Disclaimer: I still don't Naruto, probably never will...

Warnings: First off I'd like to say that this chapter is a flashback chapter, it's my own take on how the night between Shisui and Itachi went (it's REALLY different from the ones you would expect, then again, a lot of things in this story are different.) This chapter contain coarse language, blood/violence, murder, attempted suicide, talk of possible child abuse, incest (two pairings), references to sexual situations, yaoi, OOC, and this is the part where the canon cannot be revived, it's dead. This chapter is also long and there are a few spelling/grammar issues that I didn't see.

Pairings: ItaSasu, ShisIta, references to KakaIta

His eyes opened slightly, the smell of vomit filling his nostrils. The hard surface of the floor was pressed up against his cheek, as he let out a low moan. His head was spinning, he could hardly see. He moved gently off of the ground his mouth bubbling with the feeling of blood deep within his throat, the red liquid spilling to the floor as he moved back.

"Shit," he breathed feeling his heart race faster in his chest, the muscle threatening to burst in his chest. What happened when he fell down? Did he pass out for that long?

He looked over at the clock as he took a deep breath; he had been out for only two hours, the clouds outside darker than the way that he left them. Everything was so cold, sending shivers down his spine chilling him to no end. As he looked around the room he looked at the body that was on the bed.

"Sasuke?" he asked as he moved to his brother's side taking his hand feeling the heat starting to leave the flesh, his body shivering lightly. "Hang in there," he took his hand tightly, moving closer. "You're freezing," he knew that he wasn't going to last much longer if he kept him like this.

"Don't," he breathed as he could feel heat rolling down his cheeks, though nothing was there. "Don't die on me."

Blood, he swore that he could feel blood running from his eyes as he looked on his brother's dying body. The way that he was shivering, the soaking wet frame, black hair stuck to his face as he was trying to breath. He looked like he had drowned, all life that had once been with him leaving as water filled his lungs. Looking upon him, all he could see was a mistake that was never going to leave him alone.

"S-Shisui," he took a deep breath as he backed away from his brother again, as he dry heaved, his body having nothing more to give. His head was spinning as he thought about all he had done. It all started the day when he killed Shisui, the day when his life that he used to call his own ended.

He moved to grasp Sasuke's hand again as he got slight control of his body starting to feel himself lose consciousness again. "Sasuke," he took a deep breath resting his head on his chest his vision clouding. "Don't leave me…" he took a deep breath as he closed his eyes giving into his fatigue. "Don't…"

As he fell into the darkness all he could see was the body frame of his cousin standing at the edge of the Nakano River, a dark smile on his face as he extended his hand. "Shisui," he took a deep breath watching him fade. "Why?" he gave off one last sigh. "Why?"

Four years ago…

Why does he want to meet me by the river? Is there something wrong? Itachi ran to the river's edge taking deep breaths trying to think why his cousin had summoned him. Was he trying to get them exposed? No one knew what was going on between them, the love that they shared for one another. It was forbidden, they were cousins. If their parents ever found out what was going on between them they would be harshly punished, the bruises on his wrist from his run in with his father screaming at him at the thought.

He stopped as he saw his cousin standing by the river looking off into the distance not even acknowledging his presence. This was serious, he was dressed in his usual clothes that he had worn on his mission, the forehead protector tied around his head, his trademark dagger at his side.

"Shisui?" he asked as he ran to the edge of the river right behind his cousin almost slipping on the ground. "I'm here."

"You know why I wanted you to come here, right?" a voice asked as he came closer to the edge of the river. "Come closer," he turned to look back at him, a smile on his face, a devious smile. "You're late, Itachi."

Itachi stepped closer. "What's the point of this? Why did you urge me to see you tonight?" he took a deep breath straightening out his shirt. "Shisui, there's something going on with you."

Dark eyes looked up into his. "Itachi, one of us is going to die here tonight…"

Itachi gulped as he took in the words his heart fluttering in his chest uncomfortably. Shisui was acting weird saying strange words these days, words that weren't his. Ever since he heard of what happened with Itachi, his acceptance into ANBU, he seemed jealous. He had become distant, he could tell by the way that he kissed him; the way that he held him that there was something different.

"What did you just say?" Itachi asked shaking his head. "Did you just say that you're going to kill me?"

Shisui smiled as he turned around fully taking a deep breath as he looked into Itachi's dark eyes. "No, I just want to know what you've been up to. How's ANBU treating you? How's that new guy that I saw you with?"

"Kakashi?" Itachi asked. "What do you mean? I finished a mission for him," he cocked his head to his side. "Why do you ask? Is there something you want to know about Kakashi?"

"Kakashi Hatake?" Shisui asked him venomously. "I know what he does to people, I know that he's a pervert," he looked back at him. "What are you doing with him? Are you doing more than just a case for him?"

Itachi took a deep breath. "You didn't come here to ask me these kind of questions. You came here to discuss some important matter and judging by your garb I can tell that this is more serious than I thought."

There was silence as Shisui took a step closer, the silence quickly breaking as he started to laugh lightly. The ground beneath his feet pushed together under the pressure of his foot. The laughter made Itachi's face blanch, what was going on?

"Shisui?" he asked shakily as he felt Shisui's hand stroke his cheek.

"Itachi," he breathed looking into his eyes. "Do you remember what we read? Do you remember the text that was in the book? You have to know what I'm talking about, the ultimate power of the sharingan. The mangekyou sharingan, you have to know about it."

Backing away, Itachi felt his heart race. "Shisui, that kills people."

Shisui frowned. "Only the weak," he grasped Itachi's arm as he looked into his eyes. "A body that is strong, a true Uchiha body is good enough to fulfill the requirements. Elite Uchiha ninja can unlock it. We are elite, the most elite."

Itachi swallowed hard closing his eyes, the breeze picking up, pulling his hair away from his face. Breath was coming hard to him as he felt Shisui take his shoulders pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Shisui," he took a deep breath. "In order to obtain the mangekyou sharingan, you have to kill your best friend. Do you think I want your death thrown onto me? Power or not, even having my father as the police captain isn't going to get me out of this one."

"Who says he has to find out?" Shisui chuckled pulling out the dagger, his hand pressed up against Itachi's chest. "And who the hell said that you were going to be the one to kill me? I'm elite as well, Shisui the Mirage, I was going on real missions when you were still a sniveling brat at the Academy."

Itachi felt the collar of his shirt being grasped tightly in Shisui's hand. Why was this happening to him? Shisui was more than just a person to him. He was his cousin, the Uchiha blood that ran through Itachi's veins ran through his as well. He was his best friend, he could confide in him when his family didn't have a clue, when the bruises that his father left him with were too much for him to bear. Most importantly he was his lover, the person who made him feel like he was a person when everything got too rough for him to take.

Shisui's hand flung him back into the river, the splash of cold water surrounding his body as he tried to numb the pain that was going through his flesh. The freezing sensation scalded at his bruises around his wrists. He could imagine what was going on at home, his younger brother sitting on the bed waiting for him to come home, the chill of the night forming tears in his eyes.

"Shisui," Itachi breathed trying to get off of the water watching Shisui run toward him with the dagger in his hand. "What the hell are you trying to do?"

A force fell on top of him, a dagger pushed to his neck. "I will not allow myself to be surpassed by a kid anymore. You damn brat. You think you can rise up like that and not attract attention. What are you trying to pull Itachi?"

"Shisui," he took a deep breath feeling the dagger move closer to his neck. "You're hurting me…"

"Then smarten up," Shisui breathed. "If you want this power, you're going to have to work for it. There's no way that you can surpass me if you refuse to kill me. People that you know have died, maybe at your hand," he hissed as he let a smile tug at the corners of his lips. "How are you ever going to get over this weakness of yours thinking that you can be this picture of perfection, never kill anyone close to you?"

"Shisui!" Itachi winced trying to break free from Shisui's grasp.

"Not everyone can be like you blessed with talent, to be beautiful, to be born into the head family of this damned clan. I know on the inside you hate them, you told me not too long ago. You thought it was a waste of your time to wear that crest on your back, and everyday you look at your life and you know that you're in a cage," he smiled. "I can free you."

Finally able to get out of the grip he looked straight into his best friend's eyes struggling to his feet. All he could see was the glint of the moonlight shining off of the dagger. Shisui was serious. Bloodlust was in his eyes, the envy that he had gotten in his eyes the day when he saw Itachi's chuunin exam match. Through the cheers, Shisui was curling his fists in anger, until the flesh of his knuckles broke. Itachi excelled at everything; he made a name for himself almost instantly. Shisui worked all of his life.

The envy melted Itachi right there, the times where they lay in Shisui's bed together, his voice sounding so sure as he said that he loved him. Was that all a lie? Did he fake everything that they had? Was he just using him to get to his power? His heart sank in his chest as he heard the words.

"What are you talking about?" Itachi asked looking up at him. "Shisui, do you resent me for being successful? All I ever wanted was to be like you, I looked up to you like an older brother. Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Itachi," Shisui stated, holding the dagger tightly in his hand. "You thought that you were better than everyone else, you made it obvious when you trained so hard for ANBU. They made you a Goddamn squad leader when you're only thirteen. You mastered the Fireball Jutsu when you first tried it. You think that you're better than me, and I've had it with your smug attitude."

Itachi watched as Shisui charged for him. "You want a fight to the death? The winner takes all?"

"You think you can beat me, Itachi? You are so dumb aren't you? You know after all of this time it would have to come down to this. We are the only two ninja in this clan who could survive the transition," he sped up, running in a straight line, water kicking up in his wake. "But can your body take a little blood loss, kid?"

As Itachi tried to move, he felt the dagger pierce his shoulder, blood running down his arm. "Shit!" he cried out falling to his knees grasping the shoulder tightly as he was trying to take a deep breath.

Shisui pushed him to the water withdrawing the dagger. "You wanted to reach the height, put that man in his place. The man that you called father who decided that it would be alright if he abused you so hard that you broke right in front of him, you wanted him to pay for what he did," he took a deep breath. "You embarrass me, Itachi, after I brag about you to all of my teammates; you're just sitting here like a little child. You're on the verge of pissing yourself in fear."

"Shut up!" Itachi breathed closing his eyes tightly. "Don't act like you know me," he reopened them revealing the red irises of the sharingan. "You don't know me, Shisui, and I don't know you."

He stood up to look his cousin in the eyes watching Shisui smile even broader. Was this a game to him? Was this something that had been stashed away throughout their casual rivalry? He gripped the dagger tighter as he closed his own eyes.

"Let's see who uses the kekkei genkai better, Itachi," he revealed his own sharingan. "After I'm done with you, I'm going to take everyone who hurt you, including that little boy that you call a brother."

"Leave Sasuke out of this, you son of a bitch!" Itachi breathed pulling out a kunai. "You think that those words will make me back down. Like you said one of us is going to die tonight to make the mangekyou sharingan a reality. I know that if either of us unlocks it the transition will kill us. Strong or not, do you know how few people have mastered that power?"

"But we're not ordinary," Shisui breathed. "We've bragging rights through the village. I'm the first in the clan that would volunteer do anything for the Hokage; I would put my life on the line. You however sit on your ass and have everything given to you," he curled his hand into a fist. "How about this, Princess Itachi? How are you going to take this?"

Shisui's fist rushed forward hitting Itachi in the face, pushing him underneath the water. The freezing water ran into his mouth as he tried to swim to the top hearing Shisui laugh cheerfully. Was this what Shisui had wanted? He was no different from the rest of the clan; he was just another person who thought they could push Itachi around. He shamed himself.

He emerged taking a deep breath looking up at Shisui. "What are you doing this for; I thought that you loved me."

"I do," Shisui answered. "I love you enough to make you the reason for my power. Whenever I use a technique, the power in my eyes will be all because of you. You're going to be great; this can all look like a suicide."

"You're cutting me up with a dagger," Itachi shivered struggling to his feet.

"Then it's an assassination," Shisui continued. "The longer you stay in this water, the more your wounds will bleed. Slowly you'll bleed to death and the power that rests within me will manifest," he pulled Itachi up from the water seeing the young boy's eyes start to water. "Oh Itachi, don't give me that look. Don't make me feel sorry for what I have to do to you. I didn't decide how it worked, and I loved you before I read that damn text, but it intrigued me more than it intrigued you. I couldn't sleep while thinking about it," he stroked his cousin's lips lightly. "Even in our most intimate moments afterward I couldn't stop thinking about how it could happen if I ended you."

Itachi coughed lightly. "Shisui…"

"Every time I saw you after that I wished that you wouldn't be so magnetic. I was trying to make myself hate you, find a new best friend who I could kill, but I couldn't let you go. You were too much of who I am to let go," he kissed Itachi's lips lightly. "My sweet little cousin, Itachi. Sweet, naïve, little Itachi. It pains me to watch you die this way," he brought the dagger back aiming it at his chest. "I don't want to hurt your beautiful face."

"Shisui," Itachi breathed as he felt a hand wrap around his neck the dagger moving closer. "Why are you going to kill me?" he looked into Shisui's crimson eyes as his body shook.

"I want you to die to prove that I'm strong."

Itachi's eyes closed as a tear fell down his cheek. "You jealous prick…" he moved to take the dagger. "Try and kill me," he closed his eyes tighter more tears falling. "I knew that all of these bastards in this clan were trying to turn their back on me, but not you, Shisui. I trusted you, I loved you, and now," he started to sob. "You broke all of that!" he pushed Shisui away tossing the dagger onto the shore. He watched as Shisui fell beneath the surface, he didn't care what happened anymore.

All of the trust that he had put in Shisui was gone, he didn't know what to believe anymore. He had seemed to love him; he had gotten under his flesh into his heart so easily. He said that his love was deep, deep enough to kill Itachi.

Is that what love is? He closed his eyes tightly trying to stop the tears. He wasn't supposed to show any emotions, but who was watching him? Shisui? Shisui already thought that he was too weak for his own good; there was no hope for their relationship to progress at this rate. He had to do what Shisui wanted, fight to the death. Give up his life to Shisui if he needed to. He had no reason to live anymore.

Shisui rose with a cough. "Itachi… you fucker!" he rose out of the water his red eyes so cold that they burnt. "You thought you could kill me like that?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed the tears still forming in his eyes. "Where do you think this forsaken clan would be if it wasn't for me? There would be no ties to Konoha if it wasn't for me," he rolled up his sleeve showing the ANBU tattoo. "You aren't worth the dust on my feet Shisui Uchiha! You aren't worth anything to me if that's how you feel. You're skills might be better, but I'm more well renowned."

"A-at least, I don't need to fuck Kakashi Hatake to feel better about myself," Shisui coughed looking up at his cousin. "You're a bastard. Was it so important to you to go off and fool around with an old man who never appreciated you?"

"Shut up!" Itachi breathed, a tear falling to the water. "You don't know what happened between me and Kakashi. Don't you bring him into this," he hissed with fervor. "If you say that word one more time I will kill you right here," he pulled him up by his collar. "You know how much I hate him!"

Shisui took a deep breath. "Why because he doesn't love you? No one will love you like I do. Even if you kill me right here and now, I'm the only one that you will love in the black heart of yours."

"You're wrong," he swallowed hard, his eyes closing tighter. "I love someone more than I love you already," he opened as he smiled slightly. "Sasuke, I love him more than I will ever love anything. He's the only one in this clan who's worth keeping alive."

Shisui's eyes opened more. "You want to keep him alive? That weakling?" he scoffed. "He doesn't hold a candle to your might. Do you think that he can really resolve this? Prove that you aren't as strong as you think."

Itachi shook his head. "He will be the one to prove that there are others more worthy than I to be powerful. I don't deserve anything that I get, but if your so keen to waste your life to test my strength, my capacity," his eyes grew cold, "then you will be the first to fall at my hand."

He kicked him to the ground, pushing his face underneath the water hearing his voice rise into a loud scream. Closing his eyes, he continued to push him underneath, feeling his body squirm beneath him. The weakness that was going through his cousin, the surrender made him moan slightly in delight; he had never felt this hungry for pain before, this bloodthirsty.

Deeper he pushed him into the water, his body thrashing viciously as he was drowning, the splashes from the bubbles rising to the top of the liquid. He took deep breaths trying to keep the tears of elation from running down his cheeks. Life was slipping out of Shisui's body slowly but sure, he was going to die here.

"Don't you ever act like you know me," he took a deep breath his voice growing into a shout. "You don't know anything about me you devious prick!" he pulled him out of the water throwing him onto the shore, the sound of his ribs breaking filling his ears.

The sound of coughing filled his ears as he looked over at the shore watching his cousin shake from the cold, his body growing pallid. He moved through the water to go to the shore, what had he just done? Fear ran through his body, he read the text, he wasn't even sure if he was going to survive the transition.

"Shisui," he took a deep breath, moving onto the shore feeling his stomach bubble, the transition was starting. Shisui was starting to die on him. He looked into his cousin's eyes seeing the pain that he was going through. The sharingan descended as he coughed again, his body growing limp.

"I-Itachi?" he coughed lightly as his lungs started to fill with blood. "A-amazing."

"Shisui," Itachi breathed starting to cry a little. "What the hell did I do to you?"

The older boy chuckled. "There's only a little while until I die, it hurts to breath," he took a harsh breath as he shuddered. "You killed me, Itachi, you're going to unlock that power that we read about… you're going to be an excellent ninja."

Itachi shook his head. "No…" he felt his eyes start to burn letting out a sharp cry. It was already happening even though he wasn't dead yet. Shisui was still breathing and still his head reeled in pain. "I don't know if I'm going to survive…"

Shisui grinned. "You're going to make it; your body s a true heir of the abilities, there's nothing that can kill you. The power that's starting to grow inside of your body is what we all strive for, but never get. You were a chosen one."

He shook his head as he tried to block out what Shisui was saying. "No!" he took a deep breath. "You're going to be alright," he took a deep breath feeling the pain resound in his head over and over. "No," he took an even deeper breath, his blood running could. "Shisui, I don't want you to."

He took the young boy's hand weakly coughing again, his body shaking, blood rolling past his lips. "Itachi, give them hell. Make all of them pay for what they made you become. They made you this monster that I see before me. Make every last one of them who has wronged you die at your hand," he closed his eyes. "Promise me…"

Itachi nodded shakily holding his dying best friend's hand. "I promise, Shisui, and I won't go back on my word," he felt warmth circulate through his eyes as a drop of blood fell from his mouth onto Shisui's forehead.

A smile graced Shisui's lips as he felt the blood hit him. "It begins…" he closed his eyes as he released his last breath, his body becoming limp, his hand almost falling out of Itachi's hold.

"Shisui?" he asked shakily, more blood pouring from his lips. "Shisui?" he moved his fingers to check for a pulse, he had none. His cousin had died, at his hand. The transformation was only starting.

"Shisui," his voice was shaking with pain and fear combined. "Why did you… why did you force me to do this to you?"

He took a series of breaths as he tried to stop the tears that were running from his eyes. Shisui was gone. He called him out there so one of them would die at the other's hand. The elder of the two was unlucky enough to be the one who fell as the younger one was able to get out with his life. There was nothing for him to lean on anymore all that he had once held so dear was now lying dead in his arms.

"You made me do this," he continued his voice shaking with the trace of crying. "I could have done this for you; I could have been the one who died instead," his voice became tighter as he closed his eyes tightly, his eyes burning violently. He moved his fingers to his eyelashes, blood staining his fingertips.

"Shit…" he cried out in pain, his hands rushing to either side of his head, his whole body shaking violently. The pain that was running through his body, made him fall flat on the ground, his nerves giving out on him one by one. In the presence of his pain he moved forward vomiting a glut of blood.

He started gagging as he bent over onto Shisui's body, scarlet liquid running from his lips, his coughing got violent as he tried to suppress the cries in between each breath pulling his hair loose from his black ponytail. He looked up, streams of crimson running from his lips and eyes as he said one word:

"Sasuke…" he took a deep breath. "Please… prove to me that this pain that I'm going through isn't in vain. Show me that you can become more powerful," more blood ran from his eyes, his nose dripping as well. His throat burned as he struggled for breath, his skin paling in front of him.

Vision becoming cloudy he looked down at Shisui, this was too suspicious, there had to be another way that he could cover this up. This can all look like a suicide; he took hold of Shisui's body picking up the dead weight of his lover looking at the pale skin of his face. He looked like he was sleeping; going off into his own world, the world that he was always off in when they talked. He looked like he was finally at peace.

The searing pain not dulling in his eyes he walked out into the water looking down at the moist black hair framing his face, his dark eyes slightly open as he moved deeper into the world of death.

"Shisui," Itachi moved down to give him one last kiss. "I love you," he dropped his body into the water watching it sink down to the bottom, the bloody tears that ran down his cheeks hitting the water. His body shook as he closed his eyes, Shisui killed himself, that's what they would know form the scene.

His knees were buckling as he remembered all that he had been through until this moment looking at the bruises on his hands. "This clan, I've given up all hope for it," he coughed up one last flood of blood as he opened his eyes feeling the sharingan stronger than it was before seeing the black all combine into one unit resembling a kaleidoscope, blood still running from his eyes as he allowed an evil smile to grace his lips. "The Uchiha Clan made me into this," he turned to slowly walk out of the water looking over at Shisui's dagger, grabbing it as he walked by looking at the blade shine in the moonlight. "Thank you Shisui for giving me this power. Thank you for opening my eyes…"

-----

"Thank you for opening my eyes…" he opened his eyes and let out a low breath as he tried to block out the memories, feeling his mouth fill with blood, he could feel Sasuke's breathing beneath him. "Shisui," he breathed blood spilling onto Sasuke's body. "I'm so sorry… I… I'm sorry…"

He shifted his weight hearing Sasuke wince in pain. "Sasuke…"

Holding his hand tightly he snuggled closely into the heat that was returning to the flesh. He was alive; his life that was fleeting only moments ago was now coming back. The boy that he would have given his life for him over and over again was not going to die because he was too late to save him. Kabuto Yakushi wasn't going to win this round. Hands held each other tightly.

"Sasuke…" Itachi moaned lightly falling back into the darkness.

Four years ago…

He washed his face in the sink quietly, washing all the traces of blood away from his skin. All he could think about was Shisui; he was never coming back from where he was. He was never going to have the pleasure of talking to him when times got rough anymore. The dagger that he had stabbed him with was now bolted to his side.

Shisui was nothing but a memory now, nothing but a bedtime story of his past mistakes. The blade had never looked so tempting before. His fingers went for the blade, a smile coming to his lips. You're wrong, Shisui, his head was pulsing in pain even two hours after it had happened. I'm not going to survive the transition, grasped the handle of the blade as he pulled it closer to him. He was going to die.

"Brother?" a voice called out from behind him.

Itachi looked back to see his younger brother walking toward him, dark circles under his eyes. The child hadn't gotten any sleep and he had been crying; he was staggering struggling to keep his eyes opened. "Sasuke?"

The young boy looked up at him. "Where were you, father was worried," he closed his eyes. "He was yelling to mother about you getting lost. He was going to send the police force out to look for you."

Itachi dropped the dagger to crouch down and take his younger brother into a hug. "I love you, Sasuke," he took a deep breath. "No matter what happens remember that I love you no matter what," he kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled as he giggled resting his head on his brother's shoulder. "I love you too, brother," he returned the hug. "I missed you, I couldn't sleep without you here," he kissed his brother on the cheek hearing him let out a low breath. "I had a dream that you were going to die."

Itachi's eyes widened as he felt blood form in the corner of his eyes. "What made you think that?"

"It was a dream," Sasuke answered, feeling his brother grasp onto him tighter still. "Brother," he took a deep breath returning the hug closing his eyes starting to fall asleep in his arms. "I was scared."

He placed a kiss on his forehead lifting him off of the ground feeling his breath on his neck. Sasuke, he held onto his tighter as he walked toward the doorway so he could get to his bedroom before their parents woke up. There was no telling how they were going to react as they saw him a soaking wet bloody wreck.

Their father would never let him hear the end of it, if what Sasuke said was true, if he really did want to send out the police force after him, it was going to be worse than he thought. He was probably already pissed, only more fighting could come of that. Sasuke shouldn't be subjected to the torture.

He was outside the door as he looked at the dagger that was strapped to his waist, Shisui's dagger. This was something that he was going to be excused for. This was the dagger that Shisui always used in every single one of his battles. Why he would have such a thing was going to come up in conversation.

Opening the door he tossed the dagger to the ground moving the body of his sleeping brother to the bed hearing his breathing calm down. He was so innocent, yet when Itachi's hands touched him he didn't flinch. Did he fear the power that he had unlocked? Didn't he fear the mangekyou sharingan? Did he not feel the power that he was going through his body?

"Brother," Sasuke breathed, snuggling deeper into Itachi's pillows. "I'm so glad that you're alright."

Itachi smiled as he stroked his younger brother's cheek. "I'm always going to be here for you," he took the young boys hand placing it on his chest closing his eyes tightly. "I'm alive."

Sasuke giggled lightly as he opened his eyes moving up to kiss his brother's lips lightly. Itachi kissed back parting the young boy's lips lightly with his tongue, hearing Sasuke's strangled cries of happiness. For a young boy, he was so hungry for the unknown, he didn't know what he was doing with his brother was wrong. Or maybe it was that he just didn't care.

"Brother," Sasuke breathed, moving closer to him. "I don't like it when you get like this. I don't like it when you're leave me alone," he wiped a tear from his eye. "When you leave me, it's like your trying to kill me."

Itachi gasped as he closed his eyes remembering Shisui's words. "No one will love you like I do. Even if you kill me right here and now, I'm the only one that you will love in the black heart of yours."

"I love you, brother," Sasuke breathed as he kissed Itachi's cheek. "I hate how you always leave me alone. It's like I don't matter to you," he let a tear fall down his cheek, his voice shaking. "Why do you do this? Why do you cause so much pain whenever you leave? Why am I so attached to you?"

Itachi held him tightly, closing his eyes in pain trying to conceal the fact that he was bleeding. "Because I mean something to you, I'm precious to you and you would give anything for my life. You share a bond with me because the blood that runs through your veins runs through mine as well," he held him tighter. "But you have to wake up early for the Academy tomorrow."

"Okay," Sasuke breathed closing his eyes as he nuzzled his brother's chest. "You're not going to leave while I'm asleep are you?"

Itachi shook his head. "I won't," he kissed him on the top of his head inhaling the scent of his hair, a smile rolling across his lips. "I'll be right here when you wake up," he felt Sasuke fall asleep in his arms as he closed his eyes tightly. This was the night when everything that he held so dear was gone. Shisui was dead; he wasn't here to console him. He was to do this all by himself.

"Itachi, give them hell. Make all of them pay for what they made you become. They made you this monster that I see before me. Make every last one of them who has wronged you die at your hand. Promise me…"

"I will," he answered taking a deep breath looking over at his best friend's dagger on the ground. "All of them, every last one of you who has made me become this will die in your name with this power that you have granted me," he stroked Sasuke's hair. "Except you, Sasuke," he kissed the top of his head hearing the child breathe joyfully snuggling closer. "You can live through all of this. You can be the only one who survives," he looked out the window; the dawn of a new day was coming.

-----

He opened his eyes hearing a roll of thunder go through his ears, how long had he been out? His head reeled in pain as he backed away from his younger brother's body. Was that all a dream, far off memory that had come back to haunt him? On that night, he killed Shisui to obtain this power, going home to a broken little boy who was strong enough to save him from the edge.

"Sasuke?" he asked weakly as he shook the boy lightly. He looked even weaker than he did before, he looked almost dead. "No…"

He moved to stroke his face, closing his eyes tightly. "Sasuke, I told you not to screw with me," he felt warmth build up in his eyes, tears that he had not let fall for years. "Look what you done to me," he stated coldly.

He moved away to touch lightly at the dagger that he given him only a few days ago, Shisui's dagger, the one that he had saved from the scene. It was a sign of a far off past that he was trying to forget, hoping that when Sasuke used it all of the memories would cease. Now looking at it all he could think of was that night where he longed to have that blade run through his chest.

He swallowed hard taking the blade in his hand. "Sasuke, I love you," he took a deep breath remembering that night clearly; "I hate how you always leave me alone. It's like I don't matter to you," he closed his eyes his voice growing quiet as it shook. "Why do you do this? Why do you cause so much pain whenever you leave? Why am I so attached to you?" he grasped the blade tightly biting at his lip harshly. "Why do I care so damn much about you?"

He pointed the blade at his chest, it had to end now. Everything that he had done, this monster that had formed inside of him, it had to die. This wasn't him; this wasn't how he wanted to live his life. The curse that Shisui put on him was deeper than any curse; it had taken hold of him for four years, this child being able to break him loose.

Broken loose or not, he was still a monster, a monster that had to be ended right here. With this dagger that Shisui had held so dear to his heart, everything was going to end. Just one push away from killing the beast within, one push away from destroying what Shisui wanted him to be.

"Itachi?" a voice called out, causing his eyes to open abruptly, the tear that had managed to escape falling from its path. The hands that held the dagger to his chest were shaking with every breath that came from his body. Turning to the voice he saw his brother, his eyes opened, his body surging with small tremors.

Itachi swallowed hard, closing his eyes in shame. "Go back to sleep, Sasuke."

The young boy struggled to sit up looking at the dagger that was in his brother's hands. "Itachi? What the hell are you doing?" he moved to the edge of the bed. "Stop it," he moved his arm to grab Itachi's wrist. "Stop it…"

The older brother looked away from him. "I thought this is what you wanted," his voice stayed a calm tone of voice. "Doesn't this just make it all easier? Sasuke, when I look at this dagger you don't know what I see."

Sasuke's eyes wandered to the bottle next to his brother, it was empty. He had consumed too much alcohol as is. Was his brother drunk? Or was Itachi just having a moment where he felt like nothing was worth anything?

"What do you see?" Sasuke asked, wincing as he tried to move from the bed, blood seeping out of his wounds as his bruises screamed at him, numbing all sensations in his body, his hand loosening on his brother's wrist.

He lowered the dagger to the ground as he moved to take Sasuke's lips, his arms wrapping around the young boy tightly. A gasp of shock escaped from the genin as his dark eyes remaining open during the bondage. He could taste the tang of alcohol along with the tinge of blood and vomit as he was brought deeper into the kiss, his brother's hands grasping him tighter.

"Itachi," he breathed, backing away looking into his brother's eyes. "How long have I been out?"

A roll of thunder went through his ears. "I don't even know how long I've been out, I passed out after drinking all of the alcohol," he watched his younger brother roll his eyes. "I wasn't drunk, I was having a moment."

Sasuke breathed heavily moving away from him back onto the bed. "What kind of moment?" he looked at the blood that was covered all over his body. "Did he…?" he reached out to touch his brother's shirt. "Itachi, did that bastard…?"

He shook his head. "I escaped before he did any real damage to you," he took a deep breath as he grasped the dagger again. "It was about this, do you know where this is from?"

"A collection that you had?" Sasuke asked his voice dragging; he didn't really care about the origin at all. All he was concerned about was why his brother wasn't kissing him anymore.

Itachi's eyes narrowed in disgust, his fingers wrapping around the handle tighter. "This is the only item that I took from the crime scene the night that Shisui died, this was the last thing of his that I touched before I left the area," he looked down at his brother with a grin. "That night when I was out and you told me that father had called the police force, this was the dagger that I was holding, this was the dagger that I was going to end my life with. His dagger…"

Sasuke's eyes widened. "That's Shisui's dagger?"

Itachi nodded as he looked at the point a smile on his face watching the light from the flash of lightning reflect off of the metal. "This dagger has been soaked with my blood a few times, that night it was able to make its way into my shoulder."

"I don't understand," Sasuke winced. "What went on that night anyway? All I know is that you killed Shisui, but I never heard how it really happened. Why were you two down by the river that night?"

"I thought that he was going to tell me something," Itachi breathed heavily as he stroked his younger brother's face. "But in reality… it was all a craze for power. You wouldn't remember, but before I became the pride of the village, Shisui was the best. He was the one that we gladly sent on every mission that he was able to go on. He never backed down, not letting his young age be a factor," he closed his eyes tightly remembering the look on Shisui's face that night, the last time that he kissed those lips. "Then when I became the one they went to, I was the only person that stood in his way of absolute power," he sighed. "I could go into the details, but you don't need to know…"

Sasuke sat up looking into his brother's eyes with so much hatred. "So why did he call you? Was it to discuss plans for the village?"

Itachi shook his head. "I was to test his power…"

"What?" Sasuke asked watching his brother's eyes close tightly. "What did he do to you, Itachi?"

"That night," Itachi's voice trailed off, his hand wrapping tightly around the handle of the blade, "was the night when he said that he wanted to kill me. He said that in order to keep the balance of power in the clan, one of us was going to die there that night. He intended on killing me, he thought that with me out of the way that he could obtain the mangekyou sharingan and destroy everyone who had used me. He was going to massacre the clan worse than I did."

Sasuke shook his head. "No, Shisui would never…"

"You didn't know him like I did!" Itachi hissed. "You might have seen him, but you didn't look into his eyes everyday and ask what was going on in his mind. You never had to do wonder why he looked at the text for so long. You didn't kiss his lips knowing that he wanted to bathe in your blood. He hated me for surpassing him, he was jealous that someone of my age was able to do that much."

Sasuke looked at the dagger. "Then why did you give me the dagger?"

"Because I love you," Itachi breathed. "Because I thought that maybe I could find more happiness in you than any of those other people ever gave me. I was hoping that you would show me that I'm not just a person that be thrown away. I want to prove that I can move on without his hands strangling the life out of me," he picked the dagger up. "For four damn years I've been bearing the weight of his curse," he threw the dagger, the weapon getting stuck in the wood of the doorway. "Damn him!"

Sasuke watched as Itachi's eyes closed tightly, his body shaking. That night was coming to light every night that went by. He was still in there; he knew that from the way that he looked right now, the way his body trembled as the thunder resonated through the night.

A shiver ran through Sasuke's body, the sound of thunder chilling him. He grasped onto Itachi's wrist hearing the older ninja gasp in shock his eyes opening as the rain hit the window fully. His eyes traveled to the young boy who was laying on the bed his eyes wide in fear.

"Still scared?" Itachi asked his eyes softening fast, his eyes the weakest that he had ever sent them before.

Sasuke scoffed. "Fuck you…"

Itachi laughed as he moved closer to him. "Sasuke isn't it ironic that the first thing that you hear when you wake up from your long sleep is a thunderstorm," he kissed his cheek. "Your body is weak, I think that you should go back to sleep."

"Are you going to try to get into my pants again?" Sasuke asked stroking his older brother's face, feeling his lips collide with his palm in a kiss.

He shook his head pulling him closer as he looked over at the dagger on the wall. Looking back at Sasuke with a fake smile on his face, his eyes closed tightly, trying to fight the tears that were forming behind them. On the outside he tried to keep his composure while on the inside he was running toward that tempting dagger putting an end to all of this. It was the only way to save Sasuke from Kabuto.

"No," he answered, holding the bloody hand tightly. "By the way, you lost the bet. The crest is going nowhere near my back until you prove to me that I should wear it. Judging by the lack of chakra, you weren't able to think about doing my jutsu right."

"I will surpass you," Sasuke breathed.

Itachi laughed. "Go to sleep Sasuke."

The young boy closed his eyes shivering at the crash of thunder. "I'm going to get to you one day," he fell into slumber. "I'm going to beat you."

Itachi smiled as the grip on his hand loosened, his eyes moving up to the dagger, all he could see was his face: Shisui, was he ever going to let him live his life the way that he wanted to? Or was he always going to be a puppet to do his bidding. The weapon that was lodged in the wall was screaming to him, it never looked this tempting. He breathed shakily, closing his eyes tightly as he let another tear fall. He was broken.

Author's Note: I know that was TOTALLY different than how it most likely happened in the show, but I thought that it would make the story flow more. I know that it also took away from what Kabuto is doing to Sakura, but I needed a break from that. So what did you think? Good? Bad? Think that I should stop writing this while I'm still ahead? Honesty is my policy.