THE WHITE ROOM...part 6
Elizabeth studied the forlorn group that surrounded her desk. It had been four days since Rodney and John had gone back to Earth. Four long, agonizing days. Everyone was feeling their loss and it didn't help that everyone also felt frustrated. They had yet to find anything that might help Sheppard get better. Ronon had gotten frustrated to the point of breaking the heavy bag in the gym when he punched it too hard.
The other thing upsetting them was the call they had received from Rodney, informing them about what had happened to Sheppard. Hearing how he had been forcibly restrained in an attempt to feed him, then hit, made Elizabeth's blood boil. Looking at the others, she could see how the news had affected them as well.
Ronon was pacing, his big hands clenching in and out of fists. She knew he wanted to hit something. She rather wished he could hit the man who'd hit John.
Teyla had her head bent and she almost eerily still. But Elizabeth could see the tension in her form. She was angry and trying to control it.
Carson wasn't doing so well in the controlling department. He had jumped to his feet and he was cursing in Gaelic. Quietly cursing, but she felt a wave of sympathy at his tirade against the medical ethics of some people. A nameless people, but one she felt a sudden and vast hatred for. It was taking all of her will power not to go through the gate herself to make sure John was all right.
It also wasn't helping that Rodney had nothing positive to report about John and his condition, although she could tell he had tried to be upbeat about things. She felt a surge of affection for McKay. He was trying his best to keep their spirits uplifted, even though she knew he was as scared and worried and frustrated as they were. She just wished that there was something more she could do. Although the call to O'Neill and her verbal lashing for what had happened to John had made Elizabeth feel better for about ten minutes.
For now she waited for the others to calm themselves. It took long enough that Elizabeth was tempted to contact Kate to come sort them all out, but finally they were all settled and Elizabeth studied them all. "I know this is hard on you," she began. "It's hard on me too. On us and everyone in Atlantis. We need John and Rodney, and they probably need us. But we have to accept that all we can really do right now is wait. Rodney will find a way to help Sheppard. I'm sure of it."
"We can keep looking," Ronon interjected. When Elizabeth looked at him he glared back. "I'm not good at waiting and waiting doesn't help Sheppard," he stated.
"Of course we'll keep looking," Elizabeth replied. She wasn't all that great at waiting herself, she just knew how to fake it. But at the same time she knew the reality was that Rodney had the best shot at helping John. But that didn't mean they had to just sit around. "Keep looking and anything you find or think of that might help the Colonel, I'll make sure I convey it to Rodney."
There was a round of nodding, then everyone made their way to the door.
Carson and Ronon went through, but Teyla held back and looked at Elizabeth. "How are you doing?" she asked, the question and the concern in her dark eyes, both glaringly sincere.
"I've been better," Elizabeth confessed, letting herself fall back into her chair. Letting herself feel defeated, if only for this moment. Because she knew Teyla would understand and that she wouldn't judge her for being human.
"We will get through this, Elizabeth," Teyla said softly. "All of us."
Elizabeth managed a smile at that, because she knew Teyla believed it and she wanted to believe it too. Even though the odds weren't in their favor this time. Still, when were they ever. Besides which, John Sheppard seemed to live to buck the odds. She had to cling to the belief that he would do so again. With Rodney by his side, it would happen. It had to happen. "We will get through this and John and Rodney will come home," she confirmed.
Teyla smiled back at her. "They will come home," she whispered, then she was gone.
The smile faded from Elizabeth's face and she closed her eyes against the sting of hot tears.
OoO
Rodney sighed as he tried to feed Sheppard another spoonful of soup. So far he had only managed to get about half a mug into the man, and that after an hour of trying. Rodney tried to look on the bright side. It was the most he had gotten into Sheppard in one sitting in the past four days, so he was going to look at it as progress. Sadly, it was the only progress made in regards to the Colonel. Kel hadn't come up with anything to help Sheppard yet. Neither had Purdie. Although Rodney hadn't expected anything from the doctor. Despite O'Neill's reassurances, daily, that Purdie was an expert in his field and their best bet for helping Sheppard, Rodney didn't believe the man gave a damn about curing the Colonel. His only investment in Sheppard seemed to be as a science project. He did relentless testing but little else. His so called talks with the Colonel consisted of about five words said and Sheppard doubtfully even aware of the man's presence. Although he did seem to go eerily still whenever Purdie was in the room. Still and tense enough that Rodney could almost feel how taut the Colonel's body was. He liked to believe that Sheppard knew Purdie was a jerk, just on instinct.
Which meant Sheppard was definitely still in there. Somewhere.
Without warning, Sheppard got up from the corner, untucking himself from the ball he had curled up into. He straightened and pressed his palms to the wall, muttering as he moved to the other corner, hands never leaving the painted surface. He paced that way, from corner to corner, for about fifteen minutes, then he tucked himself back into the corner again. It was something he did several times a day.
Rodney believed Sheppard was trying to connect with Atlantis, and it was painful to watch him. It was almost like a physical ache to see how lost and confused the Colonel was. Just a curled up ball of white, rocking in the corner. Rocking and muttering too low for Rodney to understand what he was saying. Every now and then he would grab his hair and tug repeatedly and once, yesterday, he had started hitting himself in the head until Rodney had grabbed his wrists, making Sheppard stop just as Purdie's goons ran into the room. Rodney hadn't let them anywhere near the Colonel. Nor would he. After that last ass had hit Sheppard, Rodney didn't trust a single one of them.
Standing up himself, Rodney set the mug on the bedside table, to take out with him later. He noticed that the blue blanket was lying in the middle of the floor and he bent, cursing his aching back, to pick it up. Only to find it snatched away by Sheppard. To Rodney's surprise, the Colonel then started walking about in circles, one corner of the blanket clutched in the tightly clenched fingers of one hand.
It was new behavior and it got Rodney's attention. He wanted to tell Kel about it. The Asgard hadn't made any more progress than Purdie at this point, but Rodney trusted him more. But even as he headed for the door, Sheppard went back into his corner, hands pressing against the wall, his head banging back against it. But a moment later he was up and pacing again, his agitation almost viable.
The door suddenly opened and Rodney turned to see O'Neill stepping inside. He went to the General, meaning to herd him out. Sheppard didn't take well to strangers as a rule. In fact, he only seemed willing to offer cooperation of any sort to Rodney and no one else.
"Give him this," O'Neill said as he reached Rodney. He was holding out a flat object, disk shaped.
"What is it?" Rodney asked, even as he took it. It hummed and dimly lit up in his palm. It was the size of his palm and felt warm.
O'Neill shrugged. "Don't know. Carter found it a few weeks ago on a mission. We know it's Ancient related, since so far I'm the only one who can operate it and it doesn't do all that much more for me than it's doing for you. Give it to Sheppard and let's see what he does with it. It's a piece of Atlantis, so maybe it'll comfort him."
Rodney was skeptical, and almost said as much, but after turning back to watch Sheppard in his agitated state, he figured it couldn't hurt. So he went to the Colonel and held out the disc.
After a moment, Sheppard stopped pacing and moved to Rodney. Slowly he reached out and touched the disc, tugging it from Rodney's grasp.
Rodney was stunned as it lit up, glowing brightly with shimmering rainbow colors. Then the hum turned into something more distinctive. It took Rodney a moment to realize it was musical. Something haunting and lyrical and unlike anything he had ever heard before. It didn't sound like an instrument playing so much as a voice making the sound. In truth, he really couldn't describe what it was, beyond beautiful.
Sheppard seemed enamored of it. He clutched it tightly to his chest before moving back into the corner with his blanket. He didn't curl into a ball this time, instead he settled down loose-limbed and comfortable.
To Rodney's surprise, the Colonel closed his eyes and tilted his head back and after a moment...he smiled. It gave Rodney a surge of hope. He turned to O'Neill. "Good thinking on your part," he praised.
"I had to do something," O'Neill replied. "After the ass chewing Weir gave me when you told her about Sheppard being hit."
"You had that coming," Rodney retorted. He was still angry about that and knew it would be a long time before the image would leave him.
O'Neill nodded. "I know. Go get some rest, McKay. I'll keep watch over Sheppard. He seems pretty content at the moment."
Rodney turned to look at the Colonel and to his surprise it looked like Sheppard had fallen asleep. It reminded Rodney of his own exhaustion, so he nodded. "I'll take a nap, but wake me if you need me." When O'Neill confirmed he would, Rodney slipped out of the room. He did a face plant on his bed when he got there and closed his eyes, letting himself drift into darkness with that feeling of hope still lingering.
But the hope didn't last and Rodney came awake with a jolt, sensing that something was wrong.
Pushing off his bed, he took a moment to answer mother nature's call, then he splashed cold water on his face and ran out. Glancing at his watch he was stunned to realize he had slept for six hours. Racing down the hallway, he skidded to a halt in front of the observation window and felt his blood run cold from the sight before him. Sheppard was lying in bed in restraints.
Fury washing over him, Rodney headed for the door, only to be cut off by O'Neill who suddenly appeared before him.
"Take it easy, McKay and let me explain," the General beseeched him.
"Please do explain!" Rodney snapped. "What the hell did Purdie do to him now?" Because he knew whatever had happened, it was that man's fault.
O'Neill winced and drew Rodney down the hallway until they reached a relatively private alcove. "Look, first things first. You need to know that Sheppard is okay, he's just sedated."
Rodney felt his stomach twist into a knot. Sedated was so not a good thing. "Tell me what happened," he demanded.
"Purdie wanted to see what would happen if we took the disc from Sheppard," O'Neill began, holding up a hand when Rodney was about to explode. "For the record, I told him to do it. To see if it really was making as big a difference as it seemed to be making. And Sheppard flipped out. He attacked Purdie and broke his nose."
"Good." The word was out before Rodney could stop himself. He felt Purdie deserved it and he wouldn't take it back. But that didn't explain the restraints. "Wasn't sedating Sheppard good enough? Why the restraints? And why didn't you call me?"
Heaving a sigh, O'Neill rubbed his temples, as if trying to ease an ache. "It happened to fast to call you, McKay. Besides which, you needed the rest."
Rodney shook his head. "Not good enough. How long ago did it happen?"
"About twenty minutes ago. I was just on my way to wake you but you got here first." O'Neill tried to look repentant. "Helping Sheppard is going to be all about trials and tribulations, so to speak. Try to look at this as something positive."
"You're kidding, right?" Rodney was stunned that O'Neill could even suggest such a thing. He stepped out of the alcove, intent on being with Sheppard. He heard O'Neill's footsteps behind him and called over his shoulder. "Where's the disc now?"
Two running steps and O'Neill caught up. "I gave it back to Sheppard. It's in his hand so it'll be there when he wakes up."
Rodney was relieved to hear that. "How long before he wakes up?"
"A couple of hours." O'Neill cut him off as they reached Sheppard's door. "Another positive aspect is that the Colonel can use the rest."
"Right." Rodney pushed the General out of the way and entered the room. He moved to John's side, checking his right hand and seeing the reddened knuckles. A smile curved his lips. He hoped Sheppard smashed Purdie's nose but good. Still smiling he removed the restraints. He didn't want Sheppard waking up bound. Once the Colonel was free, Rodney grabbed a chair and sat down, his eyes on the other man's pale face. He hoped this event hadn't set things back. It was bad enough that Rodney couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Something very, very bad.
OoO
He knew something was wrong. The voices were different. Softer. He felt unsettled and uncertain until he felt it. The warm vibration that washed over him in soothing waves. Then he heard the soft voice singing to him. He had missed this. Missed her. But he knew it was just a piece of her and that she was hurting in some way. She was sad and it made him ache inside.
There was another ache, in his head. A constant thrumming ache that made him feel uneasy. The voices were still there too, skittering on the surface of his awareness.
A loud voice suddenly pierced her soft hum, making him flinch and he rolled away from it, landing on something hard and suddenly he couldn't breathe and hands touched him. He recognized that touch and knew it was safe so he let the touch and the voice guide him to his feet. He let the touch make him swallow the warm wetness. He let the touch guide him into an unfamiliar place.
It echoed in this place. The hands moved over him and he felt cold and vulnerable and that scared him. Then he was drenched in liquid heat and the voices were back but he closed his eyes as the hands moved him. He reached for her voice, clutching her warmth in his own hand.
OoO
Giving Sheppard a shower was an experience Rodney would not soon forget. Although the Colonel seemed to enjoy the water once he was under it. In fact, Rodney had a hard time getting him to leave. Drying him off was almost amusing, as was getting him dressed. Amusing and sad, because it was during times like this that he seemed so much like nothing more than a life-sized doll. Yet he was so much more than that and Rodney wanted the John Sheppard who was the head of the military in Atlantis, and the best friend he'd ever had, back.
Once they were both dry and dressed, Rodney guided Sheppard back to his room. The entire time he had clutched the disc and Rodney had let him. Now back in the room he started pacing again. But at least he didn't look as washed out in black sweat pants and a black t-shirt. Rodney thought maybe the colors would be familiar to the Colonel, since he had favored black on Atlantis. Plus he figured they had to be more comfortable than the scrubs. Not that Sheppard seemed to notice. He simply grabbed the blue blanket off the bed and started pacing about the room from corner to corner.
Rodney watched him pace for over an hour before begging O'Neill to bring his laptop. He played a few games and did some research while Sheppard continued pacing. He didn't go into the corner at all. New behavior yet again. Which sent Rodney off to talk to Kel, who showed interest in the new information and assured Rodney he would look into it immediately and get back to him.
Feeling like he'd finally offered something useful, Rodney headed for the messhall. He grabbed two turkey sandwiches. Since John was showing a change in patterns, maybe he was ready for new foods to be introduced. Rodney knew Sheppard needed to start eating solids. Since he'd fallen ill he'd lost at least ten pounds. Ten pounds he could ill afford to lose.
Reaching Sheppard's room, Rodney was surprised to see Purdie at the door. But he smiled when he saw the tape over the man's swollen nose. "What are you doing here?" Rodney demanded.
"I'm working," Purdie replied, his tone sounding nasally. "Colonel Sheppard is my patient, Dr. McKay. You would do well to remember that."
"And you would do well to remember that he's my friend," Rodney shot back. Which was when he noticed the item in Purdie's hand. "What is that?"
Purdie shook out the red fabric, revealing it to be a blanket." I'm going to introduce a new color to Colonel Sheppard and observe his reaction. If it's okay with you?" Sarcasm dripped from Purdie's voice.
Rodney opened his mouth to argue with him, only to realize he didn't have a good argument against the test. Sheppard liked the blue and seemed content with the black he was wearing, so why not introduce more color. It would make the room seem less sterile. "I guess that's okay," Rodney replied. "But I'll be watching you."
"Of course." Purdie offered a smile that looked more like a grimace, then he entered Sheppard's room.
Watching from the observation window, Rodney wasn't surprised when Sheppard kept pacing until Purdie stepped directly into his path. He watched the Doctor hold up the red blanket, then he watched all hell break loose as Sheppard stared at the blanket then started screaming.
To Rodney's stunned horror, Sheppard grabbed the blanket and started trying to shred it with his bare hands. He screams turned to shouts. Running into the room, Rodney made out a few words. Death, and blood, and no more, but then he was busy trying to grab the blanket and toss it aside. He finally got it away from Sheppard and he threw it at Purdie, who ran from the room. But Sheppard was still freaking out and Rodney saw the hulk sized orderlies approaching. He wasn't going to let them hurt Sheppard again so he grabbed the Colonel, holding him tight and feeling how thin Sheppard was. Feeling the taut body trembling.
"Back off!" Rodney shouted to the orderlies, giving them the evil eye for good measure.
But they didnt' back off until O'Neill entered the room and waved them out. He watched Rodney and Sheppard until the Colonel's shouts became hoarse whispers. Until the hands clenched in Rodney's shirt loosened and Sheppard became dead weight in his arms.
Rodney was grateful when O'Neill helped him get Sheppard on the bed and he didn't argue when a nurse approached with a syringe. He nodded at her, knowing that sedating Sheppard was the right thing to do. For the moment. But once he was sure Sheppard was okay, he was going to call Carson.
"That could have gone better," O'Neill commented, once Sheppard was drugged and covered and looking surprisingly peaceful as he slept.
There was nothing Rodney could say to that, so he simply settled himself in the chair to watch over Sheppard as he slept.
THE END...of part 6