Chapter 18
House was tired when he arrived at the hospital the next morning. Tired House was not a happy House. He'd spent the first couple hours Cameron was gone determinedly not waiting for her to come home. Then he'd spent an hour examining every word that had passed between them, trying to decide where he'd gone wrong. Next he spent an hour filling the apartment with dark and melancholy piano pieces while he stewed about how unpredictable women were. Even Wilson didn't burst into tears and storm out on him for no reason. Finally, he'd poured himself a glass or six of scotch and wavered between his certainty that she'd be back any minute, eyes shining with tears and apologies tumbling from her lips and his almost equal fear that she'd mail him his ring from a post office near the airport while she skipped town so as never to have to see him again.
When he had finally chanced to look at the clock, it was 1am and he was half-drunk. Whichever way this was going to play out, it didn't look like it would be tonight. He dragged himself to his bedroom and lay down; telling himself it wasn't colder in his bed when Cameron wasn't there.
Foreman and Price were waiting for him when he limped into the conference room for a much needed cup of coffee. Price was seated at the conference table but Foreman was uncomfortably balancing his file on his knees in the chair in the corner of the room. While he filled his red mug and searched for the sugar, he noticed the seating arrangements and wondered what was going on. Time for little creative questioning.
"What's the word?" House asked, leaning his head toward the whiteboard.
"Ultrasound was normal," Foreman reported. "Jasper took her for a CAT scan."
"Parents still pissed?" House asked. He didn't really care, but he was hoping for a response from Price.
"Dr. Jasper stayed the night in Brenna's room," Price answered him. "There's no hospital policy about staff staying after hours and it seemed to make the parents feel better."
"Women," House scoffed and Foreman actually laughed. He hadn't dared laugh at Jasper the night before when she'd made the offer however.
"I think she just felt badly that she'd promised the parents something and couldn't come through," Price defended her. "It was the honorable thing to do, given the circumstances."
This time Foreman snorted derisively. Price merely chalked it up to their disagreeing over how the parents should have been handled, but House thought maybe there was something else to it. Had Price done something Foreman didn't think was honorable? Must have been something, House thought. He stole that article from Cameron. Where was the honor in that? What could Price have done?
"Shower broken?" House asked Price.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Are you wearing African body powder?" House inquired next.
"What?" Price asked, completely confused. "Are you insinuating that I smell?"
"I'm just wondering why Foreman here is sitting a mile away when there are three perfectly good chairs here at the table," House demonstrated by sitting next to Price. "Foreman?" House swung his gaze in Foreman's direction dramatically.
"I just wanted a little space to think," Foreman said, but House wasn't convinced.
"I could believe you. But … you sat next to Chase and listened to him chew his pencils for years without a problem," House observed. "And Cameron's high pitched voice? That didn't bother you. So what could Price here possibly be doing that's so distracting?"
Jasper walked in from the hall with the CAT scan images. She took them wordlessly into House's office to place them on the light board and looked them over. Foreman and Price followed and House limped in behind them. Even in the midst of House's questioning, Foreman still took an extra step to Jasper's right to ensure his distance from Price.
"Does he hum? Drool? Pick his nose?" House persisted.
"Could we get off that please and try to figure out what's wrong with our patient?" Foreman asked, exasperated.
House rolled his eyes and made a face, but turned to look at the images before him. His brow furrowed as he looked more closely. Damn.
"There's nothing there," Price finally said.
"I know," House said quietly, mostly to himself.
"We've been through every autoimmune disease that makes sense. Her spleen is fine. So, there's nothing wrong with her?" Jasper asked.
"Something's wrong," House said. "We just don't know what it is."
Dejected, the team backed away from the images and scattered to various seats around House's office. House looked them over, each deep in thought, and decided to lighten the mood.
"On the bright side, Price smells great," House said. Jasper, who had missed out on most of House's earlier interrogation, looked at him in confusion. Price merely looked annoyed. But Foreman looked embarrassed, and House hit on a theory. An outlandish theory, but that was his favorite kind. "Or maybe that's the problem. He smells too nice. Spark an interest in you Foreman?"
"Hey, he's the one who kissed me!" Foreman shouted without thinking.
"Oh my God," Jasper gasped in shock.
"I most certainly did not!" Price leapt from his chair in outrage.
"Yeah, you did. At the bar the other night, when you were leaving, you kissed me," Foreman insisted.
"I … No … I didn't … Did I?" Price mumbled. Price blushed bright red. House was impressed; he'd never seen anyone impersonate a lobster before. Price sat slowly back down in his seat as his eyes danced wildly. He was obviously replaying the scenes from that night in his head.
"Too bad that photographic memory only applies to stuff you read. Might be helpful in a situation like this," House said, highly amused. This might even be better than the time Chase kissed that cancer patient. At least she was girl and she'd asked him.
"Foreman …" Price said, lifting his head and looking in Foreman's direction. "I'm so terribly sorry. There's just no excuse for my … I mean to say, it was highly inappropriate of me to … I never meant to …"
"Come on Foreman, we need details," House interrupted Price's bumbling attempts to apologize. "Are we talking a quick brushing of the lips or are we talking tonsil hockey?"
Jasper giggled and Foreman buried his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he'd let House goad him into saying that. He should have confronted Price about this privately before House noticed. And how foolish of Foreman to think for a minute that House wouldn't notice? The man noticed everything.
"It was just a kiss on the cheek," Foreman mumbled into his hands. Price let out an audible sigh of relief.
"Disappointed?" Housed asked.
"House, please…" Foreman pleaded with him.
"Sorry dude. I'm straight and taken," House said, flashing the Gravedigger ring in Foreman's direction.
"Foreman, I'm so terribly sorry to have put you in this position," Price began.
"There were positions?" House asked, and Jasper giggled again. Foreman and Price shot her an angry glare and she pulled a serious face. "Price, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Foreman's a very attractive guy. But you might have better luck with Kevin in bookkeeping."
"I'm not gay," Price said emphatically.
"Says the guy who kissed Foreman," House said to Jasper, who managed to cover her giggle with a cough.
"I'm not gay!" Price insisted. He looked to Jasper for help, but she merely shrugged her shoulders. He glanced quickly at Foreman, but realized he was an unlikely prospect to help Price prove he wasn't gay. It was at this unfortunate moment that Chase walked in from the hall to ask Jasper if she would be free for lunch later.
Price, now desperate for any way to prove he wasn't gay, only saw a lab coat and longish blonde hair. Not thinking, he grabbed whoever it was and planted a good hard kiss on their lips. Stepping back and hoping that this would satisfy everyone, he realized with something like horror that he'd just kissed Dr. Chase. Chase, for his part, looked absolutely stunned.
House and Foreman looked at each other. House, who had been holding in his laughter to share with Wilson when he recounted this scene to him later, was now laughing out loud. It was something Foreman had never heard before and despite his embarrassment, or perhaps because of it, he found himself joining in.
Jasper managed to suppress her laughter long enough to pose a question.
"Rob, is there something you want to tell me?" she asked before her laughter joined that of Foreman and House as it echoed through the halls of PPTH.