A Heart's Desire Chapter 4: The loneliness of nights alone, an o.c. fanfic

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A Heart's Desire

The loneliness of nights alone

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The loneliness of nights alone
the search for strength to carry on
my every hope had seemed to die
my eyes had no more tears to cry
then like the sun shining from up above
you surrounded me with your endless love
and all things I couldn't see are now so clear to me

Summer tossed and turned in the bed. It was in the middle of the night, yet she hadn't even slept for a second. All she could think about was how bad she felt. And she couldn't get that song out off her head.

You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything

She missed him and she hated to fight. He was right. She should make the best of it. This week wasn't going to be any fun but if they were fighting it would be so much worse. She checked the clock on the bedside table; 4.09.

She just couldn't stay in this bed any longer. All she had been doing the last 24 hours was sleeping, it seemed.

Hesitantly, not sure what time it was in Japan, she dialed Seth's number. It took a while for him to answer and when he did it was with a sleepy voice. Summer immediately felt even worse and wished that she hadn't called him and interrupted his sleep. She guessed that he would need it since she knew how tired he got from flying.

"Hi Seth, it's me." she carefully said, thinking of what to say to him next. Seth seemed surprised that she was calling him, and especially in the middle of the night. At least in California.

"Um, hi."

"Am I disturbing something?" Summer gently asked, afraid that he maybe wasn't in the mood to speak with her after what she'd said.

"Not at all."

"Good. I just wanted to talk."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. What have you done today?"

"Not much. The work starts tomorrow, most of it anyways. To tell you the truth I have been thinking of you a lot."

"Oh. I have been thinking of you too." she replied, feeling better by just hearing his voice.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. But I can't sleep."

"Maybe you've just been doing that for too long." Seth said, referring at their last conversation.

"Probably." It got quiet.

"So…" Seth started.

"So…."

"What do you wanna talk about?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

"Seth, this is weird." Summer said, annoyed.

"I know."

"It shouldn't be."

"I know."

"Don't say that all the time. Help me out here."

"Summer, I am trying too, to make this conversation not to end but I don't think it's going very well."

"I know."

"Maybe we should talk more in the morning."

"Maybe. I think I can sleep now."

"Yeah?"

"I just didn't want you to hate me, that's all."

"I don't hate you Summer, I never could."

"Good."

"So, are you gonna go to bed?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight then. I love you."

"Yeah, you too."

"Bye."

They both hung up, glad that they had talked but wishing that they has talked for much longer, like they used to talk on the phone.

Seth sat back down on the hotel's bed. It was nothing like the one at home. The room wasn't either. Everything in a hotel room was so strange, tidy and not like home. It was so clear that this wasn't somebody's home; it was just somewhere people slept.

Seth was happy that Summer wasn't angry anymore, or that she was trying anyway. She was still angry, he knew that. She didn't say that she loved him and she always did if nothing was wrong. She'd said 'you too'.

Although, Seth knew that she did love him. He could feel it. But he wanted to hear it too.

Now all my hopes and all my dreams
are suddenly reality
you've opened up my heart to feel
a kind of love that's truly real
a guiding light that'll never fade
there's not a thing in life that I would ever trade
for the love you give and wont let go
I hope you'll always know

Summer lay down in the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Once she turned her head to the side, she saw the picture standing on Seth's bedside table. It was taken maybe a year ago and it was so perfect. They both loved it.

They had been on the beach that day, just the two of them. It had been one of the best days in Summer's life.

Flashback

Summer shivered as she stood with her bare feet in the water, feeling the waves hit her legs. The sun was warmly shining and the birds were flying in the clear blue sky. She smiled even brighter when she felt a hand grab hers. She immediately squeezed it and turned her head to meet the love of her life; Seth.

"Hi,"

"Hi beautiful." he replied and brought her hand up to kiss it. Summer loved to receive kissed like those; kisses of worship.

"I love this place." Summer said while leaning against him. "I love to be here with you." Seth placed a lingering kiss on her temple before taking both of her hands and leading her up to the beach, where their picnic was waiting.

This was something they did a lot; going out to the beach or some other place and have lunch. They liked it when they were alone and not in some restaurant full of people.

"Promise me that we'll always do this." Summer said as they sat down on the blanket, close together.

"Anything for you, Summer."

End of Flashback

The picture had been taken by a man who was walking on the beach with his dog.

She rolled over to Seth's side of the bed, still looking at the photo. She dug her head tighter into the pillow; it smelled like Seth. She decided to sleep there tonight.

You're the breath of life in me
the only one that sets me free
and you have made my soul complete
for all time

Every night I pray
down on bended knee
that you will always be
my everything
oh my everything

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Summer was determined to keep her promise to Seth. Today she would do something. She had called Marissa and they were going to the mall. So, right now, Summer was getting ready for a day out. The thought of that it should have been with Seth, she tried her hardest to push aside. She could not let herself think about it; it would just ruin the day.

To see Marissa was a good thing. Not as good as being with Seth, but then again, Summer wasn't thinking about him today. Her and Marissa had stayed close throughout the years and they were still very good friends, maybe even best friends. But now it was more like Seth was Summer's best friend. He was the one she told everything and he was the one she trusted more than anyone else in the whole world.

But Summer was not thinking about him right now. She was going out with Marissa, still Cooper. She hadn't gotten married yet, which was pretty much a surprise to Summer. She'd always thought that Marissa would get married before herself. After all, Marissa was older, but only a few months. Summer had also believed that it would have been Ryan and Marissa getting married, but she figured that not everybody can marry their high school sweetheart.

Summer had, and it was the best thing she'd ever done. She had never been happier than the day she said I do in front of all the people she loved and most important, to the person she loved to death. She would always love Seth. Even though at the moment, things were complicated and she hated that he was leaving her at home for work all the time, she would always love him.

There he was again. Her thought drifted away, constantly onto him. As hard as she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about him.

Suddenly, the door bell rang. It was probably Marissa coming to pick Summer up.

Summer hurried to the door and let her friend in, greeting her with a hug.

"Hi Coop."

"Hi, are you ready?"

"Yes. Just let me get my purse." Summer said and went back to the bedroom to get the brown purse lying on the bed. The sheets were still a mess from her sleeping in them. She had slept pretty good last night. It had been nice and comforting to sleep on Seth's pillow looking at the picture until she fell asleep.

After taking her purse and walking to the door, she quickly went turned and went to hug the pillow. She inhaled the scent she knew so well and lightly kissed it before laying it down again and taking a finale quick look at the photograph.

She then rushed to Marissa, who was waiting impatiently for her.

"Come on, let's go."

"Why such a hurry?" Summer asked as they made their way to the car.

"I can't wait to buy something. And I just have to buy me a new dress."

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"So, where is Seth anyway?" Marissa asked as they had been walking around the stores for about two hours.

"He's in Japan." Summer said calmly and continued to look at the clothes. "This one is cute. Do you think it's cute?" Summer held up a pink top.

"Sum! Seth's in Japan?"

"Yeah."

"Why? And why haven't you told me? How long has he been there?" Marissa asked and hung the pink top back.

"Work. He left yesterday. Will be away for a week."

"Oh, Summer." Marissa said and got a terrible look on her face.

"What?"

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. Really." She said, trying to reassure Marissa.

"But don't you miss him? I know that if William left for a week I would miss him so much."

"Of course I miss him Coop!" Summer snapped.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't know…well, he works a lot so I figured that you maybe were used to it, you know." Marissa explained nervously.

"Used to it?" Summer said angry. "He works a lot but you can't get used to have him away and he always comes home at night so it's not the same when he's working here. You don't even know how much I miss him and how hard it is!" Summer almost yelled at her friend, who stood listening, knowing that this was the start to one of the rage blackouts.

"Sum, calm down okay? I know that you miss him and I have no idea how it is like." She started, trying desperately to make her friend stop screaming. "I would miss William terribly but I'm sure that since you are married and everything you'll miss Seth more." Marissa said and led her friend out of the store. "Let's go eat something."

Summer fallowed being in a really bad mood. And she wasn't even supposed to think about him.

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