A/N: Hullo People. I Have Decided I Must Update A Lot Recently. Mostly Because My (Practically) only reviewer is going to camp, and I do not think she'll be able to access the site. (--sigh--) Unless I get some other actual reviewers I might stop updating on the 22nd. At least until Nike gets back. But I digress. I hope ya'll like this chapter. There was some freak inspiration i got for this chapter. (And i know the series Firefly does not go with the whole timeline thing for the series, but let me have that one refrence, please?) NOTE: now 20 pages longer than The Return of Charlotte Bumbery!!
DISCLAIMER: I Do not own anything to do with the Harry Potter Series, Hariet The Spy (and her friends), Murphy's Law, The Series Firefly (and the movie Serenity), The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Kiss Me Kate (and The Taming of the Shrew), Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, James Stewart, Anne Miller, Danny Kaye, Katherine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn or anything else I refrence in this chapter (which isn't innitally mine)
CLAIMER: I own the list which appears in this chapter. Please don't steal it. I worked so hard to gather all of those witty sayings out of my subconsious.
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Hello Charlotte's Diary, I am Jessica Finke, or as Charlotte calls me, 'Jfunk'. I have taken over her diary for a few moments. Currently, your dear owner is prancing around like a fool because she says the Giant Squid (Who she named Winthrop) wanted to dance with her.
Charlotte is a nice girl, a bit odd on her good days. Seeing as her previous entry involved a 'conspiracy theory' that has to tell you something.
Charlotte has two very mysterious admirers. WE (Emily,- or Emms to Charlotte- and I) are trying to figure out who they are.
I really don't know why I am writing this. I think it is because of my lack of entertainment. Which may seem odd with all of Charlotte's loony dancing.
Hmm… I wonder what would happen if Charlotte saw me writing in here. Murder might occur, but it was worth it. I finally have some proof. I think I know who wrote all of the poems Charlotte received for Valentine's Day. How you may ask? Well… I read your diary Charlotte. And I might add that it's a tad bit of narcissism to think that some one is a jealous of you…not that you were wrong, but still.
Please don't kill me for reading your diary. You know you love me!
Your Dear Friend,
Jessica Finke (AKA Jfunk)
- - -
HELLO CHARLOTTE! Hi, please don't be mad at Jessica or me. We were trying to help you figure out who wrote you those poems, and now we know! YAY!
By the way, I did owe you for the Valentine's Day thing. And frankly, you are lucky you didn't write anything EXTREMELY mean in here about us. Because if you did, we would go all "Hariet The Spy's Friends" on your butt. (That last thing was from Jessica, she said you would know what she meant from your muggle obsession.)
Sorry we kept your diary for so long. We just wanted to let you know everything.
Love YA Lots,
Your Friend,
Emily Pappas
- - -
March 3, 6:45 AM
Diary
HARUMPH! I have FINALLY found you and discovered the notes from Jfunk and Emms in here. UGH.
On another note, Prew is still mad at me. Sigh. I don't understand that girl. She is a HUGE bag of hormonal stuff, if you ask me. Just yesterday, we had a conversation which involved this particular outburst from Prew- "Well…YOU'RE…uh…SCAREY!" Which I appropriately responded to with, "Don't you mean 'scary'?" For some reason she took offence…huh. Who have thought?
Here is what I have to say to Prew- "Well, I never want to see you unhappy and I thought you'd want the same for me." Oh well.
In two days it's her birthday. I'm still giving her a present, just to spite her. Take the high ground I tell you. BE MORALLY SUPERIOR! MUAHAHA!
I'm Off To Pick Out A Present For Prew!(Before Class By The Way)
-Charlotte
- - -
Same Day, During History Of Magic Class
Diary,
I am allowing Emms and Prew the right to write in here, just because we're that bored.
We have decided to make a list of random things… Here is what we have to say:
There are very few things I (We!) know in life. Even fewer are the things which are always constant. I (WE!) have some advice for you, when in doubt consult this list:
1) NEVER Say, "It Could Be Worse" or "It Can't Get Any Worse". It can, and it will
2) NEVER chant some mantra while driving a spaceship, because you will be impaled with something the size of a tree trunk. (Wash learned that the hard way)
3) NEVER try to keep a pet dog at Hogwarts (Unless You're Hagrid)
4) NEVER trust suspicious looking drapery.
5) WATCH OUT- you NEVER know how much you might end up liking (or loving) your best (Guy) friend(not that I-WE!- have anything against Homosexuality, it's just that this fits for my- OUR!- life)
6) DON'T Trust The Quiet Ones…Just Don't, They're Gonna Snap!
7) REMEMBER, Be Nice to Geeks, Nerds and Dorks. You never know… (if they'll be very attractive later, your boss later, or a serial killer later in life. BEWARE!)
8) ALWAYS know where your towel is!!!!
9) ALWAYS try to be Morally Superior, it pays off.
10) ALWAYS go for the HIGH ground!
11) FIND a husband who's OK with your mood swings AND loves cheesy old movies (ex: Any Movie with Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, James Stewart, Anne Miller, Danny Kaye, Katherine Hepburn or Audrey Hepburn)
12) IF your name can remotely have anything to do with the nickname "Kate" you know you've found a pretty great guy if he says this to you (NOTE: He must know he's quoting something or it doesn't count) "Now Kiss Me Kate!"
12) BE Prepared, Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold…But it does have some ramifications…ehehe.
13) ALWAYS REMEMBER- Normal Is Overrated
14) THE Easy Way out sometimes works… it's best not to rely on it though…
15) REMEMBER, Giant Squids Have Feelings Too!
16) AS we said before "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." it's Murphy's Law!
17) WHEN You're Bored- MAKE stupid LISTS!
18) TRY not to get caught while doing something stupid.
19) NEVER wear anything you would be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident(or a splinching!)
20) WHEN you think of something funny. WRITE IT DOWN, and claim it mercilessly. If you hear something funny, steal it. It's know as comic license or something like that. (I know someone who calls it 'research' ha.)
And that's our list? Like it? We do. Ehehehe.This has been one of my most productive History of Magic Lessons to date. That's kind of sad actually.
I CANNOT WAIT TILL MY BIRTHDAY! (23 Days and Counting!)
-Charlotte R. Bumbery
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Same Day, 4:23 PM
Diary,
I have a few questions for the world. WHY do the best hair days come right before you are going to go swimming? Or right before pottery class or Quidditch? WHY do we have good hair days when no one will see them?
I guess the world will never know. HUMPH.
Note the nice thick dark brown hair today.
-Charlotte.
- - -
March 5, 8:32 AM
Diary,
Prew-Popsie has received her Birthday Presents. She has noticed that there is a gift from me in the pile. She glares in my direction. Meh. She opens the gift, expecting something that's cursed or something are we Prewsie? Well no such luck. I bought her something nice. And Useful. A. Nice. Pretty. Sweater. A periwinkle sweater to be exact. In my opinion, cashmere sweaters are all a girl needs, besides chocolate and a good supply of cheesy, sappy and oh so lovely old movies.
Prew seems surprised that I got her something so nice (and kind of expensive), but I'm MORALLY SUPERIOR! (I guess she forgot that.)
I see Dear Old Charles. I Must say hi!
CHAAAAAARLES! TOOOOOONKS!
OVER HERE! COME TAAAAAAAAAALK TO MEEEEEEEEEE!
They said they do not want to write in here today, so I will leave you here with a few words, diary.
One, my hair is it's natural color today- Le GASP! - Two, 21 Days and Counting!
-CHARLOTTE (who's getting close to being 12!)
- - -
March 6, 4:23 AM
Diary.
I have just been woken up by a thunderstorm. A very loud thunderstorm. With very loud lightning. It was evil.
Of course, now I am too awake to go back to sleep. How are Emms, Jfunk and Prewpopsie sleeping through this. I think I will go to the common room. I hope that someone else will be down there, so that I have someone to distract me from the thought that lightning will strike the tower.
I'll write more in just a moment.
- - -
Hullo, I am back! Well, as it turns out I am not alone here! WOOOOOO! There are at least five other people awake (because of the storm as well) those people include: Trish, Some scary 5th year, Greens, and some sleeping 6th year.
HEY CHARLOTTE.
Hey Trish, I would prefer if we did not write in my dairy. It would be much more comfortable for me to write on a separate piece of paper.
WON'T IT JUST END UP IN HERE THOUGH?
That's besides the point. Plus how would you like it if I wrote in YOUR Diary (which I assume you call a journal?)
FINE, I'LL WAIT TILL YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS ENTRY.
MUAHAHA! I AM A GENIOUS!
So, as I was saying,
Hey, how are you Charlotte?
Oh, I'm fine, but can you wait over there with Trish until I'm done in here?
Sure.
So, now I have to chat with Trish and Greens. And I would like to mention-
20 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry, I'll post the notes in here later!
-CB
- - -
OK GUYS! Now we can talk!
WOOP!
Awesome.
So, what did you want to talk to me about Trish?
WELL, I HAVE SOME NEWS TO TELL YOU. CHRISTINE BROKE UP WITH ME.
You're not alone there man. That's the third boyfriend this year…including me.
HEY, SORRY MATE. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, SHE BROKE UP WITH ME TO BE WITH TRISTAN ALSO.
Really? What is her deal with that guy? She keeps going back to him.
I hate to break up this gad and bash fest about Christine, but it turns out that, after she dumped you Trish, she dated Tristan for a day, then broke up with him again for Valls.
What is with that girl and her boyfriends?
Don't ask me, she's an enigma, even to me.
WOW. SHE WASTES NO TIME.
Now that's an understatement, if I've ever heard one.
Haha.
Oh, look the storm has cleared up.
G'night (or really G'morning, I'll see you guys in a few hours.)
BYE DOUGLAS.
See you later.
Hey, Trish?
WHAT?
Well, I was wondering… do you like Freddy at all?
OF COURSE I LIKE THE GIRL, WE'RE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.
I'm just saying, you know she's a girl right?
NO DUH.
Well, as surprising as it may seem, some guy friends don't notice that.
NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO ELUDE TO.
You know what, never mind Trish, I'll see you in a few hours.
BYE CHARLOTTE.
Bye Trish.
- - -
A little later-
Diary,
Well, you know I tried to let him know about Freddy, I really did.
Now I'm going to sleep some more.
-C
- - -
March 10, Charms Class
Diary
Hehehe. I hehehe just giggle had a hehe Cheering charm put on me. Hehehe, you know how adorable the word Antidisestablishmentarianism is?
Prew has made up with me, just because Valls has been captured in the claws of Christine Nelson. I won't be surprised if she dates all of my guy friends. Except Richy, I think him and Emms are together for life. Ha.
So, who's left on the list? She can take The Evil StalkerTM if she wants. HA. Cedric, Joc and Charlie are left I think. Unless you count that Tompkins kid as one of my friends. Hehe.
I cannot wait until next year- QUIDDITCH!
Hair color today is gold. YAY!
More sometime in the near future, definitely before my birthday.
(16 Days and Counting)
-B
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March 15, Late at night
Diary,
Sorry for not writing sooner. But sadly school has been busy, what with Meals with Winthrop, classes, and what not. Nothing really interesting has happened in a while. Just everyday stuff.
If my life were a movie, they would skip this small section, and go right to my birthday. Personally, I hope my friends are planning me a nice party. I know Tonks and Charlie have promised me some birthday pranking. God I love those guys.
I wonder what I'll get for my birthday… (11 days and counting!)
I think I should probably owl my family, it's been a while.
-Charlotte
- - -
Charlotte Bumbery arose from her bed, after closing her diary. She stretched her limbs, and decided to grab her quill pen, ink and parchment. Slowly she crept down the girl's dormitory stairs, her equipment in hand.
She slinked out of the common room and hurried down the hall to the stairs to the Owlrey.
When she reached the specific room, she sat down and composed her letter:
Dear Mum, Dad, Aunt Lucy, Uncle Steven and Katie-
How's life back home? It's nice here at Hogwarts, we're eating our meals outside during March and April this year, thanks to me! I convinced Prof. Dumbledore that it would be nice to eat outside with the Giant Squid (named Winthrop).
I cannot wait until my birthday. I love you all and miss you terribly.
I can't wait until Katie and I are in the same school again.
Love, Your daughter/niece/cousin,
Charlotte R. Bumbery
As soon as she finished the letter and sealed it, she stood up. She crossed the room to where the school owls were kept.
Then she heard the door to the Owlrey crash open to reveal…
"Oh my GOD!" She screamed as the shadow of a person crept closer to her.
- - -
A/N: OOH! Cliff Hanger people! Any guesses who that MYSTERIOUS person is. I know...but do you? R&R to tell me what you think!