What Really Went On at the Malfoy Manor
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does, stupid.
Author's Note: This takes place at the Malfoy Manor in chapter one of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". If you've never read the first chapter, it's best that you didn't read this.
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Voldemort: Listen up, peeps of mine. I need a wand. Hmm, let's see who I can make miserable… Ah, Lucius Malfoy! I don't think you need your wand anymore. (rubs hands together greedily).Lucius: (Gary Coleman impression) Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Voldemort?
Voldemort: Well, if you won't give me your wand…I'm afraid I'll just have to kill you…, which will be a huge thrill, by the way. It's too bad, though, because he's probably the cutest Death Eater in the group, except for maybe Severus.
Lucius: Um, wait! What I meant was, why don't you take Narcissa's wand, or Draco's, for that matter? Heck, take 'em both! Just don't take mine…!Draco: (the girly voice he was born with but hides when he's at school) But, like, Father! Like, that's totally bogus!
Lucius: Now Draco! Do you want to hand over the wand or do you want me to take away your "Back to the Fuchsia" nail polish?
Draco: Yeah, but, like, go ahead and, like, take it, cuz, like, Hermione told me that, like, "Cha Cha Cherry" goes better with my pale complexion and, like, stuff.
(Draco's pink Razr begins to ring, playing the song "Glamorous". Everyone's facial expressions all match: alarm mixed with disgust.)
Draco: Oh, like, hold on a second, Voldypoo! Cuz, like, I have to take this call! (picks up phone) Like, hello? Like, hi Brittany! Like, OMG!