THE WHITE ROOM...part 4
The outside voices were back again. They flowed around him now, in never-ending waves that made him ache and want to curl up into a ball. There were touches and he tried to move with them, tried to flinch away. Finally they left him alone and he opened his eyes to bright whiteness. He knew this place and yet it wasn't wholly familiar. But it called to him, pushing him upright until he could touch the sleek brightness. It felt warm to his touch and as he rubbed his hand across the surface, she hummed for him. He smiled and let himself fall against her, let her soothe him as he rocked. She made the other voices slip away.
But not for very long. The outside voices came back. Too loud, and surrounding him and touching him and he felt the hands that pulled on him. He tried to push them away when they latched on to him. He didn't want to leave the warmth. He wished he could scream at them to leave him alone. Strong hands touched him, familiar hands and a familiar voice, deep and rumbling against his back. He wanted to open his eyes wide and stare at the face that he knew loomed above him. He remembered faces, but they scared him now and he didn't like being scared. It was unfamiliar in a way he didn't understand.
The rumbling got louder and the touch became painful. He couldn't pull away down and something pinched his skin and liquid warmth rushed through his body, leeching away the cold. The warmth brought darkness and with the darkness a blessed silence.
He let himself slip away.
OoO
Rodney stood beside the gurney that Sheppard was strapped to. Carson had been forced to sedate him, especially after finding the Colonel stuffed into the corner of the infirmary, hands plastered against the walls, rocking and mumbling to himself. Ronon had managed to pin Sheppard, but not without effort and he got a few bruises along the way. Which, oddly, had made him smile as he had laid Sheppard out on the gurney.
They would be walking through the gate in a few minutes and Rodney felt a moment of panic. This was it. The moment of truth for them all. Sheppard would be going through the gate, but there was no guarantee that he would ever come back through. He might never step foot back on Atlantis again. A part of Rodney wondered if he would ever be back either and, surprisingly, he wasn't as upset about that thought as he might have been. All he could think about was Sheppard. He had to find a way to make his friend better. To fix him.
"Are you ready, Rodney?" It was Elizabeth asking, as she made her way over to them.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Rodney replied. He watched her move to Sheppard's side and take one limp hand between both her own. Rodney knew that Elizabeth felt a kinship with the Colonel. That she truly believed they took care of Atlantis and her people together. That she couldn't do it without Sheppard. Rodney pretty much believed the same thing. Atlantis needed Sheppard. Which meant Rodney had to find a way to make him well again and bring him home. Because where they were going now was back to Earth. Not back home.
Elizabeth swallowed hard, released John's hand, then met Rodney's blue gaze dead on. "I know you'll find a way to help John," she said firmly. "Because if anyone can, it's you, Rodney. Just make sure you take care of yourself as well. I expect you both to come back soon." With that she stepped into him and gave him a hug.
Rodney didn't know what to do. For a moment he froze, then he lifted his arms and awkwardly hugged her back. He was relieved when she released him, only to find himself engulfed in one of Ronon's bear hugs. "Breathing!" he hissed, when he was pretty sure a rib was going to crack.
"Bring Sheppard back soon," Ronon said, gruffly, slapping Rodney on the back and nearly knocking him over. Then he moved to Sheppard's side and clapped him on the shoulder before fading back.
"We'll be back as soon as we can," Rodney promised, and he was being as sincere as he had ever been. And his words were also a promise to Sheppard, even though the Colonel couldn't hear him right now.
Teyla glided forward next, a warm smile on her face even as worry glimmered in her dark eyes. She gripped Rodney by the shoulders, pulling him into her until their foreheads touched. "Safe journey to you both," she said softly. "We will do all that we can on this end."
Rodney pulled back and nodded. "Yeah, I know you will. We'll figure this out." He was starting to ramble so he clamped his mouth shut.
"Keep in touch, Rodney," Carson stated, his brogue heavy as his emotions, which were on display in the heavy lines of concern etched into his face. "Let me know any and all changes with the Colonel, and I'll keep you updated from this end."
"Yes, yes, of course," Rodney replied, then he found himself caught in another bear hug. He sighed and hugged back, staggering a bit when Carson released him and pretending not to hear when the Scotsman sniffled loudly. He was just glad the goodbyes were now over. Glancing at Elizabeth, Rodney asked, "Can we go now?" It came out rather more as a pleading whine than as a question, but whatever got results.
Elizabeth managed a shaky smile and nodded. "Of course." She looked at everyone gathered. "Anyone have anything they want to say?"
Teyla didn't speak, but she moved to Sheppard's side and leaned over him to press their foreheads together for a brief moment. She seemed to be whispering something to him, but Rodney couldn't hear what she said.
Then Carson cleared his throat and moved to Sheppard's other side. When Teyla stepped back, Carson fussed with the Colonel's blankets, did a pulse check, then patted his shoulder before nodding to Elizabeth that he was done.
Nodding back, Elizabeth turned to Chuck. "Dial it up!" she ordered.
Rodney felt strangely calm as he watched the gate light up and the puddle form. Then he moved behind the gurney and pushed it towards the circle. He didn't look back, but he heard Elizabeth call after him,
"Safe journey to you both!"
With a mental thank you Rodney stepped across, with Sheppard, into what felt like a whole new world.
Waiting for him was on the other side was General O'Neill, a man in a white lab coat and what looked like three medical personnel.
O'Neill stepped forward as the gate shut down. "Hey there, McKay," he offered in greeting, holding out his hand.
"General," Rodney replied, shaking O'Neill's hand briefly. He felt panic set in with the man in the white coat and his lackeys suddenly swarmed around the gurney. "Who are you?" he demanded, stepping over in a guarding posture as the man in the white lab coat reached for Sheppard.
"This is Dr. Purdie," O'Neill supplied, moving forward as well. "He's going to take good care of Colonel Sheppard, McKay. You can trust him."
Rodney snorted at that ridiculous statement. He didn't trust anyone but himself to help Sheppard. "Do you have anything useful to tell me?" he demanded, looking at Purdie as he spoke.
The man looked surprised, but he rose to the challenge, eyebrows sweeping up into his salt and pepper bangs. He needed a haircut and a diet. Or maybe it was just the fact that he loomed over Rodney. He wasn't fat exactly, but he was very tall and very thick and the seams in his labcoat looked like they were ready to bust.
"I've done a lot of research, Dr. McKay," he replied. "After what happened to General O'Neill, I devoted my time to studying Asgard technology. And I'm in contact with them and they're going to be helping me with Colonel Sheppard's case."
"Us," Rodney interjected sharply. "I'm a part of this team. The most important part," he stated firmly. "You don't do anything to Sheppard without clearing it with me first. Understand?"
Purdie looked angry for a moment, then amused. "You're not a medical doctor," he drawled. "And I would be wasting Colonel Sheppard's time, as well as my own, if I attempted to explain to you the various procedures I intend to try on him."
Rodney didn't like the sound of that and he glared at Purdie. "He's not some lab rat for you to experiment on!" he snapped. "He's my friend and I will be watching you like a hawk. You won't do anything to him without my okay!"
Before Purdie could respond, O'Neill was moving between them. "You will be completely in the loop, McKay," he smoothly promised. "But right now why don't you let Dr. Purdie and his team take Sheppard to his room and run some initial tests. Make sure that he's okay and settled in. Then you can visit him and see for yourself that he's all right."
"But he's not all right!" Rodney hissed, feeling anger rising hot inside him. "That's the whole point of us being here! Sheppard isn't all right!"
"I know." O'Neill's voice was soft, but the tone firm as he gripped Rodney by the arm and steered him off the ramp. He kept a tight hold of him as Purdie's team pushed Sheppard's gurney down and out the side door. "We're all here to help Sheppard," O'Neill continued. "We all want what's best for him."
Rodney wanted to believe that, but he had an itchy feeling that he couldn't scratch. He knew O'Neill was a good guy, but his instincts were screaming at him not to trust Purdie. He had no reason not to trust the guy, other than a gut reaction though, so he kept his concerns to himself for the moment. But he would watch Purdie like a hawk. "I need to stow my gear," Rodney said, and he was surprised to realize he sounded just like Sheppard. The Colonel really was rubbing off on him and it was kinda freaky.
O'Neill grinned at him. "Come this way. I figure you want to be close to Sheppard, so I've set you up in quarters right down the hall from him. He will be in a room where the door only opens from the outside unless you have a pass key, and it's clear of anything that could be harmful to him or anyone else, but we want him to be as comfortable as possible."
"Right," Rodney replied, feeling himself tense up. He knew what O'Neill was trying to say and do, but it didn't change the truth. They were going to lock Sheppard up in a gilded padded cell. But it was still padded and still a cell. "When can I see Sheppard? Because I'd really like to be with him when he's being tested. If he suddenly comes out of his catatonia I think it would be best for him to have a familiar face around."
"Can't deny that logic," O'Neill agreed. "Come dump your stuff and I'll take you to Sheppard's room." He led Rodney out the door, down three separate hallways then gestured to a blue door. "You're here," he said, as he opened the door.
Rodney stepped in, glanced at the plain decor and the bed in the corner, dumped his bag then stepped out. "Where's Sheppard?" He was led down the same hall way, about twenty yards. Last room just around a slight bend. A room with an observation window like in a Cop show. So Sheppard would be on display after all. Rodney bit back the rant that was building in his throat and moved to the window. He saw Sheppard lying in what looked like a normal bed, but even from his observation point he could see the straps attached to the sides. Padded restraints, by the looks of it, but restraints all the same. Rodney closed his eyes a moment, until he heard a door open. He looked to see Purdie and his lackeys filing out of the room.
Purdie moved to O'Neill. "I took some blood and did a vitals check and now I'll run some tests of my own. I think it's best to let Colonel Sheppard get some rest tonight and I'll try talking to him in the morning. That way he has a bit of time to acclimate to his new surroundings."
"Did you get Carson's notes about feeding him?" Rodney asked, suddenly remembering himself. Sheppard, to this point, had only taken soup from Teyla. He had discussed that fact with Carson who told Rodney to make the attempt to feed him once they got here. He was nervous about trying, but he would do it if it kept Sheppard off a feeding tube.
"I read his notes and you can try feeding him after my staff makes the first attempt," Purdie allowed. Then he nodded at O'Neill before striding off.
Rodney glared after him. "I don't like him," he ranted.
O'Neill shrugged. "Don't think that much of him myself," he allowed. "But he's good at what he does and he wouldn't be here if I didn't think he could help Sheppard."
"I guess." Rodney wasn't feeling generous so that's as close to trusting O'Neill's judgment as he was going to get at the moment. "I want to sit with Sheppard for a while." It was a statement of what he was going to do more than a asking for permission to do so.
"Go ahead." O'Neill reached in his pocket and pulled out what looked like a red credit card, holding it out for Rodney to take. "You'll need this to get out if someone isn't standing outside the door. Don't lose it."
Rodney nodded as he took the card and opened the door, stepping inside the white room. And it was white from top to bottom, corner to corner. White walls and ceiling and bedding. The only color was the steel gray bedframe and the side table, which Rodney tested and discovered was bolted to the floor.
Moving to the bed, he reached out, wanting to connect with Sheppard if only by touch.
But Sheppard pulled away from him, slipping off the bed and making Rodney jump. He thought the Colonel was still out from the sedative. Carson had said he'd be out for a couple of hours after they arrived. But he shook away that thought as he watched Sheppard move to the nearest wall and run his hand over it. He stumbled as he moved the length of the room to the corner, then he was pushing himself into it, legs drawn up against his chest, arms wrapped around them. In his white scrubs he blended into the wall, the only color contrast being his dark hair. Even his skin seemed translucent and white in this room.
Rodney moved to his side, watching Sheppard rocking. As he reached him he could hear him mumbling and he got close so he could hear what he was saying. To Rodney's surprise it was two simple words in Ancient.
Too bright.
He wondered what it meant, but as he sat down with his back against the wall and mirrored Sheppard's position, he thought he understood. The lighting was low but with all the unblemished white, it seemed painfully bright in the room. After fifteen minutes of listening to Sheppard mumble the same thing over and over, Rodney went to the door. When O'Neill opened it he stepped out. "I have to get something from my room," he said, heading down the hallway.
A moment later Rodney was back and stepping into the room with a woven blanket made with blue and green strips of cloth. Teyla had woven it together for Sheppard, and she'd asked Rodney to bring it with them for him. He figured the color would make it less bright because the blues and greens were warm and dark and earthy.
Shaking it out, Rodney spread it over Sheppard's hunched shoulders, holding his breath as he waited for a reaction. He was almost relieved when all Sheppard did was continue rocking. But after a few minutes Rodney realized that the mumbling stopped and Rodney wondered if that meant something and if he should tell Purdie. But he decided to keep that tidbit of information to himself for now. So he stayed for a bit longer until O'Neill opened the door and called him out.
"What?" Rodney asked, hoping that nothing had gone wrong at Atlantis or something.
But O'Neill just drew him down the hallway. "How would you like to meet Kel?" he asked.
"Kel?" Rodney echoed, feeling thoroughly confused. And he hated that feeling.
"One of the big wigs in the Asgard hierarchy, so to speak," "O'Neill explained.
Rodney realized what he was saying and how it could be important. "He's here?" he asked.
O'Neill nodded. "Just arrived. He's interested in Sheppard."
"I'll bet," Rodney muttered, but he forced a grim smile. "Let's go," he said. But he took a look back through the glass and it saddened him that Sheppard just sat there rocking. So if Kel could help, then Rodney would get on bended knee to ask him too. If that's what it took to bring Sheppard back.
THE END...of part 4