To Love A Lion
Chapter Seven
'So what brings you to our humble area" Ron mocked Alexis his grin widening when she playfully swotted at his arm and gave him a pretend scowl to which he had to chuckle.
"I need an excuse to visit my friends now do I? Well maybe I shouldn't have bothered since your not at all happy to see me" she simpered fluttering her lashes at him while feigning a look of mock hurt which turned Ron's chuckling to a full laugh as he mused over her antics.
Draco watched the exchange not sharing in his friend's amusement. He was too busy studying the woman who sat before him as she joked about with Ron a look of open friendship across her face.
He was looking for flaws
He needed some leverage on this woman who stood between him and his renewed love for Harry. But with her laughing eyes and openly honest face he found that no such flaw could be found, she seemingly didn't have any faults which he could note. She was for lack of a better word...perfectly flawless.
"So how's our Harry doing then" Ron's booming voice mentioning his ex's name immediately brought him from his thoughts. He instantly became alert and his attention was focused on Alexis as he awaited her to answer.
She seemed to look a bit grim as she pondered what to say.
"Not good at all honey, he's been moping about the house all morning looking as though he's on the verge of mental breakdown. I had to have stern words with him before when he told me he was thinking about giving The Broomsticks a miss, but I managed to convince him to tag along…I mean honestly he's turning into a hermit' she said lightly the last part with a slight grin.
Ron chuckled as he noted Draco's wide-eyed stare at such a remark.
She'd actually convinced Harry to go out? Even though she knew (he knew that she was not stupid no matter how much he was loath to admit it) Draco had an agenda other than friendship with Harry.
"He's at this very moment probably sat on the couch with his laptop formulating something new to write about" she mused and Draco looked at her perplexed.
"Harry writes?" he asked before he could stop himself.
Alexis turned to face him and he was surprised to see no hostility written on her features, but a friendly smile. It was something he thought she would never send in his direction.
"Yes he's been doing it on and off for years, there are only four of us who know what he writes. There's me, the man who sells his books, Lupin, and I do believe the other is Severus Snape," she added and Draco blanched at the last name she mentioned.
"Snape?" he asked positively confused.
"Oh yes, he and Harry get along quite well now" she said although there seemed to be a sort of hollow look in her eyes when she spoke. Draco got the distinct impression that Alexis was holding something back.
"Such a talented and misunderstood man is Severus. Very reserved and seemingly emotionless but once you get to know him a bit then you find there's more to him than one would guess" she went on and Draco knew he was not imagining the glint in her eyes nor the slight tone of want that echoed in her voice.
Did Alexis have a thing for Snape?
He didn't know, all he knew what that all of a sudden he didn't feel so bad for the woman sat before him. Like himself she had many things hidden inside, things that obviously caused her pain…she was kindred.
He looked deep into the silvery orbs that seemed to bore into him and felt his lips curve. It was the first real smile he had offered this woman and for some reason he couldn't quite fathom he knew that a part of her understood what he kept hidden inside.
"Severus what brings you here?" Harry greeted warmly as his old potions professor stepped through the threshold and into his home. The dark haired head of Slytherin smiled and shut the door behind him.
"I thought I'd come and congratulate the author" Snape replied pulling a book that Harry instantly recognised as his own from within the folds of his trademark black robes.
Harry blushed.
"Thanks Sev it means a lot to me when people say they like my work" he replied although his eyes did not meet the dark ones trained on his face.
"You know Harry I really think its high time you stopped the pretence. I still don't understand why you don't put your own name on these books they'd sell so much more" Snape said gently
Harry turned away from his friend and mentor and made his way into his living room hearing slight footsteps that indicated Snape was following…it was a lengthy discussion which followed after every release of his new book.
Sinking down onto the couch he pondered for a moment shielding all emotions from his face and more importantly his eyes before turning his attention back to his guest. Severus was very well trained in reading people; Harry was always shielding his mind and his body when the man was around lest he show him that he wasn't as ok as he'd have people believe.
"You know why Sev, I want these books to sell because they're good not because they were written by me" he sighed lightly. He was proud that he managed to carry his voice off without a hitch.
Snape looked unconvinced.
"You're a poor liar Harry" he said quietly after a while. Harry sighed, some things really didn't change…Severus Snape was still one of the few people that could read him so well.
"I know that you don't want him to read any of the things you have written. But maybe if he knows then you'll feel better, like a weight has lifted off your heart."
Harry scowled in response to the words.
"So you think I should open myself up like that again, do you remember how I was Sev? The lump of desolation and despair who slouched before you after having my heart so cruelly shattered" he lowered his eyes to the floor his voice lowering to a small whisper.
"He hurt me Sev, so badly that I couldn't breathe without feeling the ache. I used to dream that he'd send me a letter tell me that he missed me like I missed him, that he was broken so badly just like I was...but it never came true, you of all people should know Sev I never have dreams only nightmares."
"Oh Harry, you still love him you know you do" Snape said reaching over and grasping Harry's hand within his own and squeezing it. The action didn't reassure him in the way he was sure the other man had meant the action to.
"So what" Harry snarled pulling his hand away
"It doesn't mean that I have to do anything about it" he rasped. It was always down to him to fix things, he was the one expected to forgive and forget no matter how much his feelings got trampled in the process.
"I've wasted enough of my time on Draco bloody Malfoy" the name spat from his lips like poison.
It always came down to this, this stupid fucked up feeling called love that he still had for Malfoy. It was something he wanted to rid himself of completely so he didn't have to feel the way that he did.
"You know Harry I have the distinct feeling that Draco still has feelings for you" Severus said after a pause. Obviously he didn't want to upset the younger man but Harry knew that the elder man had always been one to voice whatever was on his mind.
"In case you haven't noticed Sev this is Malfoy we're talking about, he makes the fucking arctic look nice and cosy" Harry said through clenched teeth.
He was sick of all the suggestions that Draco loved him, that he was sorry that he hurt him.
If he loved him or was indeed sorry he wouldn't have hurt him the way that he had. He remembered all too well what he had felt like going back to the Gryffindor tower, how his heart had ached with a pain he thought would destroy him.
No he would not travel the lonely road of broken memories again; they had dragged him under once he would not give them the satisfaction to do so now.
"Look Sev I know that you think that your helping, that some part of you will always look upon Draco as a son to you a son who needs defending, but I will not and can not just let the past slip from my mind like some forgotten memory to be erased. I had to rebuild myself once and I reuse to do so again" Harry said after a pause and saw an empathy that made him want to cry in the older mans eyes.
"We all do stupid things Harry, things we regret, things we wish that we could have done differently...even things we wish we could have said. Don't you see, you've been given a chance to change things, to make it better...are you honestly going to stand before me and tell me that you plan to do nothing? To throw this chance away?" Severus asked
Harry looked up into the dark eyes of the man who he had entrusted after the death of his godfather, the man who he had been so surprised at for helping him, and said one word that almost split his heart in two.
"Yes" he whispered
"Then I see that I am unable to make you change your mind. I love you Harry you know I do...you've suffered too much for one so young in this lifetime but I will tell you that I think you are being foolish" and with that said Severus stood.
"I wish you well Harry, we shall have to meet up for dinner sometime. Now if you'll excuse me I shall see myself out" and with his black robes billowing behind him he sailed from the room, there was a short pause then the sound of a door opening and closing quietly.
He had gone.
Harry sighed and raked his hands through his hair; he contemplated every word Severus had said to him. Was he being foolish? Was he just deluding himself in thinking that he could go on without Draco?
So many questions rang clear through his head and for once he found himself plagued with doubts.
Shaking his head he looked down at the broken shards that still littered the floor, they resembled himself entirely. Each glinting fragment was a reflection of how he too was broken...shattered maybe beyond redemption.
Maybe he was a lost cause after all.