To Love A Lion
Chapter Eight
Harry's Flashback
(So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh)
The Gryffindor tower was at its quietest; all of the students save one were out fraternising with each other, studying or generally just trying to occupy their time. It was the first time that Harry had been able to just sit unperturbed by his friends.
(Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead)
His whole body just felt numb, his mind was still there lying on the library floor along with his broken heart.
(Was it something I did? Was it something you said?)
Why was Draco doing this to him? What had he done to deserve such harsh treatment? His love had been splintered into a thousand pieces as surely as if it had been a fragile glass dropped by a careless hand, and now those pieces where shredding what was left of his sanity.
How could Draco just cast everything back at him as though it had merely been an unwanted gift?
(Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead)
It was hard to believe that forty eight hours had passed since Draco had told Harry that he no longer loved him. To Harry it felt as though it had been a lifetime, an achingly slow passage of time that did not seem to be getting any faster.
(Held up so high on such a breakable thread)
He mulled things over in his head and could still come up with no possible explanation as to why Draco could be so callous and cruel to him. All he'd ever done was give Draco his heart and now it seemed that the blonde was only determined to spit on it.
(You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be)
He'd been willing to give up so much for the Slytherin, he'd come out to his friends that he had been seeing the person they hated most. He'd suffered the ridicule of some of the more bigoted students, and through it all he had held his head up high and proud for nothing could take away the fact that he was doing it all out of love.
(You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it)
Draco had been worth it.
Just to see the blonde smile and to be pulled into his strong arms and held like he was something precious. That had been worth everything to Harry even if his friends hadn't stuck by him...which they had.
A smile graced his lips as he thought about persuading them to go out…that he would be fine on his own.
(And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away all this time you were pretending)
But the smile soon fell as reality gave way; he wasn't fine, in fact he doubted if he would ever be fine again.
(So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh)
Curling up on the window seat he cast his eyes over the grounds of Hogwarts, this was his home...the only place in which he had ever felt he truly belonged. Now it was just a painful reminder of all the things he had had and lost
(You've got your dumb friends I know what they say)
He let his palm rest against the coolness of the glass; it was so soft and smooth yet strong and fragile. Lifting his fingers he traced the moon through the transparent panes.
The moon had always reminded him of Draco, long before they had ever become an item.
It was pale and alluring yet shone with a bright beautifulness that could not be ignored. He remembered telling this to Draco and watching as the blonde blushed at the compliment before kissing him so tenderly it had almost made him weep.
(They tell you I'm difficult but so are they)
He wondered if they were all sat in the dungeons now, Draco and his friends laughing at the stupid antics of the pathetic Harry Potter.
How he had fell at the blondes feet, how he had begged him to stay, how he had opened himself only to let Draco pour his salt into the wounds that just did not want to heal.
(But they don't know me Do they even know you?)
He heard to distant slamming of the portrait door and cursed whomever it was that had decided to disturb his solitude.
(All the things you hide from me all the shit that you do)
Why was it that people just couldn't leave him alone? Why was it that everyone thought they were helping when they cooed over him when in actual fact they were only making things worse?
He didn't want all the fuss and attention, he just wanted to be on his own so that he could wallow in his misery.
(You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be)
He sighed and bit back a sob when he felt the hopelessness of his situation hit him fully like a freight train; he'd thought that Draco would owl him telling him how stupid he was to think that he would ever leave him.
But no owls graced the night skies, which meant that he had to admit the inevitable.
It was really over.
(You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it)
He heard steps echo on the staircase and fought the urge to go and lock the door.
After all if was Hermione then it would only take her a mere second before she was through the door. She would then proceed to think something was seriously wrong with Harry, sympathise with him over his situation like she had been doing since he had told her, then rant on about how much better he was without Draco.
All of which he just didn't want to deal with at the moment, he wasn't better without Draco...he was incomplete.
(And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away all this time you were pretending)
He heard the door slowly creep open and heavy shoes take hesitant steps into the room. The door closed quietly and Harry prepared himself for the ranting he was sure to come.
But it never did, only silence stretched on.
(So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh)
Turning his head his listless green gaze settled on the intruder and his eyes widened in surprise.
It was the last person that Harry had ever expected to see. In actual fact he was hardly capable of coherent thought such was the depth of his shock.
(It's nice to know you were there Thanks for acting like you cared)
Stood before him in all his billowing glory was professor Snape.
And for once his face bore no malice, in fact if he wasn't in such a deep state of shock he would say that it was sympathising. If the situation he was going through had not drained him of humour he probably would have chuckled.
(And making me feel like I was the only one it's nice to know we had it all)
"I'm sorry about you and Malfoy Potter" Snape said his voice actually for once very gentle. Harry goggled at him...this was very bizarre, why was Snape here? It wasn't like he was the head of Harry's house.
"Since your head of house is away I have been sent to check on you, to see if you are alright," Snape added as though reading his thoughts.
(Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done)
He averted his gaze so that he would not show any of the pain in his eyes.
"You know he promised me that we'd always be together. I remember lying in his arms and he would caress me as though I were a precious piece of silk and would tell me that nothing could tear us apart."
He closed his eyes at the brief stab of pain he felt.
"It seems he did not mean himself in that equation" he added bitterly. He wondered how many of the sweet words Draco had whispered to him had been lies.
(You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it)
"Maybe he's afraid Potter" Snape suggested lightly.
For the first time Harry felt a chuckle escape his lips at the notion, Draco Malfoy afraid now that was a funny notion
"Maybe he just wanted to screw me over, or maybe he just wanted an easy fuck" Harry spat his eyes suddenly flaring to life for a brief instant.
(And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away all this time you were pretending)
"Surely you don't believe that do you Potter?" Snape asked and Harry sighed turning his gaze to once again rest on the moon. Did he really believe that was what this was?
"I don't know what to believe anymore. All I know is that two days ago my life was complete with him by my side and I was in his arms...now the place which I had always seen as the warmest I have ever been seems so cold and remote that I can't bare it" he said his voice beginning to crack.
(So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh)
He could feel his eyes brim with tears, what was the point of going on if Draco was no longer with him? What future did he have without the blonde by his side?
He didn't want to go through morning after morning of waking up cold and empty because the man he loved was not there when he awoke to greet him with his beauty and his love.
"Why?" he suddenly sobbed out. It was the one question that burned his mind with its need ever since he'd picked himself up from the library floor.
"Why did he leave me?"
With an anguished sob he broke down into heart wrenching tears. He cried from the depths of his soul and the bottom of his heart pouring all the pain into the tears that just would not seem to stop.
(Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh So much for my happy ending)
That night the first steps towards his healing and his newfound friendship with his potions professor were forged as the head of Slytherin gathered the broken Gryffindor into his arms and let him cry into the night
(Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh)
End Harry's Flashback
A part of him knew that Severus was right. However admitting that meant he would also have to admit that there was a possibility that he was also right about Draco...and that was something that he did not want to admit to himself, he would not be set up only to be hurt again.
Sighing he went to fetch a dustpan and brush to clean the shards of computer screen that still sparkled softly on the floor. If Severus had noticed them then he had not commented on the fact.
Why was it that life was never just straight forward for him? Why did it have to be full of complications and hardships that nobody else had to face?
Shaking his head he let his mind wander over all the things that he had been told.
If he were to blatantly honest with himself Draco was actually enjoying Alexis's company.
Once he had let his animosity for the other woman go he had found that she was a good conversationalist, had a sense of humour as morbid as his own and was always charming and witty.
He decided that he had judged this woman wrongly. Although he could not forget the warning she had issued him he realised that she was not acting out of hatred towards him.
"So Alexis, do you enjoy being your own boss?" he asked lightly and was rewarded with a brilliant smile.
"I love it, if I'd have gone to work with some of the design companies that wanted me or into a well known firm I would never have been able to do what I wanted to do freely" she stated using her hands to make gestures as she talked.
"I would never have been given that much creative leeway and then I wouldn't have really been in control of my own ideas. Although I may be good with interior design architecture is my forte which is why my role in the company me and Hermione started was more building related" she said her voice full of enthusiasm.
"So Draco" she countered obviously having a question of her own that she wanted to ask him. He raised a brow at her to inform her he was listening before taking a sip of his drink.
"Tell me what exactly made you walk away from Harry," she asked and he almost choked on his fire whisky.
This was not the question he had expected, furthermore he didn't know if he could answer it. After all this women was married to the man he loved, could he really open up to her?
He searched her face for the sign of any hidden agenda against him but found only an open curiosity etched in every line of her face.
He sighed.
"I was afraid," he answered after a long pause. The truth hadn't been as hard to say as he had thought, however the admission was still a bitter pill to swallow.
"He ignited in me a feeling that I had never felt before, he had so much control over me. I was only seventeen at the time and it frightened me more that anything I had ever faced...I loved him with every fibre of my being, still love him with just as much passion. But I couldn't lose that control I held over myself and so I ended things in the cruellest way" he finished.
"And do you wish that things had turned out differently?" Alexis asked.
"With all of my heart" he replied, it didn't matter that this woman was married to Harry. Something inside him compelled him to follow an honest route with her, that by telling her his feelings he was unburdening his guilt over what he had put his ex lover through.
"Harry was everything to me. The fact that I lost it because of my own stupid insecurities only makes it that much harder for me to bear" he added his voice full of regret.
"You know Draco, I know that you've enlisted the help of Ron to try and win Harry back" she stated and Draco gaped at her. Oh god, he'd been busted she was going to tell Harry for sure.
"Ron may be one of Harry's best friends but he doesn't know him as well as he thinks" she said and Draco gave her a confused look. Where was she going with this?
"Now me on the other hand, I know everything there is to know about Harry."
His eyes widened, surely she was not suggesting what he hoped no dared to believe she was suggesting.
"I'm not saying that I'll help you win him back Draco" she added completely bursting his hopeful bubble. For a moment he had thought he had gained a powerful alley in helping win favour with Harry…it was a stupid assumption to make on his part given who he was speaking to.
"But I know that deep down he still loves you no matter how much he tried to escape it, and so I'll help you in other ways" she continued her eyes sparkling.
"You see winning him back should be done on your own Draco, it shouldn't be some event that you coordinated and planned. It should just happen naturally because it was the right moment or you just went with the flow, that way you'll know that its much more truer" she smiled at him.
"You know you remind me of myself. Once a long time ago I fell in love with a man who was quite a bit older than me and I let my stupid insecurities get in the way...you always regret the things that you wished you hadn't done its natural…but now you may be able to set things right. You've been given another chance so don't screw it up."
She reached over and squeezed his hand.
"Love is hurt, its pain, its loosing control it's unfathomable…all the things that we fear. But its also joy, happiness, support, rapture, secure and eternal…all the things that we crave, it's a precious gift and you should give yours to Harry."
And with that said she let go of his hand and stood brushing the wrinkles from her clothes. The action reminded him so much of him self.
"It's been fun Draco, we shall have to meet up again for a drink" and with a wink she turned and walked over to Ron hugged both he and Luna before exiting the pub.
Draco sat and pondered what she had said.
Its precious gift and you should give yours to Harry
He would show Harry that he still loved him, that he had never stopped loving him. Alexis was right that love encompassed all the things he feared but it embodied all the things he longed for, and so he would open his heart for the first time and show Harry just what he had felt for all these years.
Maybe then they could truly find happiness.
Now it was just a matter of whether Harry would want to, or had Draco hurt the man he loved too much?
Hello there, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated. I've recently received some bad news so I've been trying to deal with that, also me and my boyfriend have split up so I guess I've been a little down (great incentive for the story though) any way thank you all for your reviews I would have really caved if all your great responses hadn't been so cool. Hope you enjoyed this new instalment and I'll try and update again soon
Angel – Wings XxXxXxXxX