The Trigger: Bound and Blind (chapter five)
Disclaimer: Still not property of mine - not the characters, not the world.
A/N: I reserve the right to re-write this whole thing after my first trimester of pregnancy if I realize my condition has bound or blinded me to a better, smoother story. Right now, I'm fine with it- not looking for false reassurance - but I thought that having spinach artichoke dip for lunch today was a good idea as well and that didn't go good for me. Anyway, if I do a rewrite it will be on the pen and ink website I think you can get to thru my profile. This isn't the end... I just felt the need to mention the possibility.
"I had no choice. God help me, I was just trying to do my job."
Matthew Warner was tied to a steel chair in the dining commons onboard Reynold's ship Serenity. The entire crew (such as they were) were there in attendance as if he were the subject of some sort of town hall meeting. Warner had been asked to explain himself - his pursuit of River and his relationship to her. He knew that that meant that he was supposed to be proving his trustworthiness. He knew that they were all there to judge him, not make allowances for the past - for his involvement in what had happened to River Tam. Still, he made the appeal. Still, he tried to give them reason to believe him. But he was having trouble concentrating on just how to do that with the object of his journey sitting practically at his elbow - so close he could feel the energy coming from her gaze.
The clever thing to do would be to convince the others first. Warner knew how their acceptance would seep into River's mind - she couldn't control it. But River had grown since he'd last seen her... physically she'd become a force of beauty, psychically (even he could feel) she'd developed into something those needle soldiers at the Academy had only dreamed of. It was simply impossible for him to keep from staring at her every time his gaze neared her. He would have to work all angles at once. And since he seemed unable to ignore the empathy pouring from her, Warner fed on it - less and less concerned whether the crew accepted his word than with how she responded to his story.
Her cues were more encouraging than even he had hoped for, so much so that he'd considered escaping his bonds and just appealing to her to run with him now, on the spot. The crew would certainly pose little threat - they were more like some sort of strange caravan than the sort of obstacles he'd been trained against. But he held back and as he watched, he became aware of some of the undercurrents in the room. There was a unity here, a bond that would require strategy to break free of. It seemed River had come here broken - and it seemed that everyone closed ranks against those responsible for the wounds. River had more attachments here than just her kin and he didn't want to push her. He wanted her, that was sure, but he wanted her to come with him willingly. And he'd already waited too long to blast everything apart with an impulsive act.
He swallowed passed his dry throat and continued, "Initially, they chose their subjects based on physical ability and then tried to add in the psychic stuff. That's where I come from. I was singled out of the infantry for my fighting ability to go to the Academy. But they found out pretty fast that they'd got the wrong order. I was abandoned, but offered a position to train the new students. I took it. I - I was just - happy to be out of the surgical rooms."
Warner forced his eyes around the room again. Though he certainly hadn't inspired much sympathy, he could see beyond the postures and closed faces... . And there - just a degree passed their stoney faces, there was warmth. The limited success the Academy had had with subjects such as himself gave him that much. Nothing compared to the world that opened up for River, but it was enough for Warner to see that not everyone in the room was unmoved.
And most importantly, there was no doubt that River wanted to believe him. She sat beside him, closest to him. Warner knew it was by design - if he got free, she was the only one who'd have a chance to subdue him. Still, it could not have worked more to Warner's advantage. She leaned toward him as he talked, her eyes searching him for exactly what he wanted to offer her - hope for something more than this where she lived...
Simon sat at the opposite end of the table from Warner, "So you knew what was going on."
Warner glanced toward Simon. Simon had been an unexpected problem. The last time Warner had seen Dr. Tam he'd been about as soft - bellied as they came. Which is why Warner had expected to find the Tams much quicker... he'd just been waiting for the Doctor to make some fool move like check in to a fancy hotel or apply to work at a hospital. But he'd underestimated the love of a brother and the mind of a Tam. The man facing him now was barely recognizable as the man Warner had first met. Where Warner had expected naive relief at their reunion, he got only cold suspicions. But Warner knew better than to try to thaw Simon directly. He was only concerned with his sister - fear was still what motivated him. When Warner answered, he spoke to River, "No. No. When they were working on me it was all injections and crap - nothing like what they did to you."
"But you called them surgical rooms," The Companion pointed out, her arms folded over her exquisite finery.
Warner nodded, a Companion was trained in reading people as well - their physical reactions - well those were easy enough to control, "That's what they became."
"So you said you trained River," Simon said, "To fight?"
"It started out just like a lot of the institutions - they all have fitness training and such. But our program got more intense as it went on. I met River on the first day. Do you remember?" Warner leaned forward a bit until the resistance of his ropes forced him back.
River shook her head, "I only have bits and pieces."
"But you remember me?" He tried to keep his mind steady for the answer.
River nodded.
Warner relaxed, as if that was all he cared about. When he took up the narrative again, his tone was easier, he wanted them all to see he was no threat, "River wasn't... exactly a star pupil at the beginning. We worked a lot together but she seemed to have a mental block we couldn't quite get passed."
"And what was that?" Simon asked.
"She didn't like the idea of becoming an assassin is my guess." The Captain spoke from the shadows - stood in a corner just behind Warner. Warner worked hard to control the rise of temper at the sound of the man's voice. Warner twisted his neck to try and respond directly to the Captain, but Reynolds had intentionally positioned himself to make it impossible. A tactic to annoy as much as to keep Warner off balance and Warner knew it. Another snag. More complicated perhaps than the Doctor and more dangerous. River was in tune with the Captain, Warner had seen it just by the way her body responded to his voice. She spared a glance at her Captain then, just once, before returning all of her attention back to Warner.
Warner was eager to keep it, "She wouldn't go to the next level," he hung his head, "By this time... by this time I knew that whatever they were doing to her, it was hurting her. Sometimes she'd come to sessions and not be able to stop crying, while some days she was manic - confused. The upper brass was frustrated. I tried to tell them that we couldn't force her - I thought maybe if they thought she wasn't working out that they'd let her go."
"How much had they sunk into this project? Into River? No way they were just going to let her go," The first mate said with a disgusted shrug of her shoulders. It seemed all the women on this ship had this indefinable loyalty connected to the Captain - it was making things more difficult for Warner than he thought they needed to be.
He nodded, "I came to realize that they were just going to push until they got the result they needed or..."
"Or they killed her." The doctor's wife finished, huddling a little closer to her husband.
"Whichever came first. So, I pushed her too. I was trying to help her - you. I even tried to make it easier on you."
Reynolds took a step forward, still beyond Warner's sight, but directly in the path of River's, "And just how did you go about trying to do that?"
Warner stared at the table, "I brought in convicts... criminals - people she could hurt and know... because you would know, that you were doing the 'verse a favor."
River blinked, releasing tears and Warner strained forward, "I'm so sorry River. I never - I'm so sorry. I know you can tell that I am."
The Captain moved closer, breaking the connection Warner was trying to establish and instantly commanding everyone's attention, "So - here's the situation. I couldn't care less what you want. But River's asked for the opportunity to talk to you. Maybe fill in some holes you helped tear from her." Warner tried to interrupt, but the Captain spoke over him, "I'm willing to give her that chance. But make no mistake," Reynolds voice dropped dangerously, "Your fate is not in her hands - you answer to me. You'll stay where we put you until we get to our next destination. Then we leave you there and high tail it just in case you've got ideas we don't like. You wave anyone or access the cortex for so much as a dinner recipe we put you out through the airlock and we don't look back."
Warner nodded, "Fine. All I wanted... All I want... is to see River."
Reynolds was directly behind him now, "That is all you're going to get," he murmured as he turned and walked away.
Back to the Room:
For the second time in as many hours, Mal listened to River empty her heart - and memory. He could listen to it objectively now. It was easier to pay attention to the facts - the details when her eyes weren't searching his for affirmation - filled with a shame she need not carry... her breath hitching with a burden he didn't know how to ease from her.
Simon was better at it, Mal could see. His face mirrored her pain and when tears strained against his eyes, they were released from River's. It was as if River was comforted by the sharing of her pain. Mal looked down at his hands. He'd failed her in that. He'd failed a lot of people in that way.