Sakura's eyes drifted open. What the hell? All I remember is being grabbed from behind outside the Hokage's office! Whatever had happened, she felt disoriented. She sat up and noted all the pink around her. She hadn't even looked at her surroundings yet, but knew that it couldn't be good.

She was lying on a bed in very skimpy clothes, covered with- you guessed it, cherry blossom petals.

"What the hell!?"

She sat up and pulled away, but her wrists were tied to the bed with ever so delicate pink silk.

She looked around the room for an escape; What kind of sick mess have I gotten myself into?

The light was dim, the room being lit only by scented candles. There was one door, a chair, and a small wardrobe against a wall that she could barely see the outline of.

On the chair hung a black cloak with red clouds on it.

Akatsuki But what do they want with me? The potion shouldn't have infected them, too!

Just then, she heard a small click of a stereo switch and soft, relaxing music was playing dimly. The door cracked open and she caught a first glimpse of whoever had kidnapped her.

He was tall and blonde, with most of the hair in the front pulled over one eye. The rest was in a ponytail. Sakura thought that he almost resembled Ino, although was more masculine. (obviously)

He was wearing a dark mesh shirt and black pants. Sakura thought she could almost see something on the palm of his hands, but wasn't sure.

"Hello, Sakura," he said as he reached the end of the bed. "So surprised to find you here, un." He looked at her suggestively.

Inner Sakura roared, "You're the one who brought me here!"

"Ooh, still feisty? But I need you to hold still; there's something I want to do with you."

"SICKO! I'M JUST A KID!" She swung her legs right at his …. Erm… most vulnerable point.

He stopped, blinking at her. "What do you mean? I, Deidara, master artist, just want to sculpt some art in your likeness, un."

She was in the process of kicking at him again when she stopped. "What? Sculpt me?"

He nodded. "Don't you appreciate art, un?"

There was a moment of silence. This was weird…. However, it might be cool to have a sculpture of herself…..

"Uh… All right, but you could have asked…"

He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Perfect! Just let me pose you for it and it will be my best work, un!"

He walked closer to Sakura and she saw what was on the palm of his hands. Large, sharp toothed mouths dripping with saliva grinned as they licked their lips on his palms.

"EWWW!"

Alarmed, Sakura swung her arm and ripped away the whole corner of the bed. It hit Deidara right in the face and he collapsed to the ground. The silk ripped and she quickly untied herself.

Before leaving, she stopped by the wardrobe. Inside, she didn't see her clothes, but she saw a cute black skirt and top that would do, so she grabbed them and slipped them on. What was a male Akatsuki member doing with a skirt this cute? She wondered as she left the room.

Outside the room was a cavern-like hall. She slipped quietly along its length when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Stop!" she heard a man say. Shocked, she turned around. There was a dark haired Akatsuki member behind her. He was wearing an orange mask with only one eye hole.

"Deidara-senpai will be so pleased when I bring him his model! Tobi is such a good boy!"

"Uh…" That confused her. Maybe Sakura could trick him; he didn't seem all that bright. "No, you'd be a bad boy. I have to go home or my mother will be mad at me. And when she asks me why I'm late, I'll tell her it was because Tobi was being a bad boy!"

"No! No, Tobi's a good boy!"

He sulked away. Well, that seemed to have worked.

She continued until she got to a dead end, and then turned around. She could hear footsteps again, and hoped it was only the dimwitted, orange-masked one. However, he wish went un-granted.

"Hello," hissed a man's voice. "Fancy meeting you here."

Orochimaru stepped out of the shadows. Sakura just about jumped right through the cavern ceiling. Oh no! Not him, too! This makes no sense any more.

Orochimaru smiled naughtily. "You know, Sakura-chan, I can do amazing things with this tongue." It slithered out of his mouth, towards Sakura. Terrified to the point of being paralyzed, she made no attempt to hit it away. "It can touch places you didn't even know you had."

Now I know how Sasuke feels! Creepy snake BASTARD!

She swatted at the tongue and pounded Orochimaru a new one. However, the snake-nin just bounced back.

"Oh, you're a fun one!" He grinned as the tongue advanced. Then, out of nowhere….

"Don't lay your hands on her!"

Light burst from the ceiling as three minute forms jumped out of it.

"We're Konahamaru and crew, and we're here to take you down and save the damsel in distress!" The caped academy student motioned to his team mates. "Ready guys?"

OONG!!!

"ULTIMATE YAOI KINKSEX OF INTERSPECIES PORN-no jutsu."

—CENSORED—

The dust cleared and Orochimaru was lying in the dust, his legs literally tied in a knot. His tongue stretched out in front of him, just as lifeless and icky as a dirty band aid.

"Good job, guys..." Sakura said to the trio. Still, I think I might need years of therapy to get over what I just saw… I actually feel sorry for Orochimaru. Those kids are torture geniuses.

Ropes descended from the hole in the roof. Konahamaru held out his hand to Sakura.

"If you would be so kind, Sakura-Hime?"

Sakura giggled. At least the love thing is cute when children do it… She climbed the rope gracefully and jumped out on top. Outside, Konahamaru's tutor, Ebisu, stood guard.

"Thanks for helping me out, you guys."

"No problem," replied Ebisu. "A few others came along incase you were in trouble."

And that's when Sakura saw Sasuke in the distance.