As I Am
Cloud emerged from the dressing room backstage at the Gold Saucer to find Aeris already patiently waiting for him. He looked down at his booted feet as his face flushed. It could have been worse, he supposed... he was thoroughly glad to be out of the ridiculous, itchy costume they'd put him in. That much, at least, he didn't have to be embarrassed about anymore.
I suppose that I look different
without the robes and crown.
On the other hand, there was still plenty he could say he was... ashamed of. He couldn't look into her sparkling eyes as she reached out and gently took his hand. He had nothing to offer... nothing to give. Not a home, not a life, nothing... and yes, Aeris was just a poor girl from lower-plate Midgar, but she deserved better. He was nothing, and she deserved much, much more than that.
I come, this day, before you
with no riches, no renown.
For here I am no leader,
I am just a humble man,
But still, could he try? Would he find the nerve to? He couldn't even find the strength to curl his fingers around her slender wrist... how could she love someone as weak as that? But then, this was Aeris... maybe, just maybe...
and I only ask you take me,
you take me as I am.
Despite his lack of cooperation, her smile was just as bright, her gait just as eager and excited as she practically danced around the outer edge of the amphitheatre going back toward the station. She still held on tight, despite his limp and unhelpful arm. Held onto his rough, sweaty swordsman's hand with hers... which was cool, but... also rough. He wondered at that. A woman's hands... a civilian's hands... why were they so hard?
He at last forced himself to look at her, even if only a piece of her. The hand that lay so securely in his. Thin, frail, even... but smeared with dirt, grit and soil under the nails that she'd forgotten, or been unable to clean out.
I'm not looking for perfection,
I'm not offering a saint.
A gardener, he remembered. Aeris was a gardener. He remembered the paradise of her home in sector 4, a veritable greenhouse that bloomed without the sun beneath Midgar, the sanctuary of the church, the beauty...
I'm not looking for a pretty bird
to put in some restraint.
And he'd taken her from it. Strangely, though, guilt didn't hit him again at that thought. Instead of looking away, he determinedly followed the ivory trail up her arm to where it met the red of her shirt and stopped there, near her shoulder. It was progress. But why...? What good could have possibly come of stealing her from her home?
Freedom. That was it. He'd delivered her, an airy and earthy spirit from the dark enclosed cage that was the old terrible city. He barely knew her then, there, within the shadow... but her eyes had never been as bright as they were now, glinting in the manycolored lights. He'd taken her from that rusted enclosure, stood by her side, held her hand, just like this, the whole time 'til now. He'd shown her a world she'd never known she was a part of... shown her the sky beyond the plate, shown her fertile ground and flowers that grew without painstaking cultivation... free-flowing rivers and real wind.
That was what he'd given her... So... he thought a little more brightly, So maybe it doesn't matter if I don't have the other things... A rare smile played across his lips. She didn't notice, too busy dragging him on ahead, the leader herself for once. It didn't matter. If that wasn't enough... then what more could he do?
The only thing I want
is that you love me if you can,
and I only ask you take me,
you take me as I am.
"You're different." she said, and he shook his head, scattering spikes in haphazard directions, and looked up, suddenly realizing he hadn't been paying attention, and mentally scolding himself for it. What was she talking about? "Things are different." Aeris finished up with a sure nod and a look at the ground.
She was beautiful... the fleeting light of the fireworks outside was casting a graceful rainbow over the soft features of her face. One flash matched the pink of her dress, one accentuating the green of her eyes, a shower of silver sparks lit up her timid smile. Cloud drew in a nervous breath.
"Cloud... I'm searching for you." she said cryptically, her voice holding a hint of need he was unsure what to do with, "I want to meet you."
"But I'm right here." he babbled clumsily.
Aeris seemed to heave an exasperated sigh, and shook her head. "No, I want to meet... you."
Cloud gulped, choking down apprehension. He realized. How long? How long had she known? How long had she been seeing through his disguise? When did she first pierce it and glimpse the true soul within... or, if not that, at least figure out that the outer shell was a fake? And the most difficult question yet... would he ever willingly show her?
I offer you a look inside,
I offer you that trust.
But this was Aeris... why did he even need to think twice? She wouldn't, couldn't hurt him. She didn't have it in her. After all... months they had spent together... he remembered standing with her amidst the flower-spotted grasslands East of Midgar, the moody seashore of Junon with its iridescent oil-blossoms skimming the water's surface, the scarlet plateaus of Cosmo Canyon, the sharp grey Nibel mountain range. Months they'd spent together, a world they'd seen together, and yet not once had she, had he allowed her to see the one thing that had been next to her the whole time. Himself.
Eventually, he thought, that would discourage her... wouldn't it? Would he lose her? No, that was a thought to dark and distant to handle.
I need your strength to help me fight
the battles that I must.
The constant conflict... the so-called 'adventure' and every demon they met along the way. Cloud couldn't imagine waking each morning knowing he'd have to face all of it without her... without her support, her gentle healing magic, her sweet smile every sunny morning, chasing the night and its torpid dreams away.
I need you to remind me
of the light we bear within,
that there's more to life than struggle
and the things we seek to win.
Don't take me out of duty,
don't take me out of pride,
The thought of being her 'leader', the thought of the potential tension with Tifa, none of this was on his mind any longer. He'd already settled with many more complex, he felt, problems, and satisfied himself. And so had Aeris, or else she wouldn't be here.
just take me if the man you see
is one you'd stand beside.
The gondola ground to a stop and he lurched slightly in his seat as it did so. The doors slid open and Aeris gave that characteristic miniscule smile and stood up, smoothing her dress down over her legs in a ladylike fashion. He rose as well, much less gracefully... but it didn't matter. He was... Cloud was Cloud, in that moment... the one instant in such a long time... but with any luck, such moments would be happening far more frequently, and last much longer.
I'm offering an open heart,
She started to walk out, but he caught her, throwing out an arm to block the doorway. Aeris paused and then turned a questioning look up. He smiled, and shifted the arm, bending awkwardly at the elbow and turning, palm-up, fingers flat. An offer, a... request, no, a plea...
I'm asking for your hand,
The girl's cheeks dimpled and she rocked back onto her heels with a little giggle, lifting a hand to cover her mouth as she did so. Cloud felt his already somewhat stale smile wilt momentarily... but the laugh was meant only in jest, as Aeris proved by quickly reaching out with that same hand and taking his, knitting their fingers together as they walked out...
and I only ask you take me,
you take me as I am.
"I had fun tonight." she bashfully admitted, her voice suppressed to a hush, as if she was embarrassed that the staff-lady in the booth over to the left would overhear. Cloud didn't mind... didn't mind that Aeris was still innocent enough to hide it, to treat... all this like she was a teenager sneaking out to her first date (it was his first, too). The compliment bolstered his slow-growing confidence, and at last he believed... believed that he was worthy.
You take me as I am.
Hand in hand, they matched one-another's footsteps while walking out, arms swinging freely within the slight gap between them. Aeris turned her head and tilted her chin up to meet Cloud's eyes, and he looked straight back for the first time that evening... let alone the entire time they'd known one another. She breathed a relief-filled sigh and suggested, "Let's go together again."
---
Author's Ending Note Thingy: Whew. It's been a LONG time since Daughter of Night requested that I write this one… but I DID get around to it. This is the first of (hopefully) a few more pre-two-week-camping-trip fic updates… I decided to start the creative juices flowing and get into the Pennsic spirit by writing this here... wish me luck on all future updates. I got three days (and four hours and counting) to wrap all current half-finished chapters up. Can I do it? We'll see! Leave a review for motivation!