No flashback on this one, but I thought that this was intense enough :) Review please, thanks!
Booth stared at Brennan, no words coming to his head to describe how he felt. She looked so scared. So completely terrified. He had done that to her. Brennan never used to be scared. She was the strongest person he knew.
He had done this too. She had lied. Lied about something so important, something so…so live changing. The fact that he had two children, who he knew nothing about, was something he would have preferred to know a little sooner. And judging by the look on her face, she hadn't been planning on telling him anytime soon.
It was just un-comprehendible that she could do something like that. No wonder she had been so awkward talking about them yesterday. He finally understood her behavior these past few weeks. How she had tried to push him away as far as she could. How she hadn't let him get close, or opened up at all. She had been cold and distant and he knew why.
How could she have done this? The impact that his departure must have had on her finally hit him. He hadn't realized it at first, but he finally understood. She had been so devastated, that she would hide his own children from him. She must have had to go threw all of this alone.
He didn't know how to feel. Angry. Hurt. Confused. Everything was coming into his head at once, and he didn't know how to react. Instead he just stared at her, their eyes meeting, and he knew it was true.
"What did she say?"
"Booth I---,"
"No. What did she say Bones. Do not lie to me; I swear I will burn this lab down."
Brennan bit her lip the way she always did when she was nervous, she saw out of the corner of her eye Angela creeping out of the office, and she wished so much she could strangle her best friend for having such a big mouth.
What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah they're your kids Booth, it just slipped my mind.
"They're yours."
Brennan felt almost nauseous, and she knew she had to get out of there. Booth was not going to let this go with a simple "they're yours". She knew him better then that, but if she could just make it out the 40 feet through the lab and out the doors to her car which she had stupidly parked in the rain, she would be safe.
Booth didn't know what to say, the impact of the blow was too overwhelming. He had 2 kids. With Brennan.
Brennan took Booth's shock as an excuse to run out of her office. She pushed passed him quickly, her head down not wanting to look at him. He barely noticed her leaving, the shock still setting in.
She was almost there, almost past the automatic doors, when Booth came to his senses realizing that she had run away. He wasn't letting her go. Not when there was so much to say.
"Bones! Do not walk away from me."
Crap.
He sprinted across the lab, through the doors, and out of the Jeffersonian where Brennan was almost to her car, her body already soaked from the heavy rain. Booth didn't care if he got wet; he stepped into the rain, grabbing her arm, spinning her to face him.
"What?!"
"What?! What?! I think we oughta talk about the fact that you've been hiding my children from me for 3 and half years Bones."
Even with the rain pounding hard on her face, he could see the tears building in her eyes and spilling out, mixing with the rain.
"They're mine Booth. They're not yours. You can say that as much as you want. But you're nothing but their sperm donor. You weren't there when I spent months moody and pregnant and alone! You weren't there when I was sick every morning because I was pregnant. You weren't there when Sam and Chloe said their first words, or when they used to race each other around the house while I had to chase them to make sure they didn't crack open their heads. And you definitely weren't there, every single night when they asked where their father was….and I had to tell them that he would be back soon, while my heart was breaking knowing that they grow up knowing that you abandoned them. All you are…is the man that left them."
She was sobbing now, the tears viciously running down her face, her hair plastered to her shoulders.
Booth's voice rose. "I would have been there Temperance! You think that I wanted to miss out on having children with you?! Miss out on their lives? You lied to me. You kept them hidden from me knowing that I wouldn't press you on the subject. I would never, NEVER intentionally leave my children, and you know that."
Their eyes met, and for a second, it felt like how it had been. Her eyes were the color of the clouds above, the rain matching them exactly. And then a clap of thunder pulled him out of the past and into the future.
"Don't do that! Do not make me the bad guy in this Booth! You left me. Do you understand that?" She said it slower, he voice dripping with pain. "You. Left. Me. I tried to go to your apartment. I knocked on the door until I realized no one was coming when your neighbor came to let me in! I sat on the floor of your apartment reading your stupid letter over and over again trying to figure out what the hell you meant by it. I tried calling you, and all of your numbers changed. I figured you wanted to kick me out of your life and you knew exactly how to do it."
Booth opened his mouth to speak, when Brennan stopped him. "And how the hell would I know you wouldn't leave your children. Because…" Her voice broke, and she covered her mouth, the emotion rising in her throat. She shut her eyes tightly before continuing.
"Because, you had no problem in the world, with leaving me."
"Is that what you think? That I didn't feel anything when I left? That I didn't spend every single night I was away thinking of you? I was in love with you Bones. You're my partner. We spent every single minute of everyday together, and then it was just over."
She shook her head, trying to wipe away the tears, although it didn't do much good as she was completely soaked to the bone with rain water.
"You broke my heart Booth. I loved you. I let you in. I trusted you not to let me down. Remember when we first got together, you promised me that you wouldn't leave me. You pinky sweared, and I believed you. I don't trust you anymore Booth."
"If anyone should be having trust issues it would be me! Do you think I'm happy that you lied to me? That I missed out on Chloe and Sam's lives. I'm not."
"You're not getting close to them Booth. I won't let you, because if you think I'll let you hurt those kids half as much as you hurt me, you're wrong."
"You can't keep me from my kids Bones. Let me ask you a question, do they ever ask about me? Do they wonder why I'm not there? Next time you can tell them, because their mother lied to them. That's what you can tell them."
She shivered, sobs shaking her body as his words set in. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't.
"This is not my fault! I was going to tell you. I didn't mean to lie to you. But I didn't know what else to do. When I said I loved you, I meant it. And then you come back here like nothings changed. For you it hasn't, but for me? I've spent the last 3 years still in love with you! And I hate myself for it, but no matter how much I try to forget you, I can't. I can't Booth. And every single time I tell them a story about how you saved me, I have to remember how you rescued me, in every way possible. You rescued me from my life, and I made the stupid mistake to think that you actually cared. You didn't. And you still don't. Because if you cared, you would just let me go."
"I do care. What does it take to show you that I care Temperance? I want to be a part of your life. I want to be a part of Chloe and Sam's. I want everything to just be able to go back to the way it was."
She shook her head, turning away from him, and clicking the keys of her car.
"You can't always get what you want Booth."
She slammed the door of her car, and he watched her pull away, the screeching sound of the wheels against the wet pavement was like nails on a chalk board, as Booth stood in the rain. For the first time, he knew how she must have felt when he left. It was like being left behind.
It was like having his heart ripped out.
It hurt like hell.
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