Holy Tears - by MadMidgetTwins

We've been reading some amazing fictions on here for a while so we'd thought we'd attept at one. Our first fiction, so comments are loved!!

Chapter 3

Rating: K +

Summary: With only 2 months left of Dean's time, Sam is getting desperate to find a way of getting Dean out of it, in the meantime sending as many demons back to hell as they can. But something is happenning to Sam neither of them can explain.

Disclaimer: We do not own supernatural or the characters Sam and Dean...unfortunately...or Bobby at that matter

Dean stared coldly into Sam's eyes.

"What?" coughed Sam, pinned against the wall.

"Don't play dumb with me," said Dean. "How long?" He couldn't believe it, though he had been suspecting it for a few days. Sam was possessed, again. Everything had been an act, part of the 'bigger' plan.

"Dean, please it's me," begged Sam. "I'm not possessed!" How could this be happening? How could he think he was possessed? It was him. Sam. Dean's little brother.

"Oh yea," said Dean. "Then how do you explain the holy water? The exorcisms?"

"I don't know," said Sam. "I don't know what's happening to me."

"We should take him into the room Dean," said Bobby. "Get the demon out of Sam." Sam looked pleadingly into Dean's eyes.

"Yea," said Dean. He grabbed Sam's arms and began to lead him into the 'exorcism room'. Sam tried shrugging him off.

"Dean, it's not going to do anything," though Sam knew it would do something. But the demon in him was part of him. It couldn't be exorcised. Dean grabbed hold of Sam and pulled him towards the room. Sam tried shaking him off again but couldn't. He was still weak from the holy water, and his big brother was stronger than he was. He always had been. Once they reached the room Sam turned to Dean.

"Dean, please," he begged. "Do you really think I'm possessed? I'm your brother for God's sake!" Dean held Sam up against the wall again, their faces now only centimeters apart.

"You're not my brother." A look of hatred was in Dean's eyes that Sam had only seen once before. When he was about to kill the Yellow Eyed Demon. Sam didn't know this would hurt so much. His big brother didn't believe him, didn't recognize him, and didn't trust him. For the first time in his life, Sam was afraid of him. Sam could feel his eyes filling with tears. "You really are sick you know that?" said Dean coldly, staring directly at Sam. "Messing with people's minds like this. I know why you are doing this. It's the same reason why you've been letting yourselves get caught so easily. Risking being exorcised just so you can try and get Sam to turn into your leader. I guess this is all part of that same plan. Well I've told you before…you're not getting him."

Dean wasn't going to let them win. He wasn't going to let them take Sam from him, not again. Not when he had such little time left.

"When could I have been possessed? Huh? I've been with you all the time," said Sam. "I've been spending all this time trying to save you, why would I do that if I was a demon?" Sam could tell that Bobby was a little confused at what to believe, he could tell that Bobby was having second thoughts about the exorcism.

"Like I said," said Dean coldly, "you're sick. You demons always are. And that whole act you gave me last night? Being afraid…..making me promise not to die? Well I hope you got your kicks because I'm gonna make sure you burn in hell for it this time." Sam's body was aching. Not from the holy water, and not from the exhaustion or the effects of his hangover. But because the demons had finally got what they wanted. The one person that cared about him the most, that sacrificed everything for him, could no longer recognize him. He looked into his little brother's soul and saw only evil. The pain was more than he could bear.

"You really want to do this?" asked Sam, unable to control his tears. "Go on then, tie me to the chair, begin the exorcism. See what happens because I sure as hell don't know. I have no idea."

My own brother has betrayed me. Why would he do that?

He's always been afraid of you, you just never accepted the truth before.

No, he is just confused. I sure would be if he started reacting to holy water and exorcisms.

Does that justify what he is saying? Does that really change the fact that he still thinks you're a monster?

I have to prove it to him somehow. Then we can talk, and he'll understand.

But will you? Can you forgive him for this?

Of course I can.

You really believe that? You should just give up. Give in to the evil side. That's all your brother sees. Stop fighting a battle you've already lost.

The look that Dean was giving Sam seemed to pierce his heart. Then Dean forced Sam into the chair and began to tie his wrists.

Sam didn't see the point in fighting back.

Bobby began the ritual. The pain didn't come straight away, which gave Sam another chance to say something.

"How can you do this?" he said quietly. He said it in such a way that made Dean feel awkward. He said it in a way that made Dean see the little brother inside the evil in front of him. Don't worry Sammy. I'm going to set you free.

Sam felt the pain hit him. It seemed worse than it was last time. Perhaps because the exorcism was aimed at him, and he wasn't the one saying it. Or perhaps it was because he was weak. Again he felt like his soul was being ripped from his body, but he didn't know what was left to be taken. He felt empty. Alone. He shut his eyes tightly and let out a small cry of pain. Maybe it would be better if he couldn't see the look of hate on his brother's face. Bobby paused, and Sam breathed heavily.

"Dean are you sure?" asked Bobby. Dean looked into Sam's pleading eyes, then back into Bobby's concerned face.

"I'm sure," said Dean.

Just give in. Give in to the evil in you. You can't fight this anymore.

No... I can show him that it's me.

No you can't. Look at what he's doing to you. He doesn't trust you anymore.

But he's my brother.

That doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't care.

"Dean…please," gasped Sam. "Don't do this."

Dean didn't say anything. He could see a flicker of fear in Dean's eyes now. Perhaps he could see that it really was Sam? Sam turned to Bobby.

"Bobby?" Sam was getting desperate. "You can tell…it's me…can't you?" Bobby paused yet again, and looked at Dean. Dean's expression had changed. Demons never begged.

Then suddenly a thought occurred to Sam. "Dean, look in my front left pocket."

"What?" said Dean perplexed.

"Just do it!" Dean reached into Sam's pocket and pulled out the small charm Bobby had given them both so many months ago. The ones that prevented demon possession. "You see that? Now how could I be possessed…if I had that?" Dean seemed frozen. He was trying to think of some explanation, anything to explain what had just happened. Bobby walked over to Sam and began untying him.

Dean didn't move.

"It's ok Sam," said Bobby as he helped Sam out the chair. "Let's get you something to drink." Sam looked Dean directly in the eye as he walked past.

Dean didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. He couldn't believe. Couldn't believe that he had hurt his brother. He had betrayed him…more than he could ever know. The consequences of this mistake would be more than Dean could ever imagine.

"I don't want a drink," said Sam. He wanted to get out. Get away from everyone. To be alone, somewhere quiet. Every instinct told him to sit down, to rest, to talk about what had just happened. But he couldn't. He couldn't stand it. He just walked out before anyone could say anything.

Dean turned and looked at Bobby, then kicked the chair Sam had been bound in moments before.

"Dammit Bobby!" he yelled. "How could I do that? Why did you let me do that?"

"Don't put this on me," said Bobby. "Just go outside, and talk to him."

"What am I supposed to say?" said Dean.

"Anything. Anything is better than nothing." Dean sighed and ran outside.

It was raining.

It didn't feel right seeing Sam walking down the road instead of sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala.

"Sam!" he yelled, as he ran to catch up to Sam. Dean could see Sam's stride slow, but he didn't stop. "SAM!" He saw Sam stop this time and turn to face him slowly. He was meters away but Dean could still see the tears rolling down his cheeks. He could still see the pain his brother felt. "I'm sorry Sammy." Sorry. He knew that wasn't enough. Sorry for what? For thinking he was possessed? For betraying him? For everything. "Please just….just get in the car."

"I'd rather walk," said Sam as he turned away.

"It's raining Sam," said Dean. "You'll get soaked."

"I don't care."

"Sam please."

"Just leave me alone!" Sam stopped to look at Dean again. "Please. Just leave me alone."

Sam began to walk away. Dean got into the Impala and drove alongside Sam slowly.

"Get in Sam," he yelled.

"No," said Sam. "I – " What was the point? "Do you think I can just act like that didn't just happen?" Dean looked at him. He looked at his brother, standing on the side of the road in the pouring rain, refusing to get into the car. He had hurt him. "You didn't trust me Dean. You thought I was a demon. What does that say? What am I? Have I really changed that much?"

"No, Sammy, you are still you… ok?" Dean didn't know how he could gain Sam's trust back. He just had to hope. "Please man… I'm begging you." Sam was still looking down the otherwise empty road. He was shaking from head to foot because of the rain. He was cold, hurt…. broken. He wanted to forgive Dean. But he could never forget.

Sam reluctantly got into the Impala, but didn't look at Dean. He just gazed out of the window.

"Thank you," sighed Dean. Again Sam ignored him. There was nothing else Dean could do but drive away. His brother back at his side….but for Sam, although he knew the exorcism hadn't done anything, he could still sense that somehow a part of him was gone.

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The drive home was silent. Neither Sam nor Dean knew what to say. What to think. What to feel. When they got back to the motel it was Sam who spoke first.

"How did it come to this?" Dean was shocked by Sam's sudden question. Dean closed the door and turned to him. "I mean, this war….we used to enjoy hunting. But now, it's like its never going to end."

"It will Sam," said Dean. "All wars end."

The battle that raged inside would never end.

"I don't understand what side I'm on," said Sam. "It's like, I want to be on the good side…your side….but I belong on the bad side."

"No, you belong here," said Dean, taking a step towards Sam. "By my side, fighting."

"How can you believe that?" said Sam. "That's not what you thought earlier. The way you looked at me Dean. Like I was one of them. The person I'm supposed to be." Dean didn't know how to respond. Sam was right. Besides, nothing Dean could say would change what he did.

"Sam, I'm sorry," said Dean. "And I know that that's not good enough, but I don't know what to say. I just want to make this right."

"Make what right?" said Sam. "I don't even know what's happening to me Dean. It's like ever since you brought me back nothing good has come out of it. We've sent a meaningless amount of demons back to hell, and now I can't even help do that. Now you're going to die in a couple of months because of it, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Then it'll just be me, unable to do anything, except join them…I should have stayed dead."

"No Sammy," said Dean. "Don't talk like that alright? I dunno what's going on either. But I'm sure we'll find a way to solve it. There's always a way."

Sam remembered what the Yellow Eyed Demon had shown him just before he died. He had demon blood in him. Maybe that was why he was reacting to exorcisms and holy water. But why now? Was his evil side finally taking over?

"Look, I'm gonna go and get some beers ok?" said Dean. "I'll be back soon, don't go anywhere." Dean opened the door, gave one last forced smile before closing it again. Sam heard the Impala drive away.

Sam never felt more alone. Why couldn't he just be normal again? Why couldn't things be like they used to be? Saving people, hunting things…side by side with his big brother. His protector. Now he felt so empty. He meant what he said to Dean. He should have stayed dead. If he were, Dean would live his life fully, fighting this war without worrying about him, saving as many people as he could. Now…well…he'd be dead soon, Sam would turn evil, the world would turn to darkness. When Dean dies…he would die too. And there was nothing he could do.

No. There was something he could do about it. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of this before. It seemed obvious now. Dean would hate him for it, but it didn't matter, he would live, the war would be won, and everything would be ok. Part of him was afraid to do it, but he was certain it would work. After everything that had happened that day, he'd never been more certain of anything in his life. Dean would be back in what: twenty minutes? That was enough time. Maybe even more than enough. Just long enough so Dean couldn't bring him back again.

"I'm sorry Dean," Sam said into the silence.

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Dean had been sitting in the Impala outside the motel for at least ten minutes. He was so confused about what was going on. Maybe he should have told Sam what the Yellow Eyed Demon had told him? How certain are you that what you brought back is 100 pure Sam? It had been haunting him ever since. But maybe telling him he was part demon would make things worse. No. No more lies. He would tell Sam the truth. He deserved to know. Then he would apologize, a thousand times if he had to. He just had to make Sam understand that it was all worth it. Life was worth living. The war was worth fighting. That he had been worth saving.

Dean marched confidently to the door, a twelve-pack under one arm.

The first thing he saw was the knife, then his little brother sitting in a pool of his own blood.

The silence was deafening.

ok we take no responisbilty for deaths caused from depression lol.

next chapter up soon hopefully.

as always..comments are loved!! thanx so much for the great ones so far!!!