Rodney stood there in shock for a moment; even his genius level brain needed some extra time to process what had just happened. He gave up after only a couple of seconds deciding that his time was better spent running down the Col than it was trying decipher John's unintelligible ramblings. "Sheppard! Wait, WHAT?!"

John stopped his forward movement, but paced the width of the corridor instead. "I can't do it, I can't see him like that, he's supposed to be safe here; I- I'm scared, ok." The last statement was punctured by John throwing his hands in the air.

That's when Rodney snapped, he smacked John upside the head, effectively halting his pacing. The Col sputtered indignation at being hit, but Rodney launched into his rant before he could come to terms with what had just happened, "and here I was operating under the assumption that the Air Force requires some level of intelligence to fly their planes." His arms waved about the air, emphasizing his point, until they stopped abruptly and he poked John in the chest none too gently, "this… isn't… about… you! Right now, this is about Carson and he needs our support, no matter how much it scares us to be there. So, sometime today-and it sure as hell better be before he wakes up- you're going to march your sorry ass back into that room and be there for your boyfriend."

John's brain was so busy processing the fact that Rodney was yelling at him that it didn't bother to stop his mouth from muttering, "not like he'll even know I'm there."

"Bullshit! How many times has he-" Rodney stopped mid-diatribe and put a hand to his ear, "McKay… yes, yes, fine, I'll be there in a minute." He took a deep breath to compose himself, "John, you're one of my best friends, but don't screw this up because you think you're not strong enough."

McKay walked away, surprised he'd been that forceful with Sheppard; in truth they were all scared, Beckett's injuries weren't trivial. The fact that Sheppard had admitted to being scared truly unnerved the scientist though; the Col was never scared, or least he never showed it. Something was definitely going on here.

John stood for a minutes, staring after Rodney; his friend was right he was being selfish, Carson needed him right now and all he could focus on was his own fear at seeing Carson like this. He felt the anger begin to boil with in him; anger at the situation, anger at himself, anger at whoever was responsible for this mess, and finally anger at Carson for always trying to save everyone, no matter what the cost to himself. Sheppard's anger at himself grew exponentially at that last thought; he had no right to be angry at Carson.

Beckett could no more deny his need to help people than the Col could deny his need to fly, probably even more so.

John stomped off in the direction of Elizabeth's office, desperately needing to find an outlet for his frustration. He wasn't any good to Carson in this state of mind, but at the very least he could make sure that whoever was responsible for this mess, never made the same mistake again.

Weir jumped to her feet at the near glass-shattering slam of her office door, "John!?"

"I wanna know whose fault this was and I want to know now!"

Elizabeth sank back into her desk chair; she wasn't all that surprised that the usually so-laid-back-he's-positively-horizontal man was this agitated. Carson had become his world. "John, I know you don't want to hear this, but this wasn't anyone's fault. Near as we can tell, a compound left by the ancients degraded and reacted to the light when they began exploring the lab."

John visibly deflated; taking out frustration on a corporeal entity wasn't exactly all that satisfying. He leaned against the railing watching the activity of the gate room below; he looked up briefly when the expedition leader settled next to him, "I don't know how to do this, Elizabeth."

"Well, maybe you should ask Carson." She laid a tentative hand on his shoulder, aware that an explosion was still bubbling just below the surface.

"Huh?"

Screw whatever explosion was coming, now the man was just being flat out ignorant. She took her hand off his shoulder and swatted her military CO upside the head, hitting the exact spot that Rodney had.

"OW!"

Weir let out an exasperated sigh, "John, how many times have you been injured since you and Carson have been together?"

"I don't know, three or four…" realization was slowly beginning to dawn on Sheppard.

Elizabeth nodded, "at least that. And how do you think Carson feels seeing you like that?"

"Probably the exact way I'm feeling right now," Sheppard mumbled. He hung his head in shame for the second time that day, knowing that what Elizabeth said was true; Carson hurt as much, if not more, than he did every time he managed to get injured. "But he's a professional right; he can ignore those feelings."

She fought the urge to smack him again. "Yes, Carson is a professional, but he also loves you very much. Don't think for one second that he is the type of man that can just turn those feelings off any time he wants to." She shoved him toward the door, "Now go, get this figured out, and quickly. There are a lot of people on this base that will have a hard time forgiving you if you hurt him."

Sheppard had no desire to hurt Carson, or keep hurting him as was apparently the case. It had never occurred to John what Carson went through every time he was injured; he'd always put down the other man's subsequent overprotective streak as an extension of Beckett's profession, not his romantic feelings. But now that he knew what his lover felt every time, John wasn't sure he could he could put either of them through this ever again.

John's feet automatically moved him toward the gym, his second favorite place to release some frustration, the first being he and Carson's bedroom of course. He wasn't all that surprised to find Teyla and Ronan sparring when he got there; the mission had been uneventful and he knew that his friends had some pent up energy to release.

Teyla called a halt to the bout when she saw Sheppard standing in the doorway. "Why are you not with Dr. Beckett, Col?"

John couldn't help but blurt out what had been on his mind since he'd left Elizabeth's office, "I'm going to break up with Carson."

Ronan and Teyla stilled, staring at him in shock. Finally Teyla dropped her sticks and stalked over to John; she reached out and smacked the back of his head without hesitation.

"People have got to stop doing that!" The Col reached up to rub at the tender spot on his skull, he withdrew his hand fully expecting to find blood there. "Seriously, what was that for?"

Teyla gave him a disapproving look, "I have often seen Dr McKay perform that action when he believes that you are acting unintelligently. I felt that it fit this situation perfectly. You and Dr Beckett appear to have a very loving and complete relationship, why would you choose to give that up?"

"Because now I know what he goes through every time I land my sorry ass in the infirmary; I can't put him through that anymore. And I know I couldn't handle it if this happened again." John picked up the sticks Teyla had dropped and began running through some of the moves he'd learned over the last two years; he gave Ronan a grateful smile when the ex-runner stepped in to counter his movements and their motions became a full on sparring bout.

Teyla watched impassively as the fight progressed. "Col, do you honestly believe that either of your feelings will change simply because you are no longer a couple?"

Her question took Sheppard by surprise, who let his guard down long enough for Ronan to floor him. "I think I prefer getting smacked in the head," he muttered as he slowly hauled himself back to his feet. He let Teyla's words sink in as his two friends stared at him expectantly, "I guess I didn't think that one through all the way."

Ronan gave him an approving stare and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. He hadn't known either man for very long before they had become a couple, but even he could see the positive changes the relationship had wrought in both men. "Before the wraith… before I was a runner, I was engaged to a healer on Sateda. I saw how worried she was every time I had a training accident, but she told me once that the joy she got from caring for me and the closeness that developed between us because of it far outweighed the negatives."

John looked between Teyla and Ronan before leaving without a word. He moved toward the infirmary, silently thanking every deity that he'd ever heard of that his friends were so good at making him think things through and that they cared enough about him to keep him from ruining his life.