"Ewe!" Obi-Wan started shooting at his pumping organs. He expected them to explode in a fiery death like the one's Anakin used to set off on his head while he was sleeping, but it didn't.
"Haha!" laughed Grevious coughing. He reached for his inhaler. Obi-Wan shifted his aim and blasted the inhaler. Grevious swore and threw Obi-Wan into the wall like a Barbie doll. He started choking and fell to the floor.
"That was easier than I thought." Suddenly his cell phone went off. "Hello?"
"Wassup?" asked Mace Windu on the other line.
"I have defeated General Grevious."
"Way to go! When you come back we can have a party, at my place. Better yet, in my room! Even better, in my bed! We'll invite Yoda, and Palpatine, and- on second thought, how about just us two?"
"Sounds good, I'll be back soon."
"I'm waiting!"
While Mace was waiting for Obi-Wan he decided to go to a council session and rub it in Anakin's face.
"So Anakin, have you heard anything from Palpatine?" he asked.
"He thinks Obi-Wan is hot, he's a Sith lord, and he really likes scrambled eggs in the shower."
"SITH! HOLY CRAP! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US!?!" screamed Mace. Everyone in the room exploded with rage and jumped at Anakin. They tackled him and punched him repeatedly. Anakin didn't mind. They did this to him about once a month. But, what Mace did was going to far.
He stepped forward with a bottle in his hands.
"What's that?" inquired Anakin.
"It's my shampoo." he replied.
"But you have no hair."
"This shampoo is to blame." He squirted some in his hand and wiped it all over Anakin's hair.
"HOLY FLIPPIN' NO! I HATE YOUR FREAKIN' GUTS! ALL OF YOU! YOU ALL SUCK BALLS! AHHHH! I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU!" he started foaming at the mouth again. Everyone tried to hold him down while Padme tried to inject his medicine but he was too enraged. He ran into the hall and rinsed his hair in a drinking fountain. He bolted out of the temple and went to Palpatine's office.
"Anakin! Please join the Sith!" he pleaded at his sight.
"I will! I want revenge on those ball suckers! They almost made me go bald!"
"No!" Just then they turned to see Mace Windu and three other Jedi enter the room.
"Busted!" yelled Mace. Palpatine glared at them.
"You want to take me on?" he asked.
"Bring it on old man!"
"You die today!" Palpatine roared and ignited his scarlet lightsabor. He turned and twisted slaughtering the three other Jedi. Mace sweated. Palpatine was tough. They parried and fought. He pushed Mace into the wall and punched him in the eye and kicked him in the nuts.
"I will triumph! For I am Mace Windu!" yelled Mace. He jumped into the air. On his landing he grabbed Palpatine's hair. He pulled it back so hard his face started to stretch.
"Ah! Help me Ani!" cried Palpatine.
"Get your hand off him! Just because he has hair and you don't doesn't give you the right to stretch his fat!" Anakin leapt into action. Mace screamed like a little girl. Anakin had fury in his eyes. He screamed and slashed at everything in the room. The desk was severed, the statues were diced, the carpet was torn. Mace screamed and ran out the window falling to his demise.
"That was easy." Confessed Anakin. He turned to Palpatine. "AHHHHH!" he shrieked.
"What?" asked Palpatine turning to a mirror. "AHHHHHH!" they both screamed and hugged each other shrieking their Sithy heads off at the hideous sight.
"So what do I do now?" asked Anakin.
"Normal Sith stuff. Pick up eggs, milk, drop of my dry cleaning, destroy the Jedi temple, and do my taxes."
"That shouldn't take more that an hour. I'll be back soon." He ran to the door and turned around "Wait, what's my new Sith name?"
"Uh, mine's Sidious because I have a sister, s, who is hideous, ideous."
"What's mine?"
"Well, uh, this is tough. Oh! I know! Vader, because you are an invader of people's space bubble."
"Far out!"
Obi-Wan was running around frolicking. He sang and danced and gave himself hugs. He was so proud of himself for killing General Grevious. Within the half an hour after he had killed Grevious he had decided he was the savior of the galaxy and started to preach for everyone.
He stood before all of the clone troopers beaming. They all watched impatiently. He cleared his throat and began to speak.
"Good people of the clone army," he began "it is I! The grand enforcer of the galaxy! I have come to save all of you from a horrible death at the hands of ugliness. I am willing to give all of you makeovers so you can be hot like me and go out with hot people like me. I will demonstrate first how to put on lip stick."
Suddenly a cell phone went off. Everyone turned to commander Cody who pulled out his phone and flipped it open.
"Hello? Yes this is Cody. Yes. Okay. It will be done. Bye." He turned off his phone and looked up at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan stared back at him. They both stood staring at one another in silence. Their eyes pierced each other, they were both cold and full of mystery.
"Die Jedi! Die!" he screamed pulling out his gun. He began to shoot furiously at him. Everybody else followed and did the same.
Obi-Wan leapt into the air like a cat in water. He pulled out his sapphire saber and whirled it around. The lasers ricocheted off it and flew back at the clones. They all screamed and ran for cover.
"Son of a!" yelled Cody throwing bombs at him. Obi-Wan's eyes widened. He whirled around and ran. Everything went in slow motion like it does when some one is running from an explosion in the movies. Obi-Wan's hair flapped in the wind. His eyes watered. His tongue flapped. The fire engulfed his sides. He lunged forward with the end of his robes scorched. He landed panting on the ground.
"I'm gonna go get some coffee." He declared.