THE WHITE ROOM...part 8
Everything hurt. His chest felt constricted and each breath made him want to whimper. He ached from the inside out and he was scared. The humming voice was gone. But even as he felt himself start to panic, he realized something. The other voices inside his head were quiet. Not gone, but muted. He felt almost as if he were alone in his head and it was both scary and a relief.
But he missed the hum voice. She soothed him with her presence. He reached out for her and suddenly she was back again, a hard warmth in his hand, a soft whisper in his head.
He whispered back then let himself drift into darkness.
OoO
Rodney sat beside Sheppard, watching him sleep. Sometimes watching the drops in the IV bag dripping slowly down the tube. He wondered what was in the bag and if he should be worried. Maybe he should call Carson. Maybe he should just talk to Elizabeth and see about bringing John home. He wasn't safe here and Rodney was beginning to realize he was helpless to protect him. Given the bruises that were already forming on Sheppard's arms and neck, Rodney felt like a failure.
Shifting on the bed, Sheppard mumbled, then whimpered, then curled up onto his side. He had been mumbling and restless for a while now, though better than when he had awakened and nearly bolted from the bed. It had taken Rodney a moment to realize that the disc was missing. He'd found it on the side table and pressed it into Sheppard's hand, watching the Colonel calm down immediately and drift back into sleep. But it wasn't a peaceful sleep, not even drugged as he was.
"How is he?"
Rodney didn't look up as O'Neill approached the bed. But he did answer the question. "He's hurting. They hurt him." Rodney did look up now, to glare at the General. "They hurt him badly." He put some of the blame squarely on O'Neill's shoulders. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to help Sheppard, not hurt him more."
O'Neill heaved a sigh, moving closer and letting his hands rest on the bedrail. He stared at Sheppard for a time, watching the Colonel shifting beneath the blankets, then he looked at Rodney and said, "Kel assured me that any pain was minimal."
"Well he's wrong!" Rodney was on his feet and practically shouting. Only to break off when Sheppard suddenly whimpered and looked distressed. Rodney cursed himself out, silently, watching Sheppard until the man stopped shifting around, going still for a moment. But he was still mumbling and Rodney winced before stepping away from the bed and gesturing for O'Neill to follow him to the far corner. Once there he said, "Do you know what he's been mumbling?"
"I don't know Ancient," O'Neill replied. "You know that."
Rodney did know, but he was trying to make a point here. "He keeps mumbling the same word over and over again. Just one word. Hurts. That's what he keeps saying. Hurts...hurts...hurts." Rodney felt himself get angry all over again as he repeated the word. "They hurt him, General. And he's still hurting and he can't even tell us where, or why. He couldn't tell them to stop. And if you think I'm going to let anyone touch him again, you're dumber than a box of rocks." Rodney was pretty sure he was crossing some line with his words, but he didn't care. All that mattered in this moment was protecting Sheppard.
There was a long moment of silence and O'Neill seemed to be considering what Rodney had said. He turned his focus back on Sheppard for a time, then he heaved a soft sigh before running one hand over his face and suddenly looking exhausted. "I'm sorry, McKay," he said quietly. "I really am. I don't want to cause Colonel Sheppard anymore pain, but I don't think Kel intended to hurt him."
"Purdie did, he enjoyed it." The words were out before Rodney could stop them. He couldn't help it. He didn't trust the man and he knew Purdie enjoyed hurting Sheppard. He just didn't understand why.
"What do you want me to do?" O'Neill countered.
And Rodney was relieved that he believed him and was willing to help. "I want to talk to Hermiod, to have him run some diagnostics on the Daedalus. Can we reach him from here?"
O'Neill suddenly grinned. "We can try. Come on."
But Rodney shook his head. "You go. If you connect, come get me. I won't leave Sheppard alone again. When I talk to Hermiod, I want you to stay with him." For a moment he thought the General was going to argue with him, but instead he nodded.
"Works for me." O'Neill clapped Rodney on the shoulder. "We'll find a way to make Sheppard better," he promised. "And even though you probably don't believe me, I am sympathetic to what he's going through. It's not the same as what happened to me, but there are some similarities and if he's got as much chaos going on in his head as I had in mine, then I can tell you this. He'll be grateful for whatever we had to do to fix him."
"Maybe so," Rodney allowed, because he couldn't even imagine what Sheppard was dealing with. But he doubted he would be grateful for the way Purdie had treated him to date. It was almost vengeful and it really rubbed Rodney the wrong way. In part because he just couldn't figure out what the man had against Sheppard. Especially when he was top in his field and supposed to be helping the Colonel. So why hurt him? Something was missing, like a puzzle piece, and Rodney was determined to figure out what it was.
O'Neill headed for the door. "I'll go make contact and be back soon," he promised. Then he was gone.
Rodney went back to Sheppard, settling himself in the uncomfortable chair to take up vigil once more. It was hard to see Sheppard like this. So pale and lost and fragile looking. Sheppard was always the one taking care of everyone else, watching over them and keeping them safe. It was hard having to keep watch over him instead. Hard to see him so damaged. They had to find a way to fix him. Rodney wanted his friend back, and Atlantis needed their hero. And the women of the Pegasus galaxy needed their Kirk back. That particular fancy made Rodney smile and his mouth stretched uncomfortably, making him realize he hadn't smiled in way too long.
Sheppard used to make him smile, with his pithy remarks and his ability to toss Rodney's sarcasm right back at him. He wanted that back and, dammit all, he was going to get it.
OoO
Rodney managed to sleep for a couple of hours, coming awake with a jolt when the bed rails rattled. Cursing his aching joints, he bolted out of the chair and moved to Sheppard, seeing the slim body shuddering under the blankets. He touched the pale face and he thought Sheppard might be feverish. Not so much that Rodney wanted to risk calling Purdie or his goons masquerading as medical personnel in to check on him.
Realizing he had to pee, Rodney figured Sheppard would have to go as well so he disconnected the IV, which had a new bag, which meant someone had come in while he was sleeping and Rodney shuddered at that thought, but pushed it aside to deal with Sheppard's needs. And wasn't that a kick? Putting someone else's needs before his own. When Sheppard was better and found out what Rodney had done for him, Rodney was never going to let him forget just how much he had sacrificed for him. He would be able to milk it for years to come. That thought comforted him as he got Sheppard out of bed and into the bathroom.
They both took care of nature, then Rodney got them both stripped and in the shower. It went smoother than the last time. Sheppard was more pliant to his touch and maybe more reactive, so Rodney got them both cleaned up in short order then out and dried. He got himself dressed then went to work on Sheppard. He'd had the foresight the other day to put his and Sheppard's clothes in the bathroom for easy access. He grabbed one of the Colonel's black t-shirts and turned back to slip it over the dark head, only to be surprised when Sheppard suddenly reached out and touched Rodney's face with the hand not clutching the disk.
To Rodney's surprise, Sheppard stared at him intently, his eyes fully focused for the first time in weeks. He wanted to say something but he was almost too afraid to breathe. Afraid he would shatter the moment. Then Sheppard's hand slipped to Rodney's temple and his eyes closed and Rodney jumped when the hum from the disk got louder and it began glowing bright and white and so intensely that Rodney had to close his eyes.
Then John whispered one word. "Azul."
Rodney's eyes flew open in time to see Sheppard looking at him again and smiling. For a moment Rodney was sure that Sheppard was back, or close enough to call this moment a breakthrough, but even as he had the thought, Sheppard was pulling away and clutching his head before scrabbling away from Rodney and stuffing himself in the corner.
OoO
The voices were loud again. They were familiar voices. The outside voices from before, only now they were inside his head. He saw images flashing in his head. Atlantis rising from the water, so pure and beautiful that it made him ache. He missed her.
There were faces in his head as well. Faces with names, and he knew them.
O'Neill, Beckett, Elizabeth, Sumner, Ford, Teyla, Everett, Kolya, Steve, Ronon...so many faces and names and voices.
Then one louder than the others, the image brighter and sharper. Rodney. He knew that name and he knew the face and he felt the touch and it let him slip away.
OoO
Rodney felt panic rising up in a tidal wave as reached Sheppard just in time to catch him as he slumped over.
"McKay!"
O'Neill's voice was a lifeline.
"In the bathroom!" Rodney called out.
A moment later the General was kneeling beside him. "What happened?
Rodney wasn't sure where to start to explain. "He...he recognized me." The words were stuttered and quiet, but there.
"Are you sure?" O'Neill didn't hide his doubt.
"I..I think so." Rodney shifted Sheppard in his arms, trying to stand up with him. He was heavier than he looked, yet too slim now. Breakable. "He looked right at me," he said, accepting O'Neill's help in lifting Sheppard and carrying him back to bed. They got him settled and covered and Rodney realized Sheppard was still shirtless but that seemed trivial at the moment. He locked eyes with O'Neill. "He looked at me...and he touched my face. And the disk...it started to hum louder and glow and then he said something to me."
O'Neill looked intrigued. "What did he say?"
Rodney felt like the word was burned into his brain. "He said...azul."
"What's it mean?" O'Neill prompted.
"It means scientist." Rodney felt a sudden headrush and dropped into the chair until it passed. This had to mean something. He had no clue what, but it had to mean something good.
O'Neill tapped his shoulder. "I made contact with Hermiod. It's sketchy at best and probably won't last long, so you should go."
Rodney bolted towards the door. "Stay with him!" he called over his shoulder.
"I'll be here!" O'Neill shouted back.
Then Rodney was running down the corridor. He knew where to go and there was so much he needed to tell Hermiod and things he needed to ask. Sheppard had recognized him, Rodney was sure of it. And as soon as he talked to Hermiod he was going to call Elizabeth. He was going to give her a little bit of hope.
THE END...of part 8