To Love A Lion
Chapter Six
"You know I think it's high time that you bit the bullet Harry" Alexis sighed as she watched her husband stare vacantly out of his bedroom window. His face was a picture of brooding perfection.
"Just go out and have a good time. I know that Ron's going to personally drag you if you pull out" she added and Harry grumbled, he knew that she was right that he was just behaving like a kid, but he couldn't help it he didn't want to go to this guys night out stag do whatever you called it...the wedding was two weeks away for gods sake.
Sighing he ran a shaky hand through his hair; it was NOT looking good at all.
Why was it that after so many years of misery fate only opted to give him more? It was a conspiracy a god damn plot to make him unhappy and Draco bloody Malfoy was heading it smirking all the way as Harry slowly went insane.
"...so you see it should be alright" he heard Alexis say and felt a guilty twinge knowing that hadn't been listening to her at all but mulling over his stupid problems again. He often wondered how she could be so calm with him; he looked into her eyes now level with him as she had sat down and decided he was so lucky to have her in his life.
"Look I really do want to go" he lied and knew instantly that she was not going to buy it.
"But things would be awkward and I wouldn't want to spoil Greg's night out" he finished lamely. He watched as Alexis's grey eyes misted to a rich mercury colour and he knew that he was about to be on the receiving end of her formidable temper.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER" she shouted her whole face flushed in her indignation.
"YOU WILL STOP BEHAVING LIKE A LITTLE BABY AND GO OUT" she finished and Harry gulped; as much as he loved her he hated her fiery temper...just like Draco's.
"Besides" she said after a few calming breaths her eyes cooling and her face tranquil.
"It will give you a chance to test your resolve" she grinned at him and he sent a playful jab in her direction. It was a big cover up to disguise the fact that once again she had hit the nail on the head…too many drinks and he was afraid of what he was likely to do.
"What you think I'm unable to keep my hormones in check" he asked mock confusion in his voice and she batted her eyelashes at him giving him her butter wouldn't melt in my mouth look before they both burst out laughing.
"Look Harry, you're my best friend and I love you. I don't want to see you hurt again but I don't want you to stop going out and enjoying your life the way you always did before now. I know circumstances have changed but surely we can get through it, I'm always here for you" she stopped and seemed to think for a moment.
"I really don't think you're as over Draco as you like everyone to think, I've read your books Harry I know a double entendre when I see one" she smiled reaching over and patted his clenched fist.
"I think you write beautifully baby and any fool can see you write from the heart" she sighed and stood ruffling his hair with her hand.
"You know I stick by any decision you make, love takes time to get over honey...I know" she said lightly and before Harry could question that comment she had turned and sailed from the room her light scent left in her wake.
Harry sat for a moment and pondered what she had said to him, it was about time that he grew up. He was an adult now and it was about time he began to behave like one, he was no longer the runty youth of Hogwarts with a daunting future ahead of him, he was the Minister for Magic and he had a wife (true not an actual wife, wife) but he enjoyed the life he had made for himself.
He would not let Draco get to him again, he'd had it all before and it was about time he came to realise things were different. That this was the real world and happily ever afters really didn't exist.
And the thought slightly crushed him.
"So what do you think I should do then?" Draco questioned a slightly perturbed looking Ron Weasley who was trying to keep an eye on his wife as she worked behind the bar of the Witches Cavern the pub which they owned. A slightly drunk wizard seemed to be getting awfully close to her.
"What sorry" Ron said grinning when Luna pulled out her wand on the brute as soon as his hand had made its way to her shapely rear.
"It's ok Weasley it's just my future happiness we're talking about here please go back to not listening to a word I say" Draco snapped staring sulkily into his bottle of butterbeer. He hated it when he spoke and people didn't pay attention…a Malfoy trait he had inherited from his father.
"Look Dray I still don't really know the whole story with you and Harry only how badly you ended it and the bits and pieces I remember from school. So what do you expect me to say?" Ron asked giving Draco his full attention.
"All I know is, is our Harry still has feelings for you...it's so obvious" he added.
Draco snorted, Harry still liking him was about as likely as him becoming the ugliest man to walk the earth...it was never going to happen in neither this lifetime nor any other.
But that didn't mean he was giving up, oh no sir he was a Malfoy and Malfoy's always got what they wanted. If there was a chance albeit a slim one that he and Harry could patch things up then he'd take it...no questions asked.
"Ugh I'm so stupid Ron" Draco ground out. He wanted to bang his head repeatedly against the table; it was only his Malfoy sense of decorum that saved his temple from such a fate.
"I loved him...I knew that I did beyond any question of doubt and what did I do? I fucking well went and ripped his heart out. God I was so tactless he thought I relished in his heartache but I didn't, god it nearly fucking killed me" his voice had rose higher and several customers where glancing their way.
"Ok Dray just lower it down a notch" Ron rasped his face flaming and his body sinking slowly into his seat. Draco was never really one for public spectacles; it was just another reminder of how Harry could still affect him.
"Do you know how it feels?" Draco asked his voice considerably lower.
"I had the most perfect thing in the world, and being an egotistical prat I gave it up all because of my fucked up insecurities. God I was a cowering little asshole…I should have been fucking hexed"
"Dray lighten up man, drink your butterbeer" Ron said lightly doing his level best to lighten the sourly mood Draco was in.
"Look I'll see what I can dig up from Alexis (Draco hissed at the name) or from the man himself. But trust me when I say that a rekindling of yours and Harry's romance is not an impossibility, in fact I'd say it was a big possibility" he finished taking a sip from his bottle.
Draco thought about what Ron had said, if it was true then maybe things were looking brighter for him.
But then he hadn't heard what Harry had said to him, the denial that had torn from newly kissed lips. Ron was a romantic at heart something not many people knew, he believed in happily ever afters when Draco knew in reality they did not exist
To Ron the world was set in black and white, unlike Draco he couldn't see the shades of grey that blurred in between.
Downing the last of his butterbeer Draco slumped down in his seat. His whole face took on a look of pure misery...how was he supposed to seduce Harry in this frame of mind when everything seemed so messed up?
He was just about to order a second bottle or maybe something stronger when a new arrival caught his eye making the scowl deepen on his face. He looked at Ron who was beaming at the new comer in a way that made him want to hit the other man.
"Ah Alexis, come and sit down" the redhead mused patting the nearest available seat.
The screen seemed to blur before his eyes.
Looking down at his scrawled writing on parchment he sighed. It seemed that his thoughts were centred around a certain blonde who most definitely was not his wife…but then Draco had always managed to influence his writing one way or the other.
I missed your caress
I missed your kiss
The way your mouth
Caressed my lips
I'm torn in two
My minds in debate
Why is the one I love
The one I hate?
Each night your face
Haunts my dreams
My Soul is torn
You ripped the seams
My heart is aching
My mind is numb
But still you are my only one
I have to stop
This hope I feel
Because I know
For you it wasn't real
But when I have to make a wish
I know what it will be
To have you lying in my arms
For you to come back to me
Frowning he pushed the laptop from his lap feeling satisfaction shudder through him when he heard it crash to the floor. The screen splintered into a thousand crystal shards that danced and gleamed in the pale light.
He'd had enough.
It was time he and Draco had a long talk, he needed to find some form of closure so he could make something of his royally messed up life. So what if he still loved the self centred blonde prat, he didn't owe him anything...he'd be perfectly fine without him.
He laughed hollowly, oh yeah he could just see it now just like it had been back in Hogwarts that day when Draco Malfoy the ice prince had broken his heart.
No he would not talk to Draco; he had allowed him to hurt him once he would be made a fool of once again…he was through with being loves whipping boy.
Flashback
"Harry we need to talk" Harry looked up from the Potions through the ages book he had been skimming through for his potions essay. His green eyes sparkled when they took in the tall frame of his boyfriend standing over him.
However the look in Draco's eyes had dimmed the lights in the shinning green orbs and Harry felt a sense of unease creep over him.
"What is it love?" he asked frowning when Draco grimaced at the endearment. Harry didn't understand he'd always called Draco love it was an affectionate pet name to show his devotion to the other boy.
"Me and you Harry" Draco said pronouncing each work slowly as though he were talking to a five year old. Harry bit back an irritable snap at the way Draco was talking to him, he was not a child. Then what Draco was saying registered and the uneasy feeling intensified...what about him and Draco?
"What about us" he voiced his thoughts, his voice sounding braver than he felt for his insides were churning slowly...painfully
"It's just that I don't think we're going to work after all Harry" Draco said casually and Harry felt his heart lurch. Oh god he had to have misheard Draco couldn't have said he was breaking up with him...could he?
"Are you braking up with me" he asked the first remnants of tremors heard in his small voice. His vision became misty and he preyed to whatever god was listening that he had misheard…that Draco was playing a joke albeit a slightly cruel one.
"Come on Harry surely you don't need me to spell it out to you" Draco spat making Harry wince.
God he felt as though his heart were breaking shredding the very foundation of his soul with their shards. How could he do this to him? He got shakily to his feet, tears streaming from his emerald eyes.
"Dray please, you can't mean it" he whimpered but Draco would not look at him his gaze resting just under Harry's eyes.
"Come on Potter don't make a scene, I'm sorry but it just isn't working" Draco sighed. Harry didn't care; he wouldn't let his lover just walk away from everything they had built together. Sinking to his knees he sobbed great rivulets of tears streaked his cheeks; his body shook heavily with his heartbreak.
Draco turned to leave but Harry latched onto his right leg.
"Dray please baby don't leave me I'm begging you...I love you" he wailed, he couldn't lose him, not now not when he had fallen so deeply in love with him
Draco just looked down at Harry's crumpled form his grey eyes impassive, he seemed to be thinking. For the longest time they stood there Draco just staring deep into Harry's eyes while said person sat wrapped around his leg.
"I'm sorry Harry but I just don't love you" he whispered and Harry felt his hands fall limply to the floor his whole world tumbling down around him. With one last downward glance at his fallen form direction Draco made his way out of the library.
Leaving nothing but a dejecting form slowly crumbling in his wake.
End Flashback
Harry came abruptly from his thoughts.
Oh yes he thought with self revulsion he had made a fool of himself once. Opened his heart to Draco only to have him spit on it and laugh whilst he'd poured salt into the burning wound he had created with his cruel words.
No he would not give Draco the satisfaction of knowing he still got to him. He'd go to this stag night he'd ignore the git and act all happy and enthusiastic about going out with his friends…hell he'd even flirt a little with the locals.
But through it all Harry knew they would not uncover the one thing to condemn him.
That his heart would never be in it.
As much as it killed him to admit it his heart belonged to someone else...it always had, it belonged to someone who had not known what to do with it, someone who should have protected and sheltered it, someone who had no use for it...and never had.
Harry bit his lips as salty rivers began to flow down his cheeks. Tears it seemed were all that he had left these days' useless buckets of salt that were supposed to purge the soul and cleanse the heart, but Harry's only thought to that was…
Why won't it work for me?