A/N:Here's chapter two! R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter Two

I Can't Live This Way Anymore

It hit me hard, fast and hard, later that night. It just happened so suddenly I wasn't prepared. It hit me so hard, hard enough to cause me to burst into tears in the middle of my detention with Snape. And they wouldn't go away no matter what I did. Harry did his best to try and calm me down--without drawing Snape's attention--but it didn't help either.

I somehow managed to make it through the hour without completely breaking down. It wasn't until I was out of the dungeons and halfway to Gryffindor Tower that I allowed myself to submit to it. I fell against one of the walls of the corridor and let the tears flow freely. I was taking deep gulps of air, trying my best to fill my lungs through my sobs. I slipped down the wall and sat on the ground. I pulled my legs up to my chest and dropped my face into my arms. I was shaking uncontrollably.

The next thing I knew I was being pulled away from the wall and into warm arms. Harry stroked my back gently as he hugged me to him. I buried my face into his neck, and settled there. As I got comfortable in Harry's arms the need for tears seemed to evaporate a little. I felt horrible, but not as utterly dreadful as I had just moments before. I pulled away slightly, after my tears had subsided a little, so I could look at Harry.

"Why would he do this to me?" I cried. Even as I looked to Harry for an answer, I doubted he had one.

"As much as I wish I had an explanation, I don't." Harry answered softly.

"Is this my fault? Did I do something to deserve this?" I was rambling and the tears were back full force. "I was a good girlfriend, wasn't I? I did all I could to make this work, didn't I? I tried my best to stay with him, but I can't anymore, not after this. I never intentionally hurt him. How could he do this?"

"I don't know what to say, Hermione. This isn't your fault. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Other than that, I don't know. I can't tell you what Ron's thinking, doing this to you, but I can tell you he's a bloody arse for doing it." Harry was trying to be comforting, he really was. I had to give him credit. It wasn't his fault it wasn't working.

"Thanks for trying, Harry." I mumbled. "At least you're trying. That's more than I can say for Ron."

"Come on Hermione, let's get you back to the dormitory." Harry suggested.

He stood and offered me a hand to help me up. I grasped his hand and pulled myself off of the ground. I followed him the rest of the way to Gryffindor Tower. I couldn't be more grateful that I had Harry. He was always there for me--more so than even Ron was. He could be so supportive without a second thought--and Ron never was. The only thing Ron ever did was tear down anything I ever did. It was always a fight with Ron. He never tookt he time to listen to me. He never cared about the things I cared about. I knew that but he could have at least left it alone. He would go out of his way to tell me the way I was living was wrong. Our relationship was unmanageable most of the time but I never thought it would lead to this. This surprised me.

While Ron was capable of a lot of hurtful things--like dumping a bowl of eggs in my lap--but I never thought he could do this. He was supposed to be loyal and faithful. He was supposed to be the person I could turn to. But he wasn't. Increasinly that person had been Harry. Ron fell short in a lot of aspects of our relationship, but I never thought he was capable of doing something like this. It was Ron, for goodness sake. He was the eleven year old boy with a smudge on his nose, on the Hogwarts Express. He was the boy who would do anything for his friends--including participating in a far too realistic chess match. He was the Ron I had fell for. What had happened to that Ron? He had disappeared somewhere along the way.

Ron can be fiercly loyal when he wants to be. I know he can. He just never seems to apply such loyalty when it comes to our relationship. It was evident he wasn't loyal to me. Our relationship is based on his conditions, or at least the quality of our relationship is based on his conditions. It can be good when he doesn't take things personally. It can be great when he doesn't feel as if he needs to insult everything I do. It can be good when he remembers special days. It can be great when he doesn't treat me like garbage. Things could be wonderful if he would let them be. But he won't. And I just can't take it anymore. I'm done. I'm through with it.

I can see it now, how ridiculous I've been. I was so afraid to hurt Ron that I forgot to even consider how bad I was hurting. I put myself second to Ron. I didn't think about myself--even when it was clear Ron only thought of himself. He was my top priority, but I wasn't his. And that was what was wrong with our relationship. We weren't on the same page when it came to our relationship and that was why it didn't work out, no matter how hard as I tried.

Realizing that now is bittersweet. It's great that I know that, that I figured it out, but it's just too little too late. If I had figured that out a long time ago, I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache. But like they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I can't change the past, I can only prepare myself better in the furture. I wouldn't leave myself vulnerable to such a thing. I will protect myself better. I won't open myself up to that kind of pain. I'll do better.

It's even worse to realize this is as much my own fault as it is his. I know nobody will blame me for what I'm going to do, that's not what I'm talking about. It's my fault I let it go on this long. I let him hurt me over and over again, and I never did anything about it. I took it. Well, I'm not taking it anymore.

It's about time for a change.

I need something different in my life. A new attitude. A new outlook. A new me. I just need more than what I've been living. I didn't think things would ever have to change, but they do. They are far from perfect and they need to change. I don't know how, but they will. I'll make sure of it, no matter what I have to do. It's time for a big change, because things have to get better. There's no way they can get worse. I won't allow that. I'm ready for something new. Everyone else had better be ready too.