Chapter 22

XXXXXXX

Present day…

After her talk with Vivian, Sam booked herself on the next flight to Washington, D.C. She thought about calling ahead but was worried that if she heard his voice over the phone she would get scared and talk herself out of going. When she landed she went straight to Martin's office at the Hoover Building but one of the agents manning the security check point told her that he had left an hour earlier. Luckily the agent said he had overheard Martin mention that he would be having dinner at Acadiana on K Street so she turned right around and headed straight there.

And now here she was, waiting to hear Martin's answer to the toughest question she had ever asked.

"How about instead of marrying her you marry me?"

He stood in front of her, his eyes watching her riveted. There was another crack of thunder and the rain started pounding harder onto the pavement. The water hit the sidewalk sounding like a hundred drums playing at once. It was so loud Sam briefly wondered if he had even heard her but judging by the look in Martin's eyes she knew he had. A shiver ran over her, goose bumps rising on her skin. If it was the dampness from the rain or the intensity of the moment she didn't know or care.

His hair was wet from the rain and she could see a small drop hanging precariously on the edge of a strand above his forehead. It refused to fall, as if time were being held still, each millisecond stretching out like an eon as she waited for his reply. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, his gaze focused on her before finally repeating, "Marry you?"

"Yes," Sam replied with an insistent nod.

He stared into her eyes, trying to decide if she really meant what she said. She stared back at him with conviction when he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He looked away from her and said, "I think you should know…"

Her stomach twisted in her belly and there was a sour taste appeared in her mouth. "Am I too late? Did you already propose?"

He turned back to face her and gingerly said, "I'm not proposing to anyone."

"But I heard you talking to Danny," she stammered out. "You told him how you were going to do it. You said you wanted to keep it 'traditional'."

He tilted his head back and laughed softly but there was no humor in it. He looked at her, loosely wringing his hands as he replied, "I was speaking hypothetically. Danny is getting ready to propose to Elena and he was looking for some ideas on how to do it. He asked me how I would propose to someone."

XXX

"I'm glad you're going to be okay," Danny said as Martin started gathering his things, stuffing his shirt into the plastic hospital bag. "It was pretty gutsy, what you did for Sam." Martin nodded his head, trying to appear distracted hoping the subject of the shooting would drop. He knew that his actions during the shootout meant so much more than words could have but he also knew that he couldn't bring himself to think about just how much. Thankfully, Danny sensed that he didn't want to talk about it and as he leaned back in the chair he said, "It really helped me put some things in perspective. I'm ready to ask Elena to marry me."

Martin picked up his FBI windbreaker to stuff it in the bag but stopped and looked over at his friend. "You're finally going to propose?"

"Yeah," he replied with a grin. He had an air of excitement about him as he said, "I've already got it sort of planned out." He held up his hands, using them like frames to help illustrate his plan. "I'll take her to a Mets game…"

He cocked his eyebrow at Danny as he shoved the jacket into the bag. "I didn't know she was a baseball fan."

"Well, she isn't really," he replied dismissively. "But if I ask her to marry me I want it to be big, really show the world how I feel about her. So I thought I can get that guy who runs the board to post a sign…"

Martin shook his head. "If you want my advice, forget that idea. It's lame. Asking her to marry you is all the 'world' needs to know." He pulled the strings on the bag, cinching it shut. "You should keep it intimate."

Danny tilted his head, considering. "Oh yeah, and how would you do it?

He tossed the bag onto the bed and sat down. "I'd take her someplace special like her favorite restaurant or someplace that is special to the two of us like a bench in central park or," he smiled and softly said to himself, "the backseat of a cab." He cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, I'd get down on one knee, look her in the eyes and say, 'I love you. Will you marry me and be my wife?"

Danny looked at him amusedly. "That's how you're going to propose?"

Annoyed, he shot back, "Yeah, what's wrong with it?"

"It's so…old fashioned." Danny joked, laughing and shaking his head.

Martin smiled and replied, "Well, I'm a traditional kind of guy." He pulled his bag closer to him, resting his hand on top of it. "If you love her you don't need all those bells and whistles or a bunch of people you don't know gawking. Asking someone to spend their life with you is personal and sacred, you should respect that." He knew Danny had no idea how much he envied him for having a successful relationship with Elena. Suddenly needing to feel more manly and less schmaltzy he quickly added, "Besides, you make it super romantic not only will Elena love it but I guarantee she will brag to her mom and friends which will make you look good."

"Please, I always look good," Danny teased with a laugh. He rubbed his chin with his right hand and said, "I guess I could take her to Lattanzi. That's where we went on our first date. She loves their risotto al frutti de mare. She always complains it's too rich but she devours it all," he chuckled and added, "She threatened to stab me with a fork when I tried to get some off her plate."

"Yeah, Sam loved their ravioli con funghi," Martin said quietly. He remembered that it was one of the few places she would tolerate them venturing out to eat, risking exposure. He had a feeling it had more to do with her love of their food than her affection for him. He exhaled loudly and continued, "It's romantic and there's a personal connection – if it was me proposing, that's where I'd do it."

XXX

The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle as she absorbed what he just told her. Emboldened, Sam met his eyes and clarified, "You're not getting engaged to Rachel?"

"No," he replied.

A smile crossed her lips and she said, "So, if you're not getting married then maybe this means…"

"It doesn't mean anything whether or not I am proposing," he replied, looking away. "I am still with someone." She turned to follow his line of sight inside the restaurant. She saw Rachel was watching them carefully, her blue eyes curious but trusting.

Oh, yeah, Rachel.

Suddenly feeling very guilty, she spun around to face Martin. Girlfriend or not, she was here for a reason and she refused to admit defeat now. "I know it's insane for me to come here like this and ask you for another chance considering you're involved with someone else now but I couldn't let you leave my life again." She stepped closer to where he stood and met his eyes. With measured determination she said, "I want you back Martin."

"You want to get back together?" he repeated, incredulous. "We haven't even seen each other in a year and after one case together you have this sudden change of heart?"

"My heart didn't change," she said. "I'm just finally listening to it."

He stared at her long enough to make her uneasy and when he finally replied his voice was hoarse with emotion, "I can't do this again."

"But why? I know now, Martin, I know that it's you, I was just too blind to see that you are the one I belong with," she responded earnestly.

"Oh, now you know. Well that changes everything," he replied, thick with sarcasm.

She scrunched her face up in irritation that here she was, putting everything on the line for him and he was being obstinate and difficult. Not giving her an inch of consideration. She frowned and prepared to continue arguing her case when she heard a vaguely familiar voice.

"Martin?"

Sam turned to see Victor Fitzgerald's head peering out from behind the door to the restaurant. His eyes darted between them before landing on Martin. "Son, is everything okay?"

She looked away, listening as Martin told his father that everything was fine and he'll be there shortly. She stole a covert glance in Victor's direction in time to see him disappear back inside. She took a deep breath and looked back at Martin. He ran his fingers through his short hair, resting them on the back of his head as he stroked his neck looking tense and uncertain.

She exhaled audibly, subdued, and softly said, "I want to try again, Martin."

"We tried before, Sam, and we just crashed and burned. What makes you think it would be any different a second time around?"

"It will be different, I'm different.''

He stared down at her, his teeth gnawing the inner edge of his lower lip. "Different? What's different this time? You and Jack were together and it didn't work out but you still work for him. You were going to get hurt during a case but I jumped in to save you and now here we are outside of a bar or restaurant and you have suddenly thought, 'Hey, maybe I should give Martin a shot.' Seems like the exact same scenario as last time to me."

She flinched. "That's not fair."

A flash of anger crossed his face and through gritted teeth he snapped back, "Nothing about this is fair! Fair would have been you fighting this hard three years ago!"

Her body went limp, unable to carry the weight of her emotions a moment longer. She could feel her bottom lip start to quiver. "If I could build a time machine and go back I would. But I can't, we only have here and now." Her heart was racing and her voice cracked, "And I am here, right now, outside this restaurant in the pouring rain asking you for one more chance."

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I don't even think I could trust you again," he glanced briefly in her direction "I would always wonder if the only reason you came back was because things didn't work with Jack and you're settling for me. I can't live that way. I need to know that the woman I am with thinks I was her first choice."

"And who is your first choice Martin? Her or me?" she challenged. "You took a bullet for me. Are you really trying to convince me that it doesn't mean you love me?

"No, no I'm not," he conceded. "I do love you, Sam, but just because you love someone that doesn't mean that you should be with them." He reached out to touch her arm but thought better of it, letting his hand fall just before making contact. "I'm sorry, but it's just too late."

Her knees felt like they wanted to buckle and her legs swayed. She reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek. She wanted to scream, shout, plead and beg but instead she just closed her eyes in surrender. As much as she wished she could argue on why he should be with her, in her gut she knew he had every reason to distrust her motives. She claimed she would change, be different but what had she done to show him he had? Three days of working together after a year apart and she saw that he was more than she had ever seen but what did she show him of herself? Nothing.

Viv's words echoed in her ears, Sometimes you have to be the one to love more.

She looked at him, his face gentle and sad as he watched her. She knew that she loved him enough to want him to be happy, even if it wasn't with her. She had her opportunity and she destroyed it. But now, she took a chance and even though it failed, she could still show him how much she cared by just walking away and letting him live the life he wanted now.

She pulled off his jacket and held it out for him. He wordlessly reached over and took it from her, clutching it with both of his hands. She didn't move right away, just stood there, staring at him as if she was trying to memorize his face. She could see his tongue dart out of his mouth, like he was trying to think of what to say but they both knew there were no words. With her eyes filled with tears she turned and walked out from under the awning and into the rain – alone.