Haha! I got up this morning and turned on my computer, and got all the reviews (okay, okay, three reviews, but they were interesting reviews!) and I went all sky-high. By the way, I had a dream that kyoshigurelover asked me in a review to make it KyoxShigure...sorry, it was just your username...but I do like your poetry ...better than mine. So I had to go and check my reviews this morning to see if anyone actually said that.
Weird, neh? I was writing this out, and I just realized that at one point it seems like Yuki says "You have no capacity for young love" because Shigure cuts him off...XD. Nice.
ON WITH THE FIC!!!! I thought there were a couple (-coughAMILLIONcough-) ways I could go with this...but I decided on this one. Yesterday, I had 666 hits...and I partly didn't want anyone else to read it...but they did...and that's probably better. Meep, I made a new iTunes playlist full of the most angsty songs I could find to help me with this fic. And they were all by Avril Lavigne: Losing Grip, I'm With You (just cause that one's sad), Unwanted, Nobody's Fool, Too Much To Ask, Take Me Away, Together, My Happy Ending, Nobody's Home (I love that one - it makes me cry), Forgotten, Freak Out.
Hey, look, a chipmunk! Outside the window...the window in my dad's office, where the computer is, is at ground level...HI, MISTER CHIPMUNK! ARE YOU ANGSTY? WHOSA ANGSTY CHIPMUNK? WHOSA ANGSTY CHIPMUNK! YOU DA ANGSTY CHIPMUNK!
Tigerstar: -singing- Sasha doesn't know...what my GF and me...do in my van every Sunday...she tells 'er she's on patrol...but she doesn't go...still she's off her paws and Sasha doesn't know!
Get it? GF girlfriend, GF Goldenflower.
"I-I uh, er..." The excuses died on Kyo's lips. It wasn't that he had decided that truthfulness was the most honorable path, it was more that his stumbling brain couldn't keep up with his mouth enough to produce a believable tale. His heart was pounding, the only moving thing in the room now that Kyo's mouth had finally stopped babbling. Then, Yuki spoke, his tone as of ice.
"I-it was y-you...you t-took my book..." Words of a poet. "I h-have been s-searching t-the entire main h-house, ev-everywhere it might h-have been left, I have been practically pulling out my hair over that stupid missing book, I haven't slept in...God know how long, I haven't been able to eat, I've had about a million asthma attacks from the stress, and it's all your fault!" Yuki had started out frightened, shocked, but by the end of the sentence, he was the most irate Kyo had ever seen him.
"I-" Kyo started, but Yuki cut him off. "I don't want to hear your miserable excuses!" Yuki was advancing on him, garden shears held frighteningly close to Kyo's face - Kyo tried to back away, but there was nowhere to back away to. "You are the reason my life is shit!" The words sent cold shivers down Kyo's spine - the words he had thought so often about Yuki being spoken by him was a strange, horrible concept.
"Oh?! I'm the reason your life sucks, now?!" Kyo bit back, resorting to the only mode he knew when confronted with this oddity that was his cousin. He stopped flinching backwards, meeting Yuki eye-to-eye. "You and your damn rat spirit, you're the reason no one on the 'inside' will talk to me, you're the reason all the older Sohmas look at me like I'm dirt, you're the reason my mother commited suicide, you've never understood how I feel, you're the reason-" He'd been about to mention Akito and the cage, and they both knew it - Yuki's expression had regained some of the fear it had previously held, amplified times a million.
"I don't think it's that...I don't think it's that I don't understand how you feel...I think I've understood too well, and that's why you're afraid of me," Yuki said softly, lowering the garden shears. It was, however the wrong thing to say, and Kyo flared up again.
"Who says I'm afraid of you?! I'm gonna beat you, I'm gonna rub that pretty little smile of yours off on the floor, you worthless scum, I'm gonna - "
"Don't you ever think of anything new, you mindless cat?! You're so repetetive it's almost enough to make me suicidal, you never consider that I might - you're always making Honda-san worry, you -"
"Oh, yeah, It's all about Tohru, isn't it?! That's your tiny little world, spotlight on Tohru-kun, you never think about me, kitty stuck outside on a rainy day, trying to get Akito to open the door and let him - "
"You have no idea what it's like, being the one stuck inside, wanting to get out, you just want in, mindlessly assuming no one will hate you if...if he lets you into the zodiac, you have no logic, no brains, no capacity for -"
"Aah, young love," Shigure, passing the room, glanced in at Yuki and Kyo, who were nose-to-nose and shouting at the top of their lungs.
Yuki glanced over at Shigure, then looked back at Kyo, glared at Shigure, and then Kyo's face was mashed against the wall out in the hallway, hearing the door slam behind him. Kyo slid to the floor, cursing Yuki with every word in the dictionary and several that weren't. "I HATE YOU!" He screamed at the closed door, like a small child throwing a tantrum. "JUST DIE!" Kyo slammed his fist into the floor, before getting up, using the wall as a railing, and walking downstairs, still silently fuming. He had to get out, nevermind the rain.
"Tohru...I'm gonna...I left something at school the other day, I'm gonna get it," Kyo told her, in passing. She was preparing lunch, a happy little oblivious smile on her pretty face. Kyo bit his tounge to keep from swearing - he totally didn't feel up to dealing with people right now. But, still, he didn't want her to worry. She might break a brain cell. "I'm not gonna be home for lunch."
"Kyo-kun, take an umbr-" Tohru started, but Kyo had already walked out on her, slamming the door. As soon as he was out of sight of the house, which was fairly soon, considering the pouring rain, he broke into a run, needing to feel the thrill of wind rushing past his face, the rain feeling like pins thrust into his face with the force of speed. The feeling of his bare feet squishing into the mud before squelching free, free to move onward for the next step. The occasional rocks that bit into his feet like little sharp-toothed rodents, causing red to streak his feet, floating on top of the mud in bloody footprints behind him.
Yes, it was raining, and yes, he should have been tired, but Kyo had a fuel that kept him going, and on he went, powered by anger. With every breath he took, he cursed Yuki. He cursed that damn girly-boy, he cursed him with all his might. That damned rat had no idea how it felt to long to be accepted, to long for the other zodiac member and the "inside" Sohmas to look at you with pride and say in a kind tone "That boy, that Kyo, he's done good, huh? He's made it through. He's a good kid, that Kyo."
But that would never happen, not so long as the Cat was estranged from the zodiac. Somewhere, deep inside, Kyo knew that even if the cat was inducted, nothing would change. Human beings, with their human nature, would constantly criticize and find faults..."He cheated the Rat boy, you know? There's no way he could have beaten the Rat in a fair fight...trickery...evil...monster..." That was, of course, human nature, and even those who were not human all the time would succumb to this distrust.
No, Kyo thought bitterly, if I beat that damn...if I beat him, they'll have to accept me! I'll make them!
His right fist swung in an arch, colliding with the hard, rough bark of a tree. It seemed to his tear-blurred eyes as though the tree creaked backwards a little, but that could have been wistful thinking. Kyo kept running, running away from his problems, running away from the monster contained by the beads around his wrist, running away from Yuki. He would slow down every so often, to punch a tree, to feel the pain in his wrist and knuckles - he welcomed the pain. He embraced it. He pretended each tree he hit was his archenemy, his Yuki. Yuki might as well have been a tree, for all the thought he gave, for all the warmth he was capable of, for all the compassion he would ever lower himself to show, for all the understanding he could ever give Kyo, even after all those poems -
Wait.
The. Poems. Were. Yuki's.
This fact hit Kyo square between the eyes, making him halt his endless flight, and lift up his left hand. He'd been punching the trees with his right hand, and so his right fist was covered in blood, but in his left hand was clutched a book. A rain-soaked, humble, understanding, emo book. Kyo raised it to his face, peering at the cover through the rain, before opening it randomly. This page had been one of his favorites, and he watched as rain desperately splattered the page, seeming to need something to sink into, rather than the already-overflowing muddy ground.
If you are fire, then I'm ice
If you are mean, then I'm nice
If you are angry, then I'm cold
If you are rusty, then I'm gold
If you are stupid, I'm a hero
If I'm a hundred, you're a zero
If you're a dragon, I'm a slayer
If you're a peasant, I'm the mayor
That's not what I want
You're not the one I wanna taunt
If it was just you and me,
This is how I'd want it to be:
You'd be a king, I'd be your queen
You'd still be free when you're eighteen
We'd be together
For ever and ever...
I know it sounds cheesy
But it's not that easy
I know it'll never be
I know you'll never want me
So why don't I just end it?
You'd never defend it
You want me dead
Not in your bed
Kyo glared at the words, and they glared back. His mind was reeling, starting to connect the dots. If this book was Yuki's, if these poems were Yuki's, and if it could be taken into account that they were nonfiction, if one galleon equals seventeen knuts...then...
"You'd still be free when you're eighteen..." Akito was going to lock him up...
"Eighteen years..." The cage...
"You want me dead..." Kyo had said he would kill Yuki...
"Hair so warm..." Kyo's hand drifted up to brush against his orange locks...
"She's your Lady So Devine..." Was Yuki talking about him and Tohru?!
"Blood on skin..." !
"So why don't I just end it?" Double !
"Yuki!" Kyo gasped, spinning on the spot to face the direction he thought was the house, eyes wildly searching the sheets of rain for the unstable adolescent he knew would not be there. Just that morning, Kyo had insulted him, told him he hated him, told him to die...of all the times for Yuki to actually take his advice...and just now Kyo was realizing that all the sad poetry had been Yuki's innermost secret thoughts.
"And you're just realizing that now, stupid cat?" This time, the ghost of Yuki's insult didn't fuel his anger towards him, it only helped him berate himself. He'd had the poems, he'd had the information, he'd had the clues, the only thing he hadn't had was Yuki. Yet now, the years of feuding seemed to melt away, leaving only a scared teenager and his fears for his severely depressed, scarred, and quite self-destructive cousin.
Why didn't I realize?! Oh God, oh God, oh God, NO! Yuki, hold on! I'm coming!
Sorry...another cliffiehooker. I didn't really plan it to work out like this, but it just kind of happened, you see? I really am sorry, especially if Yuki seems a bit OOC...XD, if you've read my homepage you'll notice the OTHER meaning for OOC - Out Of the Closet. XD
But it's not actually that bad...Kyo's just being a fussy mother hen (sorry, Kureno). I really am quite sorry, because even to me the end of the chapter seems a bit odd. Anyway...review anyway and yell at me all you like. I'm glad to be yelled at...but if more people don't review, I'll have to take drastic measures...no, not really, I just want to break the thirty mark, because I've never done that, lame as it sounds. It's because I have no standards and just post as soon as I get it done. I don't draw it out. I don't do dramatic pauses. I don't do lemons.
I love ya guys!
Or maybe I'm just high.