This is a drabble that just popped into my head. It's angsty. If anyone can understand Dean's psyche and being a solo soul, I can.
I have done everything that I was ever told to do. I never questioned an order. I just carried it out.
When I was four, evil took my mom. When I was twenty seven, evil brought her back, if only for a moment before she vanished again. She called my name, but told my brother she was sorry. Why was she sorry and why did she not look at me the same way?
My dad. He gave his life so that I could have mine. In life, evil won his attention. In death, evil persuaded his choice.
Some may think he gave his all so he would not have to watch me die. That is true in a sense, but he gave his life so I could carry on his fight and protect his other son.
Sam. I love my brother with all my heart. It took my selling my soul for him to tell me what I meant to him, but I have never once not shown him what he means to me. How many people would still even talk to someone who has shot him twice and that after years of pretending I didn't exist?
I know he is embarrassed by how uncultured I am. I am not a smart man. I am not the suit and tie kinda guy. I talk with my mouth full and dressing up for me is black jeans and clean boots. But, I am a good guy. I have a big heart, but no one gives a damn about that.
I will give my life to save another, but not one person has ever, EVER, given me just one day of unconditional love and respect. People have pointed out my faults, but no one has pointed out my strengths.
I raised my little brother from the time he was six months old. I was mom, dad, best friend, teacher, nurse. When he was old enough to look after himself, he took off. He didn't even say goodbye. He would not answer my calls.
Some may think I am crazy for selling my soul to save him, but I can tell ya something. Hell can be right before your eyes every second you are awake. Do you think it is easy to give everything and never receive a little back?
My best friends are Jack, Jim, and Trojan. Those are bad habits, but they get me through. Those girls are using me just the same as I am doing to them. They want a piece of this gorgeous exterior and none of them care to look beneath. Even Cassie said we never had a problem in the bedroom. The rest of the rooms are so empty, it hurts.
Before you judge me, try to understand me.