Warning: Contains Spoilers for Stargate Atlantis episode "Sunday".
Today I discovered that the real difference between working here on Atlantis and at the Jeffersonian is not aliens, not the top secret stuff, but the fact that I have to identify remains of people that I have known. Whether it was just because I passed them in the corridors or ate lunch with them nearly everyday – when human remains are brought to me professional detachment seems like a dream, and I wonder how I ever achieved it in the past.
Today I was tasked with sorting through the remains of several victims who had been involved in an explosion. These included somebody I was forming a friendship with since we both worked on Wraith physiology, Dr. Carson Beckett. I have never felt under more scrutiny in my life – I may have been alone in the examination room but I felt like the entire expedition was watching me. I haven't felt so afraid of making a mistake since my thesis defence.
Eventually I carefully separated and reconstructed what remained of the two men: Dr. Beckett and Sgt. Thurston. I worked non-stop for 48 hours making sure each victim was as complete as possible, and I was sure every bone was with the correct person. I would of course done this at the Jeffersonian, under far greater scrutiny, but now it felt more important than just for forensic reasons.
When I was told what had caused the explosion, I had been incredulous. An exploding tumour seems like a ridiculous way to die even if its removal saved another man's life. I think such thoughts set me apart from many members of the expedition – my sense of self preservation is still firmly in place. Even Dr. McKay, who is often very vocal about are imminent doom, would risk and probably sacrifice his life for other members of the expedition.
I have not been tested in such a manor yet, and it is quiet possible that until the city next comes under attack I won't be. Even then they tend to quickly evacuate personnel such as myself who have no kind of military or scientific usefulness in combat situations. When facing a Wraith I can hardly analyse their skeleton to death.
I should really learn how to shoot.