Thrill me Chapter 2: Amaze, a naruto fanfic

Note: Ahh!! Chapter number 1! I hope you all enjoy.

Pairing: Kakasasu, Itasasu

Dedication: To my sister… the wonderful brat who made me start this thing.

Summary: Some things never change. Some things never stay the same.

Amaze

//It's late at night the worlds asleep/And I'm trying not to think/I take some pills cause my mind bleeds/I'm thinking what is wrong with me/Because the only thing I know about honesty/Is every lie I told that you believed/I'm afraid, to be alone/I'm afraid, that one day you'll find out/And you'll be amazed/At the secrets I keep/You'll be amazed/At my mouth full of lies/I'm too afraid to come clean/My life's still free in the/house of cards/Now I can't look you in your eyes/Because the guilt is killing me/I try disconnect my heart again/Just so I can breathe/I wanna be myself again/But I just can't cause/I'm afraid, to be alone/I'm afraid, that one day you'll find out/And you'll be amazed/At the secrets I keep/You'll be amazed/At my mouth full of lies/I'm too afraid to come clean/My life's still free in the house of cards/It's such a shame what I've become/After years of breaking down/My whole life has come undone/Cause I'm trying to fake it all/And I know that you love someone/But that someone isn't me/Isn't me, no/And you'll be amazed/At the secrets I keep/You'll be amazed/At my mouth full of lies/I'm too afraid to come clean/My life's still free in the house of cards/You'll be amazed//

--Madina Lake, "House of Cards"

Amaze: to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly

I stand in the hallway of an apartment that is far too familiar for me to feel comfortably in place. The walls, painted that light green that caresses everything in this village, seem to close in on me too quickly and I have to close my eyes for a moment to collect my thoughts. Thoughts of a life I don't want, thoughts of a life I would rather have. And I think I fail in breathing for those few moments.

It strange even to me to be back here. For I had been gone for so very long a time and I figured by now everyone--someone--would have forgotten about me. I can feel the tension, even in this hallway, coming from the man on the other side of the door I am standing in front of.

He knows I'm here, having memorized my chakra signature years ago, I'm sure. I have half a mind to turn around, to run from this place. This place that was, at one time, the only place I felt really comfortable, really felt I belonged. What happened to those times?

I'm still covered in blood. At least, I think that's what's coating my hand that is still loosely holding my katana. I wonder who's blood it is…

…everything runs together now…everything merges in a mind that is too muddled, too…

"Sasuke?"

I look up at the man standing in front me now. He has opened the door and is leaning against the frame. I notice the way the corner digs into his shoulder and wonder if it hurts.

He doesn't look surprised--a blank expression covering his face--but I know that deep down he wasn't expecting this. He didn't anticipate a blood-soaked, exhausted teenager to come knocking on his door at three o'clock this morning. Because this doesn't normally happen, not recently anyway.

But I haven't been here recently.

"Hey." Is all I can say, all I have the need to say. I breathe heavily, the exertion getting the better of me now that I'm not focusing on keeping it all together. Because now I don't have to keep it all together.

I'm only vaguely aware of strong arms catching me as I fall.

I'm curled on a bed that smells a little of pine and a little of rubbing alcohol. It's a familiar scent, one that I'd grown used to a long time ago, and I can feel the tug of exhaustion coaxing me back into unconsciousness again. But I've slept for too long.

"It's been three days. I haven't told anyone you're back yet." Kakashi's voice flits over from the chair he's sitting in on the other side of the room. I turn eyes that I'm sure are puffy from sleep in his direction, not moving my body at all. The lethargy that has settled in my limbs is almost painful and I'm afraid of what it's going to feel like when I finally do have to move.

"You shouldn't be doing this." I say, knowing the consequences of hoarding an S-ranked missing nin can be nothing but disastrous for a shinobi of his level. I've seen the bingo book. I know what I'm worth.

"And you shouldn't have come back." He gets out of his chair and walks to the bed. The only movement I make is to curl even further in on myself, my arms wrapping around me knees, hugging them to my chest.

My eyes don't follow him as he sits beside me, they keep staring at the wall on the other side of the room. I blink slowly, my lids sticking together slightly and I wince a little at a pain in my shoulder.

"Will you turn me in?" I ask, and for the first time since I've been here, I don't know what his answer will be.

"Do you want me to?"

I almost scoff at his words. Leave it up to Kakashi to give me a decision like this.

My whole body aches as I lift myself up and sit next to him. I don't really think I need to answer him, he's always been able to read me like a book.

And what normal teenage boy would want to be turned in?

I'm not normal though, am I?

In truth, I had expected to already be put in a jail cell with guards on both sides of the door, my meals being pushed between iron bars and visitors coming on schedules that would take me close to no time in memorizing. I had come home with that prospect in mind, had almost wished that someone would see me even before I made it through the gate. But I wasn't an S-ranked missing nin for nothing, I knew what I was doing when it came to stealth. I knew what it would take to come see the silver-haired man before I was locked away for the rest of my life, however long they would have let that be.

Because I had expected them to kill me too.

"I want a lot of things." I say and place my feet silently on the cold hard-wood floor. I don't know if my words are true, because I really don't know anything anymore.

"Do you want to die?" He asks and I look at him fully now, my eyes catching his own. They are gray, like my own, but they are such a different gray it almost startles me. They are so much lighter, so much wiser.

And that thought nearly breaks me.

"Yes." I whisper, because this conversation is too familiar suddenly. Part of me wants out of it, and part of me wants to play out this scene as much as I can, to see where it will lead me.

"You would leave me again?"

"Yes."

"Can I follow you?"

"I can't stop you."

"I need you to stay."

"And I need you to let me go."

Word for word, I go through the memory as I go through the conversation. I had once been the one begging for someone to stay with me, desperately clinging to a blood-soaked coat. I had needed him to die for so long that it hadn't occurred to me what would happen when he finally was dead. And now I need him so fucking badly… but I need him alive.

The lips crushing my own are rough, bruising, dominating. So like my own lips that had pressed against Itachi's as I drove my katana through his faintly beating heart. I wonder if Kakashi will drive his katana through mine.

"You amaze me."

He whispers against my lips, his breath mingling with my own. He tastes oddly like sugar and I forget that I hate sweet things. This is a different kind of sweet. A different kind of taste.

And I don't really know if I want to remember it.

The tongue running up the back of my neck is too hot. The grip on my hips is too tight. The nails digging into my skin are too sharp.

I need to get out of here, out of this dream, this nightmare. My breathing is erratic and I can't tell if it's from apprehension or if it's because of the physical exertion. I close my eyes tight, not wanting to see the mattress that I'm being pressed into. The sheets around me are warm.

I wonder vaguely when I asked for this, if I asked for this.

" 'Kashi…" I manage out of my dry and scratchy throat, but the rest of my words die on my tongue.

"…stop……please."

I think I love him. I think I've always loved him.

And I think that's why I'm laying next to him in a bed that's too big for his small room. My head lays on his chest and I listen to his heart slow, his breathing slowing with it. He falls asleep quickly, I've noticed. While I stay awake for hours.

Nightmares. Always the nightmares.

I look up at him, his face serene and illuminated by the moonlight coming in from the open window.

"I think I love you."

The pills were tiny and white. They were familiar, just like everything in this apartment, but for a different reason.

I remembered finding them in Itachi's nightstand one day. I had asked them what they were and he had said that they helped him relax.

I needed to relax.

Maybe, I shouldn't have listened to him. He had always lied to me back then.

And maybe, when I see him again, I'll tell him to stop lying to me.

I have a feeling that will be very soon.

Kakashi never yells at me anymore, not like he used to when I was young and naïve. Why can't he see that I'm still young and naïve, that I need his words to be harsh and to the point for me to get them.

Because I can't stand this silence. I can't stand him not looking at me.

"I'm sorry." I say and I know he hears me because his brow does that twitch thing that it always does when I do something he doesn't expect.

"I know. It's alright." He responds and allows me to curl up next to him on the bed. I finally sleep when his arms wrap around me.

"It's alright."

Sex was nothing I really took seriously. It never really had much feeling for me since that night I'd spent in Itachi's room a few years ago and wondered what it would feel like to have his hand wrapped around me instead of my own and how much better I would feel after he brought me over the edge. His scent around me, his come filling me. It was sick and demented, but the Uchiha's had always seemed to turn a blind eye to us. I had known these incestuous feelings hadn't started after he'd killed everyone.

So it was a little surprising to me to find out that I wanted it so much now. That I needed to feel how much Kakashi wanted me. And I felt it with every thrust.

There were times when I was younger, working on missions and things with team seven and I would lie awake and imagine this. Imagine my teacher pounding into a mattress, a cot, a wall. And when I would resolve to relieve some of the tension that would build inside me while thinking these things, I would be confused as to who I wanted this more from.

Tonight, though, as I wrap my legs around the man above me and bite at a broad shoulder only one name comes from my lips.

"Kakashi!"

The sun is bright this morning. It hurts my eyes as it shines through the open window and I squint against it when I wake.

"Amaze me today."

The words are clear and precise and I get the message. I smile slightly at the man who is standing in the doorway, his flak jacket zipped up and his mask pulled over his face. I only have to nod once to convince him.

When I step outside for the first time in a month, I fully understand his words.

And it's me that is amazed.

Note: There's my first one, now it's your turn to give me some more ideas. I'll say right now, that this won't continue if I don't get any requests from people. Give me some feedback on this one while you're at it too!