December 12, 2007

Brennan sat in the crowded waiting room, feeling strangely out of place. It was her third appointment with the doctor. It wasn't being in a waiting room that felt so strange. Like anyone else she went for a routine physical every year, just to be safe. No, it wasn't the waiting room that unnerved her. It was her reason being there.

She wasn't sick. She wasn't dying. She was pregnant. It felt like she shouldn't be here. It was hard to get used to the fact that there was a baby growing in her stomach. A little her.

A little Booth. She tried to silence her thoughts. She didn't want to think about him. Ever again. But he seemed to creep into her thoughts. He always did that when they were together, and she couldn't even fathom how he could do it 200 miles away, but he was Booth, and somehow he had found a way. She hated him for it. It wasn't fair that he got to be in her thoughts all the time even though he had left her. He probably didn't even think of her.

I know that's not true. Her brain had such and annoying habit of correcting her. Logically Booth shouldn't be thinking about her. He had left. Abandonment. Betrayal. Desertion. All the things she had never expected to associate with the man she had foolishly gave her heart to.

But she knew he was thinking about her. True it wasn't logical, but she still felt connected to him, even if it was by a thin thread. She wanted to cut it off, pull herself away, but she was too attached.

She reached a hand over her stomach instinctually. It had become a habit. She hadn't wanted to become one of those mothers. The ones she hated, who let their babies take over their whole lives. It was always baby this, and baby that. And baby did this today. Brennan hadn't wanted that, she was happy with her life. Or at least she had been. Speaking in the past tense depressed her.

Booth had been her rock. She'd leaned on him. More then she meant to. She had relied on him to be there. And he was gone. She knew she shouldn't have let someone get so close. Let someone get a whole piece of her. He still had that piece and she wanted it back.

With Booth gone, she felt like she only had the baby to rely on. She was leaning on the baby. It was part Booth, which meant the baby held a part of her, and right now, her baby was all she had. Holding on as tight as she could, seemed to be the only option.

She glanced around the waiting room. It was supposed to be a cheerful place. That's what babies were supposed to evoke. Cheerfulness and happiness and love. The women sitting around her were chatting happily with their husbands or boyfriends, the latter's arms wrapped protectively around their pregnant spouses.

They seemed so happy. Like their babies had all been planned. It had been something they did together. Brennan wanted someone next to her. She wanted Booth to sit next to her, and wrap his arms around her, and never let go.

Instead she was sitting in and OBG waiting room, all alone, with nobody but herself.

She was pulled out of her thoughts, by a nurse calling her name.

"Temperance Brennan?"

She stood up, and the raven haired nurse smiled brightly at her. "Dr. Scott will see you now."

Brennan followed the nurse down the small corridor of the clinic, relieved to be away from all the cheerful happy pregnant people. They were just too….happy.

The nurse led her into a small room. Brennan was relieved not to see pictures of babies or smiling women all over the walls. The way her luck was going, she wouldn't be surprised if the doctor came in telling her that she was dating Booth. That would be ironic.

"Dr. Brennan if you just sit down on the examination table, Dr. Scott will be right in."

"Ok thank you."

Brennan sat down on the cold metal table. She ran a hand through her hair, sighing loudly. She felt so alone in the empty examination room. There was nobody with her. She realized this was the way it was going to be with the baby, forever. No one with her. Just her and the baby. It was an unnerving thought, and she tried to push it in the back of her head, just in time for the doctor to walk in.

"Temperance, nice to see you again."

Brennan liked Emma Scott. She had a wide friendly face, framed by dark red waves. She hadn't judged Brennan when she had come in without the father of her baby. Instead she let Brennan ask any questions that she had, and if she didn't have any, she didn't press her.

Brennan smiled weakly. "Hi Dr. Scott."

"How are you feeling today?"

Brennan bit her lip, thinking how she felt. She felt the same way she did everyday she was pregnant. Like she had a baby growing inside her.

"Ok, the baby has been kicking a lot, so it's not exactly sleep inducing."

Dr. Scott wrote quickly on the clipboard she was holding, and she smiled at Brennan.

"That's normal, don't worry about it. Have you been having any abnormal pains, aches?"

Brennan shook her head. "No, I have been craving strawberry milkshakes a lot lately though."

The doctor laughed. "Believe me, that is completely normal. When I was pregnant with my eldest, I couldn't stop eating marshmallows with peanut butter," Brennan made a face and Dr. Scott laughed too. "Weird I know, but at the time, they seemed like the best thing on earth."

"I guess you're right."

"I'm the doctor, I'm supposed to be. Can I get you to lie down Temperance, so we can take a look at the baby?"

Brennan was about to interject that she was a doctor too, and was usually correct on most matters, but she held her tongue.

"Sure."

Brennan lay down, shivering as her back hit the cool metal of the table. Dr. Scott pulled up her shirt, squirting the cool jelly on her abdomen. It made her squirm, but she didn't, in fear of looking like a four year old.

Dr. Scott was very efficient, and hooked up the sonogram machine quickly. Turning on the monitor she ran the paddle over Brennan's stomach, looking for the heartbeat she was looking for.

Suddenly a loud thumping filled the room, and Brennan couldn't help but grin when the picture of the baby came up on the monitor.

Dr. Scott took out a laser pointer and pointed at the image on the monitor.

"There's baby A," She moved the pointer to the left, "And here's baby B."

Brennan sat up slightly her eyes widening. "What? Baby A and Baby B?"

"Temperance you're having twins."

"Twins?"

Dr. Scott's tone was reassuring, but Brennan didn't feel reassured. She was already worried enough that she wouldn't be able to handle one baby. That she wouldn't be a good enough mother. But two? Her breath felt restricted, she couldn't do this. Not without Booth.

"Yes twins. I would have told you sooner, but it only just became distinctive this last visit."

"Oh my god."

Dr. Scott laid a hand softly on Brennan's shoulder, looking her directly in the eyes.

"Temperance, listen to me. I know this seems overwhelming, but everything will be ok."

Brennan looked at the monitor again, watching the two babies move inside her stomach. She smiled again, slightly comforted by the fact that they were half Booth. It made her feel closer to him.

She swallowed. "Ok."

"Would you like to know what sex they are?"

Brennan nodded, and Dr. Scott shown her pointer. "Let's see, Baby A, is a girl. And…Baby B is a boy."

Brennan didn't know what to say. She stared at the monitor, watching the black and white of the baby's hearts beat quickly. She didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know what was going to happen. But right now, the only thing she did know was that she was going to make sure that she held onto their children as hard as she could. She wasn't going to let them go. She wouldn't let history repeat itself. Not now. Not ever.

March 2011

Brennan felt frozen. She couldn't move. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be. He couldn't be standing 10 feet in front of her. Her breathing came quickly, making it hard to get enough air. Maybe she was hallucinating because of lack of air to the brain.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She honestly couldn't handle this. She prided herself on being strong. She was strong for Chloe and Sam. She was strong for herself. She was strong for everything that she knew and needed, but she wasn't strong enough for this.

This was completely unexpected. Brennan knew he was coming back, just not so soon. Not 5 hours after she had blacked out after the thought of him coming home. Why couldn't like let her flippin be happy for once. Why did it always have to make things so damn hard?

She couldn't see Booth. She wasn't prepared for it. She wasn't prepared for the way he was looking at her. Staring at her so hard with those dark eyes that she thought she would never look at again. She wasn't prepared for the dropping feeling in her stomach that she got at just being near him. She wasn't prepared for pulling the wall up that she had barricaded around herself since he left. And she most definitely wasn't ready to tell him about Chloe and Sam. Only one thought was running through her head.

I have to get out of here. I can't do this.

Too late. "Dr. Bones!" Parker had spotted her. She couldn't leave now. She wasn't about to run out the door, when Parker was running towards her so excitedly.

She hadn't seen the little boy in almost 4 years, but he looked exactly the same, just taller. Just like Booth. They had communicated diligently in letters, which Brennan had been quite surprised about. Most 7 year olds wouldn't be counted on to reply to letters, but Parker always did.

She nearly fell over, when he slammed himself into her, wrapping his small arms around her waist. He used to only be able to hug her legs, so this was a quite bit different. Back then she hadn't been used to receiving hugs from little kids, but with Chloe and Sam, she was now and expert.

She looked down at the little boy, tearing her eyes away from Booth. She knew if she kept looking at him, her eyes might possibly start to tear up, and that definitely wouldn't be good.

"Parker, how are you sweetie?"

"I'm good…Daddy and I are back home, isn't that exciting?"

Brennan could see from the corner of her eye Booth standing up and approaching them. She couldn't handle this.

"Yes, where are you guys staying?"

"At a hotel, but then we're coming back home to our old apartment."

Brennan smiled down at the little boy, trying to gain her composure. Booth was feet away now, and she could feel her heart beating fast in her chest.

She looked up, automatically meeting his eyes. Crouching down so she was at Parker's level, she ruffled his hair, grinning widely at him.

"Listen Parker, come and visit me at the lab ok?"

Parker nodded, "Are all the squints still there?"

"Of course they are. You can visit all of us."

Parker hugged her tightly, before scampering off to his hot chocolate. "I'm glad to see you Dr. Bones."

"Met too Parker."

She stood up, swallowing realizing how close she was to Booth. They stood there for what felt like hours. But she knew it was only seconds.

"Bones."

She bit her lip, and then regained her strength. Hearing Booth call her by her old nickname made her feel weak. It was their thing. It had been their thing. And then he had left.

"No, don't call me that. On second thought, don't even talk to me Booth."

She turned quickly on her heel, leaving Booth with nothing to say. She ran out into the rain, her tears melding quickly with the thick drops. She didn't care that her clothes were getting wet, or that her hair was dripping. She didn't care that she was sobbing, and she didn't care that he was back. All she cared about was that she got as far away from him as possible before he broke her heart again.

Too late.