Author's Beginning Note Thingy: Lucrecia's perspective. I loved this song. I read it, heard it, and thought Lucrecia almost immediately. I hope she doesn't seem... annoying in this fic. She's certainly indecisive... I blame being pregnant.
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Exile
"Will you marry me?"
"Oh..." Her eyes went wide, and all the breath left her body. Time seemed to stop on that sunny summer day as Vincent Valentine gently held her hand, looking up at her with those big brown eyes of his... yet still, Lucrecia couldn't help but notice the details...
...particularly his posture. Vincent was a Turk... and he was the job entirely. He knelt, but so carefully so that the perfectly creased pants of his uniform did not so much as touch the ground, and she took note of the determined care he'd made of this... it made her frown.
You're begging on your knees without dirtying your hem.
You want someone to love, but not someone I can.
"I... I can't." she said, swallowing, and shaking her head, stepping back.
The poor boy looked positively dumbstruck, as he quickly rose up and relinquished her hand, which she was already beginning to tug back on.
"I-I... I'm sorry, I..." he tried to stutter out, though had obviously not prepared for this response. Lucrecia could already feel tears welling in her eyes.
"No, I'm sorry!" she choked as she turned... and ran.
Wilderness calls me again...
a trusted friend in my exile.
I'm free in my exile.
Into the mountains she ran, with the hard rock path positively destroying her feminine shoes. Her hair soon fell out of the delicate bow she'd knotted in it, with all the running she was doing. She heard, and felt her clothes tear on vines and briars she passed.
The stringless thorns replace the fishhooks in my flesh.
Yes, she'd loved them both. But Vincent was just... not for her. It could never be. The poor boy...
And now Hojo was closing in, sensing his victory. He'd been parading around with that triumphant smile lately, in the days since the Turk's rejection... and attributed it to 'a new breakthrough' to anyone who asked. Though no such breakthrough had occurred.
...but it did come.
You try to draw me in, but still deny the net.
You're clinging to what I have left...
Soon enough, Lucrecia would not be able to deny that Hojo no longer loved her. But loved her merely for that thing growing in her belly. In those days she'd sit alone by the fire, long after Hojo had retired from his lab, and Vincent had meekly treaded past to his room. She's sit up, crying, and wishing she could just try again, and start it all over. And some nights, when this became too much, she would just leave.
while I forget in my exile.
I'm free in my exile, I'm free to forget.
The mountains around Nibelheim were the only distractions she had then... Hojo wouldn't even admit her to carry out small, meaningless tasks in the lab. She was only ever even in his presence when he was studying her progress. Some days he would ask her why she had scratches on her legs and hands, and she would just be silent.
My brand: these rags and tatters on my feet.
Here are tests I know that I can meet.
It became too much.
"Just... just please... let me run away." she begged, a thing she never thought she'd do. "Your job is to protect me, please, then that's the only thing you could do!" she sat in tears at Vincent's bedside after having woken him up to talk one night.
"I don't understand." he softly said. "Why?"
"Because I can't take it anymore!" she cried, "What Hojo's doing to me, and to my baby..." a sniff as she drew her sleeve over her eyes.
"Lucrecia..." he murmured, taking her into his arms. She opened her eyes then.
You say that I am weak, and kiss the tears away.
You offer what I need, for more than I can pay.
"I was going to leave anyway. I put in with ShinRa for a transfer weeks ago. Come with me." he said.
My choice is who I should betray...
"Vincent..." she pulled away slightly, attempting to look at him. His face was... strange, impossible to read. Half-mast eyes, perhaps from sleep, thin lips... it was... stern, and at the same time frightened and hopeful, but determined.
"Come with you?" she repeated, "You were... you were just going to leave me? With him!" she demanded.
The man's eyes widened, "Wh- no... Lucrecia!"
But she was already gone. Off the bed, and out the door. It slammed behind her.
...or to stay in my exile.
Into the mountains again.
I'm free in my exile, I'm free to stay.
'At least here I'm not being tossed around between people like some ragdoll...' she thought, tearstained face, running in the moonlight. 'Does anybody really give a damn anyway?'
I'm free in my exile.
I'm free in my exile, I'm free.
She wondered if she would ever leave ShinRa mansion. At first she'd liked the thought of it. Removed from the world, beautiful and serene. Now when she looked at it, it was oppressive, mocking, and dark. She just wanted out... by any means possible.
Even death.
I'm free again.
